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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Dating in the Dark... would you do it?      Home login  
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 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 1
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I haven't caught that show, but I did see a commercial for it the other day.

Do you think that the chemistry with someone could be the same if you never saw what they looked like? Do you think any perceived spark between two people that have never seen each other can quickly be dispelled without physical attraction? Do you believe someone who is no longer interested in someone because they aren't physically attracted to them makes them shallow?


Dating is off-topic to relationships? Should I start whining about how nobody finds me attractive and I am wondering if I would be datable in the dark to have it be relevant to relationships?
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 2
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:12:11 PM
No. I would not date someone that I am not sexually attracted to. I don't care if they are absolutely perfect, and would worship me otherwise.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 3
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:32:40 PM

I have likend meeting people online to meeting in the dark, where all you have are your words to capture someone's interest. It's interesting to say the least.


If you never see the person's face, don't you paint a mental illustration of what you perceive they look like? If the actual person isn't as physically attractive as the picture in your mind, wouldn't that cause a ripple in the chemistry?


Is that the 24-year-old in me?



I'd do it. I can be as charismatic as I want, but the minute they see me physically, they run screaming in the other direction.

Literally?! Charisma is closely linked to physical attractiveness, though, isn't it? Or can someone who believes they are unattractive charm the skin off a snake?
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 4
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Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:38:48 PM
It's not anything new.. blind people fall in love everyday.

If we had a connection, the phermones were meshing nicely and we spend enough time together interacting and learning about each other.. then I could fall in love and when the lights came on, it wouldn't make a difference how he looked. Now. If we were intimate and I felt a third eye or worse.. I may rethink how I'm feeling. OO_o

I think when we can see .. Initially we often put too much emphasis on what we're seeing and overlook other qualities.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 5
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:46:18 PM


It's not anything new.. blind people fall in love everyday.


Blind people likely won't miraculously see you at the end of the date, so any argument about the blind is completely irrelevant. Physical attraction based on sight isn't a part of a blind person's relationships.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 6
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:52:15 PM


If we had a connection, the phermones were meshing nicely and we spend enough time together interacting and learning about each other.. then I could fall in love and when the lights came on, it wouldn't make a difference how he looked.


You don't think if he looked different or less attractive than what you anticipated you would be disappointed?

The friends I have that have met people from online dating sites say the number one disappointment is that the people that they've built a relationship with end up looking hardly anything like their pictures. Not necessarily worse, but just different.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 7
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Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:53:11 PM

Blind people likely won't miraculously see you at the end of the date, so any argument about the blind is completely irrelevant. Physical attraction based on sight isn't a part of a blind person's relationships.
Is it only ONE date these people will be on or will it be an interactive realty type series over a length of time.

Being blind would be relevant if they are spending large quatities of time together getting to know each other eveyday. If it's only one date then it's not "irrelavent" .. it's "rediculous" IMO.



You don't think if he looked different or less attractive than what you anticipated you would be disappointed?
How could I be disappointed in someone I've fallen in love with? I'd only be disappointed if he faked who he was.


The friends I have that have met people from online dating sites say the number one disappointment is that the people that they've built a relationship with end up looking hardly anything like their pictures. Not necessarily worse, but just different.
That's because their initial attraction was based on looks and there was no in-real-life interaction prior to the meeting.. It's really just fantasy until you actually meet. No?

Being blind is not relevant. The point is that a blind person could never be disappointed by the person's appearance unless there was a surgery or miracle that cured their blindness. You know, because they cannot use their sense of sight.
So.. do you suppose that if you and a blind person fell in love and after "x" number of months the blind person regained their site and you were'nt what he pictured or wer'ent as "beautiful" as how he saw you in his minds eye ~ that he would suddenly stop loving you?
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 8
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:55:46 PM

Is it only ONE date these people will be on or will it be an interactive realty type series over a length of time.

Being blind would be relevant if they are spending large quatities of time together getting to know each other eveyday. If it's only one date then it's not "irrelavent" .. it's "rediculous" IMO.


I don't know, I wasn't paying enough attention to the commercial, and don't care to research it. Just wanted to discuss the concept.

Being blind is not relevant. The point is that a blind person could never be disappointed by the person's appearance unless there was a surgery or miracle that cured their blindness. You know, because they cannot use their sense of sight.



How could I be disappointed in someone I've fallen in love with? I'd only be disappointed if he faked who he was.


You don't believe that physical attraction and physical sexual chemistry are a part of love?



That's because their initial attraction was based on looks and there was no in-real-life interaction prior to the meeting.. It's really just fantasy until you actually meet. No?

And dating in the dark would be different because you would have to concoct in your imagination what they looked like? Wouldn't it still be a fantasy land to some extent?
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 9
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:04:59 PM



That's just it, I don't paint any pictures, well not anymore. I do understand the desire to do so. When speaking to someone online I try to keep it as real as possible. I find without seeing faces at first I can learn so much more about someone.

Just always remember this. Someday we are all going to be old and not exactly 'attractive' anymore, so then it will be imperative to be with someone to whom you really enjoy being with.


I don't mean to discount personality at all. I am incredibly picky when it comes to chemistry and attraction, but even more picky when it comes to personality compatibility. I don't want to be with someone who can't have a healthy debate with me, I don't want to be with someone who can't tell me I look pretty on occasion.

I think that physical attraction and sexual chemistry may be more relevant at my age because it's the ripe age for procreation. My body is telling me, "Hey, find a good, attractive mate to increase the population!" My ovaries are trying to take over the planet. Be warned.

I can't help but paint a picture in every non-physical aspect of my day-to-day life. Whether it is reading the WSJ, a novel, chatting here or on a phone conference. Is that just a left brain thing, or an age thing?
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 10
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Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:11:14 PM
I'm a sighted person, so it's natural that I'll gravitate towards whom or what attracts me.. However; with such an emphasis on looks that I'm seeing in this thread.. It makes me wonder how anyone in Iran or Afganistan could ever fall in love??? Their women are (or were) covered from head to toe. Attraction is much more than just the visual.
 Wise_Monk
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 11
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Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:13:18 PM
If everyone thought about all the people with great personalities and values they've turned down because they didn't fit a personal superficial model, and instead had accepted those people... this site wouldn't be as populated as it is, lol.

There are so many people out here that would probably make a lot of people happy, but they're not given a chance because of how much emphasis we put on the way a person looks.

I know one thing for sure, after you've known a person for a while the looks are no longer the biggest deal. If the personality is not there, it's going to be a short stay. In some ways, the dating in the dark concept sounds like a reversal of that and it's quite clever. The only problem is that you can't really date blindly on a long term basis. But I'd bet that if you could date someone blindly for 6 months, and you came to see how great a person he/she is, and then they revealed their face and you saw that they weren't exactly a knockout... I'd bet that many more people than we think wouldn't care because there's already been a strong emotional investment. I've learned that many times a person's personality for whatever reason can make them more attractive to another person. Doesn't mean a butt-ugly person will suddenly become gorgeous, but a lot of average-lookers are certainly enhanced by their personalities.

I've met Women that I wasn't attracted to at all (not ugly just not immediate eye-catchers), then I got to know them, saw how great they were, and suddenly they were beautiful to me. I just wish the whole world would try harder here.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 12
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:27:01 PM


I'm a sighted person, so it's natural that I'll gravitate towards whom or what attracts me.. However; with such an emphasis on looks that I'm seeing in this thread.. It makes me wonder how anyone in Iran or Afganistan could ever fall in love??? Their women are (or were) covered from head to toe. Attraction is much more than just the visual.


I could be wrong, but I thought their fathers picked their husbands?
 Monkey_brains
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 13
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:44:01 PM
I used to be a strong advocate of the "physical doesn't matter" peoples...until I had an online, telephone, long distance relationship without so much as a glimpse of what he looked like, (by my own hand...he offered but I was bound and determined to prove and live by my theory)...the nano-second he walked through the door, it completely changed....the attraction was simply gone and all that remained was a "friendly" feeling of intimacy...

Absolutely caused a ripple in the chemistry....more like a rogue wave of dissappointment actually, wouldn't set myself or the other affected party up for it again...
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 14
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Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:48:51 PM
^^^ Once again another example based on never actually having contact other than through technology prior to meeting. The people in this t.v. show will be in each others presence.. the longer they are "together" the more they will bond if the right stuff is there for both people. telephones/computer screens/msn's don't count .. they give a false sense of bonding.

I could be wrong, but I thought their fathers picked their husbands?
Now.. that's what I call irrelavant !! Once again.. IMO there is far more to attraction than just what a person looks like.
 Monkey_brains
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 15
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:06:47 PM

IMO there is far more to attraction than just what a person looks like.


Agreed....but it needs to be present in order for the attraction to sustain...
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 16
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:13:14 PM


I could be wrong, but I thought their fathers picked their husbands?

Now.. that's what I call irrelavant !! Once again.. IMO there is far more to attraction than just what a person looks like.


Meaning, are they given the chance to fall in love with a woman, and then be disappointed by her looks later? If not, how is it relevant to this conversation?
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 17
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:14:51 PM



Some people only care about the physical aspect....some people only care about the financial aspect......those people are only concerned about how other people perceive them....some people can't be happy unless they're admired or envied by others


Those people aren't really happy.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 18
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Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:24:06 PM

Meaning, are they given the chance to fall in love with a woman, and then be disappointed by her looks later? If not, how is it relevant to this conversation
You don't understand the concept .. that concept being, that if you love someone, then they wouldn't be disappointed because they would be attracttive to you no matter what they looked like.
Those people aren't really happy.
You couldn't possibly know that.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 19
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Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:33:29 PM

If you never see the person's face, don't you paint a mental illustration of what you perceive they look like? If the actual person isn't as physically attractive as the picture in your mind, wouldn't that cause a ripple in the chemistry?

I had always thought it unfortunate that I don't get a more firm picture in my head when I deal with someone online with no pic or in the past on jobs when I spoke to people on the phone frequently. I never was massively shocked when I met someone because while it may not have been what I pictured, it also wasn't a polar opposite because the image was a bit vague. I think in that instance, it depends a great deal on the connection that you have. First sight might douse things momentarily but I think unless the person is extremely homely or otherwise a huge turnoff, that ripple would smooth out pretty quickly.

I don't know the premise of the show, but if the people are in the same room but just cannot see each other, I think there is chemistry that can be going on and again, depending on how far away they are from someone you would normally be attracted to, the dark might facilitate something that might never have happened if the whole thing began with the visual and a disinterest that could not really have been overcome.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 20
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:39:13 PM


You don't understand the concept .. that concept being, that if you love someone, then they wouldn't be disappointed because they would be attracttive to you no matter what they looked like.


So if physical appearance isn't a part of love, how does that explain how perceived physical attractiveness and sexual attractiveness of others varies from individual to individual?



You couldn't possibly know that.

Statistics say otherwise.

Your definition of love discounts physical attraction because you believe it is superficial, yet your definition of happiness allows even more superficial basis?
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 21
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:05:31 AM


Of course I would. I am way past the point to judge someone by her looks.


Why is not being attracted to someone synonymous with judgment?



Beides, there are doctors who can remove those warts on her nose, fix those deflated breasts and suck the fat from her thunder thighs.

This contradicts your previous statement.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 22
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:18:07 AM


Personally....I am considering finding a blind guy. Maybe then I wont be valued only for my appearance.


I would rather be criticized for my appearance than my personality, lol. At least I can easily alter the first!

Why do you believe you are only valued for your appearance?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 23
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Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:18:34 AM
I watched the show, I thought it was dumb, but the idea was kind of interesting. Still, it's not real, it's just a production, I don't think the idea would work too well in any kind of real life setting. Then again, it's somewhat like online dating.
 victoriasnewsecret
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 24
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Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:28:53 AM
Apparently I'm in the minority. I haven't seen the show, but I would totally do it.

Looks matter to me, but I have the feeling they wouldn't so much once I got to know the person. I've often seen past looks to exceptional people, once I got to know them. It would be interesting - for me, I think that'd be a positive experience, and I might walk away pleasantly surprised!
 Schumi_fan
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 25
Dating in the Dark... would you do it?
Posted: 7/24/2009 4:58:55 AM
Seems kind of stupid to me
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