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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in      Home login  
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 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 1
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Just wondering if anyone else has no problems getting the same level of high quality attention they had sans child?

I also would like to add that I have found some of the men who hit on me now are almost "too" ready to jump into the father role, where you may not even want them to be. Have any other single moms found this to be true?

Do any single, custodial fathers find that some of the women who are interested in a relationship become more so when they think they can possibly play house with you?
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 2
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:58:48 AM
Whatever! Because I'm not whining to other single parents about not being able to get a date, my post is redundant?

Have fun wallowing in self-pity.

That's why you can't get a date. Because you see yourself as damaged, not because you actually are.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 3
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Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:16:32 AM
OP, your question is rather confusing to be honest...

In my young days of 20's having kids, and being single made dating harder... However now that I am older, most people have kids, thus there isn't the issue of do I want to play daddy to someone elses kid/s...

You will meet the "uneducated" the feel they are doing a person a favor in trying to jump in with both feet and play parent, however it is up to you the parent to set the ground rules...

In my young days the dads weren't around, thus someone playing dad was an attractive trait, however I also had to play mom, and had the unexpected baby momma drama, that was less than fun...

In my current relationship, my son is 13, and divides his time with both his dad and I equally, my SO does NOT discipline my son, and I do not want or expect him to, simply because that is not his role... My son has a dad, and he and I hash out what we need to do to get our son past his terrible early teens...

My ex has a GF that is moving up here, with her son... Her and I have talked and we both agree on how parenting a child should go, so it makes it a lot easier... In fact my ex, SO, and ex's gf have all went to dinner... We have to be a united front, because kids can really make relationships hell if they want to, and know they can get away with it...

As I stated at my age dating hasn't been an issue, it was the finding someone that we both had some really good connection, and where both of us were on the same page as to what we wanted in our life...

Younger age, it was different...
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 4
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Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:21:42 AM
I haven't found fatherhood to be an issue at all w/dating. You get to a certain point in life, I guess, and families are just part of the picture.

I've not experienced women wanting to jump in and fill any motherly roles, though. But that could be because I try real hard to keep my social and parenting lives very separate. My kids won't meet *any* woman unless we're quite serious.

I would say, though, that women comment frequently on my dedication to the kids. It seems to be a quality they admire. Which is good because it is what I want to do best.

PS, I'm a Red Sox season ticket holder, so I salute your team allegience!
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 5
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Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:29:40 AM
Q: Do any single, custodial fathers find that some of the women who are interested in a relationship become more so when they think they can possibly play house with you?

A: I have gotten more then a few messages from women that are just big red flags for me any ways. Messages like: I can not have kids of my own and I want/need to be a mommy; I wish I could be a mother, but unless I can find a good man with kids, god has other plans for me. I even got one message that had I can't have kids of my own and it kills me to see a man like you getting to have kids. Well yes all of these are good pick-up lines lol, but I had to hit the detete key for each.

Getting dates as a single dad is more difficult, there is a smaller pool to fish in, but there are still fish. Married women care the least as a group, because they are not looking for long term and as long as you can provide them some together time they are cool with you having the kids. The women wanting to play mom scare the stuffing out of me. For guys that don't want the married women or the women wanting to take over as a mommy, go ugly, have a big bank account (big money makes dating a lot less difficult), be lonley or get lucky some one has to hit the lotto, but that is a long shot.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 6
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:57:11 AM


In fact when I came available 1/2 my male friends professed their love for me.


That happened to me as well. Lots of the "I wish she was my baby, I would have married you immediately, and would marry you now."
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 7
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:10:52 AM
When I had my baby, everyone wanted to marry me so much they tried to steal him and her....

I had twins. Or something.

Good thing I had my awesum ninja skillz! I was like poof! poof! ninja magic smoke clouds!

Ninjaaaaaaaa!
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 8
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:17:37 AM
One of my ninja skills is knowing the lies of others.

Those who approached me to raise my ninja babies had trustworthy eyes. However, their martial skills were lacking.

The man behind the bar was the most sincere, and he challenged me to a duel.

After a long, fierce battle, I go the better of my opponent and vanished after a quick word.

I said, "Go with the wind, for the wind blows as the wind blows..... My babies names are Wind and Elm. Thank you for this battle."

Ninja!
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 9
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:28:43 AM
Ahhhh! I see you have learned from the Shinobi.

Have you mastered the art of the shuriken?

If you truly have learned the arts of shadow, you know well that a ninja who brags is a fool...

But a ninja who states facts is sometimes wise, and mearely seeking to impart knowledge to young, fledgeling ninjas.

The OP is a novice ninja, and a young woman from my village. She was run afoul by an angry and tempermental samurai named Yosh.

I fought Yosh on a slick hillside. The sky was as dark as th bottom of the ocean, the wind howling like an oni in pain.

I drew my manriki chain, my ninjato, and asked, "why did you do wrong by the woman of my village! She of the pretty earrings!?"

The fiend answered, "I do as I will, for I am samurai. I am a teflon man!"

We circled, eyeing each other wearily for at least 5 minutes. Suddenly a raven took flight from a nearby bush, and we both burst into motion.

A more glorious battle had never been fought on that lonely hillside. At the end of it, I stood over my fallen enemy... unharmed. I felt no elation, no remorse. I felt... empty.

I had taken the life of a man who had harmed a friend... but for what? To feed worms?

I went home to drink saki and ponder my actions.

Such is the path of a ninja.
 tiffjean
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 10
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:33:42 AM
Maintaining the same quantity of dates that I had before my son isn't the problem, its the quality of men asking that's the problem. Of course I had that problem before, the difference is now I say no. The main issue I have found is that some of the men think that because I am a single mom, I am easy or desperate. I haven't met any that want to jump into the father role, but a few of my friends have had that problem.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 11
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 4:24:23 PM
I guess I should mention that I don't have friends or boyfriends my age. My daughter's dad is 32, and most of my friends are 28-40. I have one friend who is 21, and she is married with two kids, and I am also her only young friend.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 12
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Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:03:54 PM
I think this is kind of like anything else, as long as they don't go overboard, expressing this type of attitude, if YOU like them is endearing, when they start talking about taking their kid to the park in the 2nd e-mail, coming to my home for dinner with the kids the first time I will meet, not so much.

Some people seem to equate a return e-mail with accepting a proposal of marriage, whether you have kids or not, they are 40 miles down the road before you ever meet them.

I think for most people, you want to know that someone wants to eventually do the parent thing with you should the relationship gel but they should also recognize that this isn't going to be immediate and that they will get to know the child naturally as they become more a part of your life.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 13
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Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:28:19 PM
Well to answer your question. First women wanting to be mommy. I quickly run in the other direction if we just started to date and she want to get serious too soon. That said, I do okay in dating, women aren't beating my door down but I'm not ready for a monestary yet either. I think my biggest problem is that some of the women some not all ladies wish to get in my wallet, just be a FWB, the rest there just wasn't any chemistry. So those are my "problems"

I agree with packagedeal
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 14
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:03:02 PM
I never really have problems getting a date..

and actually.. I just today for the first time ever.. was told that he can't date me because of my son... I was so surprised, that I didn't know what to say.

(long story not going into it)

But except for that.. I never really have a problem. The only times I tend to go dateless is when I decide I'm not going to date anyone.

When I was in my 20s I had a lot more dates then I do now, difference is guys now are looking to settle down and get married where as then, we were 20 having fun, and hey if we made it to marriage that was cool!
 OSUguy99
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 15
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 11:21:46 PM
i dont think its neccesarily hard for single moms to get a date, just harder to find one that will stick around.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 16
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 11:23:23 PM

i dont think its neccesarily hard for single moms to get a date, just harder to find one that will stick around.


Chances are that exact same woman, without a child, had a hard time finding one that would stick around.
 OSUguy99
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 17
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/17/2009 11:35:41 PM
granted, it is not only a single moms burden, but it at least makes it a tad more tricky for the mom. im not at all saying it should be but it is.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 18
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/18/2009 2:19:35 AM
bosoxfan, I'm glad you're my pof forum friend.

The more I actually read your posts, the more I respect you.

Responsiblity and a capable attitude is sexy.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 19
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Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:34:53 PM
I have a lot going on for me. I am not trying to brag, I will get to my point shortly. Yet I still have "difficultly" dating. See eariler post. I sometimes wonder if that is because I'm not a Disney dad. Their loss. Oh well. I don't think Bosoxfan is bragging. She's just cute with lots going on for her.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 20
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Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:45:27 PM
Every other weekend. Several weeks in the summer, and evey other holiday. Generally considered guilt ridden, and try to buy affection or aswage missing time with gifts etc. I have my son everyday. Sometimes his half sister too. Like this evening. I have him from the time that I get off work. Drive across town to pick him up from daycare. Have him until 800pm. Start my drive back across town 30 mins prior. I have him Friday night till Sunday afternoon/evening. Right now I will be watching both childern till about 10pm so their mother can work. However, I manage all that I do.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 21
Against the grain: Do any other single parents have zero troubles in the dating department?
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:58:12 PM
I generally try to be non-abrasive, since it's tasteless to be a jerk, but does anyone else get the feeling bosoxfaninwa is bragging or something along those lines? One post basically says 'hey, I'm a single mom and have men lining up to date me, so why are other mom's whining?' and another seems to say 'well, if she's a mom and can't find a decent guy, she must just be a loser regardless'.


I don't view what you've written as being abrasive at all.

However, I'm not bragging.

I look at these single mothers' words and their outlook on men and their lives, and I can just see why they have problems dating. I never said anyone was a loser, in general. I'm not even talking to single moms when I'm discussing the issue of dating. I'm talking to men that have either had poor experiences dating single mothers, or the ones they know leave a lot to be desired, because there are plenty of women they would probably enjoy dating and the child may not even be an issue. I don't think any viewpoint that limits your ability to meet someone that you would enjoy spending time with is a good thing to have.

I don't think that by expressing that I consider myself to be an incredible woman with a lot to offer, and that men notice that, is bragging. If you feel like you don't have that going for you, that's too bad. You should either reassess yourself and make some changes or start telling yourself you have a lot to offer.

And I certainly don't think it has anything to do with the fact that I'm not horribly unattractive. Plenty of very attractive single mothers on these boards have expressed their inability to "find a good man".

And realistically speaking, people make excuses all of the time as to why they have trouble finding love. People also make up reasons that have been deemed acceptable and non-arguable for not being into someone, myself included.
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