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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Tolerance with age?      Home login  
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 sk1960
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 2
Tolerance with age?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I never did tolerate people who treated others badly .... I had no tact however and it was an in your face approach ... while I still won't tolerate it - I like to think that with age I have a more "gentle" approach to things that bother me .... ahhh age and wisdom . .. who'd have thunk
 daffie
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 3
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/29/2009 9:23:35 PM
when i was younger i was a bit of a rebel.....but i always showed respect for others and especially my elders.

as for drunks?
i've never been a big drinker. i can't handle too much alcohol so usually stop drinking after i've had a couple.....it's not a good look for me to be found lying under the table before the main course is served......a second date isn't usually proffered!

actually i have little tolerance for intolerant people.....
 sinlov
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 4
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Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/29/2009 9:44:02 PM
Yes with age wisdom, should come, I can think of a whole lotta Sh*t I would tolerate when I was young, and well you know the rest. But let's keep this sweet. Lets see people that get totally drunk, or too $ithchy, I can't tolerate too much alcohol, I tolerate cars coming in the oncoming lane, I even slow down and let them get on. God that peaves me off when cars won't let you in. Or they have space to get over and they won't . Gaaawwwd. I have a very low tolerace for purposely rude and two faced people.
 Mahogany-Rush
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 5
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/29/2009 9:47:04 PM
I have no tolerance for Eminem and 50 cents and any thug type of crap with their ignorant lyrics, drum machine and they have the nerve to call that music??
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 6
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/29/2009 9:56:22 PM
I tolerate a less than godly physique now. Seriously--I'm less about looks now than in the past (I have to be, I am not as good-looking, either).

I think I put up with more when I was younger. I recal my first BF telling me I couldn't listen to my music because HE didn't like it, and I said ok. Now I'd laugh if a guy tried to tell me what MUSIC I 'should' listen to. And then dump him as control freak. I realy have a problem with control freaks. Or, rather, they get a problem with ME. Most people are push-overs and if you allow someone to control your life, they will do it, and get USED to doing it. I love to mess with control freaks.
 monalee1
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 7
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:08:11 PM
hi... outside of gross injustice I can tolerate most everything once (benefit of the doubt stuff) but after a few times it needs serious discussion.... it seems that I have less tolerance for family/friends than strangers.... blessings for tolerance
 crystalspirit
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 9
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:34:35 PM
As I get older I seem to escape heavy drinkers and smoke-filled environments pretty quickly.

I used to love super loud music ~ and now it's a rare occasion that I want to blast it to deafening levels unless I'm out dancing or listening to live music.

Crazy fast drivers I won't ride with anymore (I used to be the crazy fast driver...and that's stopped most of the time now too).

I used to have patience to listen to people brag about their accomplishments non-stop ~ now I just find them to be a bore.

When dating ~ I don't stick around long if he never does what he says he's going to do.

I used to be able to be around constant complainers ~ now I just want them to shut up or leave.

I used to stand by quietly when people mistreated customer service persons working in stores and restaurants ~ now I shred those people!

My patience for unpleasant environments and BS is running on empty.....

 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 10
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:44:42 PM
I tell you what, reading some of the posters here - I don't think they could tolerate anyone except their clone. EVERYTHING sets them off...and talk about know-alls.
Yep, I find know-alls just about intolerable...
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 11
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:53:08 PM
I will no longer tolerate being mistreated in anyway. No second chances when it comes to abuse, either physical, verbal or mental.

I will not tolerate someone doing illegal or excessive drugs of any sort.

I will not tolerate heavy drinkers.

I will not tolerate being cheated on by my partner.

I will not tolerate walking on eggshells do to someone's volatile mood and mood swings.

Aside from those things, I'm pretty well good to go!
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 12
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:59:55 PM
I agree that I may have become less tolerant with some things. More so with how I am treated or my children. I know we don't realize how we sound to others at times. So I don't deny I do it myself. I say things that sound wrong and/or taken the wrong way. But there are some things people say or do that can't be taken any other way but offensive. With out going into much more about this, some times it is better to say nothing at all then to open your mouth and say something that isn't nice.
 sassy_scorpio
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 13
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/29/2009 11:29:31 PM
forrum filly pretty much said it all.

There is no reason we should have to tolerate drug or alcohol abusers in our lives, being treated badly by others, or being cheated on.

I am a really easy going person but I have no use for these types in my life.
 Rob_SA
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 14
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 12:57:13 AM
Once again ForumFilly hits the nail on the head!

I will no longer tolerate being mistreated in anyway. No second chances when it comes to abuse, either physical, verbal or mental.

I will not tolerate someone doing illegal or excessive drugs of any sort.

I will not tolerate heavy drinkers.

I will not tolerate being cheated on by my partner.

I will not tolerate walking on eggshells do to someone's volatile mood and mood swings.


Of course some of those things we only discover once we're partway down the relationship track, but attitudes to violence, abuse, alcohol, drugs etc come up fairly early in the piece. Unfortunately you don't usually get to experience the moodswings straight away, but once that switch has been flicked that's a huge red flag for me, and usually the moodswings seem to come from alcohol. :-(
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 15
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 4:13:53 AM

I have little tolerance for heavy drinkers.


I am rather patient person but perhaps a little less patient now that I am older.. Like you I have no tolerance for heavy drinkers.. I can easily add to this list but fear it is getting rather long.

thecatsmeoww
 ronosaurus
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 16
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 5:50:02 AM
I have a lower tolerance for people who expect me to solve THEIR problems.
I have an increased tolerance for my finite capacity to solve MY problems.
I have a lower tolerance for MY errors in judging the difference between the above situations.
I have an increased tolerance for teaching the young ones how to fish!!
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 17
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 5:52:48 AM
I accept that people out there in the world are going be doing what they’re going to be doing.
So I try not to let it get into MY mind to ‘bother’ me.
It’s been a pretty long life, and I enjoy my peace around me now.

Now, sometimes I run up against a person’s rudeness.
People in wheelchairs can bring out a certain ‘type’ of rudeness in other people, you would not believe.
When that happens, I have been known to put out a good sentence of non-tolerance.
And then I pull my cloak of peace back around me.

Heavy obnoxious drinkers, mean spirited friends, abusers, etc?
Strange that people are saying “I won’t tolerate that”.
I mean, that kinda goes without saying, in my entire life.
And has nothing to do with my age.
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 18
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 5:58:44 AM
Here's a thread I started a while back, about tolerance of the 'smaller stuff" within a relationship now that we are older.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9424699.aspx
 Me Leona
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 19
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 6:41:47 AM
All the comments about drinkers, somehow I think must've been a result of the other thread, alcohol and baby boomers? Obviously drunks and alcoholics are different than people who drink socially or enjoy wine with dinner, and it can be a fine line. Most people believe anyone who drinks more than they do drinks too much.

I won't tolerate someone who cancels dates constantly for various and sundry reasons or who is constantly late.

I won't tolerate a liar, cheater, self-obsession, lack of hygiene, passive-aggressiveness, disrespect, etc., but of course some things you can tell right away and other things not. I think my senses are finer-tuned though to catch things quicker than they used to be (maybe too quick). I've always tended to want to be fair and understanding and not jump to quick judgments but I guess it usually turned out my original perception was mostly accurate.
 callmelori
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 20
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Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 6:56:10 AM
One thing I would never tolerate is violence of any kind. I've never been the victim of violence, but I did date someone once who I found out had a history of hitting women. He was not physically abusive, but he did try to become controlling, which is another trait I can't hang with. I had to end that relationship. I couldn't take the chance. I found out that he began hitting the next woman he dated, so it was definitely the right choice.

The only other thing that is hard for me to handle is selfishness. I have a hard time dating someone who doesn't seem to care what the other person thinks. The last guy I dated only wanted to go to bars and drink while we were out. I told him many times that I wanted to do other things, like go to a street festival or a movie. He would talk a good game, but when it came down to it, we would go to another bar or a gambling boat. Also, we lived 35 miles apart (not bad for Chicagoland), and he would never come down to my area to go out. He alway expected me to travel to see him. While he was a genuinely nice guy, after several months, it was clear that he really only cared about what he wanted. My feeling is that you have to care about what's important to the other person as well as your own wants and needs, but that's only me. :)
 Moooocow
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 21
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:00:26 AM
When I was much younger it used to bother me:
When people rant and rave in an attempt to get their opinion across or to try to convince everyone else that their opinion is right, or to knock down someone elses opinion, or just to stop discussion on the subject completely.
With age, the experience of my marriage, and the experience on POF of seeing not much changing between certain of the sexes since I was single ,

I have now come to grips with this behaviour.........I'm good now. ( and so, I believe that with age I have become more tolerant of many things )
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 22
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:35:18 AM
Wow, before I didnt put up with shit..now it seems that is all I do. I dont think it is because of age. I dont think in the past I was right and I was trying not to be as much of a total **** but the way this is worded and the way I reacted when I read it makes me think I should go back to ****y.

Wonder why being nice and good makes you look weak to others so they can take advantage of it?
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 24
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Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:52:57 AM
At this point in our lives, middle age, one would hope that we were emotionally and financially stable, overall. I do realize that this economy has thrown some people into very unexpected financial turmoil and I am very sympathetic with that. Be it for the grace of God, it could be anyone tomorrow who loses their job.

I am most intolerant of laziness and lying. I am less tolerant of someone needing constant validation, ya know, the very needy person. If a person does not know who they are at this point, it goes beyond what a friend can help them with constant reassurance. Self-medicating either with drugs or alcohol is not something that I want to deal with. Like one precious poster said, having a glass of wine at dinner is one thing, having six beers a day is another.

I wonder how much of what we are willing to tolerate has to do with our own sense of independence and confidence? Do we expect others to be at our level of accomplishment at this point? Is someone who needs a partner for financial reasons
more tolerant than someone who is financially independent? It is my guess, yes.

I could care less about what someone weighs if they are taking care to exercise and eat right. Health is way more important to me than their pant size. I never have cared about that much, I can be attracted to different sizes and shapes.
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 25
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Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 8:43:34 AM
I have no tolerance now for bs, the labelling, and the stupidity of some people who can't manage their own lives and blame everyone else.
 crystalspirit
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 26
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 10:52:56 AM
After reading some of the replies I thought I'd like to add the flip-side of my tolerance list and write the things I tolerate much better now.

Hearing the same story told several times ~ now I enjoy hearing how little bits change as the story teller forgets or embellishes it. It's now cute to me to see someone enjoy telling a good story to friends.

I'm getting nicer to the door to door religious salespeople than I've been in the past. Overall, my acceptance of beliefs I don't understand or agree with has deepened.

I'm getting more tolerant in the workplace with some of the office politics ~ and am beginning to understand the motivations behind what happens.

I'm more tolerant about married people's comments to me when it comes to being single.

I'm more tolerant with my dad attitudes towards my career and lifestyle choices. This is a biggie!

I'm better about letting people with health ailments vent their frustrations ~ and count my blessings.

I'm much more tolerant about those who have let themselves get unhealthy due to the lack of good diet and exercise. I'm crawling back from that zone myself.

Last but not least ~ I'm tolerant of the spicy comments that seem to get hurled on this site. It's nice seeing passionate people express their views. I for one sometimes wish I could go back and tone down a comment here and there. My teasing tone sometimes doesn't translate to text.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 28
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Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 11:31:18 AM
Forum Filly said it all ...

and I think that respect for SELF comes first before catering to someone else's damaged ego ... !

I USED to be tolerant ... I USED to put up with a lot of things I'll not put up with now ... for decades, I allowed others to put me down and be mentally, emotionally and physically abusive toward me ... usually in the disguise of "loved ones!"

but my life is too important to me now ... I was raised with a lot of stupid philosophies that included allowing someone else to walk all over me while I continued to be kind and loving toward the abuser! what a JOKE! I am NOT that holy person any more! I've turned my back on my parents' religious views ...

if someone wants to be abusive toward me, they're going to find that I'll just walk away and not look back ...

I'm not that tolerant any more ...

"mean people erode the foundations of world peace" ... and should not be tolerated!
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 29
Tolerance with age?
Posted: 8/30/2009 1:28:05 PM
If tolerance implies putting up with something you'd rather not, then I would wonder why do that, as if something you do want could be the result. Like, if you didn't like loud music but to get laid you needed to hang out in a bar where music was played loudly, then for sex you would tolerate the music. In this example, the older you got the more exposure to that loud music would ruin your hearing, making it less unpleasant, but at the same time, being that old your chances of picking someone up in the bar would have gone down, so at the end of the night has your willingness to tolerate the noise helped you achieve your objective? It seems on the face of it that aging is a process that increases tolerance but also the futility of being tolerant.

When I was young I expected to have to tolerate the things that bugged me that I couldn't change or avoid. It seemed as if I was stuck having to put up with certain things I did not like. Now that I am old I realize that if I want to I can tolerate things that I do have the chance to avoid or that I can change. I could even tolerate something I really liked, just by reacting to it as if it was unpleasant and unavoidable. Usually though I just enjoy what I like.
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