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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other wom      Home login  
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 Searcher8001
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 4
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other womenPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Call it the male's natural tendency for pollagamy. He says you're "the best" but it's the tendency of ALL human beings to be looking for the BBD - "Bigger, better deal!"

Sorry - but few males on these sites are "one girl" guys!

Jack
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 14
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:53:00 PM

Sorry - but few males on these sites are "one girl" guys!

I'd venture to say most of us are actually "zero girl" guys!

So... when the fish are biting you've got to make up for lost time and bag as many as possible, since there's no limit printed on the licenses they issue around these waters.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 16
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:54:20 PM
Maybe he's keeping his eyes open for someone who is actually available for a relationship... as in not married. You are separated, which means you are still means married. Maybe he's keeping his options open while keeping you handy.
 pengibella
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 17
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:03:41 PM
it probably is not you. Talk to him and see. If you are really happy and he is not. Better think about it some more.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 19
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:33:40 PM
OP - if it bothers you that he's on this site, WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON THIS SITE? Seems to me the two of you need to have a talk and figure out what you want in the relationship. If it is a very new relationship, you're moving too fast. You're implying "exclusive" and he may still be looking.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 20
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:36:12 PM
I guess I don't get why telling you that you are perfect should mean that he never need talk to any other women again, most men talk to other women if they are online and have friends. You can defend this anyway you want but really, you know it's needy and you also know if you feel you can't trust him. Say you got him to do as you want, would you still trust him or would you then be thinking he's only appeasing you and would really rather be talking to other women or maybe is behind your back? If you are this easily bothered by his behavior this early on, it would probably be better to let him go and find someone who spends more time with you and doesn't like talking to other women. It's not a good match when you have to whine and change and nag someone to do things your way...unless you like drama.

Being insecure does not mean you have feelings, it means you feel inferior to other women and that you do not trust that men can talk to women without doing something wrong. People who aren't insecure & jealous are not hard nosed, you make it sound like you are something so special and fragile and the rest of us are old hard hags with no feelings :laugh: really, get over yourself, you are the one with the problem here, you are the one posting about it, and you are the one whose boyfriend may or may not be cheating, so work on you and stop trying to place blame on people who simply answered your post. As for deletion, that's how the owner of the site set it up, to give members the choice of deleting posts they think break the rules, so don't blame others, again, take responsibility for your own behaviors....like not reading the rules before you post. :wink:
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 25
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:22:37 PM
To me, either you're in a serious relationship or you're not. Seems like it's a little one sided if your profile is turned off and his is not. I agree with others who say he's telling you one thing, but doing another. You need to talk to him not us to find out why he's still chatting with other women on this site. But just because his profile is active doesn't mean he is talking to women from PoF. Have you seen him online when you've been on PoF.
 marttie
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 27
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:51:10 PM
Run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run..............................................The lights are blinking and Im serious take it from me .Experience is the best teacher.
 UcanBthe1
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 32
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:07:07 PM
If he told you that you weren't perfect and he talked to other women in hopes of finding one that was better looking, more fun or whatever what would you do? My guess would be that he just tells you what he thinks will keep you around and he has no intentions of it being an exclusive arrangement on his end.
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 35
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/19/2009 10:20:55 PM
Is it possible he really is just looking for friends? Personally, I think it is because I was on here for a while doing that. People do do that! Search it, there's been forums on it. There's another one going on right now about whether men and women truly can just be friends.

My bet: he's just bored... Like I am right now. That's why I'm here posting. If it really bothers you, ask him to change his status to Not Single/Not Looking. I bet he would. But, for the sake of the relationship, I wouldn't ask him to leave this site. (Please also reference the forum on POF ADDICTIONS.) This is serious! Some people just can't go cold turkey on this thing!! ...Myself included!
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 37
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/20/2009 3:09:35 AM
He's either trustworthy or he's not. I think my man still enjoys a little flirting with other women (in person) when I'm not around. I have to admit I find it flattering when someone hits on me when he's not around too (but I would never cheat on him). It's just an ego stroke. No big deal, because we trust each other. And when we're together, he has no problem showing that we are a couple, and that he's definitely taken. That said, I still asked him if he would hide his profile a few months in. And he knows I'm on here just for forums. We talked about it. Calmly, without a lot of "drama." He had no problem hiding it for me.

The desire to get attention from other women is not necessarily in itself, a sign of doom for the two of you. I think a lot of men who open to idea about being serious about a woman still enjoy it, and sometimes it takes men longer (than the woman) to feel strongly enough to be committed and let go of the idea of other women (and you just need a little patience), but the only thing that really matters is if you are comfortable with the way things are. Me, personally, I wouldn't put up with an active POF profile and chatting with single women on a dating site for more than a few months. I know I would love it if he gave it up on his own before that, but I'd probably need to have a chat about exclusivity, and want these things to be cleared up within the first four month of dating. I don't go for the cheater type though and would dump someone who is likely to cheat long before that. Could a man I am just starting to date meet someone else they liked better, and leave me for her, before we got to that more serious stage? Sure. But that's life. You can't spend (waste) too much of your energy on insecurity "what-ifs." It's too draining. At the same time, you want to be able to weed out the players right away. But just because he's still getting the ego stroke or hedging his bets right now, doesn't mean you two are doomed. It could be just the initial phase. Or not. How long has it been, by the way? Do you think of him as being trustworthy?
 QTpye16
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 49
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:54:56 AM
copstav,


i am in a new relationship with a great guy from here... he tells me i am perfect ... that he is going nowhere and he is 110% happy...so why does he still need to talk to other women on here?


Good question! First of all, I say if you haven't asked him, you need to. I recently had a similiar situation and all I can say is to be cautious. Trust and instinct is a big issue in this. Trust until he gives a reason not be to trusted, but also listen to your instinct.

As far as my experience, six months into my relationship, I came to find out my BF signed up for an account (assuming it was because I had one), never had one before and came to see he had sent a couple of adult messages to 2 women. We talked about it and his reason was because he was bored. Well, this happened again on another site and pictures on his cell, lets just say 3 stikes you're out. But what I'm trying to say is be careful and don't be naive about it because people lie and sugar coat things. Always try to listen to your instincts...I did and it led me to what I came to see as reality. Good luck!
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 52
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:07:39 PM
OP: go back and read msg#44.

I'm her other half. And a history search will reveal that I post quite a bit on here.

Honestly, pof is addictive. ANY forum reg will attest to that.

Other than that, we are still social beings.

In some ways, talking with women helps me better understand women. In some ways, it helps me understand myself.

In any case, other intelligent POVs allow us to see the many sides to the same thing.

I would say that you should trust him until it's time to not trust him.

Instincts are wonderful things.................and usually right!
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 56
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:23:15 PM
It's just talk.
Actions speak louder than words. Never mind what he says, pay attention to how he treats you. Talk is cheap.
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 57
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:26:04 PM
Mr. Provocative-
POF is addictive? This coming from a man, lol. Certainly you have better things to do than read the posts on here. It's the same crapola day after day. After about 3 postings I'm done.
Maybe you should go to the gym and find out how addictive exercise is.
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 63
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/21/2009 4:36:34 AM
I agree with the rock man's posts, well said.

My profile says not single/not looking as I have recently met someone, yet I enjoy reading the posts on here and have a few friends I chat with every now and then. I also like to look at the profiles of new folks that pop up..... It's nothing more than "people watching" I don't send out any emails.
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 66
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/21/2009 6:52:04 AM
If he's not making you feel special,
why would you want him around?
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 67
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:21:59 AM
You're "perfect"...maybe IMperfections are more appealing to him-!
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 71
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:07:23 AM

My BF and I are both still active on this site and still interact with members of the opposite sex, GASP! He's made a lot of friends on this site, probably mostly female, and it would be ridiculous and immature of me to expect him to drop all contact with those friends just because we're together now. In fact, it would seem weird to me if he did, and I wouldn't want him to. I even have a half-baked theory that one of the many things that makes him a great boyfriend is his experience with women as friends- he gets us!

I guess I'm one of those oddities that really does believe men and women can be friends without having ulterior motives
It's quite easy for you to say this because your SO and you have each other in your profiles and you've made it quite clear that you are an "item" and therefore you are secure enough to say what you've said. In the Op's case.. her b/f has not even indicated that he is in a relationship.. hardly indicative to feeling secure that he's not actively fishing.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 72
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if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:22:33 AM

Mr. Provocative-
POF is addictive? This coming from a man, lol. Certainly you have better things to do than read the posts on here. It's the same crapola day after day. After about 3 postings I'm done.
Maybe you should go to the gym and find out how addictive exercise is.


Ah, but there are some gems on here that are priceless!

Obviously pof isn't your thing.

I've tried the gym rat mentality and it isn't MY thing.

In the gym, it's just the same crapola day after day.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 74
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:47:39 AM
There are some guys who put not single/not looking. I still say then they don't belong on a dating website.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 79
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:48:36 AM
blah blah blah.... Why dont you just ask HIM? This is why people cant stay in a freakn relationship..... NO COMMUNICATION!
 776877
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 84
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:32:57 AM
'Sorry - but few males on these sites are "one girl" guys!'

'I'd venture to say most of us are actually "zero girl" guys!'


Funny! But sadly SOOOO true! This site is probably the safest site on the web for guys NOT meeting girls, be more wary of the supermarket, health club, parties, concerts...just about anywhere else :-) Its possible to meet a woman in real life and within a short while exchange numbers etc, that really doesn't happen here.
 no_excuses_please
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 90
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 7/19/2009 5:48:46 AM
Because,OP,it's a poor mouse that has but one hole.
 onlythekind
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 102
if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:49:41 PM
note im a one girl guy but would still chat with other women on dating sites
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