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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > What do you think about men our age with small kids??      Home login  
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 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 3
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
OP - I fully understand where you're coming from. I'm a young 53, I won't date a guy with kids under the age of 18. For me, it's a deal breaker.

At the same token, grown kids can also be a pain in the neck. My last BF had 4 kids ranging from ages 19-31. I feel for the most part that he is a good Dad to his kids. What I couldn't get past is his 26 & 27 year old sons living at home for free. I felt he was an Enabler, and I do see that a lot out there. I would prefer a guy with no kids, but that would be like winning the lotto.
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 6
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:58:57 PM
Most men our age have grand children I've noticed. Not met many that have young children still at home.

I think if you don't want to get involved with someone who has young children, that's your choice. There's something to be said for having raised a family and embracing life from a freedom vantage point. Been there done that. Hats off to those who are doing it...children are our greatest gifts at any age.

I wouldn't get involved with someone my age who is raising young children full time. I love kids, and spend as much time as I can with my grand daughters, however I am not 100% responsible for their every need and can devote myself accordingly.


What I couldn't get past is his 26 & 27 year old sons living at home for free.

Soon as read that comment I knew you didn't have kids. Good luck with the lotto...
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 12
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:26:11 AM
Interesting. I've never even considered dating or not dating a woman based on the ages of her children. Their behavior, maybe -- if they're unruly, then that makes a bit of a condemning statement about the parenting skills. But the ages? Never even been a consideration.

My kids are 18 and 8, and (although my oldest is about to go off to college) they're with me half-time, every other week. I keep my parenting and social lives completely separate -- my kids don't meet any woman until/unless we decide we're seriously long-term. And when I'm out on a date, the kids are with their mom -- no one's competing for my time.

Maybe it's just my luck of the draw, but no woman has ever even suggested to me that my youngest child's age could be a barrier. Thought never even occurred to me.

But, hey, hearing a few of you women articulate this perspective, it certainly gives me something to think about. I might just broach this topic now with future dates. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have the patience to be with a woman who's prejudiced against men solely because of their children's ages.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 13
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:42:14 AM
I guess it's a personal choice really,,,,with BOTH genders.

Now,,,to answer the OP question without her stipulation of what just women think about this. When I look at anyone (regardless of gender or AGE) who has decided that raising children (biologically theirs or not) is something that they have decided to do and is a priority in their lives, I see a soul that is giving,loving,understanding, and willing to leave a piece of them behind daily for someone else. Almost UNSELFISH, really.

If you seriously think about this, those are not bad qualities in a person. And if you even think a little more,,,if it is an "older" person doing the raising(especially if single),,,these are AMAZING qualities that they can lay claim too. Again not a bad thing, no matter which way I look at it or try to put a spin on it.

Personally I am ATTRACTED to those that love the little ones around, be it grandchildren,great grandchildren or their own. The children that I have had in my life never EVER where considered a negative. In fact, I have always found it the other way, with them adding energy, humour, common sense(when there is none around in our adult lives),joy, and the understanding of the value of life to my sometimes cynical view of what is going on around me. Now, if you wanna talk about adults that have been involved in my life,,,,I gotta a huge list of maroons out there.

I also never will understand the comments about "I want time for myself", or "I'm done raising my children", for I never felt it was a "tough or hard" job to be a Daddy to my daughter. I also have never found it hard to take the time and lend my mind, my hand,my experinces to the young ones, be it mine or someone else's. NEVER.

Not being mean or anything..... ,,,,but,,,, some of you girls (since the OP decided it was just the girls that was suppose to answer) should rethink what you are thinking. When you say " I think it's GREAT that someone is doing this,,,but this person is NOT for me",,,you basically are saying this is a person of great qualities,,but because of the actions of these great qualities, you don't want to be involved with him?????? Annnnnnnnd you wonder why some of ya are single do ya?????? (not being mean or anything,,,,, )
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 23
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 7:41:04 AM
procolhaem


I'm 52, My two children are 9 and 6. It's nice to hear that somehow that makes ME undesireable. WhooHooo...

Gotta love selfish people sometimes.


That's a pretty ludicrous statement.

We are all not black and white, we all come with our own thoughts, past and ideas. And if someone has done 'their time' raising children, and don't wish to raise anymore, who are you to call them selfish.

We can all point fingers at each other here...however, what we really have to keep in mind is "What do we want to do with the rest of our lives?". If that mean that I don't want to raise another child, so be it. It is my choice. We all have our own choices, and that is what makes us unique.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 27
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:10:51 AM

If he's a good Dad; a quality I greatly respect, he generally doesn't have the time/freedom to devote to a woman.


Amazing statement if you really believe that. Guess that's why my ex got her bum kicked outta the house and I took care of my daugher alone for 17 of her 19years. If we decide to believe that statement, then none of the good daddys out there should have any women around them at all. Personally I think that statement is total BS. I believe a good "Daddy" needs an equally good "woman". Again, probably why there are a lot of good "daddys" out there that are divorced.

I believe what Procol was pointing out is that you girls are saying you are looking for the qualities that the good Daddys have out there,,,but you don't want the packages that come with the "good " men. Yeah,,,,that's what I think he is trying to say.

If you are looking for someone with certain "qualities",,,,these "qualities" are NOT just for a potential partner. They usually involve ALL aspects of the man/women's life. What a lot of you want,,,,is just for YOU,,,,which YOU are NOT going to get. Get it?????
 LilyLace
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 29
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:19:58 AM
As long as they're a good and involved Dad, it would not matter to me. Blending families is very tough. It takes two very strong, like-minded individuals who agree on 'how to parent'. If you don't have that, it will just pull the man and woman apart.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 30
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:23:12 AM

If he's a good Dad; a quality I greatly respect, he generally doesn't have the time/freedom to devote to a woman.



I guess it is an amazing statement then. I stand by it because I meant it. Sorry you think it's BS...that's your opinion.

Let me clarify. If a man who has children at home or shares custody and he has a choice to spend his weekend either with a woman or with his kids, he should choose his kids. When you have children, they should be your top priority. Therefore, I don't choose to begin dating someone who is at that point in their life. I've gone through it and now prefer an empty nester, like myself. All the good Dad's out there with young children will hopefully find good women who LOVE spending time with both him AND his children.


How about THOSE married "good" Daddys out there???? They can't/don't have the freedom to DEVOTE to a woman???????
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 32
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:38:29 AM
"How about THOSE married "good" Daddys out there???? They can't/don't have the freedom to DEVOTE to a woman???????"

The key word being married. Hopefully married people have a balance life between the parents being partners, and the parent parenting their children.

Single parents have a totally different lifestyle. A lifestyle that can be short of time for dating. Most children want Mom and Dad back together, or to have Mom and Dad all to themselves. Man single parents also often have stress from having their ex's still being in the picture, jungling their time and their feels about how the ex is parenting.

What I find selfish is single parents who demand that all single people date them whether or not the person who they want to date is looking for a blended lifestyle.

To date or not to date a single parent is a personal preference just like any other personal preference. Nothing less, nothing more.
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 34
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:52:08 AM
I have a male friend who's 54 with a 6 and 8 yr old and he's divorced. He has his kids every other weekend, so he's a hands on parent. But it appears his ex is not flexible. He's in Florida and we have people fly in from all parts of the country 2x a year. It seems every time we have a get-together he has his kids.
I don't mind teenagers because they only seem to be around when they want money.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 36
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:32:41 AM
[Soon as read that comment I knew you didn't have kids. Good luck with the lotto... ]

Red - I don't think any 26 and older "kids" should be living at home rent free. What happened to doing chores, rules, etc.? If the grown kids want to move back home with Mommy or Daddy, they should jump thru hoops to make their parents lives easier. I've seen too much drama where grown children are mooching off Mom or Dad because they are ALLOWED to. I don't have kids, but I am not about to get caught up in some of the drama that goes on out there.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 40
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:13:05 AM

Married "Good" Dads have as much time to devote to their wives as they choose to make.


As do "unmarried" dads with a potential significant other. What I am trying to point out to you girls(and guys too) is that you are looking for potentials out there with certain qualities. So, here you have single parents with those qualities,very good qualities I might add, but you don't take a second look because of those children that are part of the deal. Who's failing who here?????

Here's a couple of points. It's the year 2009 and even when married, some people run around like they have their heads chopped off. You know,,,runnning here, running there,,,gotta do this,,,gotta do that. Then there are others,,,,,that don't. They organize,,,the prioritize,,,including how and what their children are doing and when. They even (God forbid) prioritize what time and how much,,they spend with a significant other (married or not)!!!

Annnndddddddd,,,,,if a man is/was a good Daddy to his children, and he loves children,,,he will have children in his live,,,,,forever. Doesn't matter that they are not his,,,they'll still be around. I guess it's a matter if you want to spend time with someone who has a passion for certain things isn't it???? Of course you would have to "share". Like I said before,,,,it's all a personal choice.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 41
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:27:24 AM
There are many of us who devoted our lives to our kids while they were growing up and had very little "me" time because of it. It is a very unselfish thing to do, very. Parenting is a full-time job and if you can find some time to date, then he/she has to be flexible.

I have my kids grown and am in a different phase of my life. No drama, no constant demands, etc. I am hoping to meet someone in the same phase, or close to getting there. For me, young children are a deal-breaker, not because of the man, but because of the situation. I am a teacher and with kids all day, I love them. However, I am ready to share my life with an adult and our individual grown families. I have no desire to raise more kids or have my life revolve around them.

There is nothing selfish about it, it is simply a matter of preference.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 43
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:55:16 AM
Well, my dear thecatesmeow, in this instance, we do have a choice based on our preferences, to date a man who still has kids at home or not. So yeah, we make our decision or whether or not we want to be a part of a man and his young children's lives.

A man being a loving and responsible parent is a huge quality, huge. Yes, I may be missing out on someone amazing, but it is a choice I make because of lifestyle, it is not something I have any interest in doing at this time.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 46
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 12:12:44 PM
I agree with you, thecatsmeow, and I like very much what Michelle wrote:


every major choice we make in life opens some doors and closes others. Hopefully your kids were wanted and planned, and hopefully you feel they have enriched your life in some ways. You can't realistically expect to gain whatever you feel you've gained by having kids without giving up something else in return.


I will add that our preferences either open doors or leave them closed, our choice indeed.
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 47
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 12:30:50 PM
It's a tough job....raising small children when you are in your 50's....

But I don't see a lot of difference between raising small children, or raising grandchildren...something that MANY individuals in their 50's and beyond are doing these days.

I used to say that I would never date someone raising young children (my daughter is 32), but I really, really like very young children....as long as they are respectful and well-mannered. I think I could have fun with young children (I adore my great-nieces), but I don't know about the day-to-day mechanics of it all.....
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 52
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:27:44 PM
I like kids, but chose not to have them myself and thoroughly being an eccentric auntie who can borrow, spoil and give them back. Although I know some wonderful older people who are single fathers, I think I'll pass as I want someone who has already raised their kids (or has none) to enjoy life with.
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 57
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:56:50 PM

Red - I don't think any 26 and older "kids" should be living at home rent free. What happened to doing chores, rules, etc.? If the grown kids want to move back home with Mommy or Daddy, they should jump thru hoops to make their parents lives easier. I've seen too much drama where grown children are mooching off Mom or Dad because they are ALLOWED to. I don't have kids, but I am not about to get caught up in some of the drama that goes on out there


There’s a life long bond between parents and children that you can’t explain to someone who is childless, for whatever reason. It would be in it’s simplest terms like trying to fathom what a orange smells like when you’ve never had the experience. So yes I find it mildly amusing that people tend to criticize others personal parenting situations while having no first hand familiarity.

The gender generalizations on this topic and many others don’t sit well with me well either. There’s a special place in heaven for us all whether we have children or not. I can’t imagine my life without mine as one poster has also stated.

Love, devotion, concern, along with all the other feelings and actions associated with having and rearing children do not have an expiry date. You are assuming that these particular older children still living at home are mooching and taking advantage of the parent. We aren’t privy to the individual circumstances of this families arrangement, and quite frankly it’s none of our business. However it is our business to make choices for ourselves based on our personal perceptions and experiences. In essence I am agreeing with you, kind of...

I’ve stated I wouldn’t want to be in a long term relationship with someone who is raising small children simply because for me, a man with small children adds a complicated dynamic that I choose not to part of at this time in my life. I am truly busy enough with my own three grown children and their families, and feel that I have enough on my plate, thank you. So yes, I’m selfish. I have no problem admitting that. I also recognize my limitations and realize that most likely I would fail at this type of relationship arrangement at this point along the journey.

Additionally, I’ll add, that I live and care for my elderly parents (rent free) who would otherwise be wasting away in a nursing home with little or no quality of life. My commitment to family is genuinely paramount, therefore I sincerely appreciate, applaud and admire these “older” folks who are single parents seeking a relationship. There are plenty of people who are capable, willing and open to having relationships with others who have small children. Now, If you’ll excuse me and my ramblings, I have to get back to my six year old grand daughter who is patiently waiting for me...


 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 61
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/11/2009 1:39:08 PM
These forums have to crack you guys up...I know they do me.
The original question was...WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MEN OUR
AGE WITH SMALL KIDS?
I got the impression that the question was of course directed to people
who may or may not choose to date men with small kids.
In rides the calvery defending their small children (like someone actually
suggested there was something WRONG with having small children) and
calling those that don't want small kids anymore selfish.
Sheeesh.
I have raised my girls and while I expect to be an important part of their lives
for the rest of my life, they are pretty much on their own. We see each other
often, but we don't live together. I'm looking forward to having grandchildren...
but I consider them totally different than children.
Having small children at an older age is a personal decision...not something
everyone is in tune with. It's a preference to choose not to date people with
small children. That doesn't make you selfish and discriminatory. That doesn't
make you a bad person without personality and that certainly doesn't suggest
that you lack parenting skills.
What we need here is comprehension skills.
The questions was NOT ...why would someone decide to have a child at a
later age....it was would you DATE someone who had small children.
and PS...raising kids at any age is a great responsibility. I'm personally offended
that someone would suggest that because I don't have young kids, I apparently
don't have the personality that "thrives" on parenting. I did thrive on parenting...
I still thrive on my role as a parent...and I'll thrive on grandparenting as well.
 PacificStar
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 64
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:39:00 PM
I find it perfectly reasonable for me to make the choice to have children in my twenties so that when I am in my late 40's and 50's onward that my children are adults and increaseing independent, but not abandoned even by death , thus giving me the freedom to have another focus of my life.

I have never said that I am the center of the universe, that I do not care about children, what I have said is at this stage of my life that I want to focus on a mate who would like to now focus on me now that his responsibilities are mature and less demanding also.

I find it particularly offensive that anyone would suggest that having a child in my 20's was anything less than a well thought through, prepared for , and paid for choice. Or that I was anything less than a capable, loving, and approriate parent for my young ADULT status. I believe I was in better health, more physically capable, more patient, less distracted by career, and less convinced that my way was the only way to do things. I had the energy, willingness, and desire to give them the best of myself and them the FIRST turn. I don't think that wanting to date someone that has made a similiar choice is selfish or suggests I have less character than someone who wants their entire life to circle around children.

What I do find incredibly selfish are the substanial number of adults that wait until later in life; when they have spent their peak years endulgeing themselves in other interests then try to recapture their youth through having children and hanging out with children rather than letting them be kids. Some older parents actually have children to compeate with there own older children having sex/children. Or to spite an exwife. What I find is many of these late in life children end up being raised by a series of nannys, frequently are spoiled, and often end up as housekeepers, non sexual surrogate spouses, and caregiver's, or hosts or more realisticlly and excuse to distance their parent's paramours from more than "weekend" committments not for the joy of having a child or teen around. The reality is many late in life children were not planned but appeasement or accidents for extramarital affairs. Many are extreamly unhappy children, with a host of problems, that make even the most experienced and committed step parent's life a living hell. Because many of these kid's have not only "Ex" parents but two sets of grandparents heavily involved in their lives there is very little opportunity for a normal nuclear family ever.

I personally do not see it as my responsibility to backtrack my freedom to finish up the surprise's of , or choices of, someone who decided to have their children later. I don't think I am missing a lot repeating and experience that I enjoyed but don't want again. I certainly think anyone who thinks I SHOULD is really more selfcentered and judgemental than someone I would pick.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 71
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 2/28/2010 6:19:06 PM
I've never been the maternal type and prefer to date either empty-nesters with grown children, or others like myself who've made the choice to be child-free.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 72
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 2/28/2010 8:47:33 PM
~OT~ When my son died, my only child ~ the one thought that has plagued me seriously (aside from the obvious lose/heartbreak/sorrow/etc.) is that I will NEVER be a Grandmother. That thought has opened my eyes to a reality that may have kept me in some sort of "safety zone" for a long time ~ if "he" has children? I'm now open to that option, whereas, I was NEVER open to it previously. As life changes, I think it's best to evolve, my loss has opened my heart/mind/eyes to so many things ~ that includes a man who has younger children. JMO
 zabet
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 80
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/4/2010 6:10:51 PM
My youngest is 34, so I've been kid-free for a long time. I have two grandchildren, one 8, and one just a babe. I've recently become friends with a man who is just a few years younger than I am but has a four year old. I'm quite enchanted with both of them. If the friendship progresses to something more, the child will be an added sweetness in my life.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 87
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/6/2010 5:21:56 AM

I'm 58, and have a 10 year old daughter that I love dearly. She was not planned, and in all honesty, not wanted at that time, (conceived 22 years after a vasectomy, and no, it was not intentionally reversed, and yes, she is mine.) but she is loved, and I cherish the time that we have together.

I totally understand that raising a child at my age is a big responsibility and if someone chooses not to take on that responsibility I totally understand that as well. I have had more than one woman respond to my emails and indicate they do not want to start a relationship with anyone with such a young child. I'm also sure that my daughter is the reason some of the woman do not respond at all. While that is frustrating and I may wish it weren't the case, I do understand.

I also empathize. I know that if the tables were turned, I would feel the same way. Even though I have a young daughter, I would most likely choose not to get involved with a woman that had daily responsibility for a young child, either a child or grandchild. Given the choice, it is not a responsibility I would choose to take on at my age.


And THIS POST FOLKS.......represents the thoughts of a person who is actually MATURE enough to be raising children in the first place!

Anyone who thinks that someone else is "selfish" because they don't dive headfirst into a "less than ideal" plan doesn't have the brains God gave a goose! The ABILITY to look at circumstances OBJECTIVELY; not getting tangled up in some romantic, altruistic drivel.

Note: that he acknowledges that it IS a big responsibility...not to be taken lightly; AND, is honest enough to state that since HE wouldn't choose a woman his age who's raising children....he's also got enough SENSE to realize that other's can feel the same way without labeling them as "selfish".

I have a number of things that I look for in a profile, and if I don't find them, I don't send that woman an email. I expect the woman to do the same with my profile. My daughter is just one of the many factors that might influence decision to respond or not. I think that's the way it ought to be.


LOL! I don't even look at profiles....and I'm HIGHLY skeptical of the motives of any man who reads mine...and emails me anyhow! I'm 57 yrs old...raising 2 grandchildren (ages 6 and 9) and anyone who doesn't see that as a "hindrance" to any sort of "traditional relationship" is either brain damaged.....or up to no good!!! LOL!

But...it's a CHOICE....it's MY choice; one that I knew full well would exclude me from "dating" with the focus on "commitment". It certainly doesn't mean that I don't love my grandchildren or that they're a burden.....it just means that it's NOT typical for someone my age to be rearing children (their ages).

In REALISTIC terms, and since the OP is about "Men" who have young children.....THEY at least have the "comfort" (I hope) of knowing that their child has a younger mother (in most cases) who will likely at least live to see the child to maturity. But then....maybe NOT. If their ex wifes are "immature"....and we'd have to suspect that that could be a part of the reason whey they're no longer married to the child's mother; then they (the fathers) have to worry about....what will happen if they fall over dead from a heart attack before the child graduates from high school.

When you're partnered with someone your own age and level of maturity...these things aren't such big issues (I'd imagine). But when you're approaching 60....and I mean no offense to those who are younger.....but I have to tell ya....40 somethings really do look silly and childish.....to me.

As for what *I* think about men in their 50s who have small children.....well, I'd HOPE that they might take their cue from Spudpapa and grow the hell up! Parenting IS a responsibility....a serious one; and anyone who thinks they can shame someone else into accepting that responsibility with them by calling them "selfish" is both delusional and too immature to parent, regardless of their chronological age.

Maturity tells us when we ARE or are NOT equal to a task....WITHOUT all the romantic, politically correct, "selflessness propaganda". It tells us that at age 65....we're worried about being able to see to drive at night.....much less being out at 1am looking for a teenager who didn't come home at curfew.

LOL! and how if ya'll will excuse me.....I have 2 children to get ready for their swimming lessons!!!!
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 92
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/7/2010 5:30:37 AM
Deal breaker more than anything is a guy who wants you to take over as a Mom because they can not do the job.


That's a little blunt; but...accurate in many cases. I think it's a huge mistake for women to just assume that these children are ONLY for "every other weekend and holiday". That's probably a big part of the reason that the "children" issues are the source of break up in so many "2nd marriages".

I know I'd certainly never approach the relationship counting on a very minimally part time situation....but then, admittedly....I've known as many Fathers who've had full custody of their children as I have mothers. In fact, I married one LOL!

Which...kinda brings us to....who the hell said this???
Oh please. Just because some of us had kids at a young age does not mean we were not well off.
This is the over 45 thread.....and I can assure you that with the over 50 crowd....if the female was over 20 yrs old and not yet married and producing offspring....she was being heavily questioned! I was 23, 24, and 28 when I had my daughters....and 23 was considered (back then) what the hell are you waiting for!!!! (I'd been married for 3 1/2 years)

But, no....my 2nd husband, who was 10 yrs older than me, had full custody of his then 10 yr old son. (He was not sure that HE wanted to "start over", with my then 1 and 2 yr old daughters...and I sure as hell wasn't sure I was ready to take on a nearly teenage boy; but, it did work out....BUT.....we were all MUCH YOUNGER!) LOL! in fact....I've even taken my (now) 42 yr old stepson to POF parties and introduced him to some of my younger girlfriends.

This is all beside the point......which is; that parenting IS a full time job....EVEN IF you're only doing it every other weekend. I think that those who look at it in a minimalistic way are doing both the children, and their prospective partners are true disservice.

WHAT IF????? It became FULL TIME.....24/7/365? Would it then be a deal breaker? Yes, I know, it's easy to sit back in your chair and claim to be oh so noble; but in the real light of day....it's a BIG commitment and responsibility. When you become involved with someone who has children....I don't give a damn how old they are (the parent)....you can't (or shouldn't) look at those commitments and responsibilities as something you're willing to "tolerate" on a limited time basis.

A lot of people look forward to having "grandchildren"; particularly...women over the age of 50. Well, I've got a little news flash for those of you who think you can be both parent and grandparent. It DOESN'T WORK. I won't go into the nuiances....explaining to your "children" why your "grandchild" gets to be spoiled a little...and they don't. Or explaining to your grandchild...why your "younger children" get more at Christmas; or why they get to go with you on the 30 day vacation "Out West". Or...why your "grandchild" gets to eat in the family room when he visits...and they don't!

Yes, it sure is easy to sit there and speculate how perfectly one would do things....but when you're the one up to your ass in alligators.....the view is an entirely different one.

I'm not saying it can't work out satisfactorily, but I am saying that it DOES require some very significant sacrifices.....PARTICULARLY on the part of the person who's trying to juggle being BOTH parent....and grandparent.

I certainly would judge NO woman (or man) who declined to enter into a relationship under those circumstances and those who DO judge them....are delusional.
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