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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > advice needed for a friend - trying to get his kid back      Home login  
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 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 2
advice needed for a friend - trying to get his kid backPage 1 of 1    
I would say, based on what I've seen, the most important thing is testimony of friends and family, and evidence. There is a fairly good chance the mother will come and say that she has changed, or that she will if they just give her the chance. Ray needs to convince the courts that he has given her sufficient time to do these things and that the daughter's life and well-being will continue to be endangered in the care of the mother.

He should also exhibit why he is a fit parent, not just a better one than the mother. Bring in supporting documents showing that he is financially responsible and otherwise capable of being a parent. More testimony on his behalf will help as well, not just to show the mothers actions.
 bernta
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 3
advice needed for a friend - trying to get his kid back
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:25:03 PM
OP it's nice of you to want to help your friend. Points for you!

I was a foster parent for ten years here in the states. I'm sure the laws are not exactly the same but I would think they would be similar. One of the goals here when a child came into care was to immediately look for biological relatives that could take custody of the child. If Canadian laws are similar I'm surprised that Ray was not given custody shortly after the kids came into care. There must be a reason or a justification for that not happening. Whether it is accurate or not, it obviously has been accepted so your friend now has to prove himself worthy. He really has no choice but to jump through every hoop that they put in front of him! He will have to prove himself by doing whatever it takes. It's not always a fair system but for now, it's the best there is.

Wish him good luck and tell him congratulations on turning his life around!
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 5
advice needed for a friend - trying to get his kid back
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:05:18 AM
If you want to help your friend, stop talking about the "baby mama" and making th wors possible assumptions about her reasons for doing things. Both mom and dad have clearly made huge mistakes, and if your friend is on the right track now, then that's great. But the child's mother is still her mother even if she hasn't straightened out yet. Negative talk about her mom is not going to help that child, no matter her living arrangements. Help your friend by being positive about your friend, not by being negative about your friend's ex.

Is your friend also petitioning to foster the little boy? It will be traumatic for his daughter to be separated from her brother, so it would be great if your friend could take the high road and keep the kids together.

Good luck, I hope things work out for the best, for the kids.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 6
advice needed for a friend - trying to get his kid back
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:07:58 AM

moms boyfriend is accused of "kid diddling" the little girl (that is pending right now so i will say accused even though a doctors exam proves it).


Pending is pending. A lot of people are wrongly accused of horrible things during heated custody debates. It ruins people's lives, and the fallout ruins children's lives even if they were never molested in the first place.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
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advice needed for a friend - trying to get his kid back
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:29:43 AM
Testimony from people like you, particularly because of the length of time you have known him and documentation.

He should journal everything. Every conversation he has with anyone about his child. The courts already know she is screwed up, he should focus on himself and why he would provide a superior home to foster care or a permanent adoption.

I have seen the courts give kids back to people who were in the middle of drug and other issues, if his criminal history was five years ago, he has complied with everything and been a model citzen, he should get custody. Most courts want to keep kids with biological family and with foster care overloaded, there really isn't a valid reason to withhold his child from him.

If he gets custody and the state hasn't already done it, he should check into whether it would be wise to have her parental rights terminated.
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