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Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 9
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With friends like these...Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Because through words everyone can seem like salvation. Good compatability, good love and good understanding.
That is what everyone wants.
In the flesh, and to the route of love, its hard, messy and trying.
Most the times people wanting love want the fantasy and that is not what you will get. Alarms are alerting you so you dont get hurt.
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 10
With friends like these...
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:45:39 AM
I think it is pretty simple OP. Many of the Folks who post often will rarely read beyond the question box for some strange reason. Also, I think many people have learned through experience that a long time "corresponding" before actually meeting almost NEVER increases the chances of a successful meet. In fact, I believe it is normally just the opposite from my own experience. Whether because of distance, time or job constraints or whatever, the more time INVESTED in someone before meeting, the bigger and longer lasting the disappointment is likely to be if you finally meet and there is no "spark" that many of us need when we do meet. They need not have model good looks and there need not be any desire to "do them" on the spot. No amount of explaining it will ever help the many people who have never felt "it" understand.

Of course many folks can and DO remain friends after getting to know someone through correspondence and then meet and ... nothing. This is where at least SOME of the testimonials come into play. People met and maybe there was NO spark for one or both parties. Why not tell how great a catch they might be for someone else?

In any case, Good Luck!
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 25
With friends like these...
Posted: 8/9/2009 6:12:07 PM
The other evening I had the opportunity to spend most of the night watching the History Channel…the night's programming was reading letters from World War 2….Some were love letters, and the drama and the mush and the saccrine sweetness of the words was almost more than I could stomach listening to. And yet? I did. ….Words, and letters of families, real soldiers, captive men and women. People at Pearl Harbor. It was somewhat surreal - eaves dropping on these lives. Hearing about their feelings and emotions. Something so intensely private and personal, read aloud by Harry Smith. My own great grandfather was at Pearl Harbor, and I tried to consider that a man who was my ancestor was there, may have written something like this, may have felt this way, and may have experienced just these same things.

Gonesailing hit on a very important point. I was actually thinking along these lines while reading the posts. Love letters and getting to know someone through conversing. This also reminds me of the movie “The notebook”…yes I’m a sucker for romance, lol. Many relationships in previous decades started with pen and paper. This medium (internet) is really not different from the past. Men and women separated by distance due to wars. Today we may still be separated by distance. Today we have the ability to instantly converse with people. We have single parent families, busy lives, hectic schedules, strict rules of keeping romance out of the workplace, etc... Today technology has replaced the almighty pen and paper but the basic concept remains the same. Communication today via IM, text, emails, phone conversations all have the end result this being getting to know one another through communication. Go figure! The ability to ask a question to masses of people even though you are separated in times by kilometers, countries, time zones and sometimes continents . This means it is also possible to get to know just one as well.

Experiencing turmoil in a relationship with someone you have never met reminds me of the phrase..."I have had many troubles in my life…
“And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.” [Erica Jong]

I think it's because so many times people talk about meeting someone they've been conversing with online and then they meet in person....and POOF...that magic/chemistry is gone.
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed." [Carl Jung]

I was very cynical towards myself and others for quite a few years. Shite, that's an understatement. Only slowly did I begin to realize that living like that is just not really living. And the walls that I built were holding me prisoner, not protecting me… If you can find comfort with each other, that is awesome. Go for it. Life is too short for stupid games that waste time.
“I have accepted fear as a part of life - I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back.” [Erica Jong]

And for the rest, I have one thing to say...
Don't give up because love is very possible. I don't tell you this as wishful thinking .I tell you this as one man who knows that it's easy to give up. It's harder to stand and fight, and harder to believe you can win. You can. Trust me, the battle is worth it.
“Love is everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.”[Erica Jong]

Danz, I've followed your post for quite some time and feel you do have a good head on your shoulders. I say go for it. Follow your heart and your gut as you don't want to have to be one of those that always look back and wonder..."What if?"

"Unless it's mad passionate extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time, there are too many mediocre things in life - love should not be one of them” Unknown
With friends like these...
Posted: 8/10/2009 11:35:35 AM

Why do people sound alarms when you read these types of threads and why aren't people more positive about someone else's budding prospect?

I certainly will not speak for everyone, but my experience is, as miss contemplative plainly states, "misery loves company."

The majority of people I have encountered tend to be quite negative living in a victim's world where everything that happens to him/her tends to be someone (or something) else's fault. As time has gone on and technology has made life easier, we have way more time to think about what is going wrong in our lives instead of focussing on what is going right.

While some people sound alarms because they genuinely care for you and may notice the problems you do not as you are in the "love is blind/honeymoon" phase, I have realized it is more because if s/he cannot be happy, s/he does not want you to be either.
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 27
With friends like these...
Posted: 8/10/2009 11:39:45 AM
Hiya Danz:

I'm not having any of those two thoughts. My thought is meet and see if the connection is still existent when you are interacting other than emails/phone, etc.......


Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 29
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With friends like these...
Posted: 8/10/2009 11:59:14 AM
Because for some, bullshit can be smelled a mile away and we've been there /done that and know bullshit when we see/hear/smell it.

You've never met the person....'nough said.

If after a year you don't meet and get down to really seeing who each other is and how well you really get along, then don't blame the eyerollers, you are the one living in fantasyland.

How the hell do you separate from someone you aren't even seeing?

Other than people who live in cliche-land, why would anyone be surprised that someone could fall in love with someone they met from a dating site, or anywhere else. What is so surprising about that?

Why do people sound alarms, because people post here with comments that raise alarms...that's kind of a duh question, don't you think?

If you just want a pen pal, and you really like the parts of your pen pal that you can know from never meeting, good for you, but don't call it something it's not then accuse others of being blind.
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 30
With friends like these...who needs enema's?
Posted: 8/10/2009 12:04:27 PM
sorry...couldn't resist that cheap shot.

sounds like you're really sick of the forums right now.

Not the forums, just the thread crashers.

but here you are, baiting them swaid thread trashers with hints
(of what maybe they havent achieved)

Battle, for a noble cause; always more expensive than many dare pay.
...fighting for what you value, desire, and seek...priceless.

Love, at any price, is worth tenfold. Nevermind the naysayers; on to battle.
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 34
With friends like these...
Posted: 8/10/2009 3:40:48 PM

Why do people sound alarms when you read these types of threads

I couldn't possibly sound any kind of alarm because I have no idea of the nature of your friendship with this individual. People who so willingly sound alarms and do so with little information to go on generally shoot from the hip based on their own personal experiences and project far too much into the OP's post.

why aren't people more positive about someone else's budding prospect

Again, a lot of it is projection based on their own experiences which have little to do with your own.

Do whatever feels right for you...if it doesn't feel right, go with that gut instinct - it's there for a reason.
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