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 ForumFlounder
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 1
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You? Page 1 of 1    
Say there is mutual physical attraction, and perhaps you get along great too .... BUT yours and her hobbies & interests are on polar opposite ends. .... (example) - She likes to crochet, relax at home and read novels where you like extreme sports, gettin out and exploring stuff.

Would this eventually lead to a gap in the relationship or can this sort of difference work out in its own way?

And how much of your interests does she have to share in order for you to feel that you two are compatible?
 something_witty
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 2
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 1:24:05 PM
It certainly doesn't hurt to have common interests, but I wouldn't think it's a deal breaker if you're into different things. You don't need to be with the person 24/7, it's healthy for people to do things apart and get out with their friends away from the 'ball and chain'.

Couples only have to have something in common, not everything
 koldad
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 3
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 1:29:06 PM
Needs to be something in common that the two of you can do together or you will grow apart. Having your life and interests is good in a relationship but there has to be something in common to come home too.
 readyfornow
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 4
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Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 1:34:03 PM
It never bothered me when I was married. Everybody needs his/her own space sometimes.
 artist_48
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 5
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 1:34:21 PM
I challenge the guy who can't find something fun to do with me! Wait a minute...oh, heck, you know what I mean, lol.
I think that you need at least core common interests or you will always be doing separate activities. Some people are good with that, others aren't. I don't think you are or you wouldn't have asked. :)
As for me, I want to share activities and quality time with someone, and I'm not talking about him holding the yarn while I crochet....lucky for me, I love the outdoors and have a variety of interests.
 bluesandrock
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 6
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 1:36:09 PM
If ALL of our interests are polar opposite then yes Houston we have a problem. We do not need to be mirror images of each other but we do need some things in common.
 GGSN
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 7
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 1:37:13 PM
I've found the relationships with people who had common interests were a lot better. I was a lot happier in them, and was a lot more fun.

So I would never again date someone who didn't have a lot of common interests.
 wise_guy76
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 8
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 1:37:41 PM
Like most things in life, there must be a balance; a couple should have some common interests and yet have other things to do as individuals. That way you have something to talk about and share time doing but also have some time to be your own person.
 jimmorrison4
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 9
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 1:46:14 PM
If you don't have any common interests, then all that's left is physical attraction. Great if you're f*ck buddies, terrible if you're trying to have a relationship.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 10
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Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 1:54:49 PM
sharing passion is one of the strongest building blocks, i think. not passion as in sex, in this context, but passion as in interest. i live to play music; it's one of the most intimate parts of me. to be able to share that with someone who has it, gets it and gives it is mind-blowing.

but interests also have different weights at different stages of the relationship. a disparity can be part of maintaining a healthy distance in a settled relationship. but that disparity might work against the bonding process earlier on.
 camper28
Joined: 7/30/2009
Msg: 11
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:14:35 PM
Differences in interest are definitly not a deal breaker because I always like to try new things, however you should have some interests in common otherwise one of you is not going to want to be there all the time and that will build up resentment until the relationships cracks.
 happy-go-lucky_
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 12
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Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:24:20 PM
As with so many other things, individual results may vary. It would really depend on the guy, wouldn't it?

Some people like to be able to share some of the things they're most passionate about, whether it's their taste in music or desire to go rock climbing or underwater basket-weaving or on sky-diving massages every weekend (the last idea for an activity was shamelessly pilfered from The Simpsons). Others like to go off and do their own thing and don't mind if you opt out of it.

So in theory, and perhaps also in practice, yes, it's possible to have a relationship even though your interests might be vastly different, so long as you can find ways of spending quality time together.
 TXCurlyGirl
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 13
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Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:57:03 PM
It depends on how much different the interests are and how flexible or inflexible the 2 people are. I personally need to have a guy who has at least some similar interests but a guy who had ALL the same interests would be boring b/c I would never learn or grow from being with them and vice versa.

For example, I love watching sports and I've only had 2 previous BFs who liked sports but the ones that didn't like sports would still be okay watching all the football games with me on Sundays. Similarly, I dated a guy who was really into art. I didn't know a lot about art but I started going to museums and exhibits with him and it turned out I really enjoyed learning about art and I got really into it.

That being said, if the differences were WAY different, that might be a dealbreaker. For example, I could never date a guy who was into hunting and shooting and stuff like that. I could also never date a guy who was into playing World of Warcraft all the time either.
 Thesumofallparts
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 14
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 3:03:05 PM
Taste in music is not an issue.

Religion isn't unless she asks me to go to church. I hate religion but respect people's beliefs, I just would rather she keep me out of that nonsense.

Exercise and eating well became a rift between my ex and I. She got fat all winter because she didn't exercise, and she ate pizza and hot dogs every day. I knew at some point that fat would stick around all summer, and she resented that I was out running in -10 degree cold!

I would hope, that if our lifestyles are similar, that she would want to explore my intersts, and I hers.
 urdistraction
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 15
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 3:44:03 PM
You can make it work and hold it for a while but will fall apart in the long run,
 DemonDingleBerry
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 16
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 4:55:02 PM

Would this eventually lead to a gap in the relationship or can this sort of difference work out in its own way?

Depends.
Depends on their actual personality that lead to their hobbies.
Such as if the person that crochets and stays home to read a novel does so because she is afraid of going out in the world, stress, and worrying.
If she likes those hobbies not because of what they offer her, such as creativity and mental stimulation, but simply because they are safe.

So there would be a big gap in the relationship if her beau was always doing extreme sports, getting out, and exploring. Because she would always be worried about him. Which is stress she has spent so much of her life avoiding.


And how much of your interests does she have to share in order for you to feel that you two are compatible?

None depending on her actual personality, values, and morals.
 akimmbo
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 17
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Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 5:15:59 PM
Well, since you used the term 'polar opposites' describing interests, then, of course there would be a gap in the relationship. Many gaps. That's sort of a no brainer.

While there is no need to be tied at the hip, or to become a two headed monster together, without some commonality, what you're talking about here is a relationship with a pretty short half life.

Kimbo
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 18
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Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 6:28:12 PM
It's not so much a difference in interests as a dealbreaker.........

Rather, it'd breakdown to an inability to spend enough quality time together.

Part of the connection and bond, is being able to do things together; both shared interests and dissenting ones.
Opening your partner's eyes to a broader world can be a romantic experience.
 Willys Wild Wheaties
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 19
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Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 6:33:26 PM
I think common interests are overrated...Common values, mutual attraction, and complimentary personalities, and then maybe a few common interests...agree about the "quality time" issue of the previous poster....I still think that it would only be a problem if one had a mania for something that the other would just hate being involved with...
 Another_Musician
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 20
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:03:40 PM
As long as you have enough in common that you can find things to do together, it shouldn't be a problem.

If you live in each others pockets all the time, you'll end up with some form of relationship cabin fever.

But if you don't share parts of your life experiences with them, then you'll end up drifting apart.

You need both.
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 21
Are Differences in Interests a Dealbreaker For You?
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:51:16 PM
No. If there is a strong mutual attraction, and she satisfies me, I wouldn't worry about her interests. But it matters that we both want the same things: family, kids, etc.
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