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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Did you expect to be single this late in life?      Home login  
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 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 2
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I think you missed POF rule... Never take yourself to seriously, people with think you have some sort of disease, and gravitate to the other side of the room, OR dating pool...


It took me a while to find a fish, and ya know sometimes a person has to make compromises...

So ya want a date with two legs, but heck you aren't getting younger, so perhaps the bearded one legged lady will start looking hotter more and more...

I didn't think I was going to end up single and have a 7 yr span of dating, and luck that bit...

I don't know if it is about luck, or if it is something wrong with the whole world any more, but I'd say people don't do well with to many options, it seems to confuse them, and put them in a state of not knowing what they want...

Keep fishing, can't catch a fish if your line and pole are in the garage...

Rock on, good profile..
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 4
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/29/2009 8:00:37 PM
Expect? Naww, not really.

Been engaged twice. The first one was terminally married to her widowed mother, and I wasn't willing to come in consistently second in a marriage (i.e., dates broken because her mother - whom she lived with, along with her grandmother - was feeling 'lonely') Went through counselling with that one, until she started ignoring the counselor and blowing me off for mom again any time her mother said boo.

I found the second with her genitalia wrapped around her boss, so that one didn't fly. C'est la vie.

I don't let it bend me - marriage is about a person, not a goal. I've given it two honest shots so far - why beat myself up over it?
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/29/2009 9:37:16 PM
I love the old quote (John Lennon I think?), something along the lines of, "life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."

In my case, I got married then quickly divorced in my early 20s. I remember thinking very clearly that I wasn't worried, and figured by the time I was closing in on 40 I'd be married again and happy, raising a family. Of course, before I knew it 40 was staring me in the face. Then I met someone, and I did end up getting married while I was still 40, but found myself divorced and alone again at 44. So what the hell do I know? Well, I know one thing, from hard won experience; it isn't about expectations, its about finding a way to be happy regardless of your situation.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:02:14 AM
It never dawned on me to wonder at any age what my dating life would be like. I was too busy making sure I was taking care of myself and enjoying my life.

I always figured that if someone came along that made sense to me, then I'd go with it - if not, that's cool too.

To me single isn't a negative thing, it's circumstantial - I don't place any self worth or purpose in life on it.
 coveredinpaint
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 7
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:28:10 AM
Being single in your 30s is okay. There is still hope for you. You still have some of your youth to cling to. It is still possible to find a good, suitable match. If you are 40 and above, you are pretty much screwed, unless you are a dude with a lot of money or a really hot milfy chick.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 8
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/30/2009 2:38:45 PM

Being single in your 30s is okay. There is still hope for you. You still have some of your youth to cling to. It is still possible to find a good, suitable match. If you are 40 and above, you are pretty much screwed, unless you are a dude with a lot of money or a really hot milfy chick.


OH HUNI, you have so been misinformed... The 40's are freaking AWESOME... I would never go back to my 20's, or early 30's... Got into my 40's and something about life and not having to keep up with anyone but me hit...

OK, I have a SO, but I had single time in my 40's and it has been great.

There are things you don't have to worry about it you got that child bearing rearing thing pretty much out of the way...

Alright it is true I had to start over in college again, cause a work injury took me out of my last career, but it is all good...

There is life's experience to know what you want and don't want... there is the point that you can really enjoy WHO you have become, and know that you survived some really tough shit...

40's to me is an awesome place... Pfffttttt have a lot of money and a hot MILFY... If money is all that marks a man as worth while, then I guess you are pretty screwed... However from my experience money isn't the end all of a happy life...

Pfffftttt hot chick, another if that is the only thing that makes you hope, yep guess you are screwed...

Some of us age like a very fine wine...
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/30/2009 3:03:12 PM
If you are 40 and above, you are pretty much screwed, unless you are a dude with a lot of money or a really hot milfy chick.


If this is the way that you think, well then you are screwed. But let me tell you something. When I was single and in college it took me a while, but eventually I became rather good with the ladies. But then I got married, because a pathetically nice guy, then got divorce after a long time, went in search of my cojones, found them, put them on. And wham!! What happened? What happened was that being older is much, much better. You can attract a woman half your age, you can attract a woman your own age, and you can attract those slightly older women that keep themselves in great shape and are hotter than sh it and want a younger guy.

So your spectrum opens tremendously and you discover an old South American saying that goes "mas sabe el diablo por viejo que por diablo" which translates into More knows the devil because he's old, than because he is the devil.



 Blakkardaberry
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 10
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:06:09 PM
Very interesting to tell the truth I did exspect it but not for the same reason as anyone else. I been out of step my whole life . Have I been ready for a relationship Yeah I have been financially and emotionally. Just a matter of timing never had the right girl at the right time in the right frame or mind. It may be regional hard to tell let you know after I move its pretty dismal here right now has been for the past 10 years if you ask me. Attitudes where I live not condusive to long term relationships. I have hopes that if I move I can go somewhere people think differently. Please don't pop my ballon its the only one I have right now. :7)
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 11
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:20:52 PM

not to make any woman mad , but really if a man can get his shit right then how come women cant get there head out of there ass. they say they want but are still uunsure .so you tell me . i have a job i have my own car, an i own my own house ,
Sunshine I had all those things, and did it on my own... My then spouse decided he liked my credit, used up, and got bored, and tossed his business in the toilet...

I lost all those material things at age 36, or most of them...

Some times we HAVE OUR HEAD OUT OF OUR ASSES, but it is the men we meet that don't... Funny when I had the fancy house, cars, boat, motor home, we weren't happy people, because what was lacking was HIM loving his family, and valuing having a spouse that loved him...

I was raised that women are to put all their trust into their husband... Won't ever be that stupid and gullible again..

It isn't about what the HEART wants, but rather what makes sense, and is a good solid logical choice, then if the heart is feeling it, we move forward... Many people let their supposed heart, or rather total emotions lead, and they get hurt repeatedly...

The one thing is when TWO PEOPLE come together and are on the same loving page, and respect of each other, THEN happiness can be built in what ever fashion those TWO see fit...

So as a older women with middle aged wisdom... Both genders have a lot of rectalcranial issues... Not just women...
 bike mad
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 12
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 6:16:46 AM
I never really worried about being in a relationship, at any age. I have a life to be getting on with although I feel a bit sad sometimes when I see the Welsh mountains turned red with the setting sun and there is no one to share it with.


Steve2600 - I understand, as a contract engineer most of the guys I meet at work are in their late 40's - 50's and probably 15% of them have wives from overseas.
We work hard, away from home to make sure we are financially secure, get back and find there are lots of over-weight single mum's in the dating pool. Children happen but you have to really try to not notice your clothes don't fit any more!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 13
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 6:21:34 AM

Will go meet some of them soon to see who might be the right one.


You may want to take a vacation to the beaches in Venezuela. The view is fantastic, the water sparking and the women are so tired of Chaves that they will scoop you up in a heart beat. And nothing pre-arranged, just natural chemistry.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 6:27:59 AM
^^^I totally agree that for men who favor dating customs outside the US, moving to where they find it more attractive is the best idea. If you can work in another country or have the money to move where you feel the women are better - go for it.
 Bassbob47
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 15
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 8:39:15 AM
well i never gave it much thought until now, time has flown by and getting quicker
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 17
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:41:52 PM

I won't actually do this; but sometimes I feel tempted just to switch my profile over to "Intimate Encounter" and just go pick up some bored curious housewife for benefits, because finding a sane and happy woman for a real relationship just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me- and I am tired of the loneliness caused by this tiny pool of nuts 'n' flakes (both POF and real life).


francotiradora , if you were interested in moving the lesbian capital is Eugene, OR. This IS NOT a snarky judgmental remark, but rather where I had lived for 7 yrs. I am a naively friendly person, and got hit on by women quite often...I didn't feel offended, but had a lot to learn, simply because that wasn't something I was raised around.

YES, people judge, and have some weird ideal that people chose this way of thinking, it is NOT, and I have done research that demonstrates the animal kingdom is alive and well with gay, bi and A sexual, as heterosexual creatures, thus it IS something that is part of nature.

My neighbor is married two kids, and they are a swinging couple, she admits she is Bi, which once again came as a surprise, but she is a lovely person.

Try not to be to hard on yourself, and be realize that no matter your sexual orientation it is TOUGH in the dating field. I have NO DOUBT it is harder when your sexual orientation is different from the majority, BUT it is SLOWLY getting more acceptance.

Good luck...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 18
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:29:32 PM
I'd have to say yes, when I was younger, I never thought about being in a relationship. I dreamed about my career, where I would live, the places I would travel, and certainly the people I would meet, but I never thought of being in a long term relationship. Maybe that's a big part of why I'm not in one now.
I like to date, and I've had some really nice boyfriends, but on the priority list, a serious relationship is not even really in the top five for me.

Wow, I could have written this. I remember sitting around with a bunch of female friends in my pre teens daydreaming about what we'd all be doing when we were grown ups. I was the only one in the group without a husband or kids on my future list. I was all about the apartment, the car, the job, the pet...sure, I dated over the years, but it was more accidental - it was never a goal. *shrug*
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 19
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/3/2009 11:16:06 PM
I always thought I'd be married and have a son early in my life but, I NEVER thought I would be divorced by 35. To me, the fact that I am still single is simply because that was indeed my choice. I could find another gf but why would I NEED to find one? Many people say they want a relationship but, what is so wrong with being single? I think that people who are always looking for a relationship are very busy looking at other people to find happiness all the while forgetting that happiness come from within!
 winfieldbrian
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 20
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/12/2009 5:54:50 PM
No I didn't; however, I'm not in a rush to get hitched again. I want to take my time and get to know the person while enjoying the sights and sounds of Chicago. There's so much that has changed while I was away, and exploring it would be much more fun with a partner.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 21
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/12/2009 6:11:43 PM
"To all those between 30-40 do you think you ever be in a relationship again?"
--------
It depends on what you mean by "again." So far I haven't found "HER" yet in my life but I do see a lot of women, i.e., I keep dating. Sometimes a relationship lasts a week or two, sometimes a month or longer. It depends on what you're looking for. Every relationship starts from the same point so to speak - you date and keep dating until you become exclusive.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 22
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/16/2009 10:08:58 PM
Not really. I had no visions of anything. I'm rather surprised I actually lived this long.
 Shawnb2009
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 23
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/25/2009 4:41:04 PM
No...I always thought I;d be married by the age of 35.
 Giantrican
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 24
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/26/2009 4:29:17 AM
Never, Never, Never, Never....But I would rather be single then with someone I couldnt stand....
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 26
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:39:23 PM
Single is awesome.. Have been in some great relationships and some sucky ones.. none of them were exactly what I was looking for. I don't stress over being single,instead I use the spare time to do things I have always wanted to do,broaden my horizons as far as knowledge and just enjoy life.. I may or may not meet the "love" of my life.. If I do she is more than welcome to walk with me on my journey,if not.. oh well.. I'd much rather be single and alone then with a loser and lonely.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 27
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 9/12/2009 8:06:13 PM
i never thought i would be single at this age, it really sucks
 Threshold of Hope
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 28
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:22:23 PM
When I was a teenager, I just assumed that I would someday be married and have kids. I never put a specific time as to when I would do these things. Now that I am about to turn 36, I still expect that someday I will get married. Having kids will depend upon to whom I end up married. However, I don't need to get married to be happy, and if I never marry, I will not consider my life to be a disaster.

 Stafford_Jim
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 29
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:48:25 PM
"I think expecting to be single or not single is the real issue.

Some times things don't always turn out as expected. However it's no reason to sell yourself or anyone else short. Don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire."

I agree GirlInLust, but I think that's why so many of us are still single as we get older. The, 'don't settle' part of your statement is what's holding us back, as well it should. In a little over a year I'll be 40 and likely still single, the reason being is I won't settle. And while I would love to have someone in my life to share, I won't settle for someone who will drag my life down, emotionally, physically, or financially.

I don't date just for the sake of dating, in fact I haven't had a date in years simply because I'm not liking what I'm finding out there in my age group. We're all older, and some of us are a little less attractive than we were 15 years ago, but both men and women still seem to be holding out for 20-something looks while expecting 40-something accomplishments in the same package. We want the other party to have no baggage, something impossible at this stage of life, and we've all had our share of bad relationships that affect our judgement in future ones. It's a constant conflict of interests.

I've known people who settled because they were scared of turning 30, 40, etc and being alone. In the end, most of them lost out on other opportunities along with their financial and emotional stability. I won't be one of them.
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