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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is      Home login  
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 maycalla
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 2
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
i'm afraid this is typical op. maybe it's both gender and age. i've never communicated with women so i'm not sure, but i don't think they are as difficult to communicate as with men. maybe it has to do with age too, especially men in their 30s to mid 40s. you would ask several questions and they may answer only one, e.g. at one time, i would do the disappearing act on one particular person cause i'm tired of it, and about a couple mos later he would comeback and do more of the asking the questions.

you may want to be patience, and read the 'ask a guy' section of the forum to learn more about the 'men' species. THEY ARE FROM MARS.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 4
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:47:03 PM
Well, you could stop trying to force conversations with people you already know to be inarticulate, at least in a written medium.

Rather like trying to teach a pig to sing.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 5
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:57:41 PM


Well, you could stop trying to force conversations with people you already know to be inarticulate, at least in a written medium



Now Helen. You are making generalizations.

I'm a male in that age group you speak of and I have to make an effort not to write a book in response to an email.

Besides, you would be surprised by the number of women who don't give the courtesy of a response to an email. The most common excuse is they get too many emails and can't respond to them all.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 6
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:07:02 PM

Now Helen. You are making generalizations.

Not remotely. My assessment is based on the OP's description of the writing by the specific individuals in these specific exchanges. Also, not only did I not speak of any age group, I don't even know what age group she's discussing, as she didn't say, though I would have considered it irrelevant in any case.
 SirThinkAlot
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 8
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Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 6:10:32 AM
I have had the transverse experience.
I agree with what you state in experience however it has been the women doing what you state.
If they have little in their profile and I ask them to tell me more about themselves I get a standard "What do you want to know?" response. If I say "tell me more of yourself, tell me what is NOT already written in your profile" I get almost the same response. If I ask a lot of questions I rarely get many answers.
This is not so dissimilar to IRL. I find people often do not listen carefully to what people say. How often we find ourselves asking a question of somebody and they give an answer that does not match the interrogatory.
As to the name question... What difference does that make? Early on there is no reason for a "real" name. Once some sort of rapport is established, and telephone and / or real life meeting is in place yes then exchange names. Prior there is no need. Use a pseudonym, if comfortable however if not, the real name given later, there will be accusations of false statements hence no benefit. A real name prior is useless. If the person is a stalker / bad person they will most likely lie and use false information anyway. Hence a Google look up is fruitless.
Anyone contacting me will find I have no issues with communication. I will have issues with divulging personally identifiable information until the appropriate time to do so. However I do not expect such information from the other until then either. We should both be safe to find out about what the other is like in personality, beliefs, values and opinions before sharing personally identifiable information.
If I find the other has more interest in name and such than what I am about then they are not for me and I move on. If they cannot or care not to communicate I move on. If they will not tell me ore of themselves so I can learn if we share common values, ways, ideals etc, I move on.
Luckily this truck is in good shape and can keep on going. There's plenty of road ahead.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 9
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:13:20 AM
When I receive these laconic emails, I answer in the same mode. The amusing thing is that after a couple of exchanges, several men have then written to say, "You don't talk much, do you?"

I am extremely verbose and articulate, but I won't waste my words on someone who can't respond in kind.

I don't think it is an age thing, but it might be unfamiliarity and a lack of skill in typing/writing.
 2fuzy
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 10
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:59:18 AM
it happens in reverse as well
many leave the conversation just hanging with no where to go and if you ask something in order to move the conversation along they don't build on it so you think maybe they are blowing you off ok then the next day here comes the how are you email

I just think the art off small talk is lost on some and the prospect of non small talk is completely shot

or have the profile that says just ask well it is not all about the pics not gonna bother to write if there is nothing in common or nothing of interest besides a smile and a vagina
 SirThinkAlot
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 12
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Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 8:50:02 AM
To 13 Karat
I understand your point however when you state: "When you meet a new person, do you not at least give them your first name?" ** yes, if that is a face to face meeting. This is not. As stated, when talking on the phone or face to face I gladly share that information. When "meeting" online I do not know if they are a man pretending to be a woman, a child or if they are even situate in the area they claim to be. Just because they list a Town near me does not mean it is the truth.

Further you state: "It does not have to be a full name, it can even be a nickname" ** I do provide a pseudonym, no difference between that and a nickname for them.
What possible legitimate reason could, a person of integrity, have for needing my real name in early email correspondence?
If that were the case I would have my email address be . @ .com, as some do. It might be good in a business or marketing scenario but rarely any other situations.
I see no difference between them.
Lets see, perhaps I'm rather ignorant and cerebral challenged hence someone help me out with this one... I post my photo, my real name, my location, my interests, about maybe ages of possible children, perhaps what I do for a job and my age on the internet for a few million people to view at will. What could possibly be the consequences?
Yes we must share certain information however in good judgment we must draw the line somewhere.
It is a matter of perspective. What some see as being secretive others see as being sensible. what some see as paranoid others see as knowledgeable. What some see as rude not to divulge others see rude to push to find out.
 SirThinkAlot
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 13
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Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 8:53:31 AM
my previous post was not posted as written by me. The reference to the email address should have read " firstname DOT Lastname AT SYMBOL EMAIL PROVIDER DOT Com"
example might be "John DOT Doe AT SOMEMAIL DOT com
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 14
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 9:03:15 AM

So, just don't even respond to their emails?

No, no, that's rude. I write back to say sorry, no, thank them for their interest, and wish them luck in their search.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 15
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Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 9:04:34 AM

Is this an age thing?... is it possibly a lack of comfort with the technology thing?... is it gender related?


It's none of those things. Some people are not very good communicators. Those who aren't won't change on a dime. They will remain uncommunicative. It shouldn't be necessary to prompt someone to do the normal give-and-take in conversation. If you are messaging someone who isn't forthcoming, you'll need to decide if you want to meet that person anyway or just move on.
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 16
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:21:11 AM
This happened to me again just recently, and I don't get it. He initiated the contact, I replied. He replies back and provides his phone #. I reply saying I'd prefer to exchange a couple more emails before calling, and ask him some open-ended questions to continue the conversation. He replies back with one line, period. Guess he was taken aback that I wasn't ready to call yet.

I don't plan to continue the correspondence.
 OLIZAY
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 17
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 12:04:30 PM
Personally I think people who respond with vague responses lack communication skills and would probaly suck going on a date with. In my opinion if you can't write a basic paragraph which is about 4 to 5 sentences you probably don't have much to offer socially which totally defeats the purpose of this website which is to be social for the purpose of meeting people. How crazy is it that people on a website are looking for people to date and can't even supply basic communication.
 callmelori
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 19
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Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 12:43:05 PM
Some people just don't like to type. Perhaps they don't have the greatest typing skills. I won't even touch on grammar. The one thing I hate to see in email is emoticons. I cringe when I open an email and see 10 flashing, dancing things in it. I know people love those things and a couple isn't bad, but multiple emoticons dancing and flashing in one short email is way too much. Those scream "I want attention" to me. Probably the sender is just thinking they are cute, but in the case of emoticons, my opinion is that less is more.
 OLIZAY
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 20
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 1:10:13 PM
Honestly if they dont like to type then they shouldnt choose this avenue as a way to meeting new people. Being able to type is almost a requirement to dating over the net. Hell the whole process is started from typing. I just laugh at people who sign up for internet dating then cry that they don't like to type. Complete waste of time and shows a serious lack of social skills.
 jen31465
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 21
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Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 1:55:48 PM
I am so guilty of the ellipses thing.....dang it.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 22
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Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 3:08:37 PM
not everybody has writing skill. not everyone feels comfortable communicating in writing. their messages are probably going to be short and bland. that's doesn't necessarily mean they're not interesting people, just that it's going to be tougher to find that out when this is the initial means of communication.

that being said, ya gotta see some kinda spark. one gal i was exchanging with seemed bright enough, and her first message sounded genuinely interested, but the only questions she could find to ask me were how i was experiencing the weather. sigh.

and to the guy who won't even give out his first name - dude, i'm sorry, your logic fits neatly and all, but you have no balls if simply giving out your first name here is an unacceptable risk. yeah, some women don't mind being with a weenie, but i'd sure mind being with one of those women.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 23
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 3:13:58 PM
Here's what I don't get. Why on earth is anybody writing anybody if they're not enjoying it?

I exchange e-mails with people who're having a good time talking to me, and I, them. Sometimes it leads to dates and sometimes not. But it's never wasted time - we had fun.

I don't get the whole idea of looking at this as some sort of work with an expected payoff. I think if it feels like that, you're doing something wrong right from the jump.
 unsolvedmystery
Joined: 8/18/2009
Msg: 24
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 4:33:55 PM
it's definitely not gender related, women can do it quite a bit as well, although my personal experience is if I reply with a longer email, they probably write more then they are used to. If I reply with 1 line, they reply with 1 line...etc.

Overall communication is mostly easy and women love to talk, so I don't get that 1 word answer stuff very often. I usually break it off to MSN or in person meeting after about 5 emails though. I can see it going dry on emailing if you only converse through that for long periods of time.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 25
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 4:39:22 PM
Simon, I'm looking for a partner.

But if the online search weren't enjoyable in and of itself, I'd stop it and focus more on other avenues.

And though I enjoy the corresponding, I do of course wish to have a reason to stop.

My point is just, if you don't enjoy the written process, hey, use another one. Or consider ways to alter your approach that will make it more enjoyable. Such as - to get back to topic - refraining from exchanging forced e-mails with people who clearly don't do written communication well!


Editing to add:

I usually break it off to MSN or in person meeting after about 5 emails though.

I agree that around 5 is plenty. My preference is to move to phone, primarily in order to schedule an in-person meeting, but, no real difference there - these things are all next steps.
 SwampDonkey09
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 26
Pulling teeth style of communications - is it age? - or gender? or is it just me?
Posted: 9/1/2009 4:55:06 PM
Could be concern over your lack of pics. I know I wont talk to some one who wont show themselves.
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