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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > He didn't even say goodbye...      Home login  
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 southern charm 68
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 1
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He didn't even say goodbye...Page 1 of 1    
Hi again everyone. This is my second thread. My first thread is "Hurt, confused, don't understand."

I had been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We agreed upon a mutual relationship. We got along great, went places together, had lots of fun. He kept telling me how beautiful I was, that I was a good person, ect. And he told me he loved me with all my heart just a month ago.

I did lots of things for him including loan him cash. He had planned a trip to visit relatives for 2 weeks. The day he was to leave I stopped by his house hoping to spend a little time with him before he left on my way to work. When I got there he was on the phone with a relative. The door was open except for the screen door. He asked if anything was wrong. I said no, I just wanted to visit before he left for his trip since it was going to be 2 weeks before I'd see him again. He didn't even invite me in and continued talking on the phone, completely ignoring me. I just turned and left. That was the last time I seen or talked to him...

Well, he came back. 2 days ago. His friends told me he packed up and moved with his relatives. They said he had visted them and said goodbye. He did not visit or call, didn't tell me it was over. I'm very hurt by his actions and very confused. He could have at least said goodbye. It might have been the fact he owed me about $200 and didn't want to repay. I don't understand...if he had 'loved me with all his heart" how could he have done this? I looked back and thought hard trying to think if I had pushed him away in some way but I don't see how I did. And now I feel used, sad and so hurt. I felt I deserved at least closure. Can anyone help me figure this out? Thanks.
 Svetlana Blue
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 2
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:02:44 PM
What is there to figure out? Not trying to be rude but the other thread was just as tragic. Bottom line he got what he wanted, he used you and he has been done for a long time. People do this. All the time. When you see red flags, pay attention to them. Find someone who cares, seriously.
 Opequon
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 3
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He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:15:22 PM
He probably wasn't raised right. I just don't know what to say about it. It happens and there is nothing to be done or figured out. Just watch for any signs and be prepared in the future.

I had an ex disappear on me. About 8 weeks after his disappearing act I find out thru the grapevine that he is engaged to be married. He met this woman about 2 weeks prior to disappearing on me. Last I talked to him he was miserable in his marriage (he went to many of his ex's looking for sympathy). Told him to grow up. He had a responsibility to his wife and child.

So I guess in the end, Karma does bite you in the butt.
 Jadd2767
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 4
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He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:27:44 PM
I hate to say it but I think there was more than just moving back with relatives, depending on his mode of transportation I would think there was alot of baggage that went with this dude on his trip.....if you know what I mean....I'm 42, single and could give you a few lengthy why did they do this to me stories, wish I had an easy answer, it was a very gutless thing to do to you, you deserved more than that, I know this is an easy thing for me to say being on the outside looking in but think of it of how HE blew it and is missing out everything you have to offer....the next one probably wont be that dense....good luck :-)
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 5
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:38:07 PM
OP you were extremely naive; he flat out used you and you let him.

Choose a better guy;

When a thread by a woman starts with,"he said", then it's a given he used you.

If "HE SAID" he was a billionaire then I'm sure he is one huh? come on


This is a no brainer; until women start looking at the guys actions instead of what they say, then guys will continue to get away with using people.
 purrtypurr
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 6
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:53:07 PM
Why would a user with wrong intentions give you any closure?......say good bye to your cash and learn from this experience....
 iTsMeJuLi
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 7
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:24:09 PM
You did pretty good considering he only owes you $200. Could have been far worse.

Forget about closure, be glad the loser is gone.
 southern charm 68
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 8
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He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:42:56 PM
"But think of it of how HE blew it and is missing out everything you have to offer..."

Thanks for the encouragement Jadd. I'm trying to make sense of what has happened. I realize he used me but at least that's over now. It will be a long time before I'm ready for another relationship but I'll be more careful next time. I'll just keep in mind that people can be heartless. I'd never use anyone like that. And maybe someday he will realize what he has done.
 southern charm 68
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 9
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He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:50:59 PM
opequon I agree he wasn't raised right; he's had lots of problems since childhood. He is confirmed to be bipolar. But the 6 months I've known him I couldn't tell it; he was very affectionate and sweet. He just suddenly got cold.

Sometime in the future I half expect him to call or be back. Because surely he won't forget how good I was to him. I'm confident Karma will bite him in the butt.
People might think I was naive but truth is I'm caring and compassionate and he took advantage of that. I've learned to toughen up...
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 10
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He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:56:53 PM
Sometime in the future I half expect him to call or be back. Because surely he won't forget how good I was to him.

Dont expect anything from him. he is incapable of giving you a goodbye
let alone an explanation of why he left.

If it makes you feel any better - alot of us go through this.

They have issues, baggage, whatever you want to call it.

You could have been the best to him but he was leaving anyway.

What you do- focus on yourself and heal. These are his issues, not
yours. Dont take it personal, even though I know that its easier said
than done but really - do you really want a relationship with a guy
who cant even tell you how he feels?

He is a coward. Let Karma deal with him.
You heal and find someone that you can be the woman
you are- a kind, caring, thoughtful person.

He will find what he is -
a selfish, self centered, issue filled assclown. They usually hook up with what
they are.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 11
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/2/2009 7:34:04 AM
Good God! rule number 1! Never, ever loan any money!!! why in the world did you do that????

He played you like a violin. Yes, he used you and in one of the worst possible ways. Consider yourself lucky you are only out $200.00 and NOT $200,000. Learn the lesson and move on.

Next time, don't be so available, don't do so much for someone, and definitely do NOT loan them money.
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 12
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He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/3/2009 1:27:05 AM
He kept telling me how beautiful I was, that I was a good person, ect. And he told me he loved me with all my heart just a month ago.


I did lots of things for him including loan him cash
I did lots of things for him including loan him cash
I did lots of things for him including loan him cash

Write out on a legal sheet of paper one hundred times...

I will not loan money to men
I will not loan money to men
I will not loan money to men

A man that take money from women.....is not a man. get it? got it? good.
 TooNice31
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 13
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:32:34 AM
Well here is a fun tale, I met a guy, thought he was nice, we started hanging out every weekend, talks on the phone, at first it was fantastic, than things started to go south, he never had any money, altho the union was new and supose to fun, it got stressful, he never had the basic things, like food, we were supose to go to a movie one time and he told me that he would love to take me but I would have to pay, now don't take this the wrong way, I am all about paying, but everything we did, or were supose to do was going to be on my dime, and at first it was ok, until I figured out that I was going to be the one with the wallet, so ....to make a long story short, the last time I saw him had come over and spent the night, the next day instead of leaving like a normal person would have, he thought he would lay on my couch all day, well finally after much avoiding, I made up some excuse to get him out, he called twice after that, no no no. I would rather be alone and support myself, than be miserable with a leach hanging off me. I guess my advice is, open your eyes, there are a lot of men out that are honest and loyal, and many that aren't.....good luck.....don't give up and DON'T LEND MONEY. cheers!
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 14
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He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/3/2009 11:16:19 AM
I never would date any guy I had to loan money to.
That right there tells me he's a low life.
Guys you need to loan $200 to are guys that are going to do what he did to you.

I only date guys with all the cash and credit cards they need.
Just like I only date guys with cars.
It shows a certain basic level of knowing how to operate in the world.
 CyrusOne
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 15
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/4/2009 3:32:12 PM
Person above me... No. I disagree.

Sometimes people just need to borrow money... that doesn't mean they're gonna go all evil on you and break your heart... in that case every woman who needs a ride to her house is going to cheat on me and I don't need that because they can't operate in the world. <--- see what I did there?

OP-- I think those were 200 bucks wisely invested. You never have to see him again... and that's good because he might have been some money pit with no end.

Closure is nice... but it's not a luxury we can always get. Best thing to do is tell him you need that money back and if you can get it fine... if you can't... well let it go...

And to say "if he loved me with all his heart..." why would he do it? Someone doesn't have to love someone to pay money back... I bet no one here loves their credit card company or bank... but they pay the money back because of the consequences.

Move forward... sometimes we take a loss like this... it sucks I know, but what other choices do you have?
 collecting moments
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 16
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He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/4/2009 5:50:53 PM
Why would you give a man money?
 Wyatt Earp1
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 17
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:52:00 PM
OP you are 41 years old and old enough to know what happened. Plus you are advertising looking for a woman to be friends with? Weird. Ok mostly likely you are hsp-highly sensitive person. He used you and then dumped you. End of story.

Closure-you are trying to get it here by writing. That is good; keep writing. Write a poem or several about him/to him. Get it out of your system. Write him a letter that
you end up crumpling up. Or better yet burning it while saying goodbye to him.

I've met women like this. It's life. Good luck to you.
 southern charm 68
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 18
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He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/5/2009 8:38:21 AM
^^^^^^^ Well yes, I'm old enough to know what happened. But I'm not overly sensitive; anyone would have been hurt by being treated this way. And how do you find it weird that I'm looking for women to be friends with? That is nothing unusual, some other users on this site are seeking the same thing. And of course I'm 100% straight.
I'm just not ready for a relationship with a man, won't be for a long time.

I'm glad I posted here, I got some good advice and it has made a world of difference.

Ah, I'm just going to let Karma deal with him and move on.
Thanks for your post.
 southern charm 68
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 19
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He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/5/2009 8:42:01 AM
"Why in the world did you do that?"

Renegade,
Because I was too soft hearted I guess. I loan friends and family money but they never take advantage of me like this which just goes to show that not everyone is like him.

I will certainly remember rule #1, don't be so available/ do so much...I got burnt and learned my lesson. Thanks for your post.
 ruffian2
Joined: 3/14/2009
Msg: 20
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:12:14 PM
I knew someone just like this, only much worse. I say hunt him down and demand your money back, contact everyone he knows including his mommie and daddie.

You can't change the fact that you were used and you probably won't get your money back, but you can make his life miserable...and that really is what people like this need. They all to often get away with screwing people and most people just walk away. Sometimes Karma needs a nudge, and you will feel better because you stood up to him.
 leo 007
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 21
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/5/2009 5:16:22 PM
It is sad to be treated so mean. Keep your dignity, and find something to smile about everyday. Find someone to be kind to, and if you can laugh with a new friend or laugh alone, but laugh! Lori
 Wiyan
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 22
He didn't even say goodbye...
Posted: 8/5/2009 7:57:45 PM
Hi Charm. If you were operating out of intellect or rationality, you 'd surely be doing all of the things the fishies are advising and wouldn't need to post. However, EMOTIONS are funny things, not logical guideposts either, are they? I know when your heart hurts over being mistreated like that mostly you just need compassion and a shoulder to cry on. I can tell you, it just takes time to get over a breach of trust like that when you gave someone your best and they disregarded you. It takes as long as it takes and there are no shortcuts. You can try Ben and Jerry's, sad romances to get the tears going, supportive friends who can put up w/ the broken record for a bit and anything else which brings you comfort. I'm quite sure that if you knew then what you know now, this wouldn't have happened to you. Don't hate yourself though for your own blindspots. We all have them until we learn whatever it is about ourselves that causes us to stand up and say yes to what's right and no way to what's hurtful. At least if it's any consolation to you, you are that much wiser now. No matter what anyone else may advise you to think or do, we have emotions for a reason. You're probably now at a depth of feeling you didn't know you had. Try to honor your own expereince and stay with the painful feelings instead of running from them- Wiyan
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