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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Must have car and job=gold digger?      Home login  
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 liveletlive_09
Joined: 1/5/2009
Msg: 1
Must have car and job=gold digger?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I noticed something pretty strange in my time on these forums, mainly men calling women gold diggers for demanding that a man have a job and/or a car. Since when did looking for something other than street bums start to mean that these women are gold diggers.

Being a man myself, I am embarrassed by all those on these forums that refer to these women as gold diggers. Get off the couch, get on the bus, and go get yourself a JOB! It doesn't make her a gold digger, it just makes you a moron for calling her that.

I think some of us need to meet some real gold diggers because we have lost touch
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 2
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 5:04:03 PM
I agree with this post and everything the OP said.
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 5:08:09 PM
Indeed. I have 2 jobs, and a car..I'm also a single parent. If I can accomplish that much..why can't he? Is it too much to expect the same from a potential partner, that he have ambition and be working towards the future? I think not..

I am definitely not a gold-digger..I pay my own way, support my kids 100% on my own, and expect nothing from a potential S/O other than love/emotional support. I have never relied on a man to support me, and I never will. I have far too much pride for that.
 liveletlive_09
Joined: 1/5/2009
Msg: 4
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 5:15:33 PM
Totally agree with breathless,

Ambition, preserverence, intelligence, and a drive to succeed are traits that we all look for in the opposite sex (or should). Personally, I wouldn't even consider a woman that would date me if I decided to stay at home and not work and strive to make a living. What does that say about her?

I have nothing but respect for hard working men/women that have been laid off and are working 8-12 hours a day looking for employment. We all have periods that we are in between jobs, what's important is that you are putting 110% into getting ahead regardless of your situation.
 some woman
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 5
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 5:16:38 PM
I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman expecting a man to be as self-sufficient as he expects her to be. If I can do it on my tiny fixed income, there's no excuse for others to not be able to do the same. Expecting a man to be able to support himself and not become a financial burden to the woman is hardly gold digging, even though way too many men believe otherwise.

Edit: My opinion is that any legal form of income is ok and as long as he can get himself where he needs to be whether he has a car or not, that's ok too.
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 6
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 5:28:55 PM
So does it mean if men want a woman to cook and clean they are sexist and too much into gender roles?

Sadly many men and women are out of work due to the economy, looking for work doesn't mean a job is out there that will cover your expenses and leave you with enough disposable income to shower someone in the manner many on POF expect.

Not making excuses for lazy men/women or those who have no ambition but the reality is that wanting a man to have a job and a car is not being a gold digger, a job and a car means to a woman that you are responsible and will take responsibility in that relationship.

However if you both are not able to wether this storm of insecurity and she still expects too much from you then either she is insensitive or you just cannot put yourself out there to date anyone until you have financial stability.

The best things in life are free, something to think about..............
 mister chi
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 7
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 5:41:30 PM
i'm kinda torn on this subject because i think there are legitimate arguments for both points of view. i also think the heart of this question is really about how subjective some people can be towards dating...

here in chicago, it's not unheard of for people to be without a car since we have busses, trains, cabs and various other modes of public transportation. a good friend of mine simply rents a car when he wants to since he can walk to work and get around to where he needs to without one (he does have a job, though).

i don't, however, think it's too much to ask that a potential mate has a job. that's one of those things every adult should have, but with the economy the way it is these days, it's kinda hard to say...

meanwhile, and i say this to anyone who will listen, i think the reason why relationships fail so often is because the parameters that we set for them aren't that important in the grand scheme of things. i hear people say things like, "i don't date outside my race" or "he's got to be at least x-feet tall" or some other list of attributes...what about what kind of person he/she is or what kinds of dreams they have? honestly, if i found a woman who was good to me and good for me, i'd be right next to her on the bus every time she had to go to the unemployment office...
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 8
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 6:06:15 PM
" Since when did looking for something other than street bums start to mean that these women are gold diggers."
---------
So unless you have job and a car, you're a street bum?
 jennyrose41
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 9
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 6:09:10 PM

One girl showed up on the date, showed me either a loan book on a car, or something, I know it was cupon book for a loan. Said if I took care of this, she would take care of me...


oh, holy fcuk!! I SO hope you are kidding....
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 10
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 7:06:57 PM

Being a man myself, I am embarrassed by all those on these forums that refer to these women as gold diggers. Get off the couch, get on the bus, and go get yourself a JOB! It doesn't make her a gold digger, it just makes you a moron for calling her that.

Until a woman is paying my way and playing taxi, those things are none of her business unless she is looking for a guy to pay for more than dates. You tell me what that means in terms of a golddigger.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 11
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 7:22:30 PM
OP - I think it goes both ways, as men looking for women or women looking for men - many people want to date someone who is living a similar lifestyle. I don't think its being a gold digger - although gold diggers are around and come in both sexes.

I will use myself as an example - I am not looking to be "kept" by a man, or to "keep" a man I date. I would like to meet someone who could afford to do some of the things that I enjoy doing, and that can be restrictive at times for someone on a tiny budget. This is not to say that I expect to be wined and dined all the time, as I enjoy returning a man's kindness after he has treated me. I enjoy going out for dinner occassionally, doing some travelling, and attending some sporting events/concerts. I don't want to date someone who cannot do some of these things, because I am looking for someone to share my life with, and these activities are part of my life, as they are financial choices that I choose to make. We all have priorities in our life and I think its more about finding someone with a lifestyle or priorities that are complimentary.
 JohnEDeep
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 12
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 7:27:47 PM
Heck, I can only WISH for a 'real' Gold Digger to contact me...

Gotta move a lot of dirt to strike it rich.
 Izarith
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 13
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 7:36:43 PM
Hello Liveletlive,



I noticed something pretty strange in my time on these forums, mainly men calling women gold diggers for demanding that a man have a job and/or a car. Since when did looking for something other than street bums start to mean that these women are gold diggers.

Being a man myself, I am embarrassed by all those on these forums that refer to these women as gold diggers. Get off the couch, get on the bus, and go get yourself a JOB! It doesn't make her a gold digger, it just makes you a moron for calling her that.

I think some of us need to meet some real gold diggers because we have lost touch


No, no, no buddy,

I am not a bum, I own my own house. By "own" I don't mean the bank says it's mine. I mean I hold the double-damned deed in my hand. Sure it's in Mexico next to the beach but owning a home at 26 anywhere in the world is definitely not a bum. Even if I loose my job I will never worry about a roof over my head.

Secondly I don't have and never will have credit. So by me having just one penny in my pocket make me richer than 89% of the population in America who is in dept.

If you look up bum in the dictionary you will not find what I have posted above as the description.

So I don't have a car. And I just so happen to believe that a girl who has a job, who has money, who has a car and says she is over the top trilled about me and asks me "Are you to good to be true?" but stops talking to me the second I apparently convince her that I am by informing her that currently I do not have a car a gold digger. Well maybe not a gold digger but definitely a person who puts money before compatibility.

I can totally understand a girl not wanting to shack up with some car-less guy at first glance but to just drop some guy she likes over it is not really all that honest now is it.

There is more to people than what they drive. And not owning a car has nothing to do with being a bum.

I'm sure you will change your mind once this economy gets a little worse and your credit is cut.

TA!!
Izzy.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 14
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 7:44:26 PM
I've never actually heard that at all by guys. I think that's the impression you get when guys are too hasty on calling girls gold-diggers. Yes, they can be hasty, but no, I've never seen it to that degree at ALL on here.

Hasty = Women are gold-diggers when they want a guy who makes over $50k/yr, a decent car, and has zero debt.

Those aren't gold-diggers. However, guys sour about that will call them out as such. But heck... a poor college student can have a summer job and a car. If you haven't had a job for a while, you're not ready to date. Focus on finding a job, not a date (unless you have a lot of money saved up or inherited). If you live in a non-metropolis (99% of places in the country) where a car is a standard necessity, and don't have one, that cries financial instability. If you can't drive, that's a dating handicap. That's not gold-digging.

With that aside, I will say this...

A woman wanting a guy with a Lexus or better car, living in a $250k+ house at least, some expensive toys, making over $100k/yr, she may NOT technically be a gold-digger.

She may be a status-digger. It may not be that's trying to suck MONEY out of you -- she's "going out with you because you're popular". So when some women defend gold-digging on this level, they could have a point that it isn't about the MONEY directly.

It's also not about financial stability -- they want more than that. They want the status. Status-diggers, some are.
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 15
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 7:57:33 PM
I am all about the status! That's right, I love guys with trucks and motorcycles!Something fun about having to get a boost to get inside of a nice size pick-up truck. LOL Well, I do like trucks and motorcycles.
 liveletlive_09
Joined: 1/5/2009
Msg: 16
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 8:10:47 PM
Most of you have great arguments. The only thing I have overlooked is that some people live in large cities where an automobile is not necessary. Nonetheless, even I still need my car for "entertainment purposes" even though I live in an urban center. It really is up to both people involved if they can make it work with public transit.

In regards to jobs, I stated in my second post that I wasn't referring to people who are in between jobs. Most of us have quit a job or two, been laid off from one or two, and have spent a small period of time in between jobs once or twice. The point is that if you do not have a job you better be spending 8-12 hours a day looking for one. No excuses, no complaints, what women want to see is that you have a long steady employment history and that this is only a blip in your life.
 Izarith
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 17
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 8:42:00 PM
Hello Liveletlive,


No excuses, no complaints, what women want to see is that you have a long steady employment history and that this is only a blip in your life.


Yea well I want to see women cook, clean if they expect me to have an 18 a day 50,000 dollar a year job.

WTF?

I'm expected to be that old time hard working man but a girl gets to be this new aged "I'm 100% independent" Female version of Richard Simmons? Foock that.

Hell I'm actually learning to cook from my mother just in case I do meet some girl and start a family the kids won't have to eat fast food every day.

Women need to realise that things go both ways in a relationship. I don't care where to people start off financially if they love each other and work hard together they will have anything they want in life.

And they better hope that good man has a car because if he does not they will just pass his bum asss by.

TA!!
Izzy.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 18
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:58:58 PM

A woman wanting a man to have a car and a job does not equal gold digger

You still haven't said why any of that should matter if she is getting her dates paid for and she isn't playing taxi. If it doesn't affect her, it's none of her business. As soon as she wants to know about things that don't affect her, her motives are questionable. Since I have paid 100% of the cost of the dates I've had since coming here, even asking me those questions is being too nosy.

but if she insist he have a 2010 Mercedes E Class and a 7 figure income on the other hand.....she might be a gold digger. I'm just sayin'

Oh, now I get it. A woman is only a goldigger if she expects more than you currently have in the way of a car and a job?
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 19
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:12:39 PM
To Pashune ... It may be almost impossible to get the job you WANT (or the ideal job) but it's not all that hard to find SOME kind of job.
 alex1988
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 20
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:27:19 PM
you wanna meet a goldigger? just say when baby
 alex1988
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 21
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:30:48 PM
and seriously whats it to people if women ARE gold diggers? if you don't wanna be with one, just move the hell on. everyone has different views.
 Izarith
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 22
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:42:03 PM
Hello Alex1988,



and seriously whats it to people if women ARE gold diggers? if you don't wanna be with one, just move the hell on. everyone has different views.


There is nothing wrong with being a gold digger hon. As long as, like you, they let a bum know about it.

That way usless homless people like me with no car don't waist their time.

So I guess I should say I have a problem with hypocritical wenches who claim not to be Gold Diggers when they really are.

TA!!
Izzy.
 Izarith
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 23
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:09:02 AM
Hello Forumnite,


I understand that big city theory but most places...I don't want to have to go pick up my date, pay for the date and then return him home knowing that is how it would be every time we went out.


Why not?

I don't have a problem with it. Most men have been doing it for ages and ages since the first car was ever invented.

And before that, you might have heard the saying "you chariot awaits my lady".

I can understand men being the bearer of such deeds as long as there is a nice home made dinner in it for him once in a while. But this double-damned standard bull crap where Women get to act like drunken sailors yet "actual guys are still expected to be knights in shinning armor is stupid.

TA!!
Izzy.
 ab initio
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 24
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:47:35 AM
I have met my share of gold diggers. I am rather well off and can afford all the toys but in general don't like to flaunt and have always believed keeping a low profile. Funny enough I own a honda and one of my assistants has a lexus. We went out and it was hilarious how many women flocked to him and thought he was my boss. We got a kick out of it. Anyway, nothing wrong with a woman looking to invest in a rich counterpart. Her payment is her looks and talents and she should be ready for the wealthy gent to dispose of her once her end of the investment begins to carry less value. If you want to approach it as a transaction, disclose all and treat it as a giving of value for value.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 25
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History
Must have car and job=gold digger?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:54:02 AM
Whats with not having a job? I mean even in these tough times, there ARE jobs available, they just might not be your high flying high paying type. I see NO excuse for being out of work, especially extensively (I know one person no job no car no place of his own for over 2 yrs, WTF?) when Whataburger and Wendy's always need people. So maybe its not the job you dreamed of, but its still work experience and a paycheck. Go get one for god's sake. Go to the burger joint on the corner by your house and fill out an application. Tell the mgr you can work whenever and start tomorrow if they want.
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