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 ~pinkrose~
Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 1
Can long distance relationships work?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I've met this guy online and we've known each other for over 5 months. We have a lot of common interests and chat to each other on msn every other day. He's also on my facebook friendlist. We get on really well and always have interesting conversations, sometimes about serious stuff other times just fun and jokes. Because he lives in another state, both of us were happy just to be internet chat buddies. I have a lot of chat buddies from overseas also who I've never met in real life.

So, to make a long story short, last week, I happen to be visiting his city on a work trip, and I messaged him that I'll be in town for a few days and if he'd be interested to meet up. I had no expectations really, just thinking I'd be meeting up with a good friend. When we did finally see each other, there was instant attraction. And the feeling was mutual. We ended up sleeping with each other and it was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. It's definitely brought our friendship to a different level.

He now wants to fly me down again for the weekend to visit him. I really want to see him again, but should I accept his offer to pay for my ticket? Or should I pay my own way? Has anyone had experience in a long distance relationship. Can this work?
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 2
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/6/2009 3:03:24 AM
Sure, if you want to go see him and he wants to pay your way as a gift, let him. Especially if you are agreed to be in an exclusive monogamous relationship and his finances are better than yours. Your contribution can be in other ways, such as cooking while you are visiting, or helping straightening up while there, or other things that contribute that don't necessarily cost money but are helpful. His paying for the ticket is sweet and gentlemanly, and very thoughtful. As long as it is not a barter for sex, there is nothing wrong with it. My beloved boyfriend buys things for me all the time, and I do and buy things for him as well, it is a show of affection for one another.

Long distance relationships can work, but it takes a lot of trust, dedication, and work. You have to see each other often and stay in touch via telephone and email and messenger. This takes a lot of willpower on your part and his. But if it is real between the two of you, real love, then you can make it work. Just don't let it stay long distance for too long. True love will make you want to hold each other every night. Don't fight that.
Much luck,
Beth
 sashimiboy
Joined: 1/14/2009
Msg: 3
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:00:09 AM
They CAN work, but they usually don't. You don't know the person until you see them frequently. It's always gonna be magical when you see them after not seeing them for a while. Moving in with them is a different story.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 4
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:26:40 AM
They can and DO work. But, people now-a-day thrive on drama and negativity. So, they're only going to tell you the horror stories and completely ignore the countless success stories. After all, success is boring, drama and negativity are exciting.

No? Think about it for a moment. If someone tells you a bit of good news, how interested are you and for how long? If someone tells you a bit of bad news, your ears perk up and your attention is focused on hearing about the bad luck of some poor SOB.

Secondly, a lot of people aren’t willing to sacrifice a few months or a year of hardship for the reward of a lifetime of love and happiness. Why? I don’t know, because I don’t think like that.

Most of the posters on this board will bombard you with endless accounts of failed LDR’s, few will take the time to tell you about those that have worked out well.

People are negative. People thrive on drama. You have to do what YOU think and feel is best. If you’re both willing to make it work – it will work. But, it will be more difficult than meeting someone who lives across the street. It’s going to depend on your maturity, your ability to communicate and your level of sincerity.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 5
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:29:01 AM
"Moving in with them is a different story"

What does this have to do with a long distance relationship? This statement applies equally to a standard relationship. Furthermore, how the relationship goes once your living together is as a much a reflection of you as it is of them.

I am in a long distance relationship. It is hard work. Somebody always has to compromise eventually so that you can live together. In my case, she has decided to move to me once her degree is finished (9 months). You need to be a very patient, trusting person. If you have been betrayed before, you likely won't survive unless you have truly got over those past negative feelings. In other words, I think long distance relationships can only work if you are both mostly free of significant emotional baggage.

Good luck!
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 6
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:05:59 PM
Me and my ex used to have a deal...if it was my idea...I pay...if it was his idea...he pays. He wants you to come down...let him pay...should you go? Heck ya...if you're into him...why not <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
 JOYDIVISIONFAN1979
Joined: 5/28/2008
Msg: 7
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:44:24 PM
No they usually don't work thats from my own experiences who knows.
 howdyFriend
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 8
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:12:33 PM
I met my late fiancee when he had flown from MI to St. Louis MO, visiting the arch, etc, then was driving through Rolla to go to MO/OK border to go to an Indian Powwow. The night we met, I was sure he was the right one. I don't think he was that sure, but he was curious because he felt something too. I cried after he left. I had never done that before. I was so afraid I would never see him again. [shorten the story]

We talked to each other every day after that! 1 week after he got back to MI, he drove all night to get back to MO for my birthday. He came to visit for 5 days and stayed a month (he was self-employed and made money while he was here). This was the love that is deep, intimate, fun, more than I could have dreamed for because I didn't realize how good it can feel. [shorten the story]

I was afraid a LD relationship wouldn't work. I am well established and he wasn't as much. He kept saying he was going to move here. He kept moving the date closer and closer.

Anyway, my point is, LD relationships don't work. Someone has to decide to move closer to the other. It will work for a short period of time, but not in the long run.

Good luck and hope everything works out for the two of you.
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 9
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:33:29 PM
Why over analyze it and let a good thing end before it even started...life presented you a wonderful situation for a reason...what if he was the one...and you decide to end it because he's a plane trip away. If both parties really wanted to make it work and are equally committed...and perhaps can see a future with that person...why shouldn't it work. As I've mentioned before, I know people who have traveled half way across the world and got married...the one for you may not necessarily be within a 30 km radius so you have to be open to see pass those boundaries. Good luck!!
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
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Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:55:23 PM
This thread will probably not last due to the redundancy factor, but for what its worth I'll stick my two cents in, having tried this sort of thing once or twice.

Yes, it can work, TEMPORARILY. Geography can be a huge obstacle, but if its only a temporary obstacle and one of you will eventually be moving in the direction of the other, then you have a chance of making it work. But if you're staying where you are and they are staying wherever they are, then no chance in my opinion. Sooner or later one of you, or both, will want more than occasional visits can provide.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 11
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Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/7/2009 5:00:56 PM
I think I would support the 'yes it can work temporarily' brigade. I had 1 year of living about 50 mis from my SO (and in Aus thats not counted as an LDR!!) and we spent most weekends together. Since late Feb this year he has been back in New Zealand and I am in Aus. It is still working for us- we have on average one weekend a month together. We talk on the phone every day and send a couple of emails too. At the end of the year, when my teen flies the coop- I will be moving in with him, either in NZ or in Aus- depends on his work. If I did not have that light at the end of the tunnel, I don't think I could handle it.
LDR's, in my opinion, can work, depending on the existing level of committment and love, and the possibility of the distance being overcome eventually. I will point out that I had the luxury of a year with lots of contact, so the glue holding us together as a couple was already there, if that makes sense. Sounds kinda sticky huh....
Good luck!!
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 12
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History
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:06:28 PM
It's an expensive way to have a relationship!!!
 sockknitter
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 13
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Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/10/2009 4:44:24 PM
Yes a LDR CAN work if both people in the relationship are willing to make it work.

Even within 'normal local' relationships, many disintergrate as most people do not realize it takes work and communication for a relationship to last. You have to have trust, good communication, and be creative to keep either type of relationship going. In a LDR you both have to make the time, the little extra effort and take that extra step. If not, that is when it will fall apart.

For some people, they consider a 50 mile span between the two of you a LDR and for where I have been living for the last many years, 50 miles doesn't even take you to the next town (or even grocery shopping for that matter). I cannot fathom thinking that my heart's desire and companion for life would neatly fit within mere miles of where I lived. If he did, I would have thought I would have found him a long time ago.

I have been in LDR before and I know many people who have as well and they made it work (I was not so fortunate that time, but it did last for years). I know many more people who were in 'local relationships' which didn't work than LDR's which didn't work.

Currently my best friend in Canada has a girlfriend in the UK. One of my friends who was in Oregon, met and married a man from Scotland and that marriage has lasted 15 years. A net friend met his wife from B.C. Canada and he is from New Orleans. Their marriage has lasted at least 10 years now and they moved to Oregon, each giving up where they were from in order to be together.

Someone will eventually have to move at some time in the relationship, as you will want to be together more than has been happening. Sometimes it is more workable for one person to move than the other, due to job, family etc, but sometimes both could move to a new location for the both of them so it is a fresh start for both or in the case of a blended family, what works for everyone.

No quality relationship is ever easy. All of them are work in their own way IF you want to make it continue between the two of you. But if the person of your dreams is found, no matter where, will distance really be a dealbreaker for you?

~ Sox
 Eddie Houston
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 14
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/10/2009 5:56:02 PM
Having extracted myself from a long distance relationship, after dealing with so much insecurity for both parties, the expense, the distance factor, I would never go there again.
Long distance relationships are recipes for heartbreak.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 15
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Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/10/2009 6:13:24 PM
Long distance relationships are recipes for heartbreak.


Yeah - well some do work really well. Its the people involved.

Take me for instance- I was in one for two years. He moved here and
well, I think I fell in love with his clone who is now
on some island somewhere cyber romancing someone else.

For them to work in the real world you have to be together at some point-
thats when you SEE WHO that person really is.

Yes, there are signs and all that fun stuff when you are far away but long
distance is like a very thick romance novel - nothing is really real until you
are together- you can fantasize about how you THINK the person is and what
they are saying and literally hanging on every word of thiers but UNTIL you
actually see them in action in real life do you even have a slight chance of knowing
who they really are.

If someone would have told me he REALLY was like this - stop ignoring what
your feeling, I would have told them to fcck off. Now - I say to you- STOP
listening to the WORDS- get in front of this man and SEE with YOUR OWN
EYES what he is all about.

Im not sorry it did not work out as he is the cause but the cause as to why it
did not work out was actually staring me in the face the whole two years
and I chose to ignore it because of the fantasy and believing he was something
other than he really was.

Meet and make plans as soon as you can. Dont let it linger because the longer
it goes on the more space there is for you to see what you dont want to and
ignore it because of the storybook factor.

Would I do it again- hell yeah. He is just one man. He made me smart
and what to look for now and what not to tolerate.

 ripley65
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 16
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/11/2009 1:38:47 AM
If you are perfectly Ok with only seeing each other a couple times a month (if that even!), spending a couple/few hundred on plane tickets, or feeding your gas tank huge amounts of your check, then sure, go for it. Then the other 23 days a month you can stay home and agonize until the next time you get to see each other. Sound like fun? NOT! lol Been there done that...not a fun road to travel.

Dating should be a fun experience. Not a slow agonizing one where you only see each other sporatically. Personally, i like those spontaneous dates where he calls and says 'Lets go for a ride!'. Cant do that if he/she lives more than an hour away (or in my case, 11 hours!)!
 rheard
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 17
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 8/11/2009 2:19:08 AM
I actually know two couples who survived LDR's and went on to marriage! Five years down the line for one and three for the other, they seem to be as happy from the outside as any marriage ever does! I certainly don't recall them having all the negative issues everyone else is describing in this thread.

One started as what I would call weekend drive distance (about 200 miles) and in the other she was here in Evansville and he was on the west coast. The key to their success seems to have been that they faced and planned for the fact that one of them would have to move from very early on. The other seems to have been that they were all financially stable enough to afford the frequent trips needed and made their priorities being with each other every chance they could instead of living their own lives and only seeing each other when convenient. It wasn't cheap, it drfinitely wasn't easy, but they put in the effort and reaped the reward.

So OP: If you like this guy - no reason not to accept the ticket unless you feel it is just a matter of him buying sex with a currency other than cash.

A few tips:

Make sure one of you is willing to move before you go very far down this path. This involves not just the move but facing things like a career change in an uncertain economy and disposal of existing assets for one of you at least.

Make absolutely certain you are emotionally stable enough not to give in to the paranoia and suspicions that can come along when your BF is miles and miles away. The few LDR's I tried ended more for these kind of problems than anything - some women (and men) just can't accept that when the cat's away - the mice don't always play!

Keep your eyes open and communicate honestly.

If you aren't absolutely satisfied with what you are getting - end it before you do have a horror story to tell!

Hope this helps!

Cheers
 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 18
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:04:03 PM
I CAN'T DO LONG DISTANCE DRIVING.

the white lines hypnotize me to sleep and i go DITCH DIVING.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 19
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Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 12/31/2009 2:40:30 PM
As with all such questions, it all depends on what you and he want from the relationship. After all, a relationship based on seeing each other once every ten years can work, if both people in the relationship find it satisfying. The likelihood of what you describe becoming more than a remote FWB situation would be remote, IN MY OPINION, but ANYTHING is POSSIBLE.
 MaryG1983
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 20
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 1/2/2010 1:05:26 PM
TGo for it. in a heart beat. You only live once... u will never know untill u try. And if he is any sort of gentleman, he won't let u pay
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 21
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 1/2/2010 1:28:07 PM
Trust can easily become an issue in these cases. You're supposed to sit back at home hundreds of miles away and just believe in every word. The distance isn't the only problem.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 22
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 1/2/2010 2:58:13 PM
i really hate to break it to you but you mean nothing to him....and you are seriously considering paying your own way...has the whole world gone mad....this guy must be quite amused by you.....do you have to go through all this to get laid...wow...that is trully sad....relationship....quit being so gullible....
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 23
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 1/2/2010 4:14:54 PM

Yes, some women actually work, make money, and believe in being equitable. You may feel that this is insane, amusing, and gullible. That's your prerogative.

What's makes you think she doesn't work or make money? You didn't see the pics in her work space?
 ICMUD
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 24
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Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 1/2/2010 5:00:11 PM


He now wants to fly me down again for the weekend to visit him. I really want to see him again, but should I accept his offer to pay for my ticket? Or should I pay my own way? Has anyone had experience in a long distance relationship. Can this work?


now this is a good post..

OP i think you know what the right thing to do here is already, but many would just take that advantage and say "well if his dumb enough to offer im going on a free holiday" yet some would would look at the bigger picture and say "i really like this guy and i dont want to use him"
i think thats keeping it more in prospective and being more respectful to the relationship you may want to continue. yes if it turns out you 2 are meant for each other, im sure later down the track excepting his help to fly over is ok, but for now if you feel you can afford it, at least offer to pay half of the flight.. i think at least that will make you feel better on the inside & work on the rest later..
Can long distance relationships work?
Posted: 1/2/2010 5:40:12 PM
Pinkrose
I know from personal experience (well actually.... my moms) that LD relationships can work. My mom dated a man for over 1 year and they did get married, He was the best father in the world. He came to visit her every 2 months and they talked on the phone (landlines only then) almost everyday and they constantly "mailed" letters back and forth.
Not even CD (close distance) relationships work alot of the times, so as long as your comfortable with the situation then go for it.
Good Luck
Since this is an old thread .....I wonder what happened???
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