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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > single mom and the sex talk.....      Home login  
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 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 4
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single mom and the sex talk.....Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
what an uncomfortable topic :) I can tell you it's not one I'm looking forward to.

It could be easier to just sit him down when you 2 are alone and just mention that you love him, and thought it was time for you guys to discuss the facts of life again. Remind him over and over and over that it is completely normal to masturbate and that you hope when he feels he is ready for the next step...girls that he lets you know so you can help prepare him for that step :)

Don't worry mom....it will be more embarrassing for you than it will be for him
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 9
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:04:08 PM
Whether it is comfortable or not, it's normal to explore your body and see what it does. Shake off feeling embarrased and realize that you can help influence him to be a responsible person even when it comes to sex. Talk about the don't have sex til you're older, etc won't work, better to inform than not and then they come home either saying they got a girl pregnant or got an std. Not to mention, you want your child to go to you about anything and if you feel embarrased or don't talk much, your child will assume you dont' want to know about it so will do his own thing.

there should be a forum on this topic, perhaps youc an find a book that helps talk about sex, i know i found one in the library.

i'd give him condoms just to have them, it's a godo way to be prepared of responsibility.
 sigi01
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 10
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 1:06:14 AM
Suppose for a condom it is a bit early, on the other hand, it would not hurt, since, after, he would at least know what it is. except if he rans to friends with it, to show of. Just make sure he knows everything about sex, then you have to lest worry.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 11
single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 5:14:01 AM
Rather than have "THE TALK" (cue scary music), have lots of little talks. I'm not sure how you can start this at age 12-13; it's an awkward age and he's going to be as embarrassed as you are, if not more so, but I think it's important that he knows three things:

1. both his body and his feelings, whatever they are, are normal and ok, and with discretion in mind he should feel comfortable exploring both
2. you are there for him without judgment no matter what he wants to know or ask about
3. he needs to protect himself from pregnancy and STDs, and treat both himself and his future partner(s) with respect

I don't see sexuality as any different from other developmental issues -- he's going to be sexually active soon, so being embarrassed about it is not going to prepare him for that eventuality. It's really important that he has someone to talk to, not in a formal way but in a natural, matter-of-fact way. It's the kind of thing where you can't make it happen though, you can only create a safe space for it to happen on its own.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 13
single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 5:31:19 AM

Why would assume this let alone condone it? Believe it or not, some children do get through high school without having sex.


On many other threads women chastise men for having sex without being prepared to become fathers. Why is it ok for a 13 year old boy to have sex when he is clearly not ready to be a father, but grown men should keep their pants on?

"Soon" is a relative term. I don't condone 13-year-olds having sex. Nor do I condone 15-year-olds having sex. (My boys are 13 and 15.) But whenever they do become sexually active, they need to be prepared. (I don't know about the other threads you're referring to so try not to conflate what I write here and what someone else writes elsewhere.)

I've also been letting them drive around parking lots for some time now, even back when they were sitting on my lap to do it, and neither one of them have licenses yet. They'll take driver's ed and get jobs to cover their own insurance. So even though they're not driving yet, when they do begin driving, they'll be ready to do it safely and responsibly.

Same principle. Sexuality is a hugely important part of the human experience, and the consequences of missteps are huge, life-changing, and sometimes fatal. Parents who ignore that part of their children's upbringing as taboo or shameful are not doing their job.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 14
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 5:35:10 AM
Q:Why is it ok for a 13 year old boy to have sex when he is clearly not ready to be a father, but grown men should keep their pants on?

A: Education does not mean you are giving them the okay to do it, it means you are teaching the most responsible ways if it does take place. Or you can hide your head in the sand and hope lol.

"Believe it or not, some children do get through high school without having sex."
But most don't, play the odds .

For the OP there are a few good web sites that talk these issues. For kids it is often less difficult for them to read about this stuff with out mom or dad hang over them. Find some of the sites that you approve of and ask your boy to read them. Tell him he can talk to your or (your bother, father who ever if he has questions). Our family doctor also gave out some good hand outs. Ask your family docor what they have in this area.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 8:08:01 AM
Go to the library there are excellent books available for young teens about puberty and growing up.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 19
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 1:16:05 PM
OP, sorry you didn't talk about this stuff more when your son was younger, I haven't been much different in talking to my boys as I have my daughter, in many cases, they occurred naturally in our vehicle when one asked a question. My boys have no problem asking me anything partially probably because they know they won't get an answer out of their father or it will be something more in the line of old wive's tales.

Talk to him about safe sex and being mature enough to have sex, also the feelings of the girl going well beyond waiting to hear the word no. I have told all of my kids they should wait until they are older because any sexual encounter can result in a pregnancy no matter how careful you are and they should be prepared to deal with the consequences of their choices. I have also told them that I can't make those choices for them so if they do decide to have sex, I want them to be able to come to me so that they are doing so safely.

My then 13-year-old son asked me for condoms one day; I wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground. Part of me felt like it was the wrong thing to do, the other told me I needed to put my money where my mouth was and trust him to make good decisions for himself. I think at this point it was curiosity because he feels he is still too young to be having sex and a girl who would be willing without a relationship wouldn't be worth it to be with.


Whoa.... I am sure many men can attest to at the young age of how this kind of talk coming from their mother makes them just a weee bit awkward. It is just as awkward coming from a father but a mother is far more nervous of a feeling.

Whoa, depends on the relationship. My boys are not embarassed to ask me anything beyond what they would experience asking anybody even their older brother. Because I don't freak out and give them information to the best of my ability, the moment passes so I disagree that it is necessarily harder to talk to a mom than a dad. In fact, I asked my son recently after he turned 14 and went for a check-up if he would feel better going to a male doctor and he said that was ookie, a man examining his private parts, surprised me there.

Tend to agree with Jax on the whole opening joke thing. Sometimes by showing them you aren't freaking out that they are exploring, sets the stage for later conversations. A while back, hormone boy was surfing some porn on my computer. I knew immediately why the gazillion viruses were on the computer and aside from tearing his butt up by doing something he knew he probably didn't need to be doing, he very nearly incapacitated the computer. Didn't tell him that looking a porn was wrong, he just doesn't really need to be getting into it at his age and I don't need the computer issues. I think that he is perfectly fine swiping his dad's Playboy's for a while. I also shocked him a couple of days ago when I metioned that I knew where his girly mag stash was. Again, didn't freak out about it and I think his level of "interest" is normal.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 20
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 2:25:09 PM
watch Transformers, the first movie, there's a part where the mother and son talk about masturbation. lol

futureshock,i would think think that daughters are also talked about sex and so forth, probably more earlier than the boys. But both should be aware of being protected and provide for it. I think that in itself is a contraversial issue, some parents feel by providing condoms, you condone it. While others may feel if you provide them, then you teach them about responsibility if they do have sex. While you can assure them that they should wait til they are older and responsible for it, that wont' stop them from having sex if they are with someone and things get out of hand.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 21
single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 2:31:18 PM

watch Transformers, the first movie, there's a part where the mother and son talk about masturbation. lol

wanderbaby have you seen the masturbation lesson from Weeds?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWzOQTFwRBE
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 23
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 2:48:13 PM
nope,but I just did,thanks that is some nice info lol.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 25
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 2:51:16 PM
by high school though, they should know about sex, so i fyou delay it, that may do more harm than good. kids will talk to other kids, watch movies on it, but the least information they will get is the consequences of sex. ANd not to mention by that stage, teenagers will listen more to their friends than their elders because "they don't understand" kind of attitude.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 27
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 6:45:11 PM
Unfortunately, many kids these days are sexually active by the time they are 12 or 13. I kind of naturally started talking to my daughter about drinking, drugs and sex when she was around 8 and have continued those conversations over the years. Obviouly changing the content based on her ability to comprehend and/or relate and things she has learned in school and in knowing the dynamics of friends' families, etc.

My kids know my moral stance, have learned what the church has to say about it and I encourage them to wait until they are old enough emotionally to make decisions that they are going to be able to live with. My kids know that sometimes I might rather stick a needle in my eye than have a particular conversation but I won't lie and I won't avoid answering unless I don't know the answer and if that is the case, I will find out and get back to them.

OP, we don't know your relationship with your son. If you talk to him about a wide variety of topics, you should be able to integrate this into conversations without it being the huge elephant in the room. If you don't talk all that much, which would not be uncommon with a kid this age, I would encourage you to start trying to make sure he knows communication lines are open whenever he might wish to talk. You are only at a disadvantage not being his father if you think you are.
 MrPatient1101
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 30
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 9:00:02 PM
If its masturbation your talking about.. you dont need to have a talk with him. Thats just not something a mom needs to talk to her son about. That will definetly not make him comfortable. Just let that go. When he starts talking about girlfriends, have the std and safe sex talk. Thats all you need to do
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 31
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 6/29/2009 10:15:12 PM
sorry futureshock,I speed read and misread what you said.

I like what someone else wrote on keeping them very active with things to do to keep their mind busy. another thing is to put them in some type of activity where they teach on morals/values such as church, boy scouts/girl scouts so they are in a positive environment and encourage them to feel acceptance and belonging, which may help some teens to wait on sex.
 bbadboy101
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 36
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:37:25 AM
i just had this come up with my bestfriend son but he was orderring porn off the t.v. i sat him down told him all bouys and men do this but i told him how to be grown up about it and clean up after himself u now respict and explained porn is not what sex is about and gave him a playboy and how too keep it put up and not to be showing his friends and he does a really good job about it and there has been no more porn
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 43
single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:38:35 AM
Maybe adoption could have been a mentally difficult thing to do, but there is nothing physical involved in it. Your ideas about abortion are also way off. It is much, much more dangerous to carry a pregnancy t term and deliver a child, for a woman at any age but more so for a young teen, than it is to have a first trimester abortion. Do you really think your mother would have been pushing you to have an abortion if there were any risks associated with it? I don't. She sounds like she loves you more than anything and only wanted the best for you.

futureshock you are missing LSS145's point. When her mother gave her "the talk," she said she would support her when she became sexually active, to get birth control to protect against pregnancy and disease. Then when she did become sexually active, her mother went back on her word. You're focusing on what happened after that, but that switch from support to denial is a huge betrayal.

If teenagers can't rely on their parents to help protect them from pregnancy and disease in the first place, I can see why the teenagers would not be interested in their parents' opinions and preferences after the fact. Even if the parents love them, and even though teenagers are notoriously capricious.

I don't want my kids having sex in high school either, but if they are going to be sexually active, I'd rather they were using birth control than getting pregnant.
 tass08
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 50
single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:47:38 PM
Hey prurire, that Weeds clip is a good idea. So good, in fact, that it's already been suggested, with a link even.


/wondering why people can't be bothered to read the freaking thread before posting/
 MrPatient1101
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 51
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single mom and the sex talk.....
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:20:09 AM
I wonder Mr. Patient and any other men out there...did your dads talk to you about this when you were growing up?


In regards to masturbation, no. Every boy can figure out how to that by themselves. Gawd the horror of my mother/father talking to me about it!!! I dont even want to think about it.

As far as the sex/babies/safe sex talk... yes I had that talk when I was 12

Masturbation isnt something you have to worry about.. what harm could become of a boy masturbating?? something in the eye maybe LOL
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