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Show ALL Forums  > Florida  > Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to fin      Home login  
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 justnancy
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 1
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have seen this subject in the General forums, however not in the Florida forums.

I have a gilfriend. Her husband died a few years ago. She has begun dating once again. While chatting with her I mentioned I thought it was great she was ready to move on. They were married 20 years. Among a lot of things, she said to me, she needed to move on. Then she said she wanted to find someone new before she got
"set in her ways".

I have alwaysed beleived that because of my experiences I now know more of what I am looking for. That I know more of what works for me and what doesn't as far as a long term relationship goes. I still believe this. However what my girl friend said stuck with me. As we age and remain single, do we beome more set in our ways? Do we become accustomed to doing things our OWN way, that we become less flexable and more set in our ways. A relationship is give and take. Do you ever wonder if you perhaps sometimes may miss the oppuritunities of having a relationship because you have become less willing to change/give or "set in your ways"?
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:05:03 PM
When my late wife and I were packing to move to Florida, I came across a list that she had prepared before we had even met. It was a list of must haves/can't haves describing the "perfect" guy she was looking for. Kinda set in her ways I'd say. My G-d it was reduced to writing. Well, I violated 9 of the 10 items on the list, but it was an absolutely wonderful marriage for both of us. I think the moral of that story is, although you may THINK you are set in your ways, if the right person comes along, everything can change.

I think the formula for romantic love is lust + our approval + their approval. We are each seeking someone that we think is physically attractive (lust) and that we approve of their actions and ideas and they approve of our actions and ideas.

An extreme example would be, if someone is absolutely gorgeous, but their morals dictate that mugging old ladies and robbing banks for a living is just fine, most of us would not be interested. Or we agree on all intellectual and moral levels, but their face looks like the bottom of a foot and their nose resembles our big toe - probably not going to work either.

JMHO
 magickisssss
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 3
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:12:02 PM
I have become acustom to doing things "my own way" however, I still believe there are parts of my life that I can change or am willing to compromise on . It is not so bad getting set in your ways and then still looking for that special someone as long as you have left enough room in your life to allow someone to share it with.

Like you Nancy, now I know more of what I want and don't want. No playing games or trying to MAKE things work. When long term comes into my life again, it will be because we both will know how to compromise on the little things and agree on the big things.
 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 4
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Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 2:55:53 PM
I have to agree with poster number two, we think we want this that and the other but when the right person comes along all of that changes. I know we have to be set in our ways but as long as you're flexible then your ok.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 5
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:30:47 PM
I think some people are more set in their ways than others, and age has little to do with it. I'm a very easy-going person and I don't get upset over insignificant stuff, such as where my partner wants to put the couch and tables, how to set up the kitchen, what type of music to listen to while sitting on the patio or whether we should have meat loaf or chicken for dinner tonight. I was even told by a man I dated that I was TOO easy-going! He felt our relationship was lacking since there was no friction. Ooookay!

I have other friends, younger and older than I, who are VERY set in their ways and it's their way or the highway. If you move the furniture, change the radio station or decide to make something else for dinner, their world comes undone. I also have friends who are as laid back as I am and wouldn't have a problem compromising with a significant other.

The man in my life lives in Australia and he's coming to Florida the end of Sept. He'll be here for three months and then we will be returning to Australia together to live. It's going to be a big change for the both of us, but we are looking forward to it with excitement and joy. We are having a new house built and can't wait to pick out furnishings together. I'm trying to learn Aussie slang so I'll understand what is being said. Those Aussies have quite a few different sayings and word meanings than we, 'septics'.

If I was a person who was 'set in her ways', this adventure would never even have been an option. I find that sad. I don't want to be 'stuck' in a rut. I want to experience all life has to offer with the man I adore. He has the same type of personality as I do, and feels the same about experiencing life's pleasures and adventures.

Many people prefer to stay within the comfort of what they know. I know people who live in tiny Florida backwater towns, have lived there all their lives, and they are happy as clams in mud. The thought of moving to a different state, much less a different country, would be incomprehensible to them. They want everything to remain the same and avoid any changes whatsoever. That is their choice and, if it makes them happy, good for them. We all have to do what we feel is right and what will make us happy.

Viva la difference!
 sunseeker
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 6
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Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:42:16 PM
I agree with Nancy. I am more aware now of what I need/want to be happy. I think I am flexible to a point but there are some non-negotiables.

Am I set in my ways? Maybe in some things but I can also see myself like "filly" and taking off to make a dream come true. Life is pretty short and "I'd rather die while I'm living then live while I'm dead", to quote Jimmy Buffett!

Good luck filly!

Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:58:15 PM
OMG, a mushroom washer. Clearly a deal breaker. What a jerk
 justnancy
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 8
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:32:37 PM
WHEW!!! Thanks Bob, Diane , Okie and Sunseeker. Reading what you all wrote assures me my way of thinking is normal and that I'm not just kidding myself.

I agree, I think I have become somewhat set in my ways, however that if the right man comes along every thing can change.
Because of experience I won't jump and change everything just because I have an intrest in someone, but I do think for the right person I would make compromises . Experience has also taught me compromise is a two way street too, we BOTH will know how to compromise.

Filly good luck with everything. You are right for SOME people age has nothing to do with it.

LOL, Hallie, was he maybe 50 and never married? I agree with you, wash the mushrooms. Your story taught me one thing, I am definitely not that set in my ways, nor would I want to be with someone that set either. Actually I have met and know some people like that.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 9
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:45:10 PM
RE: Msg 7 from Me Leona
This subject always reminds me of the time I was dating a man who was here while I was making dinner, and he said "I don't slice my red peppers that way, I do it the opposite way," then he said "I don't wash the mushrooms, you don't need to wash mushrooms" while I was rinsing the black dirt off the mushrooms! I said "well I slice my peppers this way, I don't know why, maybe that's the way my mom did it, and I always rinse mushrooms and I'm going to continue rinsing them!"

We both did share a love of red wine and eating!

VVVV lol Bob, we didn't "break up" because of the mushrooms, but I DID google them and show him it said to rinse them. ;)

I wasn't worried about the proper way to slice a bell pepper though.

Leona, I laughed so hard when I read your post. The same man (who is now one of my dearest friends), who said I was TOO easy to get along with, was dating a woman and they butted heads on everything, it seemed. I remember being over there for dinner one evening and they were going 'round and 'round about how to make garlic toast. He butters the bread and then sprinkles on the garlic powder. She stirs garlic powder into the butter and then spreads it on the bread. You would have thought that this was a national crisis the way they carried on. And it was like that with everything. He did it one way and she did it another and both thought theirs was the right way. I can't imagine worrying over how someone cuts peppers or makes garlic toast, but I would insist on washing the mushrooms!
 justnancy
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 10
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:05:45 PM
Filly I find it hard to believe that people would fight over something so small, but some people do!! Guess they never heard of the concept of "pick and choose your battles"

LOL, I hate mushrooms too, but if I serve them, I would wash them.

Laura I agree, and please no one throw out the "w"'s from the M &M bag, they are not misprints and I eat the "M"'s and the "w"'s
 justnancy
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 11
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:37:39 PM
Yup Laura, figured it out all by MYSELF. It took me a pound bag of eating them. Watch-out Women With Menopause!

Now I agree that is more W's than M's but they are both in there. Nothing gets by me for too long.

Hallie, LOL and the amazing part of all, he not only ate them but he is survived it.

REX, what about the M&M's ?
.................................................................................Just kidding.
 justnancy
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 12
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:50:39 PM
LMOA, Thanks Rex, that made me laugh!
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:25:00 PM
Now, this has me wondering if we should cut red, green and yellow peppers all the same way. Hmmm, let's see, I bet from the inside out would be fun. The things that really have me confused are bananas. After you take the skin off and throw the bone away, there''s nothing left to eat. No wonder they are so cheap.
 Green Eyes In Florida
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 14
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History
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:37:57 PM

This subject always reminds me of the time I was dating a man who was here while I was making dinner, and he said "I don't slice my red peppers that way, I do it the opposite way," then he said "I don't wash the mushrooms, you don't need to wash mushrooms" while I was rinsing the black dirt off the mushrooms! I said "well I slice my peppers this way, I don't know why, maybe that's the way my mom did it, and I always rinse mushrooms and I'm going to continue rinsing them!"


Hallie: I had to laugh because it had a sort of "resonance" with me.
Personally, I'd like MY MAN to be in the kitchen with me, if I NEED him to help me with anything, but in the meantime, he can be behind me grabbing me and being frisky while I'm preparing us a lovely dinner. LOL

Then, of course, if he WANTS to help with the dishes or even do them FOR ME, I won't complain.
It's ALL about compromise and "making reservations" is okay in my book too...lol, keeps us BOTH from having to clean up the kitchen later and save more time for "other activities"....

Sorry, couldn't resist. I'd like to believe that I'm pretty flexible as long as it works for us both and, we're STILL smiling about it. No need to fret and certainly..no fighting!

P. S. How DO YOU slice your peppers....out of curiousity??? AND I, use a damp paper towel to remove the dirt off of my mushrooms...at least that is how I read how it is done on various cooking shows. Afterall, WHO wants to taste dirt on their mushrooms? Yuck!!!

~~Beth~~
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:46:30 PM
In cooking school I was taught to put about a tablespoon of flour in a bowl of cold water to wash the mushrooms. The instructor said the flour acted like a very gentle abrasive to get fine particles of dirt off the mushrooms.
 wolfie34761
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 16
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/27/2009 9:42:35 PM
hmmmm, set in my ways................. less likely to find a mate??? OOOOOH, so that's what the problem is...........

hallie, i too have had a cooking partner like yours......... lets just say we didn't do it many times.........

bob.......... you CRACK ME UP...........and YOU CAN COOK TOO...???? you're for sure the "whole package".........that's gonna be a lucky fishie that reels YOU in.....

spacey..... whasssupppp??? how ya doin?? ya know, i love those dang ole M&M's or W&W's...... menopause and chocolate........ what a combination........... oh yeah, try adding "quit smoking" into the mix....aaarggghhh!!! it's one helluva combo, i'm here to tell ya!!

nancy, i think there are lots of us that would "bend" if the right breeze was to blow in..... i know some things are more flexible than others.........i once had a "boyfriend" who brought over a bunch of wood....when i asked him what he was gonna do with it he said "i'm gonna build a dog house".......... well, guess what?? he didn't have a dog....he thought he would put MY dog in it............. now that's when i had to put the foot down....... and one issue i won't bend on......... and that makes me set in my ways...... well there's the door mister, and don't let it hit cha in the A$$ on the way out!!

happy fishing y'all......... .......... and think pleasant thoughts!!!

Wolfie
 magickisssss
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 17
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/28/2009 3:18:06 AM
Obviously, people who are so set in their ways regarding mushroom rinsing (or not), slicing peppers which ever way, are probably the same people who get upset over toothpaste caps, toilet paper (which way to put it on the holder), and leaving the toilet seat up.

Hallie, it was rude of the person to point out the differences if he was a guest in your home. When he fixes dinner, he can do it any old way he wants? As for me, most of the things mentioned are so minor but become so major to others.

In any relationship, there will always be give and take. It is not always 50% all the time but we all have our little quirks. Quirks are what shape our personality and make us part of who we are.
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/28/2009 4:25:02 AM
Of course, I can cook Wolfie. How do you think I stay in shape? This shape is called "round".
 aintold
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 19
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:38:30 AM
I can't even begin to count how many quirks I have, and how set in my ways I am. A lot of it has to do with my belief in Feng Shui, and my persuit of positive energy, but my
habits are really annoying, even to myself. A person has to really like me to put up with me. I really do try to be flexible, but at 62, my obnoxious personality is pretty well set.
Luckily for me, most of my friends all still let me hang out with them.
 justnancy
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 20
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/28/2009 8:47:57 AM
Wolfie, LOL I wouldn't bend on the dog house either. There are some things I am willing to bend on and some things I'm not.

Yes that Bob is a catch, I hear he not only cooks but also takes out the garbage and can dance. Bob if only you were a few years older

LOL, I really don't care how someone cuts the peppers or puts the roll of toilet paper, Heck they can take over the kitchen and clean the bathroom any ole time they want!!

I agree Diane we all have our quirks. It's a madder of, if the other person can accept your quirks or not, and which ones you are willing to change. On the bigger issues, I also agree it isn't always a 50/50 thing. Most often it is a revolving door.

Aintold good to hear from you, I haven't seen you in a while. LOL ok Hal does that Feng shui have anything to do with your Herbal tea drinking?
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/28/2009 8:56:08 AM
I considered Feng shui, but I decided to remain straight.
 wolfie34761
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 22
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/28/2009 9:17:01 AM

Wolfie, what nerve, a doghouse? You should've told him if he makes a doghouse it will be for him, not the dog!


actually hallie, that is EXACTLY what i told him............. "that he would be sleeping in it before MY dog would....." he never really was an animal lover and was always trying to get me to get rid of her (and a couple of cats too) and half of the "stuff" in my house.......... geeeze, he was a pain in the A$$!

one time, my A/C unit was freezing up and water flooded part of the carpet and he told me i needed to "kick the dog out because she had peed on the carpet"......well, don't cha know i got a towel, sopped it up and showed him it wasn't pee.......and told him in the 14 years i had had her (she's 17 now) she had NEVER, i repeat, NEVER.....peed in my house............ then i made him apologize to her........... yep, sure did....made him look her in the eyes and tell her he was sorry.......

and yes, i aintold, i think lots of us are "set in our ways" and we've still got friends who want to hang out with us.......lol......Thank God!!

at least you can blame some of your "quirks" on your Feng Shui..... i just blame mine on being the single mother of a severly handicapped child, who is on a strict schedule of meds and therapies and fact that i have had to fight tooth and nail to get everything he needs and of course the rest i blame on being "my father's daughter". soooo, yep, my (sometimes) obnoxious/sarcastic personality is here to stay........
in my own defense, usually if there is a certain WAY i like things done, there usually is a really good reason......lol.......a "method to my madness", i'd like to say.......

a very wise woman i know (my mom) told me.... "you have to learn to accept people with their faults" and pretty much, i try to do that.......but for the one's that want acceptance for THEIR faults......but don't want to accept ME as I am...... as i said in my above post.........."if'n ya don't like it......... there's the door, and don't let it hit cha in the A$$ on the way OUT....."...... and like justnancy said a few posts ago, i've been around LONG enough to know what i want, what i need and what i deserve.....and till i find that person...........if he even exists......well.......... i'm content to be single.... better to be single and content that "coupled" and miserable.

and bob..........thanks again for cracking me up........... of all the words i can think of to describe you.........."round" wasn't one that came to mind.......

happy fishing y'all!!

think pleasant thoughts............Wolfie
 justnancy
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 23
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/28/2009 9:38:18 AM

. better to be single and content that "coupled" and miserable.


Ditto!!!

LOL, Bob I'm staying straight too.

But I do like yoga.

 aintold
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 24
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:16:15 AM

I considered Feng shui, but I decided to remain straight


You know Bob, sometimes it might be helpful to investigate alternative lifestyles, just don't bend over backwards doing it
 justnancy
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 25
Are you becoming more set in your ways, making you less likely to find a realtionship?
Posted: 7/30/2009 1:02:04 PM
Thanks for the article Pete. I read it, very interesting!!!
Goes to show there is more than one way to approach things.
Funny the ways in which she learned to "train" so to speak, is exactly what I do with my students at school.
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