Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > should i let my son's father be in his life a second time??? confused      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 2
view profile
History
should i let my son's father be in his life a second time??? confusedPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Shug, you should be going to court to get child support as well as set up a visitation schedule... Further you should have it set up that they are supervised by someone else instead of you...

This guys agenda is NOT his son, but playing with mommy, and unless you enjoy that kind of BS, the best thing to do is nip that little game in the bud...

I had a very similar situation with my oldest, her father was NOT interested in her, but rather seeing me... When I finally got tired of his head games, I got it to where he had to move in steps to see our daughter... They were to be supervised by my foster mum, and after going through a couple of months of that, then he could picker her up for day visits...

He never made ONE SINGLE VISIT...

At 17, she decided she wanted to see the half siblings she had... Then he wanted to see her, what a disaster, it was all cool for a couple years, then his total a**hole side came out, and he lied as usual to his daughters that it was ME who wouldn't let him see her. As well he banished her from his life, because she was allowed to speak her mind, and that was NOT something he could handle having a female tell him her opinion...

She has a Bachelor, and then an AA, and he still talks shyt about her. While his oldest twins have been in and out of jail for drugs. His other out of wedlock son has been in and out of jail... There's out of wedlock babies... His son with his current wife has been banned from school at 12 for bring a gun to school..

Sighhhh, long story short.... I believe if a father Really WANTS TO BE A REAL FATHER, cool, don't get in the way.. However some of these sperm donors don't know, or want to actually be a father, but rather see the mommy as a possession...

Hopefully this story give you some insight and food for thought..
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 4
view profile
History
should i let my son's father be in his life a second time??? confused
Posted: 6/19/2009 11:42:43 AM
Do or don't do what you need to legally, move on with your life but your child is one, you should keep an open mind because people do change and children should know both their parents when it is possible.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
view profile
History
should i let my son's father be in his life a second time??? confused
Posted: 6/20/2009 5:40:15 AM

My sons are 6 & 9, their dad has been out of their lives longer than he's been in it. He even spent 2 years without word. He showed up with a new wife & now she is controlling him back into their lives and make her life's goals everyone else's.

I would be thrilled if that happened like I am sure my stepson's mom was eventually thrilled I showed up to work around my ex's schedule so he saw his dad more.


So you were the other woman? Why didn't this guy marry his girlfriend when she had his first child?
Did you think he was going to be faithful to you even thought he wasn't faithful to the mother of his first child?

Is there a reason that you always have to pose questions that are not remotely germane to the question or discussion and designed apparently to demean and belittle people who have made poor or perhaps foolish choices but are trying to rectify things?

The child is one, the girl was 22 or younger when she met the father, you have no idea what she did or didn't know when she got involved. Women/men much older than that have had problems leaving someone once they found out all of the skeletons and other shit in the closet. People like this guy tend to weave a good tale about how they have been victimized by life and again, women/men far older than 22 are taken in.

If she were just a careless ho, does it matter now? Does it serve any purpose to point this out? If you are concerned about whether she had learned from this you do have the opportunity to correspond with her privately.

OP, if you are going to continue posting to the forums, you might want to change your e-mail settings so that people who have a comment or question, or just want to say hello can.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 11
view profile
History
should i let my son's father be in his life a second time??? confused
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:05:03 AM
Hun it doesn't matter to him that YOU don't want him... You were and ARE a possession..

The baby daddy I talked about in my first post... When he came down for my daughters graduation, and we had been apart for 18 yrs, still thought of me as a possession. His one daughter asked him if he wasn't with his current wife, whom he's cheated on land who knows how often, if he'd be with me... He told her yes...

ODDLY, I left him, yet he still thought I WOULD JUST BE WITH HIM... Like really, and as if...

So even 18 yrs later it wasn't about my daughter, but rather about me again...

For some men it is their kids that are a possession, and for others it is women.... As I have said, if he wants to be in your son's life then have supervised visitations... You can see then just how interested he is in your son...

When the plans were made for my daughter, she was 3 yrs old, and didn't remember meeting him; not a big surprise since he REALLY wasn't there to see her... I understand you don't want your son hurt, however since he is so young if dad disappears, he won't remember.

If you place restrictions on access to you, he probably will fade away like a lot of other men do... It doesn't feel all that great, but the reality is, anyone can make a baby, but it takes a LOT for them to make a good parent... This guy sounds like a basic sperm donor, creates babies, and has no responsibility in caring for them, thus he slips back and forth across the border... Not a nice male...
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 12
view profile
History
should i let my son's father be in his life a second time??? confused
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:41:43 AM
Don't waste your time wondering about his motivations, etc. just focus on your son and facilitating a relationship between them if you can and ignore the rest. He sounds like the drama king and you are better off without him in your life beyond whatever happens between he and his son.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
should i let my son's father be in his life a second time??? confused
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:31:00 AM
ya you need to nip it in the bud, he's immature and only wants to be around if you're not with anyone, he's playing you til the other girl comes around or someone else. if all you are interested in having him get involved with your son, you just need to find a neutral party to supervise time with baby while you're not there. tell him enough is enough, if he wants a relationship with his child, he needs to spend time with him and not you. and taht you're going to find someone who can be there while he's with baby.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 18
view profile
History
should i let my son's father be in his life a second time??? confused
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:44:02 PM
Ohhh op, that is a problem then if you still have it for him... It doesn't seem like a good idea in the least.. Your son is one, there is a lot of time for you to get over him, and your son still has his father's influence in his life.

You going down only opens you up to allowing yourself to be vulnerable... That would not be good, because you have to think about your son first once again, and he needs his mum to move forward in her life and continue taking good care of him...

Good luck
 Sergio333
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 19
view profile
History
should i let my son's father be in his life a second time??? confused
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:10:15 PM
Nexthyme - Your story is so sad. I'm a divorced dad and would give my life for my darling little daughter. I just can't understand any guys who can go through life not caring to see their own kids.

SingleMomma24 - I think it's excellent that you think about being good to your son and letting him see his father. What's done is done. My only point on this is that you should make him pay for the visit and towards the child support. Yes, he is illegal in the US, but that does not mean he gets out of child support. Ask any lawyer! He has an obligation to your child. If he really cares about the child, he should send money every month. That's part of the title "being a man about it".
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > should i let my son's father be in his life a second time??? confused