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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > punctuality and doing what you say      Home login  
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 noid9391
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 1
punctuality and doing what you sayPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ok folks I have never done this before but looking for help. The past few ladies I have met and or chatted with have led me to this.
When I say I am going to be somewhere at a certian time or am going to call I do it and am usually early. If for some reason I can not I call. Why is it that people think you have nothing else to do but sit around waiting for thier call.
I find this to be rude and inconsiderate. It does not matter if you are just at the begining, chatting online, have had a few dates or are going hot and heavy it is just rude.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 2
punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:20:22 AM
If a person really wants to speak with you or meet you, they WILL be punctual. If they are rather blasé about it, then they won't make the effort to be on time. There, of course, are always exceptions and, in some cases, I would make allowances for distance traveled, having gotten lost, etc. Otherwise, it is just rudeness and I don't want to be bothered with someone like that.
 no_excuses_please
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 3
punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:48:51 PM
I don't care if you are late...as long as you show up.
I cannot STAND people that say that they are going to do something (my pet peeve is when THEY suggest that we do it) and then don't follow through on their word.

While there's always the possibility that an emergency or illness may come up.....those are usually rare occurrences for MOST people.Frankly, if they continue to happen in conjunction w/ our meetings for planned outings...then I'll consider it that I'm being lied to and either discontinue the relationship or downgrade it to an acquaintanceship.

Excuses are for children or liars. If you can't, or won't do, what you say you are going to do...then simply don't SAY IT.
See...that's not too hard...
Is it?
 2hi-iq-4u
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 4
punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:58:08 PM
I see it this way.

Do you know the difference between a flake and a liar?

The flake will call when they remember the appointment.

I don't date liars, and only tolerate a small amount of flakiness.

Rudeness and inconsiderate behavior were not always red flags for me, but love is caring for another person, not centering the world around yourself. I once had someone who loved me, and I will accept no substitutes.
 NotTheAverageChick
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 5
punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:06:22 PM
This is the prime reason I'm not attached right now! It's also the reason I don't have many friends. Grown-up adults know themselves, the world they live in and how to plan. When we set a time for something, INHERENT in the process is that each person will think of all they need to do, their personal get-ready speed, then they factor in a extra few minutes for unforeseen circumstances.

I used to be ticked off but forgiving the first few times but then I started watching how these people use their time. Over and over again, I've seen the habitually-late get a move on when they wanted to/needed to/had to (jobs, something their excited about)...then I've seen them procrastinate, get distracted and just plain ignore set-times. A few times, I've casually mentioned the time and gotten the reply, "Oh, they'll just wait"...that's when I ended it. Because then I knew their true intent, "I don't CARE that others are inconvenienced or upset, I'm going to do what I want"....and I just have to respond accordingly.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 6
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punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:14:17 PM
Raraavis ... "There are a lot of anal people that (sic) can't handle tardiness ..." and goes on to explain how some people just don't have the ability to be prompt ... "These people aren't purposefully being rude ..."

if they AREN'T purposefully being RUDE ... what ARE they being?! accidentally rude?

an appointment is an agreement between two or more persons to do/be whatever at a certain time, day, place, etc. if you CAN'T keep your appointments ... then DON'T MAKE THEM! sheesh!

it's really pretty simple ... if one has a psychological barrier that prevents one from being responsible ... then that person needs to come up with systems to prevent him/her from being rude to the rest of the world ...

if I knew I wasn't capable of being on time ... I would create a system whereby the person I wanted to see wasn't inconvenienced by my flaw ...

I have a friend who will not be on time ... he mite show up five hours late ... or maybe the next day ... he KNOWS that, if he's not here relatively on time, I may not be here either ... in which case, he's inconvenienced ... I give him WIDE windows ... "I will be at my house all day until 6:00 p.m. when I'm going shopping."

if he were to call ahead and say he was going to be, say, five to ten hours late ... then I would tell him where to reach me in, say, five to ten hours! you need a system ...

life's too short to spend it waiting for someone who's rude to you ... or has a psychological barrier that prevents them from being responsible with regard to appointments ...

sorry ...
 NotTheAverageChick
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 7
punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:14:25 PM
One more thing....where have all the cowboys gone? Remember in every western...the stoic man who risked ranch, life and limb to keep a promise or bring the herd in on-time? Or the military man, standing on the strength of his word and his honor, who could be depended upon to drag his comrade to the chopper no matter how many enemies were shooting at him? Sigh.....I want him!

But, the first part of a relationship is trust. If I can set my watch by him, count on him come rain or come shine without excuses, he'd find little conflict.

And if he could be highly intellectual, that would be great! And if he could look good in a tux like James Bond, that'd be great! And if he was good with kids - whooo! I just don't want to play the traditional passive female.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 8
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punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:58:33 PM
raraavis41 wrote:
This difference in the respective concepts of time is like expecting an atheist to believe in religion rather than to just respect the difference of opinion. Equal consideration would mean that a compulsively on-time person would try to understand why a chronically challenged person is handicapped. There is a difference between being unintentionally late and purposefully being late, which is rude.


hey, I think raraavis41 has a point, in that the world r41 described, having a common understanding of a standard of time is more of a short coming than not being ruled by the clock: after all, time was made for man, not man for time!

However, since I reside in this space-time continuum and believe my word is my bond, I am going to retain my anal nature and arrive at the agreed upon destination at the agreed upon time. Those that have no respect for me shall get no time in return.

TK
{Hey, the correct time is closer than a phone call away, it is the phone now-a-days. Yip Yip yahoo}
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 9
punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:46:25 PM
raraavis ~~ thank you. You know I love you, don't you?
 *MiniMe*
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 10
punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:19:13 AM
I don't post a lot in the forums but this is a topic I feel strongly about. It seems more and more people are doing this and I have ended relationships & friendships over It. As one poster stated I was raised to Keep my word, So was I And it seems to me more & more people I meet are just wishy washy. Seems as if character is a thing of the past
 no_excuses_please
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 11
punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:02:59 AM
IMHO, the punctuality issue is secondary to the doing what you say issue.

One of the biggest drawbacks of online dating (and I'm sure I'm not alone when I say this) is that a sizable number of people on here have no intentions of honoring commitments they've either made or agreed to.
That lack of personal responsibility is annoying at the least and somewhat infuriating at the most,especially when you've wasted time and money waiting on a perosn that's has insecurity, anti-social personality disorders or is just plain f*cked up, for want of a better term.
Or some combination of the three.

Honestly,if somebody agrees to meet or states that they will call...and then does not...I give out one pass (if we are just meeting) and MAYBE two if we've been seeing one another for an extended period.
After that, then they are playing games...or wasting time.
And since I primarily date women in my age group or older,it's obvious that things aren't going to change any time soon.

If you aren't interested...or don't want to do something...JUST SAY THAT.
Everything else is immaturity...
And who's looking for that?
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 12
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punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:31:26 PM
Raavis: "That 'friend' who shows up 5 hours late or the next day is not who I am talking about ... he just doesn't care about you and is wrapped up in his own narcissistic behavior."

ok ... this is what happens when people assume they "know" what another person is trying to convey ...

noooo ... he isn't narcissistic ... he DOES "care" about me ... he CAN'T be on time when he's bringing his entire family to visit ... because he has odd emotional issues that prevent him from being on time ... it's not unusual for him to spend hours locking the door to his house ... because there will be no one there to protect his house ...

and ... ODDLY ... he DOES always make it to work on time ... because there are other family members left behind to protect his valuables ...

it's interesting tho ... the way different people's minds work ... or don't ... I'm not saying I understand it ... but I think systems could go a long way to making it work more compatibly with others ...
 CissyLuv
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 13
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punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:55:18 PM
Since I am a person who tries to be on time, people who are continuously late really annoy me. Ever notice that it is habitual for these people and we all make jokes about it? I now tell my soninlaw a 1/2 hour earlier for anything. This man runs a company, brings in big business, but can't be on time for ANYTHING! I don't know how he does it. Anyway, I agree it is rude.
I've never been stood up but I can imagine how angry I would feel. Maybe it is how you approach the person? Do you make firm commitments or are you wishy washy about it?
Someone mentioned how this society seems to not care about following threw. I agree with that. I'm still amazed when I see people not RSVP for a formal function. Or people saying they are coming to a formal function and then not showing up. When I was growing up, that was unheard of. I've taught my kids not to do that to others and I hope they remember that always. I know they hate when it is done to them. It is all about manners and caring about others. We live in a very self centered society and I feel badly for my children's children.
 NotTheAverageChick
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 14
punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:32:08 PM
There's a passive-aggressive aspect to always keeping someone waiting too. Have you all noticed that the always tardy people also find other small ways to quietly gain the upper hand in situations rather than confronting them head-on? Being on-time to work but late to meet friends or family says to me, "I don't care that they'll be angry. They'll get over it." That's why it happens continually.

I've seen guys look at their cellphones ringing and say, "I'm not answering, she'll call back" or "She's calling to see when I'm coming home. I'll be home when I get there". The more subtle ones just look at the phone and continue talking. The above dialog is going on in their heads. It's the same for the rudeness of not RSVP'ing or not showing up. Those passive-aggressive a*holes don't want to give a reason for non-attendance that might make them look bad, and they figure they'll have time to think up an excuse before they see you again! Urrrrrrggggghhh!
 dd3va
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 15
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punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:47:00 PM
It is tremendously rude and inconsiderate to not call when you say you are or to stand someone up and not call to give a reason. It is never okay to just leave someone sitting there waiting for you. I think most of us have been there, I know I have.
 Tigress
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 16
punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:32:10 AM
While I have been known to be late, due to the fact that I get extremely nervous when going anywhere, I do have the decency to call if I'm going to be more than 5 or 10 minutes late. And if my plans change, I would surely let the person know, and give a good reason, of course.

It's just plain inconsiderate not to, and really, you don't want to be with someone who does not consider other people's feelings.

As far as 'Not doing what you say", well, that is a form of lying, and sooner or later, when a person does this, you start to NOT believe anything they say, which does not make for a good relationship.

If a person does you this way, RUN!
 parklabrea
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 17
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punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/25/2009 11:04:18 PM
I'm so sorry I didn't post on this thread earlier in July. The time got away from me. I kept meaning to post, letting you know that my opinion would be late, but you know how distracting life can get. Anyway, I promise not to make you wait so long again. I'll be sure to leave the other dating site early so I get here on time.
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