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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??      Home login  
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 TigerinCalifornia
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 1
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The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I recently had an experience with someone from POF and wondered if anyone had the same thing happen to them. After a few emails both here and our home email addresses, texts and phone calls, we decided to meet at a restaurant in the town where she lives on her night off as she works nights. I got to the restaurant early and patiently waited. The meeting was supposed to be for 6 but she was almost an hour late due to not getting out of her Dr's appointment until later than she thought and did text me of said dilemma informing me she would be late but not that late. I am an easy going, even tempered guy and didn't get upset about her being late although I was beginning to feel uneasy like I had been stood up. She finally arrived and apologized profusely for being late. I told her to not worry about it as things happen which I really meant. Anyways, we ended up having a great dinner...the conversation was stimulating, we asked each other questions, just took the time to get to know each other. After a long time had passed, we left the restaurant and she asked me if I wanted to go for walk around the area surrounding the restaurant. We walked down several streets arm in arm, laughing, talking, just having a good time. We walked back to my car and I gave her a ride to where she parked as it was in another parking garage but close. We got to her car and, I asked her if there would be a second date to which she replied yes. She even talked about what we could do...etc. We kissed, and I don't mean just a peck on the lips or cheek, these were those deep, passionate kisses. We both left. The next day, I sent her a text thanking her for an thanking her for a wonderful evening, I enjoyed our time together, I hated seeing the evening end, I anticipated seeing her again, and how beautiful and sexy she was. She said something about going to dinner on Saturday before she went to work so, I called and left a message to see if she still wanted to go. No reply. I sent her a smiley face card on Sunday morning to bring a smile to her face and that I hope she had a peaceful and restful Sunday. I got a text from her on Sunday morning to let me know she was thinking about me, hoping we could get together soon, thanking me for the beautiful email and texts, how sweet it was of me, greatly appreciated, and that I am a gentleman. I tried to call her but I guess she must have already fallen asleep so, I left a message and also sent a text telling her I was just being who I am. Monday, I got a thank you card for the one I sent her on Sunday. I sent her a text thanking her for the card and how sweet and thoughtful she is. No reply. On Wednesday, I sent her two virtual YELLOW roses letting her know I was thinking about her and to see if she wanted to do something on her night off which I figured to be the same as last week. No reply, she hasn't even opened the card I sent her. Tonight, I sent her an email, which I don't know if she will read or not, thanking her for allowing me to meet her last Thursday, apologizing if I had done or said anything that might have upset her, made her feel uncomfortable or that she didn't like because that was not my intention. I was just being me and letting her know I was definitely interested in seeing her again. I wished her the best of luck in her search and to call, email, or text if she ever needed anything or someone to talk to. Just being a friend. I guess I typed all this to see if maybe I did something wrong or if women just disappear like that after showing an interest and getting the vibes there might be some "chemistry" there.

Thanks.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 2
The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:51:18 PM
The sequel to "The Infamous Disappearing Woman" is "Where Did The Man Go?". These things happen on a regular basis unfortunately. Who knows why some people do disappearing acts? Most of us on the forums aren't like that and the ones who do disappear aren't telling us why. It's only been a couple days. She could be busy with work and hasn't had a chance to get back to you. She could have come down with a cold and isn't feeling up to checking her email. There are many reasons why she may not have contacted you yet. Only one of them is that she is no longer interested.

Don't call, email or text her anymore. The ball is now in her court. She will receive your messages, if she hasn't already. If she responds, terrific. If not, be glad you had a great date and look for someone else to meet.
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 3
The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 8/29/2009 4:11:45 PM
OP... you seem like a nice guy. and I know you meant well, but I must agree with the others that said you probably rushed her.

I know it's easy to do.
 Jadd2767
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 4
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The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:57:27 AM
The problem with this scenario is that the guy has been labeled with this type of behavior 99.9999% of the time and we get crucified for it....I stopped believing it when numerous times the woman was inconsiderate/rude about being late, or postponing things, or flat out blowing off something they said they were going to do....and yes its happened on this joke of a site as well...most people don't respond, hell they don't even look at your profile...if your not here to meet someone then WHY????? why waste everyones time? sorry rethorical rant......women complain constantly about guys insensativaty and lack of respect and it happens all the time with their own gender...and why might I ask the woman who wrote about the "disappearing man" are you givinng her excuse after excuse...thats bs.....its no wonder people are grasping at stupid dating websites and every other quick fix for a relationship hoping that it will be different when in fact dating is frustrating period....most peoples profiles are embellished and thats being kind, especially when they don't act anywhere near the way they say they are....again "forumfilly" "be glad you had a good date?" are you serious? should he be glad that the person we went out with was full of crap? that lies? that has zero integrity? I got news for you everyone is BUSY with work, with life.. if you really really want to be with someone YOU will put the effort in and MAKE time to show you give half a shi% about them, half the time I think women do this just to get back at the gender for the guys that have screwed them over so now they take it out on someone who isn't even like that but is lumped in the same man bashing boat as the ones that acted stupid.........you don't have to agree with me but in my 42 years of experience with people on this earth I've learned and there is NO disputing this...if you want something or someone bad enough you will do ANYTHING to make it happen.......and in my opinion and I know most wont agree I'd say about 90% of the women in here are looking for some unrealistic fairy tale or dream guy/relationship that doesn't even exist and have the expectations so wacked out its a farce.....heres an idea DO WHAT YOU SAY! that goes for both genders...if you say your going to call and don't, your playing fuc*ing games and the next time someone does it to you who cares!! with all that said I do believe theres someone out there for everyone, I'm not giving up and never will because I KNOW there is ONE person out there who will get me and vice versa and I can send this site straight to the recycle bin where it belongs and let games, advice, blame etc..blah blah blah get figured out by everyone else who calls themselves experts....oh and don't forget to talk about your music tastes on your profile 62% of the people responded who did at least thats what the profile police say, now that is funny
 horses44
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 5
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The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:59:37 AM
Too much too soon I'm afraid, so yes this is about you. Your intentions are in the right place, just reel back on the smiley faces and flowers...
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 6
The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 8/30/2009 4:15:43 PM
You know this is amazing. YOU were just being you.

All this - "too much too soon" - "too gushy" is crap.

OP - be yourself. Continue on and dont change a thing about yourself-
dont hold back, dont rein yourself in, dont do anything. Be yourself
because this is who you are.

You had a wonderful time, you let her know-
if she cant handle it then you need to find a girl that can and trust me
on this, there are alot of women here who can handle a man showing
appreciation for a night well spent.

Good luck.
 4408joseph
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 7
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The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 8/31/2009 6:13:46 AM

All this - "too much too soon" - "too gushy" is crap.

OP - be yourself. Continue on and dont change a thing about yourself-
dont hold back, dont rein yourself in, dont do anything. Be yourself
because this is who you are.


Exactly peanut.
(you know u really r only 90 mins away..lol)

ANYHOWS,....She felt comfortable enough to show you where she parked, and obligated with a mouth full of tongue... I personally would expect at least a "second" date...

Who knows,really, maybe she didn't like your kissing... Did she grab your package? Maybe she got a sign there.. Trust me you'll never figuire out women..never!

I've had them disappear here at a rate that "new" ones might slip by..Why, because I cut right to the chase. No time for games, period.

Yep, just be who you are...

Some women love the affection and notice put on heavy ,others (as posted) get paranoid.

Funny how things 20 years (putting balloons on mailbox,rose on car outside work,card and/or flowers sent work) almost always got you a date... Now-a-days, you'd get labled a "stalker" and might get a call/visit from the police..
 Browneyes62679
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 8
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The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 8/31/2009 3:26:19 PM
I had this happen to me recently with the guy just disappearing. I met this person online and we have been talking for about 2 months on the phone and via text messages and finally set up a time for us to meet in person. Once we finally met in person we had a great time together and I thought we really seemed to hit it off. Two weeks later he came to spend the weekend with me and things were going great.

I sent him a text message asking "Where do you see us going" and I didn't hear a response back from him for three days. Finally we talked on the phone and he let me know that he was thinking a lot about what I had said. Well needless to say he told me that he didn't want to commit to anything at the moment as he will be starting school soon and he needs to focus on that. He gave me the whole "I still want to talk and hang out though" speech. We were texting up until a week ago and I haven't heard from him since. In fact, I was going to go visit him and asked if he was free and he said he would get back to me and never did. Why do guys have to be like this? I was really starting to like him too. At least have the decentcy to let me know one way or another. I have sent him a few texts and nothing. It just frustrates me.

Luckily I have my friend trying to let me know to move on and look for someone else but it still hurts.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 9
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The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 8/31/2009 6:07:19 PM
OP: Often people will move on even when a first date went relatively well. You don't know whom else she is dating, and she may have simply found someone else.

I wouldn't say you did anything wrong; but there were a lot of notes and emails between you two after the first date. You might have been better off calling one time to tell her you enjoyed the date, and then calling again only to agree upon a second date. Notes, smiley faces, and daily phone calls can get monotonous after awhile if you're not meeting again for a week or so. Also, calling late in the evening (at a time when someone may be asleep) is very bad form unless you know someone very well. Call new prospects during regular daylight hours until you're both comfortable with later evening phone calls.


Tonight, I sent her an email, which I don't know if she will read or not, thanking her for allowing me to meet her last Thursday, apologizing if I had done or said anything that might have upset her, made her feel uncomfortable or that she didn't like because that was not my intention.


NEVER thank someone for "allowing" you to meet/date them. It's not an imposition on normal people to meet and date other normal people. It's cool to thank her for the date itself or for a good time, but don't act like she bestowed some kind of privilege upon you---it doesn't come across as attractive. Don't pre-emptively apologize when you haven't done anything wrong. I don't think those statements really damaged your chances with her, but you didn't need to grovel like that.

The ball's in her court, OP. You didn't really mess up, but you may have clung to her (through the notes/emails/phone calls) a little bit too strongly after the successful first date. Her mild interest may have dimmed somewhat for any number of reasons, and at this point, you need to let it go. She'll contact you if she's still interested. Be glad for the fun date you had and call it a day.
 thwipp89
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 10
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The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:03:24 PM
maybe she's been busy with her transgender operation from the doctor's appointment that made "her" late for your first date.
haha, sorry. i'm a jerk. couldn't help myself =P
hope it works out.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 11
The infamous disappearing woman, or is it just something about me??
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:25:02 AM
One word: overkill.

Well, OK, one more: smothering.

Three more and that's it: jumping the gun.
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