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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 cabrandon
Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 1
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
After having been SINGLE for a long time, I feel now getting very comfortable with my SINGLE status and even feel as if I am getting better and better at that as time goes by.
This is one scary thought because I do not want to be alone.
Does anybody feel that way?

 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 2
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I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/22/2009 11:21:12 PM
Shug the fact that you are concerned means you will NOT doom yourself to being single forever. People generally are wired to want to be with another person intimately, so when the timing is right, with the right person, you will give up singlehood, unless you are in your 40's then it gets a lot harder...

There is NOTHING wrong with enjoying being single, and not having to answer to anyone, or having to share anything with another person. I think sometimes people put to much pressure on others for being single, and treat it as if it is a disease, it is not, and I see nothing wrong with being happily single, instead of miserably attached...

I spent over a year not dating, and just hanging with myself... I have to admit I actually enjoyed that time... I didn't answer the phone when I didn't want to, and I didn't have to explain to anyone why I was running around in tee shirt in panties at 5 PM, because I was just hanging with myself...

Life is meant to be enjoyed, and if you are enjoying why feel bad about it???
 TitusBreast
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 3
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/22/2009 11:45:15 PM
I love being single. The older I get, I become less judgmental about the reasons why folks are folks. (The rules change if I have the misfortune of living with someone, however.) I just plain am a hater. I know myself well enough by now and have zero tolerance for bullsh1t of all kinds. I don't need/desire a partner any longer. I have some fine buzzing toys for that occasional itch I suffer. I have a fine stack of cash. If I feel charitable, I give my advice and am known for generosity...just leave my time, sanity, and health unfettered, please!! Count your blessings, bro...being a so-called partner and a parent are the most thankless positions people die for (and go broke over) on this plane. Feelings and moods change on a dime. You'd be a cute roll in the hay, however...Good luck! Love, Titus
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 4
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 5:06:21 AM
No wonder I'm alone...the club meets on tuesdays. I show up on thursdays hoping to meet someone, and no one's there....

If you get used to being single, you stop looking, and oddly enough that seems to give people the room to hit on you. so, you'll find someone, unless they can read the fact you're scared to be alone.

After 6 yrs of unintended loneliness, I find I have more fun alone. So yes, you do find you can run on your own schedule, do your own thing your own way, and have fun. Unless you make for lousy company But good luck in the dating pool if that's the case....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 5
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 5:10:23 AM
I can't connect the fact that you're getting used to being single with the fact that you're afraid of being alone. The two are not connected. Do you mean afraid in the sense that you think you should be afraid to end up alone? A lot of people get brainwashed into thinking that's a death sentence.

If you're truly getting used to being single, being alone doesn't bother you unless you're talking about ALONE alone where you have no friends or family. Then I can see your point.

I like being alone a lot, but I'm not forced to be. To me single and alone aren't the same, and having an SO around me isn't the only way to avoid being alone. If I never run across someone I really want to be with, I'll take being single forever gladly.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 6
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 5:41:01 AM
Absolutly not. Then again I am not one of the needy co dependent women out there who "needs" a man. Being single (6 years now) has not been so bad. I have met a couple (2) men along this journey who I thought were worth the time and they were not...however being alone provides a lot of sanity for me. I do not think anyone necessarily wants to be alone, but sometimes the other option is worse. I am very happy, and I keep busy. I have a horse, I go to the gym, I am in College, and I have some really, really good friends. Keeping busy and keeping priorities straight is the key. What is meant to happen will. Enjoy it. You may really be amazed at how much you learn about yourself. Being single and being alone to me are not the same...and I am not really sure what you are "afraid" of.
 19justice78
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 7
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I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 5:57:27 AM
I've been single 25 years and have loved every minute of it. Now of course I've had several long term relationships and 3 of them got to the engagement stage and for various reasons didn't happen. I like the idea I can come home to a quiet house, my house is as it was when I left, I don't have to share my bathroom and my bed. Since I really have bad sleeping habits (I only sleep a couple hours at a time) this is a really big plus. It's been my experience that when I have stopped looking for a relationship, the guys come out of the wood work. The best part about being single is if I don't want to be alone I can go anywhere I want to, see anyone I want. Independence rocks.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 8
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:48:43 AM
What is to fear? Nothing.

A relation should only be an enrichment to a complet individual's life; never a compliment, a supplement or a even worst, a dependency.
Beside, spending time single is a great way to know yourself better, to explore areas of your life that was untouched, to recharge yourself to your full potential so you can be a better person...with another person.

 Ntvd7
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 9
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I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 2:25:59 PM
I'm not sure that this should be considered a bad thing...

Would you be better off being in a relationship w/ someone just for the sake of being someone?
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 10
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I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 3:45:01 PM

Iwant a woman who has the things I have- my status, education, quality of life, similiar type of profession, physical condition, etc. Why is it so HARD to find that woman?

This might sound NOT nice, but let's get realistic. I (or ALL of us) work hard to achieve what we have. I also noticed that lots of people here want a LOT from their dates/boy-girl friends/future spouses. You might all deny but deep down, you do NOT want to settle down for anything.

So, I don't think it is wrong for me to ask my girl to have the similar values and even qualities I have.

Here is what I have:
I am single, never been married.
I have NO kids.
I have a master's degree.
I have a profession.
I am at least average or slightly above average looking.
I am in good shape.

These are only SIX qualities.
I am very frustrated to have found out that it is extremely hard to find someone with those SIX.

At this point, I am sure I made ALL SINGLE DADS and MOMS FURIOUS. Don't be offended. Don't take it personally. I did not say anything negative about YOU. I just want someone who is like me.

I tried hard to reach where I am now. I fought hard the temptations to lead a "decent" life, waiting for someone who has done the same or at least similar.

Now, I am about to give up. brndn
It's taken just over a month from you to get from I want a woman with these six qualities to I 'm getting used to being single. Could it be that patience isn't one of your strengths? JMO


Vixen you very clever lady, call um out as you see them, and then asking the question that from one month it was this way, now all the sudden I am getting used to being single, and it scares me...

Perhaps the fact that these six qualities can be found in many people, but the KEY ingredient to what is finding real love, and what is being accepting of another person who may bring more or less to the table has the op in a little quandary...

Perhaps the fear that the op has is that in reality he is only getting used to being single, but really hates every moment of it... Perhaps he's torn between what he sees as settling and what he sees as what he's entitled and demanding in another person...

Then of course there's this patience thing, as well as this maybe finding someone that isn't just like him, wouldn't be as bad as he really thinks, because someone being different doesn't always mean that a person is settling, but rather broadening the relationship experience...

Perhaps the fear is being alone, because this set of standards, that the op has written in his own stone, has made the venture for seeking a partner harder than he expected...

Poor Op, sometimes our standards sounds good on paper, and seems realistic when we think about it, but then when we put it into practice it means having to wait out until Glamor queen, masters degree, fab shape, single, never married, no kids, with a profession, finds you just as appealing...

Don't worry as science progresses, I am sure they will make a warm life like woman that has no needs whats so ever, and has a yes, sir, what ever you want sir personality format... The masters degree can be programed in, and it wouldn't matter if she worked since she wouldn't eat, drink, or require any real entertainment... Just a thought...
 TitusBreast
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 11
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:21:15 PM
Look, settle if you must, butt...life is full of good surprises, too, for God's sake. Love, Titus
 TitusBreast
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 12
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:41:38 PM
Look, I don't know why folks see me as a flaming lesbo or a flaming bi, but I'm not either, for God's sake. Get over it. If you want to be me, get over it. We're all flaming whatever's. Good riddance! Love, Titus
 sunfun13
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 13
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:48:50 PM
I've been single 7 years. Sometimes I eat ice cream for dinner. I hated it at first, then I loved it, and now I hate it again. I don't have to compromise anything, and I don't think that's so great...
 jeffreysearch
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 14
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I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:59:54 PM
Yes i think that is the problem these days ? nobody is prepeared to settle, and they have a specific idea of who is their ideal partner, i think Internet dating has confused the dating game a lot! only certain people benefit from it.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 15
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I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:48:10 PM
I'm not easily scared.

In any case, I have a healthy respect for self-realization and independance in others, so I figure it's a good thing that I'm that way myself!
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 16
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I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:51:59 PM

i think Internet dating has confused the dating game a lot! only certain people benefit from it.


Jeff who is it that benefits over others that don't??? I don't see the net being better for some over the others, but rather a matter of timing, being on the right site, at the right time, and being willing to take a risk on a person...

Instead of thinking of myself as better than another person, I just seen them as people that had something interesting to learn about... Ok, some were as drab and as boring as old chipped lead based paint, but at the very least I got out and took the time to meet someone just for the benefit of doing so...

Some times the net is rather limiting when a persons list of what they have to have in another person maybe a tad harder to find in ONE single person. The higher the achievement scale is, as well as the persons looks, and status in life, the harder it is to find that person.

Jeff perhaps that is what you had in mind, but then again the internet is ONLY ONE venue to find or meet a person, there are a LOT of places to meet people, it just depends on how much work a person is willing to do to seek these other venues to find a person with those certain qualities...
 Monty0791
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 17
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I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:05:49 PM
I have also got quite comfortable being single now.I still get lonely once in a while but I wont just date someone to have someone.I doubt dating sites are good places to meet people, but I do enjoy the forums here.I'm pretty sure I'll just run into someone one day when I'm not looking and bam it will happen.I find a lot (not all ) women have to many issues on dating sites or looking for a meal ticket.So until I find someone thats just easy going and cool ,I will stay happily single.I don't believe in miss right/perfect exist but miss realistic does.
 PaMike1200
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 18
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I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/24/2009 8:15:06 PM
Finding someone is a lot harder than it used to be. Finding someone for a long term commitment is nearly impossible. The longer I have been 'single' the tougher it is settle for someone. Some of the best times of my life occured with my wife. Unfortunately the worst times occured with her as well. Someday I hope to find someone; however, as times passes by the pool seems much smaller and the fish a little bigger. I think you'll find someone when you expect it the least.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:24:05 AM
^^^ You don't have to get it. To each their own.

The only difference between being happy single and not being happy single is that you aren't as frustrated while single. That's cool if you don't mind the frustration. Some don't.

Personally I have been single more than involved, so naturally I am more used to it and it's not as much of a big deal to me. Maybe if I was in relationships my whole life single would be worse. My mother was a single mother, my grandfather died when I was 5, so honestly all I've known growing up is single women - to me it's like breathing, so it's natural not to have a guy around or freak out there's not one here.

If one shows up I can deal with for any length of time, wonderful. If not - meh, life will still be good.

*shrug*
 stunt groom
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 21
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:42:52 PM
It's not that you're getting used to being single. It's more that you're having a natural reaction to american women. Spend a year traveling abroad and call me in the morning.. Translation..- It's not you .. It's them...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:56:40 PM
Again, people - "single" is not the same as "alone".

ALONE is separate from any other human being, as in "I Am Legend".

SINGLE is not in a relationship.

Let's not confuse one with the other and be all dramatic, mmmk?
 stunt groom
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 23
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:30:12 PM

I feel the same way, and to make it worse, people keep telling me I should stop being so self-sufficient otherwise there is no room for men in my life. I don't know anymore - first they tell you to go and become independent, then it turns out that independent is not attractive. I don't want to be alone either but alone is way better than in a failing relationship. Now that we've stopped settling for less, had our share of learning experiences we are much better at not even starting what's not viable.


Actually, this is a very lucid comment. Being in a bad relationship is like jumping off the titanic with an achor tied to your ankle.... Don't start a fire in your fireplace if it's going to burn your house down.. Now I'm confused..even...
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 24
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:40:10 AM

I am very used to being single,and I love it! What scares the heck out of me is that one day I am going to have to share what I have with someone.


Same here.

The longer I am single, the more I worry that when I do find someone (I am NOT scared I'll remain single, but I would be OK with that prospect) that I'll have to TRY to get used to all the trappings of having a relationship again.

Sharing things and space has never been my strong point. I am an only child, I never had to share. Having to inform someone else about what I'm doing/where I'm going? Not my bag.


Maybe if I was in relationships my whole life single would be worse.


As a teen and up till I was about 26 or 27.. I was NEVER single longer than a month or 2. For the last 10-11 years, I've been single more than coupled.. a lot more. For someone who always had an SO, I thought for sure I'd go insane, but it was just the opposite.

I really got into my space being truly my own space or my time being truly my own time.


~~~~~Well when you actually get completely comfortable being single, you will finally be ready to be in a real and healthy relationship!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I want to agree, but when I think about shacking up again and having to do the SHARE-ZIES thing, I want to break stuff.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 25
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:15:43 PM

There's no good reason why we must give up all the things we enjoy about being single.
If a relationship requires that we do, perhaps we all need to ask ourselves how healthy a relationship it really is?

Boy ain't THAT the truth. If it's just like me being single except once in a while someone's with me, that's something to consider.
 hilltop70
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 26
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:22:28 AM
nobody wants to be alone but to be in a bad relationship because u dont want to be alone is a very bad thing to do if you are comfortable with yourself run with it you will meet someone eventually
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