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 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 2
Couldn't get an erectionPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
It could very well have been first-time nerves, and be something that'll get better with time. You could ask him, gently. If it was just nerves--maybe he likes you so much he had it built up in his mind and got all wonky over it?--then next time, start slower and don't push anything; let his erectile response dictate what you do. Once he realizes that you're happy being with him, and that he doesn't need to build up the need to perform, it'll lessen the pressure and probably start happening just fine.

If it's an ongoing problem, then you need to determine whether it's something he's willing to seek help for, or whether it's even something you'd want to stick around for while he sought help. Basically, you need to figure out what level is going on here, and what level you're willing to deal with. This is all assuming he's attracted to you and all that--if the chemistry isn't there, maybe that just wasn't working, but I'd assume he wouldn't have bothered in that case.

I had this happen with someone the first time we were together, and he said I "made him nervous" in general, and then he just stopped contacting me entirely because he didn't seem to be able to deal with the situation. That's also a possibility.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 3
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 7:35:28 AM
Dunno........

Did you ask him baby? It could be ANYTHING...

Too much alcohol
Too nervous
Too tired
Too excited
Too much spanking of the monkey beforehand
Too old
Too young


Too...ANYTHING...

Namrael is an amazing woman and you should listen to what she says. You need to ask him about it...let him tell you what's going on in his head. If he doesn't want to deal with it then you need to make a decision about him.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 4
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 7:37:34 AM
OP, there isn't a man in the world, who hasn't had an incident of "performance anxiety", and when it happens, it can be self-perpetuating in the moment. The more a man "thiniks" about it, the more difficult it can be to "perform".

You said this was your first time together, and if it was set up as an intimate encounter, and you went right into having sex, with little time to "warm up", that's the sort of situation where performance anxiety is most likely to happen.

It's rare for most guys, and usually happens when there has been a lot of pressure created to perform. In the normal dating process, where things warm up over the course of an evening, and you begin slowly with kissing, I've never had it happen. And, of course, after the first time together, there's no reason for it to happen.

If you were going to keep seeing him, then he could go to the Dr. for Viagara. If nothing else, taking the pill would ease the anxiety, and unless he has an actual ED issue, he probably wouldn't need it again. In other words, it would serve as a psychological crutch for the first time.
 2fuzy
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 5
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:18:57 AM
probably just first time nerves
 soupcan00
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 6
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History
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:55:49 AM
Yeah those Penises can be tricky thingies. Stand up when they shouldn't . Sleep when they shouldn't.

Real life altering events can cum from those troublemaking penises...

.... Bad, bad penises !!
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 7
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History
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:00:54 AM

.... Bad, bad penises !!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No treats for a naughty penis!!
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 8
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:01:27 AM

Bad, bad penises !!


I wouldn't go that far!! Without a functional penis, how would I make all the important relationship decisions? How would I know who I am interested in dating in the first place?
 normaldude
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 9
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Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:38:42 AM
it is either too much alcohol or not enough alcohol!!! Or maybe he does better in the shower? or on the couch? or kitchen counter?
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 10
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:49:53 AM
Can this get better?


Well, it can't get any worse.


Or is it an indication that I just don't do it for him?


Without having met the man, and without any helpful hints in the OP, and with no credentials in this area other than a some personal experience, I'm probably a horse's ass for even suggesting an answer, BUT (Lol)-

My best guess is that at, or shortly prior to, the deflation moment, he lost his connections with you. He felt alone. Yeah, strange, but it can happen, I think. And the way to fix that, whether it can be done immediately (this is real iffy), or a little later (gently, as Nam recommends, and it seems an hour was not enough, on that occasion), is to establish/re-establish those connections that led you to sex, maybe even add or deepen the ways you connect. Yeah, talking is a good way. Playing, the kind that makes both of you laugh, is maybe better.
You didn't make it clear whether you were the "aggressor" this time. That may be important to him, although I'd be delighted to field some of that expressed desire. lol


Too much alcohol
Too nervous
Too tired
Too excited
Too much spanking of the monkey beforehand
Too old
Too young

Too...ANYTHING...


LOL. Too old, my ass! But AFL has a point- my horse's ass guess is that he was more overwhelmed than underwhelmed with you. It was certainly NOT your fault, and if I'm even halfway right, it wasn't his fault either.

Namrael and AFL are both very savvy ladies, OP. And their advice, in the scads of posts I've read, is always genuine and actually intended to help. Heed both.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 11
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History
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:56:51 AM
Just like you can not get off each and every time as a woman, so does it happen to men, every so often as well.

Nothing right or wrong about it, and the last thing you need to do, is think that it was your fault, or that you do not turn him on.

There are many women that care a great deal for their man, and still struggle at times, reaching a climax, or even getting wet, and do not want to have that man think it was his fault for problems with her body...........and we men can be that way as well.

There are times that I may not struggle to get a hard on, but might not get over the hump to reach that orgasm, and yet can stay hard and please my woman for a long time. When this happens, every so often, they will think that I am not turned on or attracted to them, or that they are doing something wrong, when all it means is that maybe, just maybe, the pressures of the world, life, and living just may be somewhere in the back of my large head, which affects my smaller one......

If someone struggles to get hard over all, relaxing and taking it slow, with all the right moves, using your mouth, hands, and body will help get him there, but it might not be enough to keep him there long term, if performance pressures have been combined with life pressures.

Do not take it personally, and just relax, and I bet when you wake up in the morning, if he is physically normal, you will find him sleeping with a" morning woodie", and that is your chance to make the most of it.......

Just my opinion.........
 normaldude
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 13
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Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 3:52:56 PM
it would be interesting(or maybe just nasty) if there was a female version of a mans noodle not rising to the challenge.... like some kind of puckered up vagina opening that sometimes no matter what ..... just would not open up in the heat of the moment. All hot and heavy but... that door is just slammed shut.. no matter how hot the guy or how horny the lady thought she was.... the va jj would not open up!!!! The emotions on both sides would be fascinating to analyze?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 14
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 3:53:23 PM
This is how you solve this. YOu tell him that his penis needs to watch one hour of cartoons a day. So he needs to take his pants off, sit upside down so his penis gets a better view. He is not allowed to spank the monkey, just watch one hour of Sponge Bob or Power Puff Girls.

He will be so wired from that, that next time, Wuahla, Like a bull.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 16
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 5:39:10 PM
I've had incidents where "The talk" was what made me unexcited. Not the sex talk but the "Honey", "Baby" "Sweetie" kind of talk turned me off. I didn't know these women all that well and we were indulging in mutual fun. However, when someone talks to me like I'm their #1 lover and/or like I am their child, I get turned off. I immediately conjur thoughts that this woman isn't emotionally right for me. I literally start to think she is a bit of a lunatic and a potential whackjob - I almost want to fail so she doesn't come back for 2nds.... or my throat!!!

If you're a whackjob and I am thinking you are one - my penis lets you know.

Not that I am saying the OP is a whackjob - I checked her photos and my penis stood to attention LOL!!
 airconditioninthesummer
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 17
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/15/2009 6:09:47 PM
maybe he took a line of cocaine in the bathroom without you knowing? for some cocaine will make rock-hard. for others, cocaine will make some as soft as poop but annoyingly wide a wake.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 18
Couldn't get an erection
Posted: 8/16/2009 1:52:41 AM
The posters above were right on the money. Men just like women sometimes have problems making their little monsters stand at attention and get the job done. It has nothing to do with their desire, or your desirablility, it could be anything from the four-wheeler not starting earlier in the day that's weighing on the back of his mind, his blood-pressure being a bit low, a few too many drinks, or just being a bit tired. I've had lovers who had this problem from time to time, and it always has resolved itself very quickly, usually by the next day, sometimes within an hour or two. But the worst thing you can do is make a big deal out of it. Just smile and say, don't worry about it, we'll give it a shot a bit later. Then go in for some good snuggling. Or make him a sandwich. When you see it is not going to happen, the worst thing you can do is make it a mission to FORCE it to arise. Sometimes nothing you do is going to work. Just give it time, and it will come around. Remember, this is a delicate subject and is one of the most embarrassing and sensitive things that can happen to a man's ego. Don't make it worse by dwelling on it.
Good luck. I bet with some time, he is banging your head against the headboard like a sledgehammer!
Beth
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