Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try      Home login  
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 2
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to tryPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
First of all, don't do anything you are not ready or receptive to... this would be a HUGE thing to just walk away from if you are not ready.

Second, if you set your mind on wanting to try.... know that lube, small butt plugs can help loosen the area, relaxation, sensuality all play a part to enjoyable anal experiences. Start slowly... light licking (if he is open to giving), light stroking, light fingering.... before moving up.

I said don't bother. If he wants to try anal, you should make the suggestion that he go first. See how quickly he changes his mind.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 12
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:34:36 PM
Pretty much everyone is right here. Just one thing. You can not go to the back door and then come back to the front door. That is without a good cleaning or if wearing a condom, doing an exchange. Otherwise you will get a nasty vaginal infection.
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 13
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:38:47 PM

Msg: 1 -- he wants to try anal sex. I have never done it before

There was a gf in my past to whom I presented this desire. She was
VERY reluctant, as are you. But, she was willing to please me with ONE
proviso; if I did her in that manner she would do likewise. I was
rather shocked at her response but agreed to her terms. I did her and
enjoyed it IMMENSELY, but she did not. She did me with a dildo and I
found the experience VERY painful and off-putting. She quite
accurately pointed out that my experience was the SAME as HERS,
PAINFUL and unenjoyable.

Suffice it to say that even though we loved each other and she offered
me the pleasure I desired, her "revenge" showed me what SHE felt.
Suffice it to say the reciprocation was EXTREMELY unpleasant, to the
point that I NEVER referenced the subject to her or ANY woman since.

Oddly enough, I recently became acquainted with a woman nearly 1000
miles away from me who claims she has ENJOYED such activity, much to
my confusion. Now I wonder, should I BELIEVE what she says?
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 14
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:39:10 PM
"also not really painfull"? well i have had prostate exams and cameras up mine and it does hurt and its very unpleasant but because the vagina wall and anus is so close togther they share the same nerve endings so woman can have anal orgasms
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 19
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:16:25 PM

What sort of epiphany did he experience for such a radical change of heart I wonder???

Probably had a DUI, spent the night in the can, where he met Bent Dover.

Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 22
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:51:39 PM
Some positions are better than others for anal sex. A lot of people say doggy is the best,but I've found that's not necessarily so. For the first time you might want to try being on top so you can control the penetration better. My girlfriend and I like to lay on our sides in a spoon,kind of a "sideways" doggy style. That way we can both relax and just take it slow and easy,and she's not straining to hold herself up.
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 26
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:15:47 PM
a good position for beginners is Reverse Cowgirl.
You squat above him......facing his feet......and lower yourself onto him as slowly as you need to go.
And you can control the "speed" once you are comfortable with the "depth".
and yes.......lots of lube.

I would suggest sitting on his face first to get all warmed up!!
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 31
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:22:15 PM
AnalEze- the stuff is made specifically for that most sphincterific (yes I made up the word) orifice. You should be scared. It hurts like hell, and you have to practice with your own hand stretching it out. Dig in!
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 32
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:35:09 PM
Misslady, DO NOT DO IT.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 33
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:25:08 PM
OP, you've gotten a lot of good advice here, I'll recap and add a couple of additional points of advice. First, know that, if done correctly, it DOES NOT need to be painful; however, it may, at times, be a bit uncomfortable, until you get relaxed, and your body has a chance to adjust. Two bits of advice that you'll notice come up again and again are: 1/LOTS of lube (however, it does not need to be water based; some of the synthetic, or silicone based lubes are actually slicker than the water based lubes, AND last longer. The water based lubes need to be replace/replenished with a lot more frequency), you can get both types of lube at any grocery store; 2/GO VERY SLOWLY he will need to penetrate you IN STAGES. Allow him to GENTLY push in, STOPPING every time you get a bit uncomfortable, allowing you to relax, and get accustomed to the feel; then have him proceed just a tiny bit further, and stop again, allowing you to acclimate. You MAY NOT be able to let him get completely inside of you the first time; and even if you do, you may simply have to lay there motionless for a while, and then have him withdraw. TAKE YOUR TIME!!! Even people who have been doing this for a while, and practice anal sex regularly, use LOTS of lube, AND begin very slowly. Once he is inside of you, and you are comfortable, you STILL need to have him thrust in and out VERY slowly, and gently; EVEN if you LOVE the sensation!! and lots of women do. A mistake that some women make is that they find they truly enjoy the sensation of him being in them anally; and they will then either thrust back into him, or have him thrust into them, very aggressively. This may feel incredible, and may lead to a very intense orgasm; but will leave you EXTREMELY uncomfortable the next day, and possibly the day after. So, even if you love it, he MUST STILL be very gentle.

As far as acclimating to anal penetration goes, either start with a small dildo, and gradually work up to a larger one; OR, have him start with ONE very well lubed finger, then, once you are comfortable, SLOWLY add a second finger; and once you are comfortable with that, very slowly, and gently, add a third. His fingers DO NOT need to, and should not, to go very deep; certainly not past the second knuckle. Once you are comfortable with three fingers, THEN you can proceed with penetration. Again, ALWAYS use LOTS of lube. One poster recommended progressing in steps; and pairing each step with something you enjoy; which is also very sound advice. While the anus has lots of nerve endings, and is very sensitive, it is also quite dry. With this in mind, I recommend using lube, even when he is simply stroking, or stimulating you externally, with no intention of penetration; it’s much more pleasurable this way. Another technique a lot of women use is to use a vibrator on their clitoris whenever they are engaged in anal sex. This will help you to relax, and make the entire process more enjoyable.

Another piece of advice that several people mentioned facetiously, or tongue in cheek, is to have him go first. Actually, I genuinely recommend this. This will give him a much better appreciation for what you are experiencing; and will let him be aware of how slowly, and how gently, he needs to proceed. Besides, prostate massage is a technique that a lot of men truly enjoy. The same rules apply, lots of lube, and proceed slowly.

There are products out there, like "Anal Ease" that contain a small amount of an anesthetic like lidocaine, or benzocaine, that are designed to help with the discomfort. However, if you use a product like this you must STILL be very cautious, possibly even more so, because you may hurt yourself, without being aware. This is an option, and MAY be the way to go if you and your SO are cautious and responsible. If either of you tend to be a bit "Bonzai" I would advise against it.

Bottom line: anal sex SHOULD NOT BE PAINFUL!!; and, if done correctly, can be very enjoyable, many women claim to have their most intense orgasms this way. Be careful, use lots of lube, go slowly, and enjoy.
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 35
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:27:34 AM

Just wanted to make sure the OP wasn't a GUY!


OTOH now I know which girls are into ANAL!!!
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 62
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:39:21 AM
op..........maybe he's gay, tell him to go find a gay guy....they'll give him all the booty he wants.
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 65
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 7/15/2009 3:23:35 PM
Well, it's a pain in the arse, but there's no need to be scared shi*less.
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 73
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:12:15 PM
I've had girls that love it, girls that hate it, and girls that simply don't want to try it.

For me, it's not the end-all (pun intended), it's simply different. Since my first long-term girlfriend was into anal sex, I guess the excitement of having 'forbidden fruit' wore off on me early. Don't get me wrong, it's different, done right it can be fun, but it's not something I'm gonna be begging my girlfriend to do for me. Let's face it, if she doesn't like it, why do you want to do it so bad?

Given that, it shouldn't hurt - though if you're an 'above average' guy, you need to be extra patient. (if you're above average, even vaginal sex can cause pain, so you gotta be careful anyhow) Lube is a must, though I've found good old fashioned KY is best - the only reason you'd want to numb it is if you're 'taking it for the team' and frankly, if you're doing it for that reason, you shouldn't be doing it.

Be careful about suggesting that he let you do it to him first - it could backfire (ooh, another pun) on you - he might have that thought floating around in the back of his mind too, then you're committed. Never make a deal you're not ready to back up! (pun number 3!)

Last but not least, if you're not ready to do it, don't! If your boyfriend/significant other etc. keeps pressuring you, you need to be looking for another significant other. It's one thing to suggest it, discuss your feelings/concerns about it. It's completely wrong to keep demanding it!

In the end, in my opinion, it's all good - good sex is about figuring out what works for your partner and what your own boundaries are (and maybe stretching them a bit). In my case, I get off making my partner get off, so whatever doesn't work for them doesn't really work for me either! Remember guys, if she's making noise, it's applause!
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 85
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:37:20 PM
damn ive only had one girl thats been down for it and liked it.. just rekax lube and make sure there is foreplay
 sub girl wanted
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 87
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 9/11/2009 10:27:35 PM
Saw this in a porn many many moons ago and really works.Like others have said the guys gotta be patient,and of course some sort of foreplay def helps.While he's pushing in (slowly) you push"out".This helps you "grip"it and take it in at your comfort.Start on top too so youre in total control.And a vibe/dildo for vaginal stimulation simultaneously might make your head explode(in a good way)
Joined: 5/17/2009
Msg: 95
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 3/18/2010 1:02:51 PM
Lady in labour, shouting all the usual stuff; "Get this out of me!!!", "Give me the drugs!!!"
Then she turn to her boyfriend and says,"You did this to be you **stard!!"
He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your bum but you said, **** off, it'll be too painful!! Not laughing now are we?"
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 104
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 3/21/2010 11:39:36 PM

First, never think of anal sex as something you will enjoy right away, the first time or maybe the tenth time.

Sorry, but I beg to disagree and I can say that from experience. If it isn't feeling good - and if it isn't feeling good by the *tenth*time* (good grief) - the guy is either doing something wrong or it just isn't her thing. Yeah, I had a *brief* moment when it hurt. The guy stopped immediately & let me relax, did not proceed until I was ready. This happened twice but the discomfort was momentary. I had a good partner who took it very slow and stopped the moment I needed him to. It was fantastic. Once you get into it, there's no going back.

And yes, I recommend The Surrender. And I agree with Toni Bentley that anal sex should be reserved for only the most sensitive lovers. Most men are not sensitive lovers and I wouldn't let most of them near my azz. If it hurts, they aren't doing it right. Make 'em stop. Now.
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 105
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 3/22/2010 2:38:34 AM
You havent started a stupid post. It is something you are concerned about and there is nothing stupid about having concerns.

If you arent comfortable with the idea of anal.......DONT DO IT!!

You shouldnt be doing this to make anyone else happy but you!!

It is your body and you have every right and total control over what is being done to it.

If your boyfriend cant understand that, then he isnt worth your time!!

Now if the thought does intrigue you and you are considering it, then do your research! there is so much info on line that you have access to. Always protect yourself by knowing what there is to expect.

Anal sex can be an awsome enjoyable experience or it can be a horrifying one.

Everyone is different. and no one knows your body like you do!!
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 108
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 3/22/2010 1:45:14 PM
You have to desire to have it, experiment with it, and be open to all the possibilities that exist with sex that way, and if not, you are setting yourself up for failure, pain, disgust, and a negative feeling towards it.

It takes two that are willing to try, going slow and talking about it as you do it, lube that makes it and the experience sensual, and once there, enjoying the experience.....

I would not do it to my lover, if she was not open to it, or resisted. I usually wait to be invited that way, and if the discussion comes up about trying it, I will help her relax enough to know that she is in charge, and will only get what she desires.

Pain is not needed at all, and will not be there if done correctly, and in my experience, most that enjoy it, ask for it often.......

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 110
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 3/22/2010 2:36:06 PM
I applaud your desire to try, and you are correct that for some, it just is not meant to be, and I have no problem with that.

May I suggest to you that you might try others ways to get you to where your might want to be with that excitement and desire? There are a number of toys out there that are available and in various sizes that can help you until you are ready for the real thing.

I have had lovers that liked the toys and reached many a climax and enjoyed sex using them. It can be very sensual to have vaginal sex while also using toys for the anal side. One can start very small and work your way up with lubrication to larger ones when asked to do that, and there are a number of beads out there that start small and work their way to a much larger size and the one receiving can let you know when they want you to stop.

Many times enjoying sex and using toys will meet the same needs desired as having anal sex with a penis. It all is open to experimentation, and I for one, would prefer you to feel good about it all, and get you to where we both want you to be, and it does not mean that I have to stick me in your ass........

The fact that you have tried it many times, means that you do have some desire in that area, but just not found the right way to get you off with no pain, and just extreme pleasure. Do not give up, and know that there are no limits to enjoying sex when with someone that is willing to share with you and help you get to where you want to go..............

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 114
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 3/22/2010 6:33:11 PM
I was not trying to be condescending at all towards you or anyone Annie. You never stated that you tried anal play, toys or any other forms of stimulation other than anal sex, and it was painful.

It is apparent to me that you have a problem with it, and that more than likely is as much mental as it is physical, but that is yours to own and deal with. No one fails if they prefer not to enjoy other forms of sexual pleasure, and we are not here to judge or mandate to others what they should or should not do. All I was stating were other ways to ease into something that may be stimulating, if that is what you wanted to experiment with.

Now, on a different note from you. Just because you can enjoy vaginal sex in any way shape and/or form, with nothing but good things and pleasure, does not mean that all other women can do that as well. Many do dry out as they age, some are very small and penetration does hurt them often, and some just do not relax and enjoy sex at all. You have within your own mind, stated one form of sex as being painful, but another as being the end all for everyone that does it that way........think about it.

I wish you the best with your experimentation, and I hope that your will mellow out some with your attitude about advice on here, because that is all I was giving.......advice with the limited information that I had.

Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 119
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 3/23/2010 2:04:21 AM
i love anal sex but the trick is to go slow and dont jump straight in with any one make sure u trust them and go slow relax and the women to be in charge, it can be great
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 121
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 3/23/2010 1:11:37 PM
god,,i have missed so much in my life,,boo hoo...
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 125
view profile
Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try
Posted: 3/27/2010 6:02:33 AM
Refering to msg 107 ANGLICO- USMC. I am appaulled and sickened. U cd hav asked for lube, said it hurt. you assaulted this girl, GBH, if not rape occured. left her bleeding and crying, you may have perforated her bowel. u ****ing lowlife. Yes ****ing lowlife. I hope this msg gets picked up by moderators and they see what i am refering too. I tried to report you but had problems. so Please, will others reading this either report this msg or msg 107 i am happy for you to quote my name etc. marisia.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try