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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?      Home login  
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 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 1
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I did a topic search best as I can, and didn't see it anywhere...and this seems the only forum where it would fit...

I'm more specifically thinking of the hot button topics, IE: who pays, do men want anything but sex, need/want etc.

I was wondering if we as a collective ever made a real change or promoted any understanding? And if we haven't..are we all just blowing hot air?..lol..or, debating just for the fun of it? Or, do we actually thrive on the disagreements?

For the record...while I can't say I have totally reversed my position on most of those topics, I have modified some, and have come to understand the other side..and have actually made some behavior changes when it seemed to make sense...

What does everyone else think?
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 2
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:22:54 PM
At best this gives people an opportunity to hear the other side of the argument, despite how dumb it may be.
 NotGorshkovAgain
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 3
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:19:50 AM

For the record...while I can't say I have totally reversed my position on most of those topics, I have modified some, and have come to understand the other side..and have actually made some behavior changes when it seemed to make sense...

I think it's pretty rare. In my experience, most of the people I've wound up in threads with are more interested in beating the opposition into the ground than they are having an actual debate, with facts and everything.

One of the tings my father beat into all of our heads when we were younger was "The only person you can't learn something from is the person you don't listen to". It was true then, and it's true today.

I just more people here would spend some time listening, and less time typing, namecalling, and denigrating others.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 4
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:59:04 AM
Actually being a college student that takes her classes on line, I have learned a lot about listening to opposing views, and at the very least having respect for what others think or believe...

As well I can say that yes I have gained understanding on things I used to have a strong stance against... Perhaps these ideas may not be what I would do in my life, BUT I have learned to respect others and why they are making choices that may not agree with how I see life...

I personally try to be respectful when disagreeing, I can't say that it always works to my favor, because some people are set on what they believe, and want to pummel the crap out of anyone that is in disagreement... WHICH has taught me some people post just to make a statement, and not to really get any real feed back...
 ShiggitySchwa
Joined: 6/12/2009
Msg: 5
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 3:10:39 AM
As an open-minded person, I take pride in listening to peoples opinions and fine tuning my own based on what i can learn from them.

Yes, i have changed my opinions on some topics based on threads in forums.
 southernlass
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 6
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 3:49:03 AM
I am obviously an openminded person because I have definitely been influenced by and changed my opinions on various issues because of interaction within threads here and on other dating sites.

I value insight and am very curious about other points of view. I don't tend to respect those who attack, who are arrogant, condescending, or rude, but very much appreciate differing opinions of those who seem honest and open, even when they may hold a unique or different perspective.
 SAguy_06
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 7
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 3:53:12 AM
Maybe not 180 degrees...more like 30-45 degrees tops
 komodo
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 8
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 4:37:44 AM
For me anyway, the most honest answers to this have been;


yes and no

and

Maybe not 180 degrees...more like 30-45 degrees tops


people become emotionally attached to their opinions and rarely change their minds. Kind of like getting into a relationship or friendship thinking you can change "their" mind on certain things. You might develop a moderate or less polarized opinion, but, rarely anything more than that.

Stay Casual......
 Thatguy67
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 9
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:04:38 AM
I just changed mine after reading this thread.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 10
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:33:21 AM
Thanks everyone...

nexthyme..I try to be respectful too, and it is true, some people, doesn't matter how you say it, aren't really listening, and don't return the favor...

I guess I am open minded, but, I think I am also constantly trying to understand people and behaviors, and questioning my behavior, and if it is healthy for me, or to my advantage or not..but, both cases are about understanding...motive also means a great deal to me...I also search to understand where men in particualr are coming from, obviously...

There are many posters on here whom I admire and respect their wisdom and how they can make me "see" what they are saying...and I have learned from them..even if I don't change my life, per se , to mirror theirs..I get where they are coming from...

My mother insists my first word was why...lol...and I'm sure this question motivates a lot of my intellectual pursuits and interests...

I think the biggest "lesson" I have learned is to not assume everyone's thought patterns or behaviors work the same way mine do...so, to not interpret their actions by my view...

Thanks again and I hope some more people weigh in....
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 11
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:51:00 AM
Op, I think Komodo may be saying is that core values of people are hard to change, which to a certain degree is true for most people. It isn't that they aren't "open minded" but rather believe how they believe is what works for them.

I think it is really good to try and understand where men are coming from, I personally have done research and chatted with a large number to understand where they are coming from... Honestly, sometimes I still don't get it in the least, LOL... That's ok, because the reality is men and women are wired differently in the way they process information, thus there are bound to be things both genders find confusing about the other...

This is a good post...
 ROFLMAO!
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 12
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:11:38 AM
I personally believe that one of the first steps toward true enlightenment requires that one comes to the realization that they actually do not know everything...lol
I'm sure we've all seen examples of folks who love to stand on the soap box and "tell" everyone how it "is"....which precludes them from noticing anything different.
I've fallen into this trap in the past for sure, but life has a funny way of spinning things around..

So to answer your question...yes.
 Connor-19
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 13
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:15:20 AM
When I first entered this thread I was like nope never.

But now I'm like yes :(
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 14
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:48:14 AM
Nope! I think the way I do, and what I say on here is the same thing I would say in person about the same subject. I do however find it interesting to see how other people's minds work. Sometimes I can see "why" someone may think the way they do, especially if they appear to have a pattern in life....but for myself, I can honestly say what I say here is what I would say to anyone's face. I think SOME people thrive on drama, for instance; they will start threads with their issue, and when they do not hear or see what they WANT...lol
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 15
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:10:17 AM
No, I haven't, but I don't use the Forums to try to make up my mind about issues like 'Should I pay for dinner?' or for validation of my actions very often, such as 'Should I be mad that I paid for dinner?' I use them so you people may see my valuable insights

Like the others, I am sometimes pleasantly surprised or horrifically saddened to see some of the other posts, and how other people think about issues. I also am taken aback when people get so emotionally involved in a particular forum post, and find it interesting and more telling that some people always see things negatively (based on their forum posts only, so "always" is contextual). I have had people bristle over what I thought was an honest comment not meant to offend--we are asked for our opinions and give them, that's all.
 Motto_Bella
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 16
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:36:06 AM
Good question OP~
It's why I read the forums ~ to gain an appreciation (outside my box) for what other people feel, interpret, understand, articulate, expect, etc., about any subject. Have I changed my mind about certain things? Perhaps (not sure) but I'm certainly more open minded than I was before I joinned this site. I still maintain the belief that every situation should be approached differently. My personal tolerances and limitations haven't changed ~ but that doesn't make me any less understanding and appreciative.
 RocketMan_Len
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 17
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:44:49 AM
OP...

I haven't had my mind changed on the hot-button topic you mentioned... but I *was* convinced that I was in error on another thread.

Something was pointed out to me, I did some research, found that I was indeed mistaken, and adjusted my attitude accordingly.

Most people wouldn't have realized it, because I didn't make public the fact that I was corrected. I DID, however, admit my error and thank the person responsible for making me take a look at my preconceived notions.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 18
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:40:31 PM


Something was pointed out to me, I did some research, found that I was indeed mistaken, and adjusted my attitude accordingly.


I've had that experience as well.

I often find myself looking here to take the pulse of public reactions to issues of the day. I'm sometimes surprised by what I find when I see very different perspectives than my own expressed. I can't think of a time when someone's argument has made me reverse my stance, but I have been forced to re-assess my position and motivations more than once, and been inspired to do research in directions I would not have come up with on my own.

There are certainly those who seem to enjoy adamantly expressing their view of the world. Should I choose to challenge some of their assumptions, I don't fool myself that I'll change their mind, but remain mindful that others less certain of their stance may pick which of our positions seems most reasonable, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to practice putting my own perspective into understandable language.

Dave
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 19
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:48:23 PM
From reading the threads here I changed my mind about women and relationships, romance, and "most people". Without going into detail, I realized that many of my assumptions about people had been way off base, if even in the ballpark. Having seen how and what people think, and, more importantly, how they treat others has opened my eyes to the truth of observations I had been reading yet dismissing for years. It's been a trip.
 stargazer1000
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 20
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:19:05 PM

Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?


No, but I've got some great recipes.
 psssst
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 21
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/17/2009 3:45:06 PM

I was wondering if we as a collective ever made a real change or promoted any understanding?
In order to effect change in another, the other person needs to be open to changing… to looking at things from an alternate view and seeing the clarity of thought or reason.

I’m extremely strong in my thoughts and opinions… so although I’ve read things on the forums that have swayed my opinion, once my opinion has been formed; it is firm… it is also based on logic and reason.


I just changed mine after reading this thread.
What a coincidence… I believe I’ve changed minds…
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 22
Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:04:44 AM
While I don't know if (but I have to think about this) I have ever reversed my postition completely, I have considered circumstances of a situation that I may not thought of on my own.

If you read the forums you will see there are people who just like to fight, plain and simple. It doesn't matter what the topic at hand is, there are just people who only want to consider their own opinion and... that of their small minded forum peers. Then we have the a$$ kissers of the forums who only post what is popular and or what their wing men/women will support.

I think there are a group of forum posters who are open enough to consider all opinions and and not just their own and actually admit that there first thoughts on a topic may not have been correct, I know at times I read some inspiring posts that at the very least open my mind and heart and I guess if I really think about it I have changed my position now and again, because I am open to change and I do very much respect the opinions of others.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 23
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:37:31 AM
Thanks again to all...

I thought I should mention that ,in my case, the things that have influenced my thought patterns generally came about because I reacted to a post in a way I thought was disproprotionate ..( my marriage counselor called it : a ten reaction to a two situation)..which led me to wonder if there was some underlying emotion or unresolved issue that was coloring my perspective..sometimes, when I examined that thought..I discovered my modus operandi in that situation was being driven by a faulty logic or past hurt that I hadn't addressed.

My core values, morals, personality won't change, but , sometimes my behavior or outlook has, as far as how I respond to men, or the dating process. Sometimes a well thought out, or convincing presentation, may change my perception of how people who think differently than me came to their conclusions. And those don't necessarily change me, just engender understanding of where they are coming from.

I will say that posts that sound angry or hateful, I just don't "hear"..no matter if they might have a valid point of not. Since, for the most part we catch more flies with honey than vinegar, I have to believe they have no desire to be understood or taken seriously...they just want to vent, rant..lash out. I actually feel sorry for them, to be honest.

But, the most value I have gained from the forums ( outside of cool friends and intellectual discourse), is when it has made me look inside myself and question why I feel/think the way I do...and is it the right/healhty way for me to look at it? Was it holding me back, or helping me grow and get the most out of life I can.
 TopChuck
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 24
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:59:50 AM

For the record...while I can't say I have totally reversed my position on most of those topics, I have modified some, and have come to understand the other side..and have actually made some behavior changes when it seemed to make sense...


Maybe we read and post in forums to measure other theories against our own paradigm, to see how ideas we accept or reject fit with our own. Our paradigm is reinforced or sometimes adjusted, but probably rarely completely rejected.

Has anyone totally erased their life paradigm, because of anything other than some traumatic occurrence that caused total permanent loss of memory?

Isn't it human propensity to answer the questions of who we are, where we came from and where we're going? Is the purpose of life to figure out the purpose of life?

____________________

Because of a thread "So is love a choice?", my SO and I were having a discussion about unconditional love. Because of the thread and my discussions with her, I became convinced that my acceptance of the concept of unconditional love, was wrong.

Along with the force of others who agreed with her concept, I gained new insight into her paradigm.

Prior to the question being asked in the thread, I hadn't realized that my views weren't consistent with her beliefs, regarding unconditional love.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 25
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Has anyone ever changed their mind or position after reading a thread?
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:06:48 AM
Most definitely I have had times that I've totally changed my position or softened my stance on a topic after reading a post that provoked thought and seeing things in a different or new way as I am able to view the issue from another perspective. There are times that I don't change my position but I gain a greater respect for the opposing viewpoint.

There are some brilliant posters on these forums and some fantastic people with whom you may not see eye to eye on an issue but their presentation of an opposing viewpoint is explained very well. Some of the posters I respect the most are ones with whom I disagree. I feel that they have done more to make me a more complete and understanding individual than most people I know off-forum have done.

There's such value to these forums for how it can open your mind if you are willing to loosen the padlock.
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