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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?      Home login  
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 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 2
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
all men and women over 35 this applies....

Women are bitter and angry at men in general because of the bad choices they have made for fathers of there children...

Men are bitter and angry at women cause all men think that women are after something, like there wallet, or just out for free dinners....

Of course, you have guys like me who have never been married, no kids and get looked down upon cause there is something wrong with me cause I have never been married...go figure...
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 3
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:14:14 AM

Women are bitter and angry at men in general because of the bad choices they have made for fathers of there children...

Men are bitter and angry at women cause all men think that women are after something, like there wallet, or just out for free dinners....


This is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. Don't project your own baggage upon everyone else on this site. There are plenty of us that are not bitter at all, we may be cautious and a bit more selective about our choices in men or women, but don't label us as bitter just because we won't have anything to do with a guy who has a shitty attitude like you.

Fix your issues and then maybe you will be able to find a woman who won't read what you write or hear what you say and turn away in disgust.
You have a lot of work to do on yourself. Get it together before you try to date anyone...no one deserves a man who thinks she s out to rob him or take him for free dinners.

Beth
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 4
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:36:58 AM
Beth,

Thanks for the advice Dr Phil, way to break me down.

I said it in a little bit of jest, it didnt come out that way to you, which is fine, not your fault, I could understand why.

Bitter may not be the best word, more like hestitant, or scared might be better terms.

Just to let you know, Im not bitter at all. This is after getting tons of unread/deletes all the time. I keep trucking along, doesnt bother me a bit.

Again, I said it in a little bit of jest, which is why I added the story of me never married, with no kids, and women turning me down because there must be something wrong with me not being married.....


no one deserves a man who thinks she s out to rob him or take him for free dinners.


There has been MANY threads started by men who think women are taking them for free dinners. I have been on those same threads telling them to stop whining and pay for the first date. Paying for the first date is what a MAN does. Im sure I have been taken many of times and didnt even know it. That is on ME not realizing that maybe she wasnt my type anyway....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 5
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:38:24 AM
Maybe it is, but I cared more in my 20s than I did in my 30s, so in that sense it was either the same or easier. Now I really don't care, so it's effortless. My 50's should be a virtual Utopia.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 6
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:56:01 AM
OP: For me, dating when I was younger was less complicated. Now as I mature, I am set in my ways, more selective about who I date, less tolerant with nonsense and of course most have married/children (that brings a whole different dynamic into the picture) where I don't have all those past experiences.

Doesn't deter me from meeting people and wanting a potential life partner, but it is a lot more complex.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 10
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 11:19:44 AM
Wow, Beth. He definately didn't deserve that response. I think you just proved him right.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 11
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Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:19:28 PM
The only way in which I can think that dating might have been easier at 20ish than 30ish is the volume of people in my life. At 20ish I was exposed to a lot more people on a day to day basis than I have been since hitting 30. There were friends, friends of friends and random people I would meet while out being social, the majority of which were single. This made it easy to meet and subsequently date people that were interesting, enjoyable and seemingly compatible. It was completely effortless to meet singles. They were everywhere.

Now the majority of my friends are married and the social events I tend to attend are more couple and family focused so there are less single people to meet within my peer base. So yes, it does take actual effort now to meet people who are single, interesting, enjoyable and compatible. The pool is much smaller so it makes it harder to find those four things all in one person.

In most all other ways though I find it much, much easier in my 30's than my 20's. I'm smarter and wiser for having had some really great relationships. I'm more confident. I have much less tolerance for games and the people who play them and can typically spot them a mile away. I'm not bitter, resentful, mistrustful, timid or ultra cautious and I'm not attracted to or by people who are. Yes, there are a lot more of those than there used to be but to me, that says more about them and their lack of compatibility with me than anything else so I don't worry with them. I tend to focus on finding those that are happy and who take responsibility for their own life. Oddly, the more I focus on the positives the more I find them. Same with negatives. The more I focus on them, the more I find them.
 Deektec
Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 13
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Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/20/2009 10:45:48 PM
I don't think it is harder. I think people just change. Hell I hope I have learned something and changed some since I was 20.

Personally I find dating much easier these days. Getting to the relationship seems to be the bigger challenge. I know in my 20s it was just the opposite. Maybe when I am 40 it will all balance out.
 Stafford_Jim
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 14
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Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/20/2009 11:27:33 PM
I do think it's much harder. I'm 38, been married once, and have no children. Not only is it harder to meet people at this age because of less social opportunity, I find that the ones I do meet I don't want to date.

In your 30s you face a lot more obstacles. I find most single women in our age range are also mothers, which in itself isn't a problem. It's the fathers and the drama they bring to the mother's and who ever they date lives that turns me off. Quite a few of the women I run across out there also have more than one father to deal with, doubling the drama.

I'm a lot more selective in my 30s than I was in my 20s. I expect a lot more as far as career, finances, future plans, etc from women I'd potentially date. In your 20s, it's all about looks, having fun, living for today. In your 30s you not only need to live for today, you need to be thinking about tomorrow. Most of us now have more responsibility. A mortgage, a competative career, aging parents, a retirement to plan for etc. When you reach this stage you don't need to put yourself in a relationship with someone who doesn't have their life together.
 Blakkardaberry
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 15
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Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/21/2009 12:51:24 AM
To me in my 20 I think I looked for the things I like or wanted in the person and now its tilted more into the things I don't want or cannot accept. Yes experience teaches us a lot about our preferences but it also prepares us for the things that are just not acceptable in a person.
 Fukingruvin
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 18
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/22/2009 1:17:23 PM
I'm 33 now and soon to be divorced of 10 years....so I wouldn't know much about mid-to-late 20's, but I can say online dating is absolutely brutal. Real life is much easier, just not as many fish in the sea so to speak (don't exactly run into a lot of 'fish' through the week).
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 19
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/22/2009 1:24:02 PM
It's harder now, cause of the men don't want the kids around.

I still look the same as I did in my 20s, but now men would rather have a 20 yr old than a near 40 yr old. 20 yr olds are still young a bit naive to the BS. Women my age can see it.
 N2H20
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 20
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/22/2009 6:00:50 PM
I have found that since settling into a solid career and putting my priorities in order that dating has become more challenging. Now days I look for someone who is more laid back and wants to move through life a little slower rather than who wants to party all the time living life in the fast lane. Perhaps I'm setting the bar a little higher than it should be and that is why dating has become more challenging. Higher being that I'm being too selective.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 26
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/6/2009 9:55:19 PM
I wish I tried to date more in my 20s. .but thought I had all the time . .and didn't think too much about it. Good to know I'm not the only one who hasn't had a date in a couple years, ok, in 2 years. Last long term relationship was 4-5 years ago.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 28
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/8/2009 8:48:09 AM
And what exactly do you mean by "20's" in the first place? There's a HUGE difference between 20 and 29.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 30
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/8/2009 11:49:54 PM
That's really sweet of you to say that. .Well, I do tend to pick the ones that are wrong for me. That's what I'm doing wrong. Or it could be that I'm really shy and tend to clam up around groups of people. Or both. It could be that I'm picky, too. Sorry, but if I'm not at least attracted to the person, I can't try.
It could be that we don't enjoy meeting different people anymore because we sense time is running out, maybe. And we have to be selective on who those different people are.
 LittleWomanlyOne
Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 31
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/10/2009 11:39:09 AM
Everything oregonsaint (and many others have said) rings true. There is so much baggage. We all have baggage, that's just life. It depends on if the baggage is toxic or just the luggage sitting at the door.

I definitely think it's harder in your 30's, especially for women. Just as many men are judged for not having been married by a certain age, women are judged as well. In some cases we are solely judged by our age (woman's age=ability to produce children and therefore women in 30's still not considered young enough). The ironic thing is I think both men and women in their 30's are at the best stage in life to date more and partner up. You've partied in your 20's and done the selfish "I'll live forever" thing; in your 30's you still have energy to go out but we make more choices that generally nurture the soul and things that make us happier in the longterm; you're more comfortable in your own skin (one should hope). I think you want to share your life with someone more in your 30's. It's unfortunate that the pool gets so small or that people don't reach out more.
 ----------girl next door-
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 34
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/12/2009 3:25:18 PM
I am 44 and I can hardly ever get a date and I have never been married. Im in trouble. What is going on here?
 untamedspirit009
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 35
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/12/2009 4:30:32 PM
Hmmm...I was married in my early 20's and divorced by 29 years of age. I truly didn't have time to focus on dating (raising two small children, working and attending college) didn't leave any open slot in my time schedule for 'dating'. smiles.

Now that my children are older, I have my ducks all in a row (just saying)....being 39 fixing to walk into the life of being '40 years old' ....I guess I could say...it is much harder too just slip into any relationship with another man. I am not bitter about my divorce, I don't hate men, I don't 'dog' them...I simply accept them for who they have become. I hope I am not judged by their past experiences neither. We all are who we are today by what we have grown up with learning/disliking/accepting/ and appreciating.

so ya...dating now is much harder than before...I have noted that many 'want' that deep connection of a 'committed' relationship yet fail too actually involve some input in maintaining it (guess this just goes without saying).

The internet offers many options of (being with another)..the first few months, it gets to the point where both involved have to do some "work" to maintain it and it becomes stale...many just move on to enjoy the initial enjoyments of the first few months.

so sad, but just a fact.

I wish you happiness in finding yours...

spirit
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 36
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Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/14/2009 3:07:24 PM
EVERYTHING is more complicated over 30, so it stands to reason that dating should be too. The stakes are higher, you should be graduated from college and damn well better be into a career by 30. Money becomes an increasing concern as does health. 30 was the age when I saw my own mortality reflected in the gray fog of my mind's eye. With each passing decade, my own mortality becomes more painfully apparent.

In my 20s, it was all about having a good time and just getting laid. I think 20s are that time for everybody. It's a soul-searching time when we can be lazy, "me"-oriented (self-centered and self-indulgent), flounder a bit and some of us are allowed to leech off our parents for a free place to live and food.

While people are still plenty self-indulgent in their 30s, the stakes are higher now. More money would help ease, maybe cure a lot of these ills. But then the richer party is always mistrustful of the poorer party taking all their dough away that they've worked so hard for. I'm all for the prenup. In short, it all sucks.

Look at Harrison Ford. Spent his 30s-50s making all that dough, only to realize that his wife, E.T. screenwriter Melissa Matheson, after kids and into menopause, was no longer attractive to him, and, being Mr. Indiana Jones, still in great physical shape and with that "bad boy" streak still intact, in his 60s, he hit the bar scene, getting it on with strippers and the like, sometimes two a night, until he finally met 30 years younger, tiny actress Calista Flockhart (of Ally McBeal fame), who, of course, six months or so in began to pressure him into marrying her, because she needs his dough to help her raise her son who was conceived out of wedlock. I still don't think he married her, because he knows what she's all about, money, and, after two divorces and giving up 50%+ of his net worth to his exes, he knows he's not going to be able to keep that lifelong commitment once she hits menopause and loses those girlish looks (if in fact he's still living by then--he'll be pushing 80), so, while I'm sure he's very loving and treats her and her son like royalty, to expensive outtings, rides in his helicopter and such, no marriage on the table. Can't say as I blame him. So she's back to work, starring in a new TV series. Maybe he'll cut her into his will. Meanwhile, they're living together, "in sin", and enjoying it. She's young enough to be his d-d--his GRAND-daughter, and he's Han Solo/Indy, which has got to be a nice fantasy for her. Good for them!
 InNCsearching
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 38
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 10/1/2009 8:25:51 PM
yep...too much baggage. go to another country and get a wife. no baggage, no children, no mistrust yet. oh and make sure she's educated so she's not coming over for just a green card.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 39
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:43:35 PM
^^^Better yet, when you go to another country to marry a woman, pack your things and stay there. That way you can guarantee she's not marrying you for a green card, and you don't have to worry about her becoming Americanized.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 41
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 10/4/2009 1:26:47 AM
Ok, reread my response way back on the first page...sorry, I didn't realize that your post was written in jest...it hit me really wrong, and I totally vented on you. My bad. It struck a nerve because in my situation I am certainly not bitter, in fact, I am probably a lot less so now than I was in my twenties, when I was dealing with a divorce from my daughter's father, supporting myself and her, building a career, and making a lot of crappy choices in men and not getting treated very well because of it. Now, I'm older and wiser, and I'm able to qualify the men I date much quicker and I have had so many wonderful experiences meeting and dating some truly wonderful men. Add to that that my daughter is much older now, and more independant, giving me much more time to think about myself and what I want and I have so much more fun without worrying about babysitters, or visitation for her with her father. Life is much less stressful and I can slip off on weekends away with my boyfriend whenever I like, or go out during the week if I want to. For me, the baggage is pretty much gone.

Now, I take care of myself, my work, enjoy time with friends and family, my home is so much quieter (except when my daughter comes in from college), and I'm getting back to enjoying my hobbies and the things that make me happy.

And dating is soooooo much easier. If I didn't have a boyfriend, I wouldn't have a bit of trouble dating again very quickly. I get asked out quite often whenever I am out and about, and I always tell them I have someone, but it's nice to know that men find me attractive.

Once again, sorry I was so harsh in my post.

Beth
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 42
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Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:40:44 PM
kpooks, you wrote:"30 was the age when I saw my own mortality reflected in the gray fog of my mind's eye. With each passing decade, my own mortality becomes more painfully apparent." Seems like you think about death a lot.....
How do you know so much about Harrison Ford? Or it is just your guess? Look at Hugh Heffner - he is even older and his girlfriends are so young and gorgeous. One of them - the prettiest- tells him often:" I love you! We are so good together! You do not need the other ones. Marry me. " She, sure, would NEVER be interested in guys like you. But you might get lucky with some young women who want you because they think that you, being older, accomplished a lot. To them it makes sense to marry someone with MORE MONEY, than a young guy who has NOTHING. If I were you I would go after such girls just for fun and then I would not think about death, knowing that I will die as a HAPPY MAN.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 43
Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:40:58 AM
*Laugh* First of all I can't see why someone's even comparing "20's" to any age over 30. That's just ridiculous. A brat at 20 has no experience whatsoever to know better in the first place.

Anyway, there are so many factors that play a role when you're over 30. People have mentioned kids which is certainly true. Then there's disappointment - one situation after the other, hairsplitting, no one's good enough and the list goes on. Too many are looking for a fantasy because they don't even know what they want. Some start experimenting only to get more hurt. They basically rape themselves by sleeping around for a while thinking that they'll have some fun. Then the gold diggers; as if money has ever offered happiness and love.

So there are many categories. I believe that ever since women "broke out" and started acting like men the world's gone downhill - at least in the western world. Women know their place but refuse to realize it - and we all know where that place is, or places rather... Oh you've forgotten? Well, how about in bed and in front of the stove. They abandoned their role and that's why few people are truly happy and satisfied these days. I'd say that it's time to cut the crap and go back to where we were.
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