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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?      Home login  
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 fearnotiwillfindu
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 4
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
My ex was diagnosed with bi-polar after we had been together for about three years. This is an extremely difficult relationship to be in and I feel the best way is to ask the person straight away if they have any mental disorders. And of course pay attention to their behavior regardless of the answer the give. Be careful because I feel many women that have bi polar end up on line dating.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 5
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 3:41:16 PM
When the police know all her alias's, late night trysts on are native land to avoid the pigs, you've a tear in your side that a liver might have been removed from, and 700 emails in your mailbox with threats and shared suicide planz/// .. complain about bipolar.. lots of people are overdiagnosed.
 Monty0791
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 6
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 3:50:20 PM
I know exactly what you mean.Your realtionship sounds like my last one. It really wears you out fast and takes a lot out of you.I feel for anyone that gets involved with anyone like this.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 7
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 4:06:52 PM
It depends on the person,as it affects different people different ways. My girlfriend is bi-polar. 95% of the time she's completely normal;then she spends a bit of time distracted and flighty,then back to normal. She's not on any type of medication for it at the moment. She's very easy to live with.
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 11
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:06:46 AM
Well I was married to one. This "situation" didn't present itself in the beginning, due in part I suppose to her really wanting to make it work for fear of being alone forever, but after a while the symptoms began to appear subtly, then not too long after we were married I started to really notice it. By year 6 she was completely bat sh*t crazy and I couldn't take it any longer and I tried to get her to see a doctor and was accused of trying to insinuate she was "crazy" which was totally wrong. So after all that I became distant then her controlling behavior really came on strong and I just shut down which led her to cheating and her leaving the kids and I. Needless to say after about 3 years with her "boy toy" she pulled the same sh*t on him and now she is all alone, on meds finally but alone and I would NEVER in a million years ever consider taking her back, I still see ALL the bi-polar crap going on. Never again, no thanks!
 Svetlana Blue
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 12
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 4:59:00 AM
I avoid them personally (Bi Polar men). I am the kind of person who likes to know each day when I wake up and see soemone I will be dealing with the same person. Not someone who will go off on me for no reason, and pop a xanax (and God only knows what else)just to have normal conversation. At least she admitted it. Most people do not. Although it is pretty easy to tell in person after a couple times. The disease can be pretty extreme.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 14
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:35:42 AM
I won't date anyone that is bipolar or a mental disorder; I still think many don't. they are just a mess in general;

Get ready; they will always have an excuse for their actions; if they cheat, or are mean to you, or irresponsible; all they have to say is don't blame me, blame the disorder.

No thanks.
 wisteria1951
Joined: 6/19/2009
Msg: 15
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:24:49 AM
Mental illnes is the same as any other illness, if you really feel a lot for that person, and they are willing to do everything they can towards being "normal" and you want to stay with them, I think you should at least give it a go.

I was involved with someone for over a year, I went through a lot because I felt deeply for him, unfortunately he wouldn't admit that he has a problem, everything was turned around to be everyone ele's fault. I would have been more than happy to work through it with him. I went as far as asking him if he was bi polar (his sister was diagnosed with the illnes at an early age) he refused to even consider it.

At least this lady has been honest with you and not left you wondering why all of a sudden a storm has erupted and you don't for the life of you know why.

It all depends on how you feel about working through it with her.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 16
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:35:25 PM
Sort of . .

Well, turns out we weren't technically dating, though I found this out later.

She said that she was diagnosed as bi-polar II (I think that's the mild form of it) - if you were to ask me, she was just somewhat depressed in general.

She did, however, unfortunately, use it (and other issues) as an excuse to justify stupidity. I read up on it quite a bit, though I've forgotten quite a lot of that info now I'm sure.

In any case, she was on no medication whatsoever, and was clearly able to function on the job, at home, etc.

Just not in relationships - although, while I'm no clinician by a long shot, I think I've got to stand by my original explanation - she didn't really fit the behavior, and tended to use it and other issues as an excuse for "I do X, Y, and Z, and see, these particular studies show that I'm inclined toward certain behavior. I'm doomed to it, so why even bother trying to change?"

She never said those words, mind you, but she might as well have.


Meh, I just realized my explanation's semi-useless because it's unlikely that she actaully was bipolar.
 carol636
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 19
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:57:28 AM
My sister has been diagnosed bi-polar and a good friend of mine, too. Properly medicated (which many won't adhere to), they can lead a very normal life. My friend makes >$1ook/year in Marketing and is very attractive. Once in a while she goes through a few "down" days, but always bounces back. There's such a wide range of behavior with this illness, I can't say all are good OR bad for relationships. As with any potential date/mate, you just have to get to know that person and have some very frank discussions.
 jlc1210
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 20
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:25:53 AM
Thanks LakeCountyGal for such an inciteful post. I agree that you shouldn't lump all BiPolar people into one catagory. Every individual is different and the disease effects them all differently. My son was diagnosed with BiPolar 2 Disorder a few years ago after being treated for ADHD all of his life. He's now 21, and unmedicated. He does not like how the medication makes him feel. He does have a problem holding down a job, and he is a little immature for his age (I'm not sure this is BiPolar related though...lol). His "episodes" do not happen as often as they used to. He has learned how to control some of the milder rage episodes but usually calls me on the phone when has a bad one. I don't think he's difficult to be around or live with. You simply have to get to know him and know what he's like when he's having one and what to say and do until it passes. He will range from a total "Up rage episode" to a "Down- sad, depressing-I want to die- episode" all at one sitting. He has a great personality and has absolutely no problem making or keeping friends and all the girls seem to like him. I can understand people not wanting to get involved with someone with this disease. But if find someone you like with it, please educate yourself and get to know the person before you make judgement.
 LilyLace
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 21
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:54:06 AM
My last husband was/is Bi-polar, so I can only speak of my experience with him. He demonstrated the following characteristics:

Delusions of Grandeur (thought he was the smartest, best, etc) even though he was simulaneously very insecure.

Control freak! He could not stand anyone not agreeing with his point of view.
Clean freak.
General nervousness.
Overbearing

Without their meds, people with bi-polar can get delusional/schizophrenic.
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 22
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:57:09 AM
Since there are so many different issues each person has, you just have to pick and choose your battles. No one is perfect, and everyone is a critic.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 23
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:42:18 AM
I too was married to someone with bipolar. It was not diagnosed for many years, but does explain many of the issues we had - it really was not a good marriage, and I think largely due to her mood swings and lack of libido (which was even worse after she started taking meds to control the moods).

Of course, different people manifest differently, and respond differently to the meds - assuming they take them. Some bipolar sufferers are known for going off their meds, but some respond very well to them and take them consistently. Personally, I would not again risk a relationship with someone having this disorder.
 Sherlock101
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 24
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:08:22 AM

I agree that you shouldn't lump all BiPolar people into one catagory. Every individual is different and the disease effects them all differently.

While I also agree with this it has been my experience that no matter what degree the individual is affected. " expect the unexpected." Honestly I've been more shocked by the one's I least expected to be shocked by.
 ChristianGal3
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 26
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:16:45 PM
Thank you LakeCountyGal.

Most of what I am reading is about people who either refused meds or didn't take them as prescribed. It takes both meds and therapy to be healthy with a mental illness. A deep knowledge of self and limitations to control any illness. Even a diabetic has to take meds and control their diet.

To condem the whole for what a part has done is immature.

The bulk of this is simular to me saying that I dated a guy with brown hair who would get drunk and abuse me so now I won't date brown haired guys. It's illogical.

It takes honest and open communication about all things for a relationship to work.
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 28
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:15:54 PM
Being Bi-Polar is not a death sentence. I rather go out with a Bi-Polar person than an Anti-social personality, any day.
 natalie1117
Joined: 6/16/2009
Msg: 30
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:15:04 PM
Yes , need to pay close attention, and see the signs , they tend to drift away and want to be alone, pay attention to how they deal with life. They do get depressed very easy and want to be alone ..They do not seem stable in the mind and it shows in how they deal with situations.
She might call you and have a change of heart . If they take there medication they can deal with life better. without it they cannot cope .
Don't do it.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 31
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:22:42 PM
foolmoon wrote:
I was told that depression is anger turned inward.


I've gone through depression as well.

I know it's somewhat making light of a serious condition, but I read a semi-joke once that said "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."

I wonder, though, in retrospect, if that's maybe a bit more accurate than the overt facetiousness makes it look on the surface.
 whatsyour20
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 32
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Good post bru
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:15:58 PM
I think you nailed it.

IMHO: I'd like to expand on Bru's point by discussing the challenges of loving an untreated bipolar versus a treated bipolar who is committed to managing their illness.

This is long, so I"ll skip right to the bottom line. Read further for the reason I say this.

The bottom line is that you have 3 choices
1.Work together on your growing relationship while fighting the illness together.

2.Stay miserable with someone who does not make you happy, hoping they will change... (untreated, they won't).

3. Decide that you dont really see a relationship happeing for a myriad of other reasons anyway, and simply walk away gently.

I wouldnt necessarily feel it would be a deal breaker if you care about someones fundamental values, hopes, aspirations, and could see yourself with them if not for the mood disorder... Its like being on a roller coaster that never stops...

The key is whether or not they commit to themselves and to you that they will be treatment - compliant.

When treated and managed appropriately, the severe mood swings can be slowed to a point where the highs and lows become the good and bad moods at the same level of everyone else (even you).

My best advice would be to assess your feelings about the person if not for the bad mood swings, and sit down to a serious conversation.

Most likely a person who is in treatment having accepted the condition, will let you know... maybe like once you start being serious and feel there may be something there between you. They may bring it up and say hey, I have this illnes, and maybe we should talk about whether we can work together to make a relationship work in spite of it.

Perhaps if you are willing to beat (or manage) the illness with your partner, you might want to have them promise to you that they will agree to reamain in treatment. Even if they decide to go off medicine, agree on your right to count pills. This could be in a manic mood period where their judgement may be clouded. This is where you have a prior arrangement that one of the conditions of the relationship is that you are allowed to step in if you see erratic or inappropriate judgment. However, the buondaries must be set so that there is no cloudy or heated discussion over what constitutes erratic or inappropriate behavior.

Pull out the (fun and lovey of course) realationhip contract that you signed together, show them their signature, and say see, you agreed. This just might bring them back to reality.

Then there's the depression which is a whole separate issue. Again, when treated, it can be managed and workable.

I think the bigger problem would be with someone who has not been diagnose, or who has been and is in denial.

Dont bring it up right away, because its a little taboo to quiz someone on their dissability on the first, second or even 10th date. BUT if you care about somone by that time, and you'd think theyre awesome if not for the erratic and inappropriate behavior, consider asking them to been evaluated. If there is or will be a true relationship growing, you should be at the point where an honest conversation about it can be accomplished.

If not, then yea... it would be a dealbreaker. Dont spend too much time with someone who dirves you nuts and refuses to be evaluated.. Dont be mean about, dont wait too long, and don't judge. It's a disability, and nobody is glad they have it.

The bottom line is that you have 3 choices
1.Work together on your growing relationship while fighting the illness together.

2.Stay miserable with someone who does not make you happy, hoping they will change... (untreated, they won't).

3. Decide that you dont really see a relationship happeing for a myriad of other reasons anyway, and simply walk away gently.
 whatsyour20
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 34
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My medicine works
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:25:00 PM
I feel like I just got spat out of a tornado and can live like a regular person now. Theres something to be said for that
 Gerard169
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 35
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Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:44:11 PM
You asked,I'll tell you.Recently I met a woman on POF.We went out for the day and over dinner she told me she was bipolar and on meds.Well guess what I have the same affliction and take the same medication.To me it was very comforting to be honest with another person.We all have much more in common than we may understand initially.We both function well because of medication and seeing therapists.If you met either one of us you would never know that we live with this mental handicap.Who knows what will happen down the road but I would suggest if you date a new person you might want to talk about health issues upfront so when you open the box of chocolates you know what you getting.Dr.Gerard
 huggablekiss
Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 36
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:47:07 PM
Your quote: "I believe many people are being misdiagnosed and could be treated more successfully if they had the correct tests run for an accurate diagnosis. "

There is no verification or proof for 'chemical imbalance' and psychiatry still do not know or understand how anyone actually gets bi-polar, however through feedback from those who has encountered this disability, with it's description, the field has gained understanding from gathering information and research, and named it Bipolar I or II. There are those that get misdiagnosed, and there are instances where it is with conjunction with another type of affliction, such as anxiety, and/or OCD.

I believe Bipolar is a splitting of the polarity, whereby an individual sways to an extreme degree in either direction (such as rage and then being loving, hating then being extremely nice, which are mood swings to such disabling one's emotions as it is swinging towards extremity). Normal is considered a balanced person, which has control of their emotional faculties who can act accordingly within what most perceive as 'normal' societal expectation to reactions.

There is work to be done for the individual person to heal and the brain realigning to normalacy, instead of the two polarities which is why it is important to receive necessary help from others in the medical field, such as a therapist. Cognititive Behaviourial Therapy (CBT) can induce healing (as medication is a quick fix to reduce the sufferring one is encountering, but doesn't conquer the underlying 'cause for the disruption of the normal faculties of the emotions). Many bipolars are sensitive and cares what others think too much, which is perhaps another reason why these individuals are 'emotionally' charged and are prone to depression.

My personal opinion on such is that the main 'cause' is lack of confidence, extreme egocentric which 'causes one to do things that is out of norm (buying sprees while not having the means to do so), low self-esteem, not in touch with reality (not being realistic about one's own situation in life and not being able to problem solve things that 'causes distress or personal suffering). To start problem solving first is to love yourself meaning, care about yourself, or some may call it well-being.

Your quote: "...........modern psychiatry and pharmaceutical R&D; its become a business for many rather than helping people."

I don't think it's about the business so much, but they can only help you through their skils ability from their educational background and from experience dealing with other patients, but most will not understand what you are personally going through because they do not know how it is like although there is sympathy. Much of the work and effort will be from the one who is afflicted with this disability while the medical professions are there to assist him or her.
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 41
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/23/2009 6:13:43 AM
That chick who is crazy fun, but every now and then sinks like the Titanic, yeah you know the one, and well now you know her secret.
 michael feir
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 42
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:34:37 AM
Only partly. My ex-wife had chemical depression so I certainly experienced the sudden irrational downward swings. There isn't much to be done when those happen other than being extremely patient, careful what you say, and not taking things she might say during those times too personally. they'll likely include personally hurtful things but it's the chemicals running riot in there. Think of it like a storm. Batten down the hatches and hang on for dear life. Hopefully, somebody else can offer some insight into the other pole.
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