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 SirThinkAlot
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 1
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What is shallow?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
We all may have different opinions of this. Looking for some opinions here.
Recently I was in contact with someone who basically stated: that if she were to correspond with someone on here without a photo for awhile. Then telephoned. Found after a while, they liked each other a lot. Cared for the way their minds worked, their souls felt. Had commonalities. Then arranged a meeting sight unseen. When met she found the guy was 400 lbs and had bad teeth. She would be repulsed and never want the guy.

She feels that is not shallow. I feel that is exactly what shallow is.
Now, I have spoken to someone else on here who is bright and I respect their opinion. They feel that is acceptable as the repulsed one is displeased with the lack of health care and hygiene the overweight bad toothed individual practiced.
I feel that may be a substantial reason but is more rationalization applied.
My feeling is we seek the soul, the mind and the heart. If one finds that online and yet judges by the body then they are shallow.
Do they have the right to be shallow? YES. does it mean they are not shallow? NO
BTW I am not 400lbs with bad teeth as those who have met me can attest to. This was a hypothetical situation only. But the conversation was real.

Let the opinions begin...
 saggy ass and saggy tits
Joined: 5/22/2008
Msg: 2
What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 7:53:22 AM
my 2 cents

it does not matter if your mind clicks or soul clicks or what ever else click, if you are not attracted to the person and you can not see your self kissing that person it will never work.

you could end up as very good friends,but thats about it.

at my age i would never ever meet someone i dont know what they look like.

fist im not a child and im not going to guess who is the person in the coffee shop im meeting.
second.....if you talk to someone for an extended period or time , like it or not, you will develop some kind of feelings.....than if you are not attracted it is a really big dissapointment.

third..if the other party have a pic up it is just not fair.
 sportsgirl7700
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 3
What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:40:52 AM
First, I will not talk to anyone without pictures. Yes, plural. I need to see several and they need to include at least one full body shot so I have an idea of what they look like.

Secondly, I like to have one phone conversation shortly after they email me on here. Usually within a few days. (big fan of texting as this email stuff, is garbage IMO).

Third, I like to meet a day or 2 after the phone conversation for a drink. Casual, nothing expensive with too much planning involved. We go, sit at the bar, chat, see if there is a physical attraction...if not, then movin on...I have no problem staying friends if he has qualities I like and things in common.

I am not one to waste time getting to know someone without seeing them. You need to have a physical attraction to the person or it will not work!

I do not consider this shallow. I know what I like and what I don't like.
400 pounds and bad teeth...delete...
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 4
What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:17:01 AM
throwit2me makes a good point.

Myself, I think it would be shallow if she wouldn't be friends with him because of his appearance.

But there's nothing shallow about not wanting to date someone who actively turns you off physically. Physical repulsion is not something one can pretend isn't there when it is - nor can it be overcome with the power of reason. Just like attraction, you feel it or you don't. It is unrelated to relative personal depth.

How 'bout the other side. Since we're positing that they have this great connection emotionally and mentally, would it be shallow of him if he wouldn't be friends because she didn't want to date him?
 sinlov
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 5
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What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:17:23 AM
Come sirthinkalot, I do not care for shallow people also, to me looks, should not be as important as the inside, but your friend is right. Even that should have a limit. Too me shallow is being overly indulgent or insentitive about what should be trivial. Size to point of being overweight, she has reasoned out to be unhealthy.

Whereas shallowness is when you get right down to it, It is not very important anyway.

Health and Hygiene are important points, I believe by most people standards.
To a point these things maybe looked at by most of the public as sane, humane, natural, ///or maybe it should be inmaterial to what is being considered.
Everyone might scrutinize to a point, because we all have what we view as within normal limits. It is when you take the very last thing one might consider and put it first. Overly indulgent about frivilous things. You have no reason other than prejudice and you tend to catagorize without ryhme or reason. Shallowness is more if you don't have a reason, just feel that way because ...... I know someone out there can explain it better. I quit!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 6
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What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:17:53 AM
Shallow is the concept of letting your "imagination" rule your common sense.......

Who is their right mind would buy a car or home site unseen, just because the description sounds enticing, and the agent makes it sound awesome?

I am one to make imagination become reality as soon as I can, so I do not just sit here letting it become a computer connection, unless we are going to be just friends, or the distance is to far to have anything else.

If initially interested, I am one to move to private email, messenger, phone, and then set the meet and greet with nothing but good expectations. Once there, and the pictures match the person, the conversation across from each other matches what we had on the computer, and the attraction moves from imagination to real, I am good to go.

If not, I am one to say thank you but no thank you, or how about being friends and helping each other in other ways.

Just my opinion..........
 SirThinkAlot
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 7
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What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:12:20 AM
To  DemonDingleBerry

It is a shame you did not read my post and have expressed opinions that some may see as "shallow" .
I was not looking for a definition of shallow in the dictionary sense. That may be perceived as: : penetrating only the easily or quickly perceived b : lacking in depth of knowledge, thought, or feeling
Your response does that as you assume and did not pay attention to my post.
1) No one rejected me. This person and I were in only early stages of conversation. No "attraction" as yet was present.
2) I walk th walk not talk the talk as many others do. I have been with women that you might not have found attractive, That is a shame as you have no idea what you have missed. I have been fortunate enough to not be "blinded" by the quick and prejudicial assumptions made upon immediate ocular results.
3) It was never stated, you wrongly assume, she found me unattractive. This was a discussion of opinions on shallowness. I did not realize that one such as you would expose themselves as being so shallow in such a public way. This you have accomplished with your jump to conclusions, assumptions and derogatory remarks.
4) Why would you, wrongly, assume I am of the build and description aforementioned?

Fortunately many of us are considerate of people such as yourself and will overlook your shortcomings, hoping you will grow and develop.
Kindly look to other posts for your flaming.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 8
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What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:13:59 AM
It's allowing your loins to dictate as much as your brain who you are attracted to. Not always a bad thing.
 SirThinkAlot
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 9
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What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 11:28:21 AM
Wow. I guess it is near impossible to filter out the quick to judge, lack of reasoning individuals from the rest of us.
Who decided this was a "boo hoo" or "self pity" thread.
If I questionn of a police officer beating a civilian - does that mean I am a civilian who was beaten by an officer?
If I questionn of a person using prejudicial remarks toward someone of a particular race - should people assume I am of that race?
If I ask of someones shallowness of people who are overweight - should people assume I am overweight?
If I state the conversation made - does that mean someone was rejected?

Some of these prejudicial posts and comments are indicative of the exact conditions in shallowness that prevails on these sites. This is all part of being shallow.
Keep to the issue discussed.
For all those who feel it is the initial appearance that determines a possible relationship. May it never happen to you that your partner eventually gets out of shape, has a disfiguring accident or illness. Incurs a health condition that damages their teeth. For surely you would abandon them immediately. Should it happen to you be prepared to be alone from thereon for why would anyone, who is not shallow, wnat to spend the time and energy to educate you on the depth of a person.
May the shallow, quick to judge, people of the world UNITE. Yes unite, get together and go be with yourselves. You are deserving of each other.
 boo372
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 10
What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 12:12:48 PM
people like who they like, a lot of people really dont go for a 400 pound man or women with bad teeth, least not at first glance. Now some might not really care about that. Some do, as that wouldnt be there type. Just because its not there type doesnt make them shallow. Makes them real!
 SirThinkAlot
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 11
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What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 12:34:10 PM
"I think it is ABNORMAL and SUSPECT to NOT disclose a person is shallow and is fist and foremost concerned with looks rather than integrity, intelligence, feelings, moraes and values BEFORE meeting."
BTW this thread was not about a photo first scenario but that concept has apparently been lost
To those who feel the GREAT importance of a photo first. To those who believe that not showing a photo means you have something to hide.
Try this
1) Post your phone number, SS number, DOB and other private information. Why not? Oh, you must be deceitful and are cheating on someone.
2) Take real, high resolution photos of yourself to post.
3) I'll create a website just for you. It will not allow more than one email. No chat. Just a collection of photos. In the emails you will be limited to no more than ten words so you cannot get to find out what someone is like.
In said website we will rate you on your looks. this will be discussed openly in the forums.
A) In said website a test will be required. This test will determine if your IQ is over a certain level.
B) If your ability to understand information, extrapolate data, correlate information and draw to a reasonable conclusion is of sufficient abilities.
C) If you take time to analyze information and have the ability to see with different perspectives
If you are deemed to have the aforementioned qualities of A, B & C a warnings will be sent to you not to enter said website as you would not be comfortable with those that fail said test and infect said site.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 12
What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 12:55:30 PM
Shallow is what another person wants that you cannot provide. Period. In other words, calling someone shallow is nothing but an ego-saving cop out.
 coveredinpaint
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 13
What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 1:45:18 PM
I agree it is shallow. However, there is nothing wrong with being shallow. It's just like being selfish. What's wrong with wanting things for yourself?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 14
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What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 2:20:10 PM
Shallow is a relative term that applies to bodies of water. It has no valid application to human relationships, IMO.
 sinlov
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 15
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What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:52:34 PM
Slamn So what I am to understand is the guy that without any meaningful conversation or meeting , whom immediately ask pants and breast size; Who does not know me from Adam, who has decided to date only women under size 10 with more a D cup or more is not SHALLOW ??? And Furthermore it is my OR anyones rejected ego, let down because I could not provide this for him " that's just his or hers "preferrance" After all we do have preferences! Why isn't that special! SPECIAL... YES Because I
wouldn't give his SHALLOW ASS THE TIME OF DAY.
BUT I DO SEE THAT WE ALL HAVE "PRECONCIEVED", NOTIONS, EXPECTATIONS AND WANTS THAT WE DREAM OF IN A PARTNER.
Point taken.
Should they matter ..... should they preclude or conclude the relationship that could be? Well Dear if it really matters to you ....If thats what you really want. ... We all know it is shallow..... But everyone is entitled to their opinion, likes and dislikes...
and wants ...WHATEVER; I STILL SAY SHALOW!! SHALLOW!!! SHALLOW!!!!, SHALLOW!!!!. SHALLOW!!!. ... Now let me take my big ars to bed. LOL LOL
 Kimberish925
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 16
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What is shallow?
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:05:18 PM
I agree with the following...

Shallow is when you are choosing someone because of what other people think versus what you think. However, if you find yourself attracted to someone and they are overweight, but you refuse to date them because you are concerned with what other people will think about you, then that is shallow.


If I am dating someone I do hope that they will be accepted by my friends but in the end it is my/our happiness that is most important. If my friends didn't accept someone I chose to be with because of how they look...I may end up loosing a friend.


It doesn't matter how good the intellectual realtionship is if there is no physical attraction. As humans we are visual creatures, what we see get us excited (not neccessarily meant in a sexual way). There has to be a balance between the two. I have no set physical idea of my "perfect" mate. There are aspects that I may be more attracted to than others. I am no more attracted to a very skinny man than I am to an excessively overwieght man. Both are extremes that I am not attracted to.
 gracengracie
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 17
What is shallow?
Posted: 8/29/2009 2:36:03 AM
OP
Your example is too extreme IMO. I then will consider myself super shallow.
Having a weight problem, you don't need to add to it bad hygiene.
I'd say we have all the right to be repulsed by people that dont have good hygiene habits.

Now if the story would be that the person you meet is just short, or bald, or had a limping leg, then I could agree more with the shallow qualification.

I also agree that we all have our tastes and are attracted to certain types and repulsed by other types. Maybe that shallow, but hey, this is life. We have the freedom to chose what we like and what we don't, and if that makes us shallow then we are.

Shallow to me is thinking that only if you are attractive you have the right to marry the handsome or the pretty people. Shallow is to be going after only wealthy people without any other consideration. Shallow to me is giving importance to not the core values but ONLY to the show off values, such as look only, height only, etc etc
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 18
What is shallow?
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:21:28 PM
As much as I want to side with you on the shallow thing, i can't because you are attracted to what you are attracted to. I mean what do you want? the person to get into a relationship and waste both their times, come on there has to be some attraction physically, it goes on in the animal world doesn't it? Aren't Humans animals too? People have the right to date/marry anyone they want for any reason they want, whether it's looks, money, personality, interests, etc.
 arts, dining, music, w/u
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 19
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/22/2012 9:07:01 AM
Shallow is demanding more than what you have to offer.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 20
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What is shallow?
Posted: 2/22/2012 9:18:57 AM
I dont think its shallow at all, I would describe it as being signs of a severe mental health issue that needs urgent treatment personally


The term shallow in a dating context is as far as I'm concerned just the war cry of idiots who feel that nobody should be "allowed"to not want to date them even though practically none of them would consider giving up any of their own personal preferences

Wanting to find a partner physically attractive isnt being "shallow". its called having a degree of standards and self worth. Whereas being prepared to date ANYONE tends to be a sign of utter desperation

Luckily though for people that we enjoy the company of but DONT fancy we dont have to date them to spend time with them or chat to them. Theres this quirky thing called "friendship" which is specifically designed for people that you like but DONT fancy.

For me "shallow" would be the opposite to desperate in this context


As for the specific conversation. I used to deliberately remove my photos when actively dating as it tends to weed out certain types of people that I have little patience with.

But at the same time I would no more want to date someone who I didnt fancy than I would want to be dated by someone who didnt fancy me. What on earth is the point in that?

I also would never consider meeting someone I hadnt seen a photo of if there was even the slightest hint of more than a purely platonic interest.

I think the only reasonable use of the word shallow is where someone is ONLY interested in looks and personality isnt important. But that will tend to be a purely carnal meeting anyway so the fact its based on "shallowness" (well lust is more acurate) is pretty much irrelevant as well as normally being the same for both parties involved

Most of the time both looks AND personality will be important, so the term shallow really isnt relevant in the slightest.
 GodsChild750
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 21
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/22/2012 9:21:05 AM
I think when someone dates another person based on looks alone. The person they're dating, doesn't have a job, treats them like craap, and is dumb as a door knob, but they look good so they continue dating them.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 22
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What is shallow?
Posted: 2/22/2012 10:33:11 AM

For all those who feel it is the initial appearance that determines a possible relationship. May it never happen to you that your partner eventually gets out of shape, has a disfiguring accident or illness. Incurs a health condition that damages their teeth. For surely you would abandon them immediately.


No, for most its a matter of what is initially attractive that determines whether you will give someone "a chance" or not. Its not a matter of abandoning someone if you already love them. Most would not automatically leave a loved one who by accident was put in a wheelchair during their relationship. However, many would automatically refuse to initially date a person already in a wheelchair. The more obvious your flaws, the harder time you'll have dating. Its just human nature.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 23
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/22/2012 11:11:29 AM

I think when someone dates another person based on looks alone.

Why? How does that differ from any other reason you would or wouldn't date someone?
 Uonlyliveonce5
Joined: 12/2/2011
Msg: 24
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/22/2012 11:30:30 AM
To OP, not shallow at all. I read 1/2 of the responses of you defending yourself

But if there is no attraction, there is no attraction. Do you expect that the attraction will grow over time and someone is going to love this person?


I would consider it shallow if someone rejected their date because of a very small imperfection. (eg. the person wore old shoes, the person cut themselves shaving, something else very small and stupid)
 arts, dining, music, w/u
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 25
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 5:50:05 AM
The problem isn't dating someone based on looks alone. The issue of being shallow is when the person believes he or she deserves someone that is better looking than how he or she looks. That pertains to everything. When one looks for better than who he or she is then that is shallow.
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