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 DJPC1980
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 1
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the "serious" dating scene?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I see alot of these posts about "abusive men,cheaters,liars"blah blah when someone good comes along and then they find out i have 5 kids then *vrooooooom* there gone. I mean seriously, are you expecting to pay my child support or not have the finest things in life besides an honest,caring gentleman as myself with alot of ambitious goals?




Input please as i am astonished by this !!

DJ

 DJPC1980
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 2
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/17/2009 10:27:43 PM
Was not a short time - 10 years is by far that! She actually remarried and had 3 more technically - Yes i have half custody of them and spend my spare days with them but my main focus is my college and they accept that. I actually do have a kickback life which is content with all of us!
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 3
Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/17/2009 10:28:07 PM
They were probably going for 8 the old fashioned way so they could have a lucrative TV show too.

8 seems to be the magic number these days to exploit your kids.

Ask the Gosselins or Octomom.
 justcuzwhatever
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 4
Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/17/2009 10:29:04 PM
Wow! 28 years old and 5 kids? And YOU are the one that is astonished?

If I were a woman in your age range I'm afraid I'd be feeling that you already had a (large!) family and I hadn't even started one.... And frankly, in my 20s I wasn't even sure I wanted to have ANY children... so for me, it probably would have been a deal-breaker. At that age, there's no way I could have handled dating someone with 5 kids.

Fair to you? Probably not. But those 5 kids are your reality, and it probably WILL be more difficult for you to find someone compatible that can deal with it. And no, not the financial aspect of it, just the existence of all those children.

Of course... there'd also be the phrase running through my mind... "Don't point that thing at me, it might go off!" (Damn, you're fertile.)
 MrDSL
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 5
Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 4:48:17 AM
I'm sorry bigben but seriously wtf did you just say?
 carterscutie85
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 6
Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 5:17:18 AM
bigben needs to take some typing classes
As for me, I wouldn't date someone with 5 kids. 5 kids is a lot to take on, especially already having 1 of my own.
OP, if you were a single guy with no children or maybe even just 1 child, would you date a divorced woman with 5 children?
 DJPC1980
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 7
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:06:04 AM
Yes , actually i do have a very content life like i stated . I have been in school for almost 3 years and have 2 Associates Degrees and am about to start on my Bachelors Degree here at the end of the year. My kids do not live with me anymore due to alot of reasons of me having to move around to travel for work and my modeling when i was doing it. I recently just got out of a relationship with a woman that was 21 with 1 kid and she was the world to me and them but things went south because eventually after almost 8 months of dating , her inexperienced standards couldnt keep up with my high lifestyle and goals so we went our ways.

Unfortunatly i winded up being divorced from her due to a long past of problems and the woman always never lets them go - hence she decided to be single and found a fantastic b/f who turned into her husband within 3 years of them dating. I honestly wouldnt change anything the way how it is now and if i have to live my life the way how it is then so be it,i just enjoy the monogomous relationships with a single woman long term to be more satisfying honestly.

Thanks for all your responses tho :)
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 8
Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:51:51 AM
I might do it.
Dating, no problem, long term would definately take a lot of consideration.
First of all i would wonder why you had 5 kids in a failing marriage.
Surely it didnt take 5 pregnancies and births before anyone realized things werent working out? Unless the lady that birthed your children died or upped and left you out of the clear blue sky.
Thats a lot of responsibility and work to raise 5 kids, even married and with help.
That aside, i did want to have a large family when i married, as i had planned to be married for life. So being involved with someone with 5 kids might not scare me off so much as it might other women. If the man was incredible in every way, and just so happened to have 5 kids, i might just give it a chance. Might. It would really depend on the person.
If the man was a deadbeat dad and not contributing to raising his 5 kids, wheather in the form of physical care, financial support, or both, no t a chance in hell.
 a8u1t7m0
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 9
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 8:36:32 AM
Dude, I'd totally date you if you were in Kentucky!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 10
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 8:38:03 AM
People do not expect to pay your child support but should the relationship go long-term, their standard of living could be dramatically reduced because you are paying the support. When my ex was only earning $40,000 a year, we were paying out $1000 a month in child support and when one of the children finally reached 18, the other support was raised so we were paying $700 a month. You don't think that dramatically influenced how I was able financially to support my three children? I worked, with the exception of about a year that I stayed home with my first daughter and even then, found something I could do at home to generate income so it wasn't like I was sitting on my ass expecting my ex to support his older two children, me and my three by himself.

If you make enough money so that you can still enjoy a decent standard of living for yourself I would mention that when you tell someone you have five children. I have five kids but fortunately earn enough to support them as well as enjoy a good standard of living myself.

You can consider it shallow if you want but it is not any different than someone not wanting to be involved with someone who has incurred substantial debt. Five children is also a fairly big deal for someone who is initially, probably not going to be spending time around you when you have your children and if they do wind up seriously involved with you, will be assuming a parental role with those children when you do have them even if they have a wonderful and competent mother.

I didn't start being a stepmom to my son at the wedding, it happened gradually over the time the same way we will take care of our friends children when they are at our house or if we are out in a group. Closest adult handles the problem, help or whatever.

Also what might be an issue is the age of your children. Stepping in when kids are small is sometimes easier from the attitude standpoint but it also means a great deal of energy expended and if someone isn't really a kid oriented person, being involved in the care of five children is/can be daunting. If the children are older, you have the potential resentment of teens that don't really give a toot if mom or dad is happy and aren't jazzed about someone new being in their lives. Being treated badly, even if just under the line that the parent will call them on it times five isn't a pleasant place to be.

These are the realities of someone that would potentially date you and while some people might see how things go, meet the children and find out what they are like, whether they are well behaved nice children or little devils that are catered to by both parents due to the fallout from a bad divorce, many will just take a pass altogether. There is wisdom in delaying meeting the children but who wants to spend 2-3 months or more cultivating a relationship with someone, meet their children that are holy terrors and then know that they can't get themselves involved further? If they have grown to care for you that kind of sucks and again, many will choose to avoid going there to begin with.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 11
Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:37:40 AM
That many kids is a huge responsibility. Not only that you get no peace and quiet or privacy.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 12
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:55:17 AM
5 kids all under the age of ten? That is a large family by anyone's standards. It is not the maturity of the women that is making them run, it is the sheer volume of mouths to feed and work brought on by raising 5 children.
If a 21 year old single woman cannot keep up with your high flying model life style then where exactly do your 5 babies fit into it? What twenty something could even consider marriage and a family with a man that has to be already tapped financially by his current offspring? Females do have family plans and goals of their own and supporting another womans kids is usually not high up on the list.
I know a Cardio-Thorasic Sugeon with 6 kids that has told me he hopes for scholarships and loans for his kids education because he knows he will never be able to swing that many college educations. He probably earns 500k a year at least. He told me his grocery bill alone is over $250 a week.

My suggestion is start your profile with "Don't Worry I've had a Vasectomy"
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 13
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:53:58 AM
A Quality Relationship Demands Quality Time
~sc~
 DJPC1980
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 14
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 12:31:22 PM
Presumptions will never get you nowhere on that remark. Actually i very well support my kids with child support,weekend time ( since i work a 4 x 12 schedule) + morning and night classes during the week. Ever since i graduated with one of my degrees , i actually have more time on my hands now so i do have 3 days open a week to do as i wish now. My children will always come first and i make plenty enough money to not be "tapped out" as i am not a trailer trash person with a 7$ an hour job :)
 DJPC1980
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 15
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:07:53 PM
My apologies futureshock, I felt that I am getting attacked at this point on this post. Yes, I am double majoring right now and just graduated with 1 degree already and 6 months with my other one for now. Sometimes things happen for a reason as what I believe in and you cannot force another to keep the relationship/marriage especially for the kids! Any recommendations then since obviously the "online scene" may be too much for me for what i am looking for?I have only been in 2 relationships in 14 years so i kinda missed the growing up stages , lol :) Thanks all for the replys and concerns!
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 16
Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/20/2009 8:57:08 AM
I'm not going to mince words.

In my opinion, having 5 kids before being really, really financially well off and already having a fantastic education is really, really stupid.

Crying about it is not going to change anything.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 17
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/20/2009 9:48:15 AM
4 x 12 hour shifts, morning and evening classes and 5 kids on the weekend? When exactly do you expect to date?
 DJPC1980
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 18
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/20/2009 11:52:03 AM

4 x 12 hour shifts, morning and evening classes and 5 kids on the weekend? When exactly do you expect to date?


Plenty of time to date , i am very picky and when i do actually date for a long term relationship it winds up turning into a relationship for a while but for some reason the woman gets "too comfortable" and decides to quit there job and expect me to support them or have nomore goals for some reason! I am just in the wrong scene and am changing that, this post has made a huge difference in alot of things for the past week.
 DJPC1980
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 19
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/20/2009 11:55:37 AM

I'm not going to mince words.

In my opinion, having 5 kids before being really, really financially well off and already having a fantastic education is really, really stupid.

Crying about it is not going to change anything.


You seriously think i am crying about my advancement in my life on this forum after reading your profile? Especially you not even being a father? Your on the wrong page of the whole book brotha!
 layitlo88
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 20
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/20/2009 12:23:13 PM
Man I so know how you feel. I was about to start the same topic for myself. I've got the same problem. I have two kids from my divorce 2 years ago and then 3 kids from a 8 year relationship that was before I got married. I do talk about my kids alot and I want people to know I have the kids. But I haven't found anyone that is will to give things a try or even get to know me as a person. I don't want anyone to take care of my kids with any money or anything that they don't want to do. I've been single for almost two years now and not one single date. I know I don't have a normal income but I do pay all of my bills and take care of two of my kids all the time. But what happened to the woman that want a nice guy that they can trust. I think sometimes that being single might be the best thing cause of all the free time that can be spent with the kids and not having to worry about what someone thinks. But at the same time life can be lonely.
Just gotta give it time and maybe the right one will come along.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 21
Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/20/2009 1:45:40 PM

You seriously think i am crying about my advancement in my life on this forum after reading your profile? Especially you not even being a father? Your on the wrong page of the whole book brotha!


This didn't make any sense.


And what I said still stands.
 DJPC1980
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 22
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/20/2009 5:56:08 PM

Man I so know how you feel. I was about to start the same topic for myself. I've got the same problem. I have two kids from my divorce 2 years ago and then 3 kids from a 8 year relationship that was before I got married. I do talk about my kids alot and I want people to know I have the kids. But I haven't found anyone that is will to give things a try or even get to know me as a person. I don't want anyone to take care of my kids with any money or anything that they don't want to do. I've been single for almost two years now and not one single date. I know I don't have a normal income but I do pay all of my bills and take care of two of my kids all the time. But what happened to the woman that want a nice guy that they can trust. I think sometimes that being single might be the best thing cause of all the free time that can be spent with the kids and not having to worry about what someone thinks. But at the same time life can be lonely.
Just gotta give it time and maybe the right one will come along.


Your absolutly correct - i live 2 lives and if its not the one that you want, make the other one that your doing the one that you can be content with. Dont let anyone hold you down!
 DJPC1980
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 23
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/20/2009 5:59:32 PM

This didn't make any sense.


And what I said still stands.



Ehh? lol....... Negative energy makes the heart grow pains man, you should learn that from your sensei and use your knowledge correctly. You have a positive comment instead of the bashing? If not , take your free comments elsewhere! Thanks!
 DJPC1980
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 24
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/20/2009 6:03:49 PM

OP I agree that 5 kids is too many. You need to give kids a quality life and I do not mean them spoiled. Things such as education for example.Your post dosn't come across to me as you are really well off evn if I am sure you have a job and pay your bills. Kids get more expensive when they become teens. I indeed believe many ladies will frick out with 5 little ones.
Well you are correct to an extent, maybe to some people even 2 kids are too many but to each there own ! Trust me i am well off, in alot of aspects... I just decided to vent to a single world for opinions, thats all. Ex wife with 8 kids is doing just as well as me and there all growing up fine, i guess you just have to learn to balance your energy correctly to do what is right! Education? Thats taken care of already for mine too, i have no other worries or rants about anything else except the womans aspect on this. My finances are 100% in line and have been for 4 years for them and my oldest is about to be 11!
 layitlo88
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 25
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Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/20/2009 7:22:45 PM
Living two lives is hard. I've been lucky and my girls with the ex-girlfriend are very helpful when I have all 5 of them together. The ex's are a different story. I know I wish things can be different but it wasn't my fault things are like this. I believe in a long term relationship that's how the kids are here. But this just means that the right one hasn't come along yet. I'm hoping that maybe if I don't look they will find me. But it still doesn't answer the question. Why is it so hard to find someone that doesn't mind kids? Or someone that will realize that it's a part of a big package. Heck even dating someone for a long time is better then not having anyone at all. Everyone needs adult time and not just kid time. Someone to go out with when the kids are away.
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