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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?      Home login  
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 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 1
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I was reading an article in the NY times about women being more sexually selfish than men. Basically the article said women's fantasies focus on recieving pleasure. And to be in the mood women need to feel desired-which basically means being selfish and narcissistic is what makes up female sexuality.


Some of the comments people made on that site and other sites said that this was true.

1. In general women don't desire men as much as men desire women. Men desiring women is the focus.
2. In general women don't initiate sex as much.
3. In general men's fantasies are fulfilled less of the time and are usually easier to fulfill.
4. In general men give women more pleasure than women give men. The woman's pleasure comes first. Also the man usually spends his time thinking about other stuff to prevent orgasm and never gets to relax.
5. In general men do most of the physical work and women lie back and that one would be hard pressed to find a couple where the woman does most of the work.
6. All women use sex to maintain control and have a lower sex drive.

Are all of these things true? Has there ever been a woman who did just as much work and gave MORE sexually?



Here is the article

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?_r=1


This was the main quote that stuck out.




"The generally accepted therapeutic notion that, for women, incubating intimacy leads to better sex is, Meana told me, often misguided. “Really,” she said, “women’s desire is not relational, it’s narcissistic” — it is dominated by the yearnings of “self-love,” by the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need."
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 2
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 5:28:04 PM
So, you're promoting a theory that men have sex ONLY to please us women, out of the goodness of their hearts? But we evil women take take take and never give?

Ha ha, good one!

Also, I'm not sure how they gathered stats on this one:
3. In general men's fantasies are fulfilled less of the time and are usually easier to fulfill.
Easier for whom?!

=========
Well, I actualy READ the article, which doesn't say at all what YOU promote here. For me, the most important thing is that women's MINDS were not engaged although their bodies were--I think that's what the focus of the article was all about. But YOU spun it as "women are selfish". Nice. Whatever.
============
Some of the comments people made on that site and other sites said that this was true.

1. In general women don't desire men as much as men desire women. Men desiring women is the focus. --NO I DON'T AGREE
2. In general women don't initiate sex as much. --I AGREE; is that selfish? or cultural conditioning?
3. In general men's fantasies are fulfilled less of the time and are usually easier to fulfill. --WHO SAYS? WHICH FANTASIES, specifically. EASIER? who has done this study?
4. In general men give women more pleasure than women give men. The woman's pleasure comes first. Also the man usually spends his time thinking about other stuff to prevent orgasm and never gets to relax. --IF THIS IS YOUR EXPERIENCE, you are doing it wrong. I have never heard any man ever say this to me, "I give you more pleasure than you give me"
5. In general men do most of the physical work and women lie back and that one would be hard pressed to find a couple where the woman does most of the work. --I AGREE--blame anatomy. Much easier to put something in a hole than to play ring toss with your body. Sorry, blame God.
6. All women use sex to maintain control and have a lower sex drive. --ANY TIME YOU SAY "ALL", you are wrong. I have never "controlled" anyone, frankly. I have a much higher sex drive than many, many men.

 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 3
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 5:29:26 PM
I said those were observations some people had.
 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 4
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 5:39:22 PM
^^^True. But its a woman's responsibility. Why would that hurt a man? Nobody (man or woman) is entitled to an orgasm from their partner. Its their own responsibility.
 Shui7
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 5
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 5:41:45 PM
Sounds good to me.
 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 6
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 5:46:28 PM

That's where you are wrong, it's both people involved responsibility!


Either way how would this lead to inequality in terms of giving. Men and women would give equally and women would pick up the slack for their orgasm.

Also a man is probably just as hard to please (if not more) if the goal is a good orgasm and not just any old orgasm. A hand can give a man an orgasm. If one is having sex an equal amount of effort should be put in.
 100eagle
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 7
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 5:51:26 PM
I think a man is easier to please than a woman. Comparing the penis to the vagina is like comparing a shovel to a backhoe. The shovel is easy to understand and use. The vagina is considerably more complex. Yet the backhoe can "get the job done" better than the shovel ever could if the operator knows how to handle it. (Multiple orgasms, more varied pleasures, etc)

So it's easier for a woman to give us satisfactory pleasure than vice versa, although a very skilled male lover can give a woman a level of pleasure men will never be able to experience.

The rest of it is very generally stereotyped or just plain wrong.
 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 8
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 5:52:44 PM
^^^ridiculous. why should one be harder to please than the other? Unless you like to date loser men?


funny when the gender differences benefit women they should be celebrated. if they benefit men its sexism.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 9
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Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:43:06 PM

True. But its a woman's responsibility. Why would that hurt a man? Nobody (man or woman) is entitled to an orgasm from their partner. Its their own responsibility.


Pffffft!
If my partner thinks I'm not entitled to an orgasm.....he won't be my partner for long!!
Yes, we each are responsible for teaching our partners what feels good to us....but we teach them......so they can give us orgasms!!
Sure, there are those times when a woman/man just can't "get there".....and lending a "hand" is called for.....
but ultimately, I do expect my partner to give his best shot at it first! Just as I will always do.

I really don't agree w/ the woman's sexuality being more selfish than men's idea.....
I think both sexes have the same ultimate goal!
And I think both sexes can recieve great amounts of pleasure.....as long as they have mature, attentive partners.
Gender doesn't dictate being a good lover......or being a selfish lover.
Individuality does!
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 10
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:45:10 PM
In some cases yes women are more selfish than men sexually. They are more than happy to expect and demand a certain level of satisfaction, they get it then you are left unsatisfied when they are either not as good at pleasing you or they just don't put a sincere effort into making you happy. Hence why you have so many one night stands and pshycos.
 Florida_Or_Bust
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 11
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History
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:00:37 PM
Just going to base this on one relationship here so I am not sure what that says about the "norm" but this man did focus on the pleasure and satisfaction of the woman but it was a complete ego thing ... it was a power trip cause he could (and would) say "Because I... you should..."

It was actually a distraction and made things unenjoyable.

So my thinking is some men do focus on it but not because they are necessarily more selfless but because they need to stroke their ego.
 GoofBall311
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 12
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:20:38 PM
My sexuality is the most selfish. I just take what I want and then toss them out on the street :)
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 13
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Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/22/2009 5:48:36 AM
Why is this question being asked? I thought it was just a given.
 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 14
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/22/2009 6:40:44 AM

These studies, in general, are useless!

1. In general women don't desire men as much as men desire women. Men desiring women is the focus.
— That's BS. Most of us actually HAVE to desire you in order to BE with you. The opposite is not always true.


No women don't have to desire men. Women feed off men's desires. Hence most women's irrational need to have a man make them feel sexy.



2. In general women don't initiate sex as much.
— If eye contact and a smile constitutes initiating then yes we do!

Who's the lazy one now? What a joke.


3. In general men's fantasies are fulfilled less of the time and are usually easier to fulfill.
— In general, from what I've read on here, men are less inclined to share their fantasies as they are afraid their woman will go running for the hills! In all seriousness though, as long as fantasies don't involve other people or pain, I'm game. I enjoy being intellectually stimulated as well.

Why wouldn't they be? Look at the post here.

4. In general men give women more pleasure than women give men. The woman's pleasure comes first. Also the man usually spends his time thinking about other stuff to prevent orgasm and never gets to relax.
— The woman's pleasure HAS to come first as hers is not guaranteed like a man's is and he gets to relax plenty when he's done!
FYI premature ejaculation does NOT inspire repeat performances!


Ahh so all male orgasms are equal. If she's not putting in as much effort its not going to feel particularly pleasurable.

The woman's pleasure has to come first because most women are selfish.


5. In general men do most of the physical work and women lie back and that one would be hard pressed to find a couple where the woman does most of the work.
— Are we still talking about sex here?

I AGREE--blame anatomy. Much easier to put something in a hole than to play ring toss with your body. Sorry, blame God.

No just laziness. Women could get on top. Ironically enough eery year female on top positions come out ranked higher.


6. All women use sex to maintain control and have a lower sex drive.
— Personally, I use sex to lose control!


"The generally accepted therapeutic notion that, for women, incubating intimacy leads to better sex is, Meana told me, often misguided. “Really,” she said, “women’s desire is not relational, it’s narcissistic” — it is dominated by the yearnings of “self-love,” by the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need."


If I was 'dominated by the yearnings of self-love' then BOB and I would be just fine and I wouldn't be on here!

This is the most moronic statement I've heard so far on here...


^^^True. But its a woman's responsibility. Why would that hurt a man? Nobody (man or woman) is entitled to an orgasm from their partner. Its their own responsibility.


Like I said before...a man's pleasure is guaranteed!
Anatomy says so...If he's going in...he's going off...it's just a matter of time.
Should I be expected to masturbate and get myself off when being intimate with a man? I think not!


Oh god. how the hell do you know what a man feels? he might go off but it won't always feel good. but i forgot every woman's parts are made of gold so obviously it musst feel good.

Either way how would this lead to inequality in terms of giving. Men and women would give equally and women would pick up the slack for their orgasm.

Also a man is probably just as hard to please (if not more) if the goal is a good orgasm and not just any old orgasm. A hand can give a man an orgasm. If one is having sex an equal amount of effort should be put in.


That's complete BS!
I think you've confused the clouds with your butt!

If we are 'picking up the slack' for our own orgasms then why would we ever invite you along for the ride?
Sexual intercourse by it's nature is supposed to be MUTUALLY beneficial.
As soon as I let him in he is guaranteed a good time...not necessarily so for me...
but with foreplay we both end up in the same happy place.

And seriously, if a man could give himself a hand the same way a woman can then this whole discussion would be moot, wouldn't it?

Once again not every orgasm is the same.

So it's easier for a woman to give us satisfactory pleasure than vice versa, although a very skilled male lover can give a woman a level of pleasure men will never be able to experience.


^^^This guy knows what he's talking about!^^^

This guy knows nothing. As if women's orgasms are better! what a joke. did feminists tell you that?

^^^ridiculous. why should one be harder to please than the other? Unless you like to date loser men?


^^^OP Have you ever BEEN with a woman?


Good luck with ever getting any on here!
With this post you've basically advertised that, at least in the bedroom, you are lazy, uneducated AND selfish!
Not exactly the sexual trinity most women are searching for!

Lazy, uneducated and selfish describe you.

1. You think a smile=initiating lazy
2. Your pleasure is harder because you aren't in touch with your body uneducated
3. A man should be responsible for your orgasms because once again you know nothing selfish

 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 15
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/22/2009 6:44:57 AM

So it's easier for a woman to give us satisfactory pleasure than vice versa, although a very skilled male lover can give a woman a level of pleasure men will never be able to experience.



Really? Says who? I guess most guys on here can only have one orgasm. I guess most women on here are the ones to lay back and watch and know nothing about their bodies.

The fact the woman on the previous page agreed with this guy shows what a joke she is.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 16
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:22:10 AM

Why is this question being asked? I thought it was just a given.


Reading the forums has made this painfully obvious.


About 20% of the women I've been with, have put in as much or more effort in the bedroom as I do. So that is proof that not all women are selfish in bed. The rest were the typical show up naked and my part is done types. Or the climb on top, knock out a few orgasms, while I stimulate them mentally and physically, then shut down while I get mine type. (Might as well be jerking off to porn.)

We're all taught that it's the man's responsibility to make the woman feel good in the bedroom. (Not by our parents, but by the attitudes of society.) Some of us accept that, others learn it's total BS. Sex is a team sport. If the whole team isn't putting in the effort, performance is going to suffer. When I was young and inexperienced, it didn't matter much. I was just happy, surprised, and excited to be getting some. Now, I just lose interest if there isn't any give and take going on.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 17
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:38:26 AM
2. In general women don't initiate sex as much. --I AGREE; is that selfish? or cultural conditioning?

It's selfish because cultural conditioning is something one can overcome with some motivation to do so. If one is unmotivated to do so, then it's still selfishness.

4. In general men give women more pleasure than women give men. The woman's pleasure comes first. Also the man usually spends his time thinking about other stuff to prevent orgasm and never gets to relax. --IF THIS IS YOUR EXPERIENCE, you are doing it wrong. I have never heard any man ever say this to me, "I give you more pleasure than you give me"

Well, it's certainly been my experience that I do far more work and get stuck with having to think of ways to make things remain interesting than any woman I've sleot with. Whether that translates literally into who gives whom more pleasure depends on the answer to (1) regarding who desires whom more. If the desire is equal, then the answer here is yes. If the desire is lopsided towards men desiring women more, then things could be equal if the effort I've spent offsets my greater desire.

5. In general men do most of the physical work and women lie back and that one would be hard pressed to find a couple where the woman does most of the work. --I AGREE--blame anatomy. Much easier to put something in a hole than to play ring toss with your body. Sorry, blame God.

Not so. If anything, the opposite is true. A woman can easily guide a guy in because she has something to hold and can feel where it's going without having to be a marksman. It's only easy for a guy to do the work because he's the one who gets all the practice.


Like I said before...a man's pleasure is guaranteed!
Anatomy says so...If he's going in...he's going off...it's just a matter of time.

Not so. I've been so bored, I've had to work at it to get off and a time or two decided it wasn't worth the effort to finish.

Should I be expected to masturbate and get myself off when being intimate with a man? I think not!

I expect a woman to put in some effort to make sex exciting for her. If a woman doesn't take interest in her own orgasm, I'm not going to worry about it more than she does. Similarly, I expect a woman to put some effort into me as well. This idea that ``anatomy says so,'' and therefore a woman can lay there and be serviced by a mind reader doesn't fly.



 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 18
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:39:44 AM

2. In general women don't initiate sex as much.


Are they forgetting that women's harmones are entirely different from men's? I would assume so.

Unlike men, women can go on, and on without sex if they choose to.

I know I can.

As for men giving more sexual pleasure than women, I'm not exactly sure how true that is.

I would say in most cases, it's usually "I give, you give". Each person takes a turn in pleasuring his, or her partner.

Men doing all of the work when it comes down to sex? Maybe in some cases, but there are women who like to take control.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 19
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:47:55 AM

Unlike men, women can go on, and on without sex if they choose to.

Then, if they choose to, they can as far as I'm concerned. I'm not about to beg a woman to do something that she would rather not do.
 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 20
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/22/2009 7:02:01 PM

No again. In general, men are equipped to have one orgasm while many women are capable of multiples. Yet, still, I will happily perform oral sex on my man to completion knowing it is unlikely my desires will be satisfied that night because I enjoy giving my man pleasure.


WTF? Says who? Its far easier for a man to have multiple orgasms. Any women skilled in tantra or prostate stimulation will say the same thing.



Possibly but then, I find it unlikely most men want a woman to do most of the work. It is my experience men want some degree of control in the bedroom. Of course, if anybody is thinking of it as work, you are unlikely to be having fun anyway and obviously are with the wrong person.


Why does anybody have to do MOST of the work?



And Accidentally in love I am getting tired of your posts. The only one who has their head stuck in their fat ass is you. I don't know if I feel more sorry for you or the loser men you must date. Probably you with that disgusting hateful attitude. Get a life.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 21
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:47:21 PM

I also wonder how much of this debate is generational, and regional. Personally, I feel like most guys expect women to perform like pornstars, and they won't go for repeat performances with her unless she puts in a fair amoun tof work. I feel like women will put up with less than vice versa.

Performing like a pornstar is easy (although I suppose it requires work in a different sort of way). But that has nothing to do with anything here. This is about real sex, which in some cases is real boring sex.
 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 22
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/23/2009 4:48:36 AM


Performing like a pornstar is easy (although I suppose it requires work in a different sort of way). But that has nothing to do with anything here. This is about real sex, which in some cases is real boring sex.


How so? Look at most female pornstars. They contradict all those observations. They initiate, are into the guy, get on top and do most of the work, give far more than they take etc This might be why men watch so much porn. I guess it is men who are expected to act like female pornstars.

But anyways who cares about societal bs that says its mens job to please women? If men listened to everything society told them they would be beyond whipped. Society pretty much tells men to serve women in every way.






5. In general men do most of the physical work and women lie back and that one would be hard pressed to find a couple where the woman does most of the work.

I agree with the previous statements -- Anatamy. Also, see above.

YES, actually. Some people get their own sexual pleasure from pleasing others, so you can -- male or female - actually get more pleasure from doing 'more' of the work, if that's your nature.




Isn't this a contradiction? What prevents women from getting on top? Aren't those the positions everybody likes best?
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 23
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:32:13 AM
Female porn stars have a *job* to do. Therefore, isn't initiating sex apart of their job?

What are they getting paid for?
 3Therm0pylae0
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 24
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:28:06 AM
Your post is completely true. I have studied people up close and from afar, for a long period of my short life.
 an ordinary guy
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 25
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History
Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's?
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:07:57 AM
why don't we just agree on this: if both man and woman focus on each other instead of themselves, sex, no dare I say everything within a MATURE and CULTIVATED relationship would be so unbelievably awesome that you would either think that A) you were in some kind of beautiful coma dream, or B) you were high on PCP!!!

Can't we all just get along,

DAMN!!!
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