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Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 3
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Post-break-up - destructive thought processesPage 1 of 1    
What ?!?! She's having sex !? .... I hope she gets an S.T.D !!!
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 6
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:10:54 AM
I know it's very early and still with my first coffee (was a long night for me)...but still:


When you post a thread and try to upfront a couple of things such as this, make sure that the forum does not have a couple of PhD holders to make such post....ill make it short:

CBT are not used in the simple case you mentioned (unless your friend has far more disorders then just that one founded on one event) : it is used in psychiatric cases (Schizophrenia, bi-polar etc) and in some cases in Psychology as part as treatment for many clinical disorders, personality conditions and behavioral problems (substance abuses, criminal behavior, anxiety disorder etc etc)

But let's say she is depressed:
In cognitive theory of depression, depressed people think the way they do because their thinking is biased towards negative interpretations.
Depressed people obtain a negative perspective of the world when they are faced with a traumatic event at one point in their life and have not solve or addresses it beforehand.
So later on in life, encounters a situation that in some way resembles the conditions in which the original traumatic event has been created, the negative perspective and thus reaction of the person are activated.

But do you see that the event is only a catalyst to a pre conditioned individual; so to make very short and simple: Either she is not receiving CBT at all OR have other serious disorders (the obsessive reaction in your statement indicated such) and that little event was just a trigger, and thus justify the requirement of CBT.

The only portion of your statement I will agree on is: that yes, ANY problems of any kind should be addressed promptly and vigorously.
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 8
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:26:03 AM
Judging by this reaction: you simply up fronted this to get attention to yourself and Or that the "friend" is in fact you. nothing more.
People who are interested in such will take the information (well, first will not get it in a dating forum), process the input, ask further questions and so on. this says a lot about YOU.

Want to learn more? you're in luck as there has been a big conference last year about it and a good article in Psychological Medicine in 2009.
go read...or find other ways to get attention.

Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 9
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:54:19 AM
I just eat cheese cake.
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 12
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:49:44 AM
Hmmm. A woman that cannot stand the thought of her ex partner having sex. That isn't normal and you say she got help and it worked. End of story. The question otherwise doesn't seem to make a lot of sense but it could be that you didn't word it in a way that expressed what you really meant. How about trying again? Personally I have little faith in psychiatric treatment so I would not necessarily suggest early professional help. Talking to friends is probably just as effective but this is a completely personal view, although it is backed by some large scale studies on psychiatric counselling.

Commensens, your analysis of the poster seems to be based on your views of the forums, which from your profile is very negative, rather than whether the OP was being genuine or attention seeking. You should heed your own warning, posting on this site while there are "PhD holders" around can be hazardous to your intellect.

For an IQ of 147, you're English certainly needs working on, I must say. But hey, you might be dyslexic. I am. Personally I wouldn't list my IQ on this site because it is an accident of birth, not something learned much at all and to me it seems to be intellectual snobbery. And speaking as someone with degrees including in psychology and a doctorate (no not a PhD, there are other types) your interpretation of depression doesn't match those with clinical depression in practical terms much at all. Beck's Cognitive Theory of Depression is exactly that, a theory, and one of several competing ones. It also hasn't stood up all that well to scrutiny even by those that have set out to prove its validity.

I actually don't see how that became an answer to the question but it is an interesting subject. I deal at a practical level with the suicidally depressed due to chronic pain. That might be a special case but Beck's theories do not hold up to that type of depression at all. It has a physical cause and is not related to negative automatic thoughts or dysfunctional beliefs. I have not met a single chronic pain sufferer who has not suffered depression at some point in the process of learning to live with pain or not as the case may be. Since a great many of those never had major depression in their lives or dysfunctional beliefs or general negative thoughts and cover the whole spectrum of personality types Beck's theory doesn't seem at all appropriate to that group of depressed people.

The theory had appeal because it seemed to be logical. Naturally someone who is already accustomed to negative thinking who seem much more likely to be clinically depressed. Pity several studies don't seem to back this up.

And why someone is receiving a certain type of treatment would be completely up to the treating individual and their biases. They might well have believed that not being able to get past a relationship and obsessing unhealthily about what her ex-partner is doing justified CBT. And since CBT has been used for prisoner populations and for things as remote to the original idea of the therapy as the unemployed, I really can't see how you can blithley say it is only used for certain serious mental health conditions. The term CBT currently covers some very short term programs as well and some of these seem to be just trendy processes dressed up to look like a valid psychiatric therapy. So to suggest that the OP was wrong or lying is somewhat disingenuous to say the least.

Since you raised Pyschological Medicine, the article ""Cognitive behavioral therapy for the major psychiatric disorder: does it really work?" seems to question the whole process, indicating that the studies were not all that crash hot, it didn't work at all for schizophrenics or bipolar disorder. And you're quoting it here and questioning the veracity of the OP. Hmmm.
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 13
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/15/2009 10:09:56 AM
Dear Ric.

1) Since you like to read profiles cloaked, you have therefore noticed that english is not my primary language, not second and not even third, so, even if in dire need of improvements, I still write better then some native english speaking people around; making your futile diminutive attack here, well, futile, but also say a lot about you.

2) I enjoyed how you stated negativity in the presentation of facts; there is nothing negative nor positives in a facts; but you tried to associate it with a personal (and correct) assessment of this forum (who doesn't require intensive training) to produce "this".

3) Love the way where you incorporated suicidal tendency inside depression and associated it with obsessive cognitive behaviors....might want to brush up on psychology as the two are not related at all, even if sometimes both can be found in a patient and/or share common roots.

4) it seams that you have a very superficial view on Beck's work, which is only one of the root corner of the CBT; as it is associated in depressions in combinations; and with the behavioral pattern that the OP has mentioned, is on target. So please read not only his work, but the work of everyone who has developed CBT much further.

5) Do some basic researches before stating such grandiose claims: if you had looked at the "OP" history and background, you will have a far different tune right now......

Hi hi hi

thanks for the laughs.
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 14
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/15/2009 10:26:09 AM
This can be can indicate a couple of things in my opinion ( my non-phd, non doctoral, just saying ;-), that you aren't truly ready to let go or two, that you have issues with yourself. The former is pretty obvious and pretty normal (whatever that is). Something that hopefully is worked through before , during, and immediately after the break-up..coming to terms with it being the best thing for both.

The latter, I am not sure if I can put correctly in words , though I've seen it in others, and honestly , in myself before ,too. It's more of a possessive thought process , where you don't want somebody until they have someone else (or until you think of that possibility). It's pretty destructive and more of a jealousy thing...not a healthy want of someone.

The latter can be worked through if you can take a step back, take an inventory of your relationship, your life in general, and look at things in the 'big picture' perspective. If you can come to peace with the fact that the relationship should be over , for whatever reason and whether it's mutual or not...then you are well on your way.

If you have some of these other's not all that's human. But how you deal with them , makes all of the difference in moving on, letting go, and having a healthy life in general. I have seen cognitive behavior at work to help someone I love very much work through I can see where it would be helpful here, as well.

Just remind yourself why it is you both need to move on and that it is inevitable (and good) that you both find good relationships.

Personally...I don't normally have issues with the latter (not that I've never had those feelings). My last relationship , a 5 year one, ended a year ago. And as I was deciding to end it, that feeling gripped me, and made my gut turn honestly. But, when all is said and done, when I broke up with him, I'd worked through that. It needed to be over...and eventually we both needed to move on and be happy with someone else. We are both very mature, healthy, adjusted adults so I knew neither of us would be doing the whole rebound thing (which is nice because it gives a little bit of time / transition...). But the thought of him being with another woman was no longer daunting to me. In fact, now I tease him. He's a lot younger than me and will hopefully be having a family one day when he's ready. He can be such a neanderthal (not always..he's just a man =) that I cursed him to have 5 girls and be in a house full of estrogen =) Anyway, I guess the bottom line is that I want him to be happy and I want to be ,too. He will start seeing someone, soon I'm sure. And that is great to me.
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 15
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/15/2009 10:38:43 AM

Thanks for the comments. I had no idea that English was not your first language (your profile is very long and I glanced at it but I must say I didn't notice any reference to English not being your primary language) and if it is your fourth then you deserve congratulations. And an apology for the comment about the unusually worded English usage.

The purpose of my post wasn't to do anything more than superficially cover the points you raised. It's primary purpose was to suggest that the post didn't fit the question and would not be relevant to pretty much anyone on this site. It was somewhat sarcastic, deliberately written at an intellectual level to approximate your post.

You are welcome to your views on CBT. As to suicidal tendency inside depression or anywhere else, I'm sorry but your English might just be limited enough for me to not understand the reference at all. I said I dealt with suicidal people, not that this was "inside depression" or anywhere else. They are suicidal because of chronic pain. They would also be severely depressed. Funnily enough not that many happy people are suicidal.

I make no claim at being an expert in the theories of Beck or Ellis or Lararus for that matter. Having said that I don't think that CBT is better than other forms of therapy and that is an opinion shared by many that really are expert in the field.

I take these questions on face value, Commonsens. I would not dream of looking at a poster's history and background to form an opinion as to the veracity of the post. If the post is here and getting comments then it can stand or fall on its own.
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 16
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/15/2009 10:40:48 AM
Post break up, it takes me about 24 hours to "get over" it, assuming that it was a serious relationship. I try to be at a point, where a week later, if someone asks about her, I can say "who?"

Then, after a few weeks, I'm usually at the point where I can authentically be a friend, with no complex emotions. I've remained a friend, at some level, with most women that I've shared a serious relationship, but, for me, friendship is only possible, when I've put the residual feelings aside. There is no point to hanging on to romantic feelings, once things have ended. So, the focus needs to be to stop caring or imagining the other with someone else, and to get to the point where you're happy for him/her, when they find someone new.
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 17
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/15/2009 11:31:05 AM
she probably figured he was her property and like every normal human being you never want anyone to mess with your stuff. i was doing laundry and i left for an hour while my squeaky clean socks were drying and for 1 hour i was thinking man.. if i find one sock missing i'll call the manager and look at the surveillance video#!@$! And i was going through the heartache of that sock being on someone else' feet when i was the one that took it to fun places like the gym, movies, Mcdonald's... tell her to let go my man, no matter how much time was invested into the relationship.
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 18
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/15/2009 11:36:37 AM
Huh? I prefer to live in reality. When a relationship is over, chances are the other person will eventually sleep with someone else. I don't understand obessessing over something that I have zero control over. Let it go....
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 20
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:54:21 AM
Commonsense and Ric, me thinks you think too much! Stop Hijacking this thread with your massive egos.
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 21
Post-break-up - destructive thought processes
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:59:56 AM

Post-break-up - destructive thought processes

It's seem a common theme:

I'm never dating anyone who has been in a serious relationship. There is just too much baggage.
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