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Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 3
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single mom.....hard one thisPage 1 of 1    
It's not unreasonable -- but it's not necessarily the best thing for the kids. In my opinion, of course.

I'm of the school that social lives and parenting should be two different worlds. And they don't mix until individuals decide they want to be in a long-term, committed relationship. That's when it's appropriate for children to be meeting your significant others.

Before then ... it's just too confusing for kids. Don't you think?
 justcuzwhatever
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 4
single mom.....hard one this
Posted: 8/24/2009 11:36:13 AM
I wouldn't for a moment consider bringing a child to a first meeting... What if it takes several tries before you meet someone that you'd want a SECOND meeting with? What if the online guy you've been chatting with turns out to be a real wanker? Do you really want your child to meet THAT person?

So your mom won't babysit, do you have any friends that could watch him for a few hours? (Yes, I understand it needs to be someone you know!) You don't know anyone with a teenager that would like to earn a few bucks? You might not be able to get a free babysitter, but surely you can arrange for one that you would pay?
 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 13
single mom.....hard one this
Posted: 8/24/2009 12:30:14 PM
Well, this is hardly an insoluble problem-- but to get useful answers we'd need more information.

1. What's the reason why the eldest does not go? Different father, does not want to, some problem in their relationship? And what's the state of your relations with the ex? Hostile? Manageable? Friendly? Would he be that averse to taking all three on occasion as a favor to you?

2. How difficult can it really be to locate a competent sitter? A money issue? That stuff is probably susceptible of a solution. Suppose it is a money issue-- link up with another single mom who has the same issue and swap sitting duties. You watch hers while she goes out, she returns the favour, problem solved.

3. If that's really your Mom's motivation, I'm sorry but quite frankly she's either being stupid or unreasonably judgmental. This *smells* at a distance like blaming you for the failure of your marriage-- which may or may not be your fault but her blame is not going to assist matters one bit either way. She may also just be being selfish.

4. I concur with the other posters that exposing your kids to the long parade of guys that would constitute your dating life would be a bad idea. For the kids, it's a terrible idea, but not a great one for your dates, either. Nothing says romance like "mommy...mommy...mommy...look at this..." etc., plus the off-putting vibe of being scrutinized by some disaffected kids.
 NevaehonEarth
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 16
single mom.....hard one this
Posted: 8/24/2009 1:39:17 PM
I'm in the same boat. My daughter's father isn't involved in her life, my son sees his Dad every other weekend. My closest family member (that I could leave my kids with) in 7 hours away... So I had no social life for a long time.

My daughter is in Girl Scouts and what I did was make friends with the other single (&married) mom's in her troop. Now I have at least two possiblities of baby sitters and I know the girls get along. We can trade nights to watch the girls, or I offer money if I can.

I would suggest trying something like that or even a single parent support group is a great way to meet other single parents that also need a break to go out. I've even looked on Craiglist in their childcare section. I found an at home licensed provider that had extended hours and took drop ins. She is another resource I have and yes I found her online, but she is licensed, so I felt safe that should I choose to meet her and go that route I can.
 MrPlatonic
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 20
single mom.....hard one this
Posted: 8/24/2009 2:40:00 PM
Not too unreasonable. You can probably find men in a similar situation. Public places are always encouraged.
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