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 19justice78
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 9
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carrying a conversationPage 1 of 1    
OP wow can you really only be 20 years old. Where are guys like you in my area and my age group??

Sorry heres to your question. It's amazing that you are able to communicate and really converse with others. This is fabulous. What makes a good conversationalist is someone who has vast knowledge, experiences, and education. The more you grow and the more you experience the more you are able to relatee to many different topics. These are not the only qualifications to being a good conversationalists. You have got to know what to say, when to say it and how much to say and when to do all of this at the same time you listen. You are right there are very few people in the world who have the capability of doing all of them. This will make finding a compatible companion difficult. I have the very same problem. Heres the thing .... this can be taught, people who really want to be better at communicating can improve it. Now to your last question "is a good converstationalist a deal breaker" the answer is yes. See for me the chemistry, the physical attraction, intimacy comes from the brain, comes from the ability to talk to me, thats whats sexy to me. It's not talking about sex, or anything else. Like I've always said "if you can't get into my head, your not going to get into my pants".

Sherry
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 10
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carrying a conversation
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:16:03 AM
I think life IS a conversation. When I was dating, I never really looked for a person - I followed conversations. If the conversation we had was engaging I would meet him because I knew if we didn't click in person at least it would be a fun meet because we'd just be continuing the conversation.

Conversation isn't about being some slick talker, I'd say the most critical component (for me) is innate curiosity about life and self - and the connections and observations we make. I'm fascinated to see the way someone one else views the world and love the opportunity to step into their world for a while. And yeah, lack of curiosity is a dealbreaker for me, as is being rigid minded, although to be honest I haven't really encountered a person who was curious who was also rigid - perhaps they are mutually exclusive or I haven't met them yet.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 11
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carrying a conversation
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:44:29 AM
If I had to say what is the single most important thing that I notice in men that I'm overwhelmingly attracted to, it would likely be centered around his emotional/mental framework...but more...his ability to reach me (soul, imagination, heart and mind) through conversation and words. With the right individual that type of connection...is simply kryptonite to me.

smellsealsthedeal...loved the perspective you brought to this question...especially the points below....

You can have the most amazing conversation with someone and never say a word, I believe it is far more valuable to reach beyond words to feel what you see. There is far more to vision than blind ambition, quiet people are the loudest emotionally conversant people their contribution isn't exhaustive tangibility.


You can say alot and never say anything.........you can read alot and never read anything....... you can see alot and never see anything..... you can do alot and never do anything...


A good traveller of mind knows how to travel in another........ the conversive nature of being human is far more interesting than words ... connecting to the mind of another is conversiveness beyond.

 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 17
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carrying a conversation
Posted: 7/18/2009 2:21:49 PM
Conversation isn't rocket science, but it does take somone with basic nutrition (i.e. fruit & veg daily) & some self love to do it, 2 of the ingredients that comes to mind.
Try conversing otherwise...
~sc~
 stunt groom
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 18
carrying a conversation
Posted: 7/18/2009 3:14:47 PM

i have done a thread search. all topics under "conversation" are about asking why it always leads to sex or needing tips about different subjects but thats not what im asking.

my question is for the people who are skilled conversationalists. i find the hardest thing about meeting the majority of new people, is that so few can carry an extensive conversation. i mean for hours and hours without being self absorbed or resorting to the sex talk. we can all agree carrying a conversation is purely a 50/50 effort from men and women, any more or less effort can take a toll. what is confusing me is when someone says they are interested after talking for awhile then kind of leaves it at that. doesnt ask half as many questions as i do (about life, career, education, future plans, basic stuff) and i can tell that im putting in more then 50% to keep up the consistency of converstation. then the more effort i put in, the more she says shes interested but still doesnt "show" interest by asking questions or starting new subjects.
is this normal? its been a week of daily talking, should i just give it more time? what is your take on this?

also is someone not being able to carry a long converstion a deal breaker for you? and how long do you test it for before giving up?


I tend to be from the bevis and butthead school of conversationalism (In this case I would say...'he he eh he ...he said 'sex'..'..he he..'
 _Paradoximus_Maximus
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 19
carrying a conversation
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:07:28 AM
Conversations can fall into many groups: they usually have key elements of: noise/batter, speech making, story telling, interrogation/interview and optimally some discussion/sharing.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
carrying a conversation
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:13:35 AM

also is someone not being able to carry a long converstion a deal breaker for you? and how long do you test it for before giving up?

I am big on being socially fluent and able to carry on intelligent general conversation - as in two people having an opinion on something bigger and not personal.

Even sex can be discussed in such a way that it's not personal to either person in the conversation. The right guy can pull it off without telling me what HE likes (I don't want to know) or asking what I like (none of his business).

I don't wait long when it comes to conversation, because those who have it just have it. Occupationally I tend to walk people thru conversations in social settings, or talk to a room full of people so if I have to do it when I'm not working I get bored. I like a guy who jumps in and meets me halfway. It's actually a decent part of what attracts me to someone.

After a week, I'd assume someone either wasn't good at it, or not interested in me enough to really jump into a good conversation - neither of which are good signs.
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