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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?      Home login  
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 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 1
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
If you met someone and start seeing them on a somewhat regular basis, would the lack of cleanliness at their place keep you from continuing the relationship? The reason I ask is that I have a very close friend whose place looks like a college dorm most of the time. I am not a neat freak, but changing the sheets whenever and doing the laundry when it walks there itself is just not my idea of being clean. Would this be a major turnoff for the ladies? Please give me your thoughts.
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 2
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:10:13 AM
I definately like to keep a clean house. When I first went to the apartment of my ex, I noticed that her place was not kept up. There was cereal on the floor, the dishes were not done, the floors needed to be vaccuumed and swept, the bathroom needed a good cleaning, etc. One of the first things I did, I believe within the firts few times I went there, was to help clean the place. I vaccuumed and did the dishes, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, swept the floors and such. She moved in with me a few months later. Can you guess what we fought about the most?
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 3
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:12:36 AM
I think it depends on the relationship I have with they guy. I think the older we get the more we're looking for longterm and not just for someone right now. Of course that varies from person to person and their own timing and personal situations.

So, if I was dating someone casually, then it probably wouldn't be that much of an issue. If if this was someone that I would look at as longterm and possibly living together at some point in time, then that could be a big problem. While I'm not a neat freak, I couldn't live in a college dorm environment. And again, communication can be an issue, maybe it's the situation where he just doesn't care, but would care, if he was in a relationship where it would be a deal breaker.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 4
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:21:59 AM
I know the feeling. When I spend the w/e there I come in and change the sheets, do the laundry and generally clean up, because I just feel better when those things are done. I truly believe this is not something he cares about doing, but he does appreciate it when I do them.

He is very worth keeping --- and this relationship isn't about changing him. Just don't know what the middleground is here.
 winteragain
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 5
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:24:05 AM
What is with everyone, if I'm lucky enough to be with a girl she could be living in a swamp and I'd still love her. I'd just pay for her dentures and water purifiers for showers
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 6
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:49:33 AM
OP, I totally LMAO when I saw this thread...I live in the NYC area, where many apartments are NOT that large, so it's hard to keep your possessions organized, depending on how much you have. I live alone in a medium to large size studio (although I have 3 closets)...due to the nature of my career and constant travel, keeping my place totally organized is often a battle...

Everyone has different levels of cleanliness. While things can totally get out of control, I think there is a difference between "messy" and "nasty"...I consider myself messy at times...I'm the woman who will never leave dishes in the sink and cleans my bathroom...yet will have shoes and handbags all over my hallway...while I do laundry on a regular basis, I'm the one who will fold my dry clothes, but unfortunately keep them in the laundry bags, only to pull things out as I need them! When I go clothing/accessories shopping, if the items aren't something that need to be hung up promptly, guess what!? They often stay in the shopping bag. When I have to shift my fall/winter and spring/summer clothes, I have to do it a couple of weeks in advance because I'm in and out, so I often stop and start this type of project...

Because there's nothing exciting to do in my direct area, I often meet friends in the city...and when I've dated someone, they have come to my apartment, but since most of the time they have lived in a more happening neighborhood, I've ended up sleeping over their place anyway...

But you would NEVER come to my apartment and see garbage/food all over the place! What's ironic is when I was in my early 20s, I lived in an apartment with 4 other women...I actually made a monthly chart dividing the chores so there was never a question who needed to do what. I think in the end, and for some weird reason, I'm neater when I live with someone as opposed to living alone, so go figure!

If I dated a guy and he was messy, as long as the kitchen and bathroom and his bed were clean and relatives of "Mickey & Minny" weren't runny around, it wouldn't bother me as much...especially if I wasn't actually living there. But there's something about a messy house that smells of cigarettes that TOTALLY turns me off...I couldn't tolerate that!

Also, if I went to a guy's apartment and everything was organized so detailed (things sorted by color/fashion designer, the food/condiments were placed in alphabetical order, I would definitely hesitate if he ever asked me to move in...I would constantly get flashbacks of "Sleeping With The Enemy" and I think "Mommie Dearest" (no wire hangers!?!).

 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 7
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:51:29 AM

There are degrees of clutter that when balanced against a busy life, provide a fuller measure of life's satisfactions: I know people who have such a low tolerance for clutter that they'll spend all day at work, and then spend almost another day's worth of work housecleaning. Very tidy, they are, but I wonder how they ever find time to actually live on a day-to-day level (I suspect they don't).

Me, by the time the workday ends, the errands are run, and dinner is prepared, I might have time to run a load of dishes or straighten up a single room. But when I balance doing a sinkful of dishes against a nice bike ride, or a run, or maybe even (gasp) a date, I'll choose whatever brings me back into balance.


It really doesn't take that much effort. Keeping the dishes clean is simply a matter of washing them after you eat. And cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, sweeping, etc. can be done once a week. People just have to be willing to pick up after themselves. Why leave things laying around? It takes less time to keep things clean than to let a mess acumulate and deal with the entire mess.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 8
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:53:39 AM
That depends on why their place is in disarray. If they are a disorganized genius, scattered and highly intelligent, I would say I can more than deal with it.

If they are just plain lazy all of the time, everyday, then yes, I would say that would cause me to be turned off.

If they are busy, and last night's dishes are in the sink, I don't care. If there are microorganisms growing on the dishes, then yeah, that's pretty bad.
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 9
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:36:54 AM
I'm a 'closet slob' - My friends think I'm neat and I haven't come out of the closet about that ;-).

Actually, my office looks messy to even the most casual observers. I have 5 4' long tables all around me in u-shaped. Different projects and different piles. And in between is all kinds of stuff that needs to be filed somewhere. But in the meantime I pretty much where whatever is and can find it when I need it. My bedroom is somewhat messy, but nothing that I couldn't pick up and organize in 10 minutes.

But if you come into my house it will look really neat (because people don't see my office) in the living room or dining or kitchen. Nothing on the tables or sofa or floor. Maybe a dish or 2 in the sink. That's it.

So, I think it's not always one or the other.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 10
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:52:28 AM
And therein lies the paradox. He is clean about himself --- yes, he showers at least once a day, brushing and flossing as well and never forgetting the mouthwash. Handwashing is a given with him. And as for the underwear --- he goes commando --- lmao. He's the sensitive, artistic type, pretty self-absorbed, emotionally unavailable, and totally into his cat, if that helps you put it into a better perspective. All this said, he is a great guy to talk to and hang out with and I would trust him with my life --- just this particular quirk (or laziness gene) had me wondering if it was just me or if there were other people out there who felt this way.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 11
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:49:46 PM

And therein lies the paradox. He is clean about himself --- yes, he showers at least once a day, brushing and flossing as well and never forgetting the mouthwash. Handwashing is a given with him. And as for the underwear --- he goes commando --- lmao. He's the sensitive, artistic type, pretty self-absorbed, emotionally unavailable, and totally into his cat, if that helps you put it into a better perspective. All this said, he is a great guy to talk to and hang out with and I would trust him with my life --- just this particular quirk (or laziness gene) had me wondering if it was just me or if there were other people out there who felt this way.

You know what is sad about this repost, the problem should have been just one thing, what I highlighted in bold.

This guy is an artist, they are freaks from the standpoint of their surroundings which I always find interesting because on one level they are highly concerned with beauty but their immediate environs they do not seem to see. Some are so tunnel-visioned that they are like this man and have room for nothing more than their creativity. Others are able to do their thing but also to disengage and actually have a life, that doesn't mean that they are going to be a neat freak on their off hours because maybe as Mtn mentioned, they would rather spend their off time with you.

OP, honestly, if he was uber attentive and made you feel wonderful would you have given as much of a shit about his house? If he had been emotionally available?

My house is a flat out mess because I have been at war with my kids for about 4 years about them picking up after themselves, doing dishes, putting away laundry, instead of me picking up after them. I have been dealing with numerous things more important than whether my house is clean but truth be told, at the moment, I would like to run away from home. I have a finite amount of energy to divide between work and three kids who are basically all teenagers and outside irritating the crap out of me about the house, really good kids that are staying out of trouble and turning again, outside of the house, lol, into fine human beings.

Perhaps I am undatable.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 12
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:49:41 PM
There are times when I want to run away as well, but from my life not from him. He is the person I run to, not away from. The dirt and disorder are just parts of his world that I would change if it were possible. But then that would make him way too perfect and he has to have some flaws --- lol
 stlrox
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 13
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:16:53 PM
Better or worse? A clean house that a maid cleans or a little dirty house that I clean.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 14
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:39:50 PM
Very simply:

YOUR house reflect YOU.

I do not need an obssessivly "operating room style "clean house all the time, but clean and in order.

Messy or dirty is a big turn off for me.

a bit messy because of lack of storage etc etc is understandable.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:53:24 PM
I don't expect anyone to be my clone or find the things I find important to be their life's task. So unless there's mold that may kill me and/or too dirty to safely sit, I wouldn't give it much thought. I could help clean if I was feeling so high & mighty or I could meet them other places, or I could just move on along, but it's not my job to make others live up (or down) to my level.
 TheyCallMeMrAwesome
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 16
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:41:39 PM
I dated a girl that you could hardly even walk through the house, every room without stepping on some article of clothing, just mounds of it. it's half the reason we broke up.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 17
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:05:10 PM
This is something I feel so guilty about...cleaning house! I hate a messy house and would NEVER live in an actual dirty house, but I am not the greatest housekeeper in the world, so I have always had someone come in to do the things I hate. Now, however, I have just moved, then I got really ill, and my house is still not completely put together, all the curtains hung, pictures on the walls in my bedroom, and OMG my clothes have not been organized yet, some are literally still in Hefty bags. But I have just been too sick to do much more than keep up with the laundry, bathrooms and kitchen.
My boyfriend is very neat, God bless him, and he never has said one word about me not having my home all together yet, but this is clutter, not dirt. My floors are clean, my bathrooms are clean, and the dishes get done.
Just PLEASE don't look at the car!!! I have yet to get to it!!! LOL
I hope it doesn't bother him, cause I love him to death.....and hey, the sheets are always clean!
Beth
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 18
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:16:54 AM
messy and untidy is different to filth...
i work long hours and so keeping on top of the washing and stuff can be difficult and i dont always feel like washing the dishes in the evening, so i leave them until breakfast and wash them then,
in general i have a good clean once a week and a top up during the week.. you can tell when the house is cleaned fairly regularly and is just untidy, or if its just sheer filthy...

so messiness would not in iteself present that much of a problem, sheer filth would....
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 19
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:40:02 AM
I am "turned off" by clutter. My first husband was messy and very disorganized before we got married. Luckily the guys I've met since are not as messy as he was, so luckily that hasn't been issue in my life. Being messy can be a big issue in someone's life if you progress to living together. Items can get lost in the mess. Sometimes you can't take this disorganized behavior out of someone, so be prepared to pick up after them occassionally if it bothers you otherwise you will basically have to help them get orgainzed and make some rules that hopefully they will care enough about you to follow...You can't expect a mess person to be comfortable existing so super orgainzed either....They may have to adjust to being "neat" ...My mother was kinda a closet packrat, so I grew up used to that and my nature is to be organized...my own son seems to be like his dad sometimes and likes to toss his clothes in the floor at the end of the day ... lol...it can be a lil "wearing" to teach he messy ones to try to be a lil neater so everyone can live in a lil harmony...You can't expect them to be perfect...it just isn't in their nature, but they can improve a bit...

Messy people can have their good qualities..it takes all kinds to make the world spin....I once worked at a company and worked near a manager that was known for being very "smart" and knew lot of important things for the company...He was also liked by alot of people too...His office was a disaster...lol
 lynrit
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 20
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:49:45 AM
Yes most definately!
If I can smell you place on me after I leave and need to take a bath the minute I get home! I meen how hard is it to pick up after oneself, and if for some reason you are unable to due so, call a maid service.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 21
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:02:04 AM
OP: I would definitely have a problem dating a "pig". Don't get me wrong, there are times when my place is not "immaculate" (always CLEAN, but maybe a tad disorganized); particularly during the work-week, but not to the point where it would be embarrassing nor on a regular basis.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 22
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/27/2009 9:39:54 AM
I don't really mind other peoples messes: it's not my place and it's not like it's hurting anyone so, really, I'm not going to judge. For my place, I prefer a clean house but I'm also fine with a mess when I'm by myself. It does bug me to have a dirty house when I am have people over though, so I usually do most of my cleaning when I know I have people coming over.

I think if I lived with someone else, I wouldn't really feel any pressure to clean their messes(although probably would if I had nothing else better to do) and I wouldn't want them to feel responsible for my messes either. I would have a hard time with OCD clean freaks, especially with the ones who insist on only cleaning things their own way, but I would still always make an effort to clean up after myself for the people I live with, especially if I know it bothers them.

Still, I see a lot of people in this thread who seem to judge a messy house negatively but, to me, living alone and living with someone else are two completely different set of circumstances. If someone wants to discriminate against the house cleaning habits of a bachelor/bachelorette, than that's their business but I think it would be pretty short-sighed and superficial for me to do so.

And really, it's not some sort of unequivocal reflection of someone's deep inner psyche; it's just a messy house. Whatever their motivations are, whether they are just too busy, have a lot going on emotionally and/or physically, being lazy, just don't care or something else, you are just making blind assumptions on their personalities based on one small aspect of their lives.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 24
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 9/29/2011 11:07:36 AM
I don't mind at all if a man wants to come over and clean to his heart's content, just don't lecture me or demand that I keep it up. Come over once a week and scrub scrub scrub all you want, but do it quietly please.

It's always funny to see what makes people feel so holier-than-thou
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 25
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Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 9/29/2011 1:10:37 PM
it depends

I'm put off just as much by a house that is "too" tidy as one that is "too" dirty

Messy within some bounds isnt as bad, but actual "dirty" is an instant turn off


Too tidy in itself isnt the problem though, but just where its not because they tidied up because of expecting a guest, but the type of people where its SOOOOOO constantly that its bordering a severe case of OCD

The worst examples I've seen are one woman who found a slice of pizza down the side of the sofa that had been there a couple of days and took a bite to see if it was worth keeping or not. Another who not only expected visitors to take their shoes off, but who had to then put on hospital booties to avoid treading germs off your feet onto the carpet lol, and one who had literally all of her clothes (which was a sizeable collection) in piles in her living room because she couldnt see the point of putting them away only to have to get them back out again to wear

Sometimes dating can feel like doing a wildlife special for the discovery channel :)
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 26
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 9/29/2011 2:31:46 PM

If you met someone and start seeing them on a somewhat regular basis, would the lack of cleanliness at their place keep you from continuing the relationship?


No; but it would assure that living together never happens.
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