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 redmanfla
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 1
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I seem to have an unusual situation. I in the same town as my ex wife, the interesting thing about this is that i get along better now with both ex's than i ever did married to them. One lives in ohio and her and her husband stay with me when they vacation here.

So here is the problem i have,,was on a date and ran into the ex,,,we had the usual quick hug and how are doin's ,,,and that was it ,,,but my date was just really pissed off about this.

I explained that i'm not gonna be rude to anyone just because i'm with someone else.


Why do women feel so threatened by ex-wives, girlfriends etc.
 zephyrmoon
Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 3
ex's
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:32:42 PM
"Women" don't. The one you chose to date did. Choose better women to date.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 4
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ex's
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:00:38 AM
If you generally hug people when you greet them, then it is nothing wrong with giving your ex the quick greeting hug.
I personally don't see anything wrong with it especially if it was just hello-goodbye. Some people just have security issues.
I see problems down the line with this one. This time it was an Ex, next time, an attractive co-worker, maybe even your very pretty 2nd cousin?
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 5
ex's
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:11:04 AM
I personally would not have cared in the least. You can hug whoever you want. My ex and I broke up in a respectful way, but when he sees me he looks sad, so I do not come close to him. My preference, and it keeps any potential guy I go out with from getting the wrong idea. An ex is an ex for a reason.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 6
ex's
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:11:35 PM
It's a respect issue more than anything else. I respect him enough to know that my associations would hurt and cause jealousy within him.



I think this might be some kind of rivalry although I'm not sure what it is based in.


OP, I think it's a rescitivism issue. One who reacts emotionally to an SO's contact with an ex has most likely considered a redo with one of her/his own exes. We judge others, especially significant ones, with measures by which we would most probably come up short. jmho

Not much of a problem with or for me. All my exes live in Texas. Lol
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 7
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Posted: 7/10/2009 12:56:42 AM
Some people are insecure and jealous; others are jealous for control reasons; whatever their reasons, jealousy/insecurity are unpleasant pathology, and HUGE red flags for me. My ex lives in another state; and I've only seen her once since our divorce; so this type of scenario isn't an issue for me. However, if it were, I'd run as fast and hard as I could, AWAY from ANYBODY who exhibited and jealousy, or "miss-trust" issues. I wouldn't marry ANYONE whom I didn't trust absolutely implicitly; OR anyone who didn't trust ME implicitly. Issues with ex's revolve around priorities and control. I don't know how you handled the situation; but I certainly would have included my date in on the exchage from the beginning, including introducing them, etc. It's one thing to walk up to run into your ex, and hug and have a conversation; it's entirely another if you leave your date sitting, or hanging somewhere while you do. Your ex, is just that, your ex; your current, and first, priority is whomever you are with now. As long as those priorities were established, and observed, you're cool. If they weren't, then maybe you have priority, or control, issues with your ex that need to be resolved. Good luck.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 8
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ex's
Posted: 7/10/2009 4:27:30 AM
At that I say that as a woman, if my husband were to be friends with an ex girlfriend I would be looking for just one reason to knock that B*tch out. One look. One comment. Anything. I'm very territorial. lol.

"Dis 'ere. Dis ma man! Back off!" lmfao.

So I can understand why a partner would get uneasy and nervous when confronted with the meeting of an ex lover of the person they were dating. It's something that turns a woman off from exploring what could be or what could have been.


and she's a B*tch .....why???
Because she had the nerve to date your now boyfriend?
and when you two break up.....does that automatically make you a B*tch?!

and please.....saying it's something that "turns a woman off ". No, it's something that turns YOU off.
Not all us women are insecure little girls w/ attitudes.
 CharmedinKtown
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 9
ex's
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:12:14 AM
I have no idea why there is "perceived" jealousy. I am an ex wife, and my husband has been involved seriously with two women. The first woman had an affair with him while still being married to me. I don't care, our marriage was long over before she came into the picture. She made the transition much easier I believe. She was very good with our son, and isn't that what matters??? The fact I didn't like her was not due to her involvement with my family, I just simply didn't like her personality. Thats a personal choice after spending some time with her.

Now he is remarried, and the new wife didn't say boo to me the first few times we met. She is young, immature (from her behaviour)... BUT she also heard alot about me and decided to base her opinions on that. Our son laughs (he is now 15) since the way his dad describes me isn't at all what I am like now. So it goes to show how perception plays a part in human relationships. Now we have a get along view of each other, again she is terrific around our son so thats the main thing. I want our son to be loved no matter what household he is at and he completely gets that between us. He is blessed with two step parents that love him to death.
 Mr_Chris
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 10
ex's
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:30:35 AM
Summary:

- Having a good relationship with an ex is a great thing to have. It shows maturity and ability not to dwell on the past. After all, sometimes things do not work out.

- The hug might have been a shock to a girl who was not aware of your good standing but a negative response may have been a bit much.

Personally, I am friends with a few of my ex’s from many years ago and their husbands are perfectly fine with me coming over for coffee or going out shopping. That is a sign of trust in a relationship. That being said, I made an effort to invite both of them out to gatherings off the bat to show the fellow my character.

Still; good for you for having that relationship.
 Chiwrtr72
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 11
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Posted: 7/10/2009 8:10:12 AM
If the hug were quick and the interaction fast then I would think that your interaction was perfectly acceptable.

However, was this a first date with this new woman? If so, perhaps she merely felt awkward or unsure...
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 12
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ex's
Posted: 7/10/2009 12:21:00 PM
I had a first date that was crashed by the ex-wife and her boyfriend, lol. It was a little uncomfortable for me at first but we all got along just fine and ended up going to a club together and dancing. I think the ex-wife wanted to meet me and see if I was "good enough" for him, lol. While I didn't expect the ex to show up during our date (neither did my date) I did know that he and the ex were on good terms as we had chatted about it a few times so I wasn't thrown for too big a loop when she and my date hugged.
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