Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sjstudent17
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 1
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!Page 1 of 1    
Hi All..
so I am new to dating after being in a five year relationship..i pretty much have never had to date and have no idea what I am doing! so i need some advice..

I have met several nice guys but the same thing always happens, so I want to figure out what I am doing wrong and what I should do and expect in the future.

Basically, I have met a few nice guys and in each case we had great conversation, chemistry and spark..and they have even mentioned they are interested in me...then they will ask for my number and ask if i have plans for such and such time and then never call...

the last guy i really connected with and when he asked for my number i was hesitant to give it to him and said if you are going to call I will give it to you , if not that's ok but i dont want to give you my number then..which I am now realizing was a dumb thing to say ( I told you I don't know how to date!)

so basically...if these guys are interested in me, and I make it clear that I am interested in getting to know them more how come they never call?

Also if you meet a guy on a friday night, when is a reasonable time for him to call? maybe i am just too inpatient.

Thanks for any and all advice.
 Porckchops
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 2
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:09:18 PM
I don't know much about dating and such but have you thought about exchanging phone numbers(as in asking them for their phone numbers as well)?

Some may just end up being too shy to call and would appreciate if you called them.
 Scratch off
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 3
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:11:37 PM
If this is happening 100% of the time, then it is something you are doing to contribute to it. Maybe you come off as too thirsty when you first meet a guy, who knows without much more background info? And if you are recently out of a five year relationship, how recent? If it's a few weeks or a month, stop trying to date for a while. Just slow way down, relax, go out and have fun without any expectations of romance for a while.

For a guy, there's nothing worse than meeting a girl fresh out of a situation where someone else did her wrong. It's about as appealing an idea as a prostate exam.
 Jackal123
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 4
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:15:28 PM
1. You are not the only person they are dating.

2. What you perceive as "chemistry" and a "spark" is not necessarily what they perceive. You can have a good time with someone without there being any romantic interest.
 ffryan
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:28:19 PM
Whenever I am interested in somebody, I call. I'd think a guy who doesn't isn't serious.
 kelaiel27
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:36:30 PM
Could be any number of things. Hell calling a girl whose number you pulled is on the same level as approaching her in the first place. Maybe theyre nervous and just find it easier to forget about it. Maybe as a previous poster said, theyre dating more than one person. There's absolutely no telling.

While I realize that the whole scene is new to you, I would suggest a slightly altered approach. If they ask for your number, write it down, hand it to them, and pull it back slightly when they go for it. Look them in the eye slyly and say "Only if you're going to use it". Of course, this approach DOES require carrying around a pen and post it notes, but it's a fairly effective tactic on several levels.

That pretty much kicks them in the teeth with an indication of interest, and if being nervous is the issue, will likely win through.

As far as calling goes, depends on the person. They may decide to play the traditional "wait 3 days" game, and you wont hear from them till monday/tuesday, or possibly the following weekend. Some will call you the next night if they dont have anything planned to see if you also have nothing planned, and want to get together. There's no set timeframe, but to be honest, I wouldn't wait around for it. The ones that want to call will call, the ones that dont, well, don't lose any sleep over them.
 WackMC
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 7
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/2/2009 9:30:04 PM
Stop giving them the number to your "cousin's" house. High school is over.
 cyclesaurus
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 8
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/3/2009 3:33:28 AM
If I talk to a girl in a bar situation, getting her number - or even just asking for it - sometimes seems like basic protocol. Whether or not I'll call has no bearing on whether or not I asked for it - it's if I'm actually interested. Guys press for things, it's just how it is.
 A-Womans-Best-Friend
Joined: 7/29/2009
Msg: 9
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:45:41 AM
That's Good kelaiel27 I can see your a P.U.A. but the Game is a little different for girls.

sjstudent17 here is exactly what you should do to get a guy interested and keep him interested...

Simply you have to pick and choose a guy you see and 80% chance you will get him to interested in you. When you go out look as sexy and hot as you can, say "Hi" to a guy you see then walk away and look back as see if he is watching then wait a bit and see if he will come talk to you. Ask him "So where is your girlfriend?" if he says he doesn't have one say "Oh well, I am sure you'll find someone who may be interested in you, what kind of girl are you looking for?" if he ask what kind of guy your looking for discribe him and what he is wearing. If he is not getting the hint say "Well I am got to go meet my friends maybe we can hangout some time?" IF he say "SURE" enthusiasticly and asks for your number say "Well I dont really give out my number but I think your cute and we can have allot of fun;)" if he doesn't say "Well I hope to see you around sometime" and start to walk away again he should ask for a way to contact you after. If he makes no sign of enthusiasium and acts cool and uncarried dont bother giving him your number he will not call. When you talk on the phone keep conversations short and sweet with plans for a date. Act very sexual but leave the physical intimacy to a bare minimum. Only give a hug on first date, a peck on the cheek for second, a short kiss for third, longer kiss but no tongue for fourth, tongue on fifth, make out on sixth, second base on seventh (touching over the clothing), second base on eighth (touching under the clothing) but no Home Run until he gives you his undying Love which should be after 10 dates if you tease him enough with your hot sexiness he will.

Enjoy your dating life it should be a blast...
 jimmorrison4
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 10
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:43:00 AM
^^ Don't do any of that unless you're 15 or younger.

OP, for whatever reason, guys are losing interest after they get your number. Why don't you just ask for their number next time?
 HotCocoa87
Joined: 1/8/2009
Msg: 11
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:09:57 AM
Seeming interested and being interested are two different things. If a man is interested, believe men when I tell you that he will call. But when you put yourself out there as an inexperienced dater, just out of a five year relationship, nine out of ten, you'll scare them off. Try to be a little bit more secretive with your information until you and him are comfortable and have had a some several months behind you. That way, when you finally do tell him, he'll know enough about you to not just think you're carrying around emotional baggage. Try to be vague enough for him to continue wanting more. He will tell you he likes honesty, but he's just lying. Don't lie. Just don't tell the full truth.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 12
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:15:26 AM
Hi, Welcome to the crazy world of internet dating where we all have advice.. Here is mine.
Next time you believe there is chemistry and spark there, when they ask for your number turn the tables on them and ask for theirs. If they are really interested they will give it up.

I have went so far to ask for the number,when they start rattling it off I tell them wait. Punch the number in my cell and call it. That way as it is ringing, I smile and let them know I am horrible at loosing numbers so this way I have them in my phone.

A. I am finding out if the number is legit and they are really interested.

B. I really do loose numbers this way I have it.

C. I let them know I am intersted also.

Good luck
 etourdi77
Joined: 7/7/2009
Msg: 13
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:55:16 AM
Seeming and being are two different things...if they seem interested that is your perception, if they are interested that is theirs..If a guy is really interested in you he will call..If he isn't he wont ..pretty simple really...lol
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:19:46 AM
The only thing I see missing from the great advice the others have given, is to ask what you mean by "never." ACTUAL never is a very long time.
I'm reminded of all the comedians who joke that when a woman says I'll call you, she means tomorrow. When I guy says so, he means I'll call you before I die.
Basically, I agree with the folks that suggest you just keep moving, and maybe switch to "no, you give me YOUR number." If the guy means it, he'll both be flattered, AND you'll get through to him (eventually...keep in mind modern cell phones don't deliver near what they promise in the ads!). If he gives you a fake number (as many women do to guys), you'll know not to hold your breath for them. If he gives you NO number, you'll know he didn't really mean it when he asked for yours.
 GGSN
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 15
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/4/2009 12:37:53 AM
I thought the women's liberation movement was all about equality? Doesn't that mean that the woman should call if she wants to call, rather than wait around for the guy to call?

Oh, unless you happen to be one of those old fashion types who is against gender equality.
 SJS37
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 16
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/4/2009 12:46:53 AM
There could be many reasons for this. If you want the real reason call him and ask. If you want tons of random guessing ask us.

Considering the fact that you don't want to call, I would say he has innitiated everything. If he suddenly stops, he is likely not interested any further, tired of doing all the chasing, found somebody he likes more or he forgot to close his explorer window and his wife came home early from work and seen that he was dating you and 10 other girls, She went crazy, shot him in the head and he is now taking the dirt nap in the back yard under the rose garden. This is purely speculative mind you. I have no psychic abilities that I am yet aware of.
 turbulence1981
Joined: 4/13/2009
Msg: 17
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/4/2009 12:55:15 AM
If he doesn't call, he is not interested.
 KC-Friends
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 18
Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!
Posted: 8/4/2009 7:14:54 AM
Same question, same answer: They are NOT interested, or they are not THAT interested in you to pick up the phone and call right away. Pure. Simple.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Guys seem interested but dont call? confusing!