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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 2
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Grandparents raising grandchildren....Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
In what way, like are you dateable if you are raising your grandchid(ren)?
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 3
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Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:25:22 PM
If the grandparents are better able to care for the children then it's probably best.

I don't think about it much honestly. My mom is my kids other parent....
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 4
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:34:45 PM
I think it can be confusing to the child if it is not done in moderation, barring the mother is no longer capable of doing so.

A woman taking advantage of her parent(s) ability to love and care for their grandchildren can have serious consequences.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 9
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Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:06:59 PM
Your repost suggested that we were a bit stupid for not getting what you wanted to know and also illustrates that you were too lazy to do a thread search because there are several threads that could have pointed you to grandparents raising grandchildren as well as many of the problems encountered.

Part of the problem on our end is that you need to ask a question, you didn't. An appropriate question given what you want to know is, is it difficult for older people to accept that you have young children when their's are grown, or have you encountered people that do not want to get seriously involved because of the financial responsibilities and long-term commitment that children are at your age when many people are able to be more spontaneous, and have more disposabl income, etc.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 17
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:48:29 PM
My aunt is 42 and she has a 4 year old. She's been married for 8 years. Talk about a stable environment to raise a child in!
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 18
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 6/21/2009 6:59:10 AM
I think it's a selfless act of love to spare children from being raised by their own parents. Grandparents have the advantage of knowing how their work turns out. And, because of the greater age difference, grandparents have the good grace to pass just as their grandchildren come into their own as parents themselves, so they can raise their families in peace without meddlesome intrusion from a previous generation thinking it knows better. It's such a superb arrangement that even the contradiction in it works out.
 vanililly
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 19
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:39:19 AM
I am grateful to all and every grandmother picking up her daughter's slack and taking on a responsibility for raising (unplanned) child.

And I'd like to apologize for the teenage years these kids put you, Grandmas, through.
Grin and bear it.
Understand it is hard for these kids growing up knowing even your own parents didn't find you worthy of keeping around, so coupled with teenage angst..

I really applaud you.

 DeweyG
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 25
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Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 1/27/2011 3:00:26 PM
How about Grandfathers Helping to raise Grand children?
I have had 3 people tell me they raised their kids and don't want to raise anymore.(I didn't ask them to).
I don't have her all by myself, or all the time. I just take up the slack3 or 4 nights a week. But why does a women between 48 and 53 not want to get involved with a grandfather helping out his Daughter and Granddaughter?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 26
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 1/28/2011 3:12:40 AM
to the post above...

Many would see your situation, without knowing you well, and assume this may be a slippery slope and that you may end up having more responsibilities down the road, instead of less like themselves.

There is nothing wrong with helping out, as long as you arent being forced to help because your daughter cannot afford her own babysitting elsewhere. This may be the issue, they see her as not being fully responsible and dont want to be come attached and end up with more responsibilities at this age when most are becoming free-er.

Your best bet is find likeminded folks who dont mind being 'tied down' with babysitting and such. There are lots like you, so dont be worried.

The ones who want to travel at the drop of a hat are not for you.

My family helps one another these ways, but it is not a routine, its for when the routine arrangment fall apart for some reaon IE regular babysitter is down with a flu or something. But there is nothing wrong with your helping out, just try and meet other people who feel the same as you do.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 28
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 2/9/2011 1:40:35 PM

What are your thoughts on grandparents raising grandchildren. Not neccesarily as much from the social perspective as the POF veiwpoint?


Interestinly enough....there's a yahoo study (non-scientific) that is about who you wouldn't date...#1 singles with children at home...#2 smokers...and then other factors...

Imagine that...people would rather date a smoker then someone with children...

Go figure.

Yes, OPie...I'm raising a granddaughter too.
 bunnybear64
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 30
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Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 9/12/2011 1:43:45 PM
trust me there are more of you out there
im raising my granddaughter all alone
its hard cuz being single and raising a grandchild means no date
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 32
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 9/16/2011 6:02:31 PM
emma 2- I was raised by my grandparents. It wasn't easy growing up without a mother or a father.
My grandparents did the best they could and they loved me (they also raised my younger brother).
I don't know what your situation is why you have your grandchildren, but I applaud you.
I know it can't be easy.
Now that I'm grown and look back, the best advice is can give you is.........
1) Be honest with them. Tell them the truth about the situation, the truth always comes out and it's better they find out from you than some other way. The sooner the better.
2) Tell them it isn't their fault. Even if they don't tell you that they wonder about it or that it hurts, it does. They need to know that in NO way is the situation on them.
3) Love them with all you have and make sure they know they are loved.
4) Don't worry about what other people think. When adults don't know they do, children watch and they listen. it's important that they know that your main concern is them.
I'm 43 now, despite the odds I've managed to make a life for myself, I owe a lot of that to my grandparents.
Big hugs to you.
You made a choice to step up and be there for them, they will never forget it, trust me, I know :)
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 33
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 10/3/2013 9:21:30 PM
emma 2- I was raised by my maternal grandparents.
They did a lot right and did some things wrong-
What they did right:
They taught me to respect money- if I can't pay for it I don't use credit
They taught me self respect
They taught me that my word is my bond
They taught me to put family first
They taught me that if the parent isn't in charge, nobody is in charge
What they got wrong:
They never told me the truth about why I was parent less, I found out the hard way at 39.
They did not prepare me for the reality of everyday life because they over protected me.
You now face the reality of being a grandparent doing the job that your grandchild's parents should be doing, the #1 thing my grand parents didn't do that I hope you do.......
Reach out for support, join a group for grandparents raising their grandchildren.
Remember the mistakes you made as a parent and don't repeat them now that you are the parent of your grandchildren.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 34
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Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 10/5/2013 6:11:56 AM
If put in that position I would evaluate what I thought was best for the child at the time.

If some random potential date had issues with my decision I would not care.

What if you didn't take care of your grandchild and the child was put in foster care and you told a potential date about it and they disapproved of your decision NOT to take the child?

Live your life as you would without wondering if some man you don't know yet is going to approve.
 FlipFlops4LIFE
Joined: 11/18/2015
Msg: 35
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 4/2/2016 1:15:13 PM
I resurrected this thread because of the increased profile pics I'm seeing {in my age group, 50-60s} of men with their grandkids. And in the profile text they talk about having custody or joint custody! Am I the only older lady that's thinking "HELL NO" to this???
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 36
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 4/2/2016 4:29:22 PM
^^^ Hell No. You're not the only one that has done the been there /done that and I don't want to visit it again. I'm a grandmother and I love my grandkids, in small doses. I have friends that baby sit all the time or are the "daycare" and change their schedules around to accommodate grandkids, I'm not one of those. If push came to shove and something dire happened, I would never turn my back on the kids or my son and my daughter inlaw. But I'm not offering just cause I'm Gramma. And no, I don't want to date a guy looking after grandkids or his own kids...just a preference. Kudos to those that do, just not my thing.
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 37
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 4/3/2016 7:21:41 AM

If push came to shove and something dire happened, I would never turn my back on the kids or my son and my daughter in-law.


Still pulling stuff out of your arse, you twit. You can't spell, you can't comprehend someone's post, your writing skills are that of a child and you can't string two thoughts together. And you make up shit. I hope you're medicated.
 Evenlydistributed72
Joined: 8/17/2015
Msg: 38
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Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 5/7/2016 10:40:14 PM
I am actually a single grandparent raising my grandson only six months old, due to his mother my daughter's mental issues so I totally understand this struggle if you are in the same position.
 Evenlydistributed72
Joined: 8/17/2015
Msg: 39
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Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 5/7/2016 10:45:56 PM
To be so involved with your grandchild is a quality you should be proud of, the women are at an age that if they are in a relationship they feel they should have you all to themselves, this is an unbecoming quality and shows jealousy and if they are a true parent they are a parent for life you cant just stop being a parent because your child moves out. Grandchildren need their grandparents and if she is the right person she will understand just like your children your grandchildren are a package deal. no ands ifs or buts about it.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 40
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 5/8/2016 10:47:13 AM
^^^That's fine, but do not push your opinions or lifestyle on others.
If I was in the situation where grandchildren needed my PT or FT care, of course I would do it, but I would not expect potential dates to be down with it.
I would not deem someone a bad or uncaring person because they choose not to get involved in something like that.

I raised my kids and helped my fiance raise his. We were at the same point in life when we met.
There is no way in the world, if I was single, would I would get involved with someone who does not have the same freedoms as me now with kids that are 28, 26, 22.
It's not unbecoming or jealousy--it's called basic incompatibly.
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 41
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Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 5/13/2016 3:30:37 PM

It's a sad assumation that it's a female offsprings, offspring.


Because it typically is. I would go further and wager it is more often than not a liberal grandparent that has to end up raising their daughter's offspring (substandard parenting).


understand just like your children your grandchildren are a package deal.


Sour grapes? It's unfortunate some of us draw the short straw in the game of life, but I wonder how many grandparents raising grandchildren would have the same perspective if they weren't in their current predicament? I would wager they wouldn't give a custodial grandparent the time of day like they are all to eager too now.


A woman my age may see you as a loving man…but a very BUSY man. Perhaps too busy to build a relationship with...


Why is it agreed upon that a grandparent that is raising his grandchild objectively does not have sufficient free time to foster a relationship, yet when it pertains to younger single moms raising children, we are suppose to pretend as if they have more hours in a day?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 42
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 5/13/2016 8:27:04 PM
call me tater- Let me add the perspective of someone who WAS raised by their grand parents.
They were married, so the question of what either one would have done, if single, is moot.
My parents were both alcoholics.
I don't have to wonder what would have happened to me if they had not taken me and my brother.
I have a half sister (same mom, different dads) that was mostly raised by my mother.
She came to live with us when she was 6, my mother took her back when she was 11.
She dropped out of school, had 3 children by 3 different men and is now a meth addict.
There but for grace, go I.
People can say what they would or would not do in any given situation, but until you've been there and done it, you just DON'T know.
I think this OP needs to find a support group for grand parents raising grand children, because most of you (although some well meaning), just don't have a clue.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 43
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 5/19/2016 9:38:17 AM
Bama,
I honestly don't know what your point is in reference to what I wrote.
You seem to have an opinion similar to mine on the other thread regarding dating someone with youngsters at home.
TBH, I wish my grandparents raised me instead of my parents...wouldn't have needed so much therapy.
This topic was resurrected after a 3 yr dormancy. I addressed the recent posts.
The OP started it 7 yrs ago and hasn't participated in forums since '09.
I think most people actually do have a clue.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 44
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 5/19/2016 6:19:52 PM
call me tater- I went back and reread what I posted and it does seem like I was specifically talking to you.
I apologize, that was not my intention.
My point was that raising a grandchild ALWAYS comes with a difficult set of circumstances.
It's usually due to some type of addiction.
I'm not sure how my grandmother coped, raising two babies, being 68 when it started and having a daughter that lived in a bottle.
It didn't mean that YOU don't have a clue, specifically, I was just saying until you are in a situation you don't know how it feels or why people do what they do. (and I DO stand by that)
Grand parents raising grandchildren are never dealing with just ONE issue, that is what I was trying to say, I just did a bad job of saying it.
 DimpledAndDorky
Joined: 6/29/2015
Msg: 45
Grandparents raising grandchildren....
Posted: 6/21/2016 4:54:32 PM
I am 48, single, and raising my 4-year old granddaughter. I have custody, and we are a package deal. It's been an issue for me because older men don't want to start over like I had to. I think it should be a topic, too. I'm in a support group because I was all alone in my insanity until I met others like me. They have been a great support for so many things.
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