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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Young and having to deal with a tough decision...      Home login  
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 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 4
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Young and having to deal with a tough decision...Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You wrote a story, which i don't think is that relevant to what you need to ask.

Tell her she needs to work on her self esteem, and not to settle for less, and with her history, she needs to just stop giving him chances, and excuse his behavior much less his stepmom who made her stay there just to clean house.

AS for adoption: she may feel she's ready to do so due to her hatred for mark but once she holds the baby, she may not feel that way towards the baby as she does with mark. she may regret it later in the future for giving her baby away. also not sure what rights/laws are done in canada, but does Mark have to give permission to have the baby adopted? isn't he entitled to have baby? if he wants the baby, then give the baby to him.

keeping the baby: single parents have done it, why can't she,? both her and mark are immature. her dad is only looking out for her well being and the babies. she should look at her options to how she can raise baby on her own. such as seeking child support so she can pay for daycare and some expenses while she works and use that money to cover her share of expenses.

did she fail on the birth control or were they irresponsible in using it/ i say that if they are old enough to have sex, they should live up to responsibilities for a baby.

does she have enough family/friends to do a babyshower? check into resources to see what assistance she can get after she has baby? canada may have freecycle.org/ where people give things to those who want it or ask others if they have something. and you go pick it up or drop it off. Great program. look into churches, they may offer things for those in need.

and in a way it doesn't matter what a crib looks like at the store, obviously the quality has to be good enough for them to sell it, so even if cost less, it doesn't mean it's going to break down . another option to use is a pack n play, that way it's portable if she has to move elsewhere.

encourage her to breastfeed, that way she can cut cost with buying formula. have her talk to her father/mother and ask them for their input/support. after allt his is their grandchild too.

I would just tell your friend that she needs to have a tough shell around mark and deal with him as just someone she's coparenting with. she can always also have a neutral party so taht she doesn't have to be alone with him. she shouldn't have to worry /think on what he's doing, she has things to worry on her own as it is, tell her to focus on her goals, make goals and set them! if he wants to be involved, it's up to him, but she shouldn't have to work around it all the time, just have her have a schedule and if he doesn't come taht time, then he forfeits the visitation til next time.
 TheVoiceWithin
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 5
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Young and having to deal with a tough decision...
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:16:05 PM
Neither one are financially secure, both seem very immature and he has indicated to Jen several times that he is not ready for the responsibility of a baby, and from what I have read, neither is she. There were clear indicators of this BEFORE she got pregnant. The baby deserves a chance at a happy life, so at this point given the situation of the mother and the father, it sounds like the only possibility he/she will have is if the baby is put up for adoption. A baby will not make him change, a baby will not make an already bad finanacial situation better, and a baby will not change a relationship for the better. It is time for Jen to acknowledge that it is time for her to move on.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 6
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Young and having to deal with a tough decision...
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:30:49 AM
unless the child will be at risk by staying with her, I don't think adoption is the answer.



p.s. There's a chance "Jen" will experience some level of PND (baby blues/depression) after her son is born, particularly is she is living in regret and dissapointment over the way things have worked out... Be aware of this, remind her that her hormones do crazy things following a baby, and encourage her to seek help/support asap, it will pass but is so much better if you know what to expect and what can be done about it. x


I think there is every reason to think this baby could be at risk here. This girl has shown very little in the way of maturity and since she has no where to go, exactly how is she going to raise this child? What if she does have PPD? what then? Who the hell is going to look after this baby? Mabe she can squat with her friends in a basement apartment somewhere....Her parents have kicked her out, she has repeatedly chosen this apparent idiot over common sense every time and is willing to essentially leave her dignity and self respect at the door when it comes to this farce of a relationship. I dont care how much she "loves" this baby when it arrives, she still has no way to support it financially and according to the Op, not enough common sense either when it comes to making serious decisions. How exactly are these two geniuses going to deal with being parents of this child? Niether one of them seem to have the ability to be responsible, mature adults but, "hey, lets play at being parents" in our little selfish, discfunctional pretend world.

Sorry OP, I know this girl is your friend, but she needs to grow the hell up and realize this isnt about her anymore. This is about this child and her "feelings" are irrelevant now, she should have dealt with them long before she backed herself into this corner. She needs to do the right thing and put this baby up for adoption because this child doesnt deserve to be a beta subject for their relationship, and if your friend cant see that then she is just being selfish.
 test198356
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 10
Young and having to deal with a tough decision...
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:31:25 PM
i know, it's so stange when it happen but there's a only way to get out of that, it's to beleive!!
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 17
Young and having to deal with a tough decision...
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:15:57 PM


You can't make a guy want 2 be a dad! Wat u can do is get a paternity test & jack his ass with child support


Isn't forcing him into paying child support forcing him to be a dad?
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