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 counterCLOCKWORK
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 1
22, Never had a girlfriendPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I think I am WAY different than almost any guy I hear say this. Why? Because almost all of them say the same thing. I'm shy, scared of talking to women, etc.

The thing is I am EXTREMELY confident with women, no problem talking to them, getting there numbers, asking them out. The problem is almost any girl I meet, no matter how much we seem to gel always tells me I'm, "not her type."

It gets very very annoying. I'm still a virgin as well, mostly because of this. I have just some terrible luck and my friends believe I am cursed. Any girl that shows interest in me usually has a bf and I went through a crazy terrible time with a girl that almost left her bf for me. Thank god she didn't though because that would've been trouble.

I seriously think there's way more luck in things than we put stock into.
 counterCLOCKWORK
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 3
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:32:51 PM
Well thing is I have a heart condition and might not make it to 42 to tell the truth. Sorry to be a downer. It's part of the reason why I get flustered that it's never going to happen.
 Mayor_McCheese
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 4
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 12:38:14 AM
So with this heart condition you could die if you had sex?

I guess you are screwed either way.
 Mike Seguin
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 5
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:06:55 AM
No one dies a virgin--life screws us all in the end.
 knave_jester
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 6
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:21:56 AM
wow and you guys are seriously wondering about not having a girl friend? and it's true we all do get screwed in the end.
 knave_jester
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 7
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:23:26 AM
look stop feeling so about that doctors are always wrong any way. but do you realy want to be laying there thinking to your self... "if i just had a little more confidence i would of got laid?"
 _jay_see_
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 8
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:19:12 AM
I was in exactly the same boat as you at 22.

I ended up seeing hookers, and it worked out quite well. I'm happy with their services, and being single is a plus in a way, since I can concentrate on my career.

Of course it's sometimes a bit painful being out on a friday night and seeing all the happy couples together kissing, etc.

But at least I'm getting sex, even if I'm not good enough for a relationship.
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 9
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:43:47 AM
To straighten the record, the OP has not said sex will stop his heart. He merely said he had a heart condition, albeit what sounds like a very serious one.

OP: Here's what you do. Stop trying. You can put two sentences together that make sense, look reasonably wild and woolly with a guitar in your hands, are taller than an aardvark. In point of fact, you pass every test necessary to attract someone. Quit trying, quit worrying. Don't listen to the fictions b.s. in the locker room or the hyped adolescent focus of our materialistic culture poured down our throats in movies, Tv, etc. Getting some is not, in fact, the pinnacle of our existence. Breathing is the pinnacle of our existence. Women love men who are alive ... and I mean living fully, which means, not concentrating solely on them (or pandering or anything close to that). So, the more you think about it, the less you are doing yourself a favor. Remember, it's an act of nature ... so let nature take its course. That's all there is to it.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 10
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:35:37 AM
I'm 21 and never had a girlfriend, always been single, thats the reason why I keep making those posts that women have it so much easier than men do when it comes to dating and relationships. I bet if I was a woman, I would have had a boyfriend a long time ago.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 11
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:36:42 AM
You are 23 and never had a boyfriend? Wow, in my opinion, you are too cute to have always been single, and plus I would expect you to have had a boyfriend already because it's easier for girls.
 codedout
Joined: 7/25/2004
Msg: 12
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:48:58 AM
You guys are young, accept it and appreciate it. I was the same way when I was younger. When it came to women I was always told you are cute BUT. Seriously focus on your carrers, your life, your family. Life is short enjoy what you can while you can.

In life you dont find love and relationships , like you do aa missing wallet. The cosmos or whatever seems to land them in your lap, when you are ready for it. So again my advice is focus on you, your education, and your careers, and when the time is right love, and relationships will find you.

And even though when I was growing up I found this the most insane piece of advice anyone ever gave me BUT its true. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
 pittbull29
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 13
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:49:03 AM
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
 big pacific
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 14
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22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:49:31 AM
Damn Drusurfer bro you try to hard.

Op, you posted this in the sex forum, is that what you're looking for?

If you are really looking for a relationship, you have to have balance. Women don't just want confidence, they want vulnerability as well. You can't be the king of the world all the time, they have to feel like they can be there for you and that you need SOME support.

As for jumping in a relationship, try to get to the point where you don't validate yourself through a girlfriend, they kick ass, but you have all you need to be happy in yourself man.

When you are happy and content with what and who you are, the women will come.

Hell John Wayne needed some support, you can too.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 15
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:52:12 AM
I'm not looking for sex, I'm looking for a serious, long-term, committed relationship, seriously, women have it so much easier, there are more men in this world who have never had a girlfriend than there are women who have never had a boyfriend.
 big pacific
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 16
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22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:58:33 AM
I know bro, i'm sure you have the best of intentions. But this "girls have it easy its SOOOOO hard for us" type crying smacks of the kid that sulks at the dance because nobody is asking him to dance.

Girls don't want that guy, they want the one that just starts dancing and has fun. Who wants to date someone wallowing in self pity with this "girls have it easier" stuff? I mean honestly, if a Girl has a boyfriend, doesn't THAT then imply that a guy had a girlfriend?

C'mon man, GET IN THERE! Stop talking about how hard it is, talk about how FUN it is, meeting people, learning new things, just think of the adventure man. Dating is a riot.
 iherdcats
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 17
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 7:10:12 AM
Wow, you are young still and have much of your life ahead of you. Relax a little, get busy with your other ativities and let it all unfold.
Sex is just not the end all be all of life, it will happen, you will meet someone and this too shall happen.

oohlala21 speaks a heap of truth, reread her!

my goodness drusurf06, whining is perhaps the most unattractive quality... really working the broken record there young man.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 18
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:03:03 AM
Well it's very hard and difficult to be confident, to have a positive attitude, it's very tough because i've never had a girlfriend before, almost everyone has their first boyfriend/girlfriend before age 21.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 19
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22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:37:04 AM
OP: there are more women than men in almost every locale in the world. If you've never had a girlfriend, then it's apparent that you have thought and behavior patterns which are preventing you from pursuing a potential girlfriend and getting one. Period. One of the biggest stumblingblocks for a lot of guys is that they tend to be attracted to women they're not really compatible with. Review how you're screening the women you pursue, and see if you need to adjust whom you're focusing on for dates and relationships.

Another thing to remember is that as a guy, you need to be assertive. I'm not saying you're not assertive, but too many guys take a passive role in dating and wait around for girls to approach them, call them, etc. That doesn't work well for most guys. YOU need to approach girls. YOU need to get the numbers. YOU need to call regularly. YOU need to plan and initiate dates. YOU need to be prepared to pick the girl up at her house if you're not meeting her at the venue. YOU need to suggest exclusivity when you have rapport with a certain girl. You need to expect to do those things all the time, and not see it as a burden. The guy should consistently (but respectfully) take the lead in dating-----always. Guys who don't have relationships often don't realize that they need to take the initiative every time.

Good luck. If you really want a girlfriend, you'll get one easily enough.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 20
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:32:11 AM
WHY DOES THE GUY HAVE TO INITIATE EVERYTHING IN DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, WHO OR WHAT MADE IT THE STATUS QUO!?!, WHY DOES THE GUY HAVE TO TAKE THE LEAD? SERIOUSLY, IT SEEMS THAT WOMEN DON'T DO ANYTHING IN RELATIONSHIPS AND DATING, WOMEN ARE JUST ALONG FOR THE RIDE. WHY? IS IT BECAUSE MEN ARE THE MORE DOMINANT, STRONGER SEX?
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 21
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:37:24 AM
Why does the guy have to do everything? gosh, do women have to do any work at all? Really, it seems women are just along for the ride, women do not make much of a contribution to dating and relationships. I hate being rejected with a huge passion, I get so pissed off and frustrated.
 big pacific
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 22
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22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:37:57 AM
Bro. Calm yourself.

Desperation is a stinky cologne.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 23
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22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:11:28 AM

WHY DOES THE GUY HAVE TO INITIATE EVERYTHING IN DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS


Man......this is what I'm talking about! You act like taking the initiative is some kind of burden or drudgery. Most normal, red-blooded guys enjoy taking the initiative and do it automatically. It's not a matter of "have to". A normal testosterone level and, at least, average intelligence, should ensure that a guy has more than enough assertiveness and initiative to get and maintain a relationship.

It's sad that any guy would see simple initiative in meeting and dating women as a chore.

I don't know if it's due to hormones/pesticides in foods; or faulty gender-bender conditioning; or simply evolution (which isn't always "progressive"), but there seems to be somewhat of a trend where guys in each successive generation are increasingly being feminized to the point of total inability.

There are very, very few guys who will enjoy a satisfying relationship worthy of the term as a result of passive acquiescence to a woman's initiative. It does happen, but it's rare and it's not necessarily a good thing. It's up to the guys, in most circumstances, to go out and initiate dates and relationships. I initiated all mine. That's the way it ideally works.
 _jay_see_
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 24
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 11:32:17 AM

You act like taking the initiative is some kind of burden or drudgery. Most normal, red-blooded guys enjoy taking the initiative and do it automatically. It's not a matter of "have to". A normal testosterone level and, at least, average intelligence, should ensure that a guy has more than enough assertiveness and initiative to get and maintain a relationship.

Actually, based on evolutionary history, there are some very good reasons for men to be naturally hesitant to approach women they don't know.

When humans lived in small tribes rather than large cities, there were smaller numbers of women available, and there were often dominant men (alphas) in the tribe, who had control over the females.

If a man tried to mate with a female who was already taken, he risked being killed by her mate or expelled from the tribe.

Today "approach anxiety" is hardly a strange thing. Pretty much every guy feels it. To not feel one scrap of fear of approaching a woman in public would be pretty abnormal and possibly dangerous to one's survival.

Of course, once you're able to deal with approach anxiety, you're still going to be mostly rejected, since most women are either in some kind of relationship or aren't looking for a partner.

Of the tiny few who don't reject you straight up, some will be genuinely responsive and others will be leading you along.

The playing field is neither easy nor fair.
 sexybuttamam1
Joined: 7/30/2009
Msg: 25
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 12:26:19 PM
Don't rush it... Let everything happen naturally sometimes I think when you push things too hard they all go wrong... Just relax and live and truly be happy for yourself... There is nothing wrong with you or the fact that you have never had a girlfriend or sex yet...

Goodluck
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 26
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:14:30 PM
Well it is very difficult to not be desperate if you have been single your whole life, c'mon, an overwhelming majority of people have their very first boyfriend/girlfriend as teenagers, in high school, I hate being a late bloomer with a passion.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > 22, Never had a girlfriend