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What's the reward for Chivalry? Page 1 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
It's not true chivalry if you're looking for a reward.
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:01:59 PM
Sorry to say OP, but if your nephew thinks the only worthwhile reason to be a gentleman is to get something out of it (other than self respect), then he probably has a long road ahead of him. Chivalry isn't some phony mask you put on to impress someone; its a part of who you are. The only thing I ever expect from anyone when initially meeting is honesty and courtesy, and they should know they can expect the same from me. Being chivalrous and a gentleman is just part of that.
 DeepLuv09
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 7
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:03:21 PM
I don't expect "chivalry" from any man but I expect people to be themselves. I have this one friend who does a lot of "favors" without me asking like he wants to take the trash out, he wants to help and help and help and help and sometimes I catch him "complaining" about how women don't do anything. It usually REALLY irritates me like DUH! Bleh. I wanna throw up there is nothing as a turnoff as a guy pretending to be a "gentleman" and then starting to compete with women for equality. Complete sissy. I'd rather you don't even offer to do anything.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 10
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:19:33 PM
Anyone thinking they're OWED something for behaving chivalrous, really just shouldn't bother being chivalrous at all. It's not chivalry at that point. I dunno what it actually is, but it's fake.. whatever it is.

Same goes for anyone thinking they're owed something for being polite and basically kind to anyone else.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 12
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:28:25 PM

the lady does have her equivalent obligation.


Do we have to answer when they ask us where something is in the fridge even as they stand there with the door open staring right at it and still not seeing it, too?

I swear.. EVERY guy I've dated has fridge blindness.
 chuckyB51
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 14
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:32:02 PM
Chivalry is dead because women don't require it anymore. Women could start changing this tomorrow and require chivalry from men. If women would stop dating and opening their legs to men who don't show chivalry things would change. Men would start showing chivalry very quickly. Ladies...If you want chivalry then you need to change your actions. This is something that is on your hands ladies. Chivalry is only dead if women allow it to die.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 15
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:34:32 PM
The reward for chivalry is internal. It is honor.

Honor is also expected of ladies.
 jesseld
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 18
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:55:47 PM
See here is the thing. I'm reading the responses and nobody even seems to understand what chivalry means and more importantly the term "Lady".

Both terms are terms synonymous with the word etiquette.

Chivalry was a code of conduct applied to Knights and referred to how a Knight treated a "Lady".

A "Lady" being a female of good upbringing and family status who had also been taught the etiquette that is required to hold the title of "Lady".

By modern standards there are few "Lady's" and those that do exist are way out of the average Joe's financial range and go by the term of snobs nowadays. They've actually spent time learning the codes of etiquette that is technically lost on us commoners.

*Edit* I stand corrected. throwit2me does in fact have a clue to their meanings.
 flyingstart
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 20
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 9:32:10 PM
Chivalry is something similar when animals show some "attention" to the other gender...showing colored feathers and doing the "approach".

Chivalry is directed towards women with a direct target. Politeness and respect is more general.

If it was no sex involved most likely it was about one gender say chivalry would be an uninvented word and behaviour. Why are 2 genders ? For the sake of it ?
This would be changed more like with respect or something similar.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 21
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 9:46:04 PM
Good manners and kindness are their own reward, if you get back something unacceptable, move on, but don't do good things just because you think you'll get something back for it.
 Krystal413
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 22
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 9:57:26 PM
I believe part of the point of being chivalric is not expecting anything in return.

Just think of it as karma......what goes around comes around.....do unto others......and all that.....
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 24
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 10:58:53 PM

Do we have to answer when they ask us where something is in the fridge even as they stand there with the door open staring right at it and still not seeing it, too?

I swear.. EVERY guy I've dated has fridge blindness.

LOL, Oh my yes, and NO ONE is as fridge blind as a teen. It also applies to finding shoes and keys.

But, yes, the obligation of the lady is to cheerfully come to his aid, not make him feel stupid for his infliction (she didn't really notice that, just saw she had an opportunity to help him out). Her reward is knowing she has made her loved ones life a little easier.
 sockknitter
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 27
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/5/2009 11:20:22 PM
Honor and chivalry start with basic, courteous everyday manners. I am in a reinactment group where chivalry is alive and well, and part of the reason I have participated with this group for 14-some years.

We all should help with the gift of courtesy and I feel it is not just the men who should be the ones required to practice chivalry, but women as well. And even children are not too young to start learning it.

What adzactly is honor and chivalry? When it is usually discussed, it seems to always be in connection with some act of a gentleman toward a lady "in distress", but it is much more than that.

One act of chivalry is of generosity in giving of one’s time, kindness or even a helpful hand, without the expectation of anything in return. Even a small act of generosity by one individual can be the catalyst for change in all who witness the action. Doing something for a fellow person, whether or not they seem in need, can quite often be reciprocated by that person to another and so on.

Another aspect of chivalry is honor, which is an attitude, a definition of one’s character. It is a code of behavior which is ethical and above question. It is what we teach our children/others about the differences between right and wrong. Honor embodies the ideal that we should treat our lessers as equals, our equals as superiors, and our superiors with great reverence. Honor is the ideal that acts of chivalry and courtesy spring from. Honor knows no boundaries.

An honorable/chivalrous person treats other people and their ideas with dignity and respect, regardless of whether they have earned our respect or not. An chivalrous person gives others the benefit of doubt, and does not brand them with a title that they don’t deserve. If people have earned our respect, we should tell them so, with no words minced. If people lose our respect, we should try to influence them by setting the better example, rather than treating the offending behavior with similar offense.
In the code of chivalry, “faith” means trust and integrity, and a 'knight in shining armor' is always faithful to his or her promises, no matter how big or small they may be.

A person who is chivilrous must have the courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult, tedious or unglamorous, and to graciously accept the sacrifices involved.

Words and attitudes can be painful weapons in the modern world, which is why a person who is chivalrous exercises mercy in his or her dealings with others, creating a sense of peace and community, rather than engendering hostility and antagonism.
In the code of chivalry it conveys the importance of upholding one’s convictions at all times, especially when no one else is watching.

So **IS** there a reward for practing chilvary? Yes, but it is not instantanous and not in the way most people would probably think. Perhaps it is the reward in knowing you were the best person you could be.

~ Sox
(who borrowed heavily from definitions from the group she belongs to)
 busterrm
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 28
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 2:52:15 AM
The answer is there is really only one reward for chivalry! If you are a man and you expect her to be curtious, then its only proper to be curtious. I was brought up that chivalry is a mans duty to his partner/date/wife etc...... My Father always told me if your not going to treat her with respect than why should she do the same for you. Being polite is a proper behaviour, and truthfully I feel is should be something that a man should want to do, without the thought of reward or return. Its just this, its part of being a good man. Nuff Said!!!!
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 30
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 4:08:25 AM
Like another poster stated, I too am more traditional and still hold to the older values I've always been accustomed to. Women as a whole are often painted with a very broad brush here in the forums but not ALL of us were burning our bras and beating our hairy chests back in the 70's, screaming "I am woman, hear me roar."

It's really tiresome constantly hearing that the "woman's equality" movement has ruined basic gentlemanly behavior. We're not ALL feminazi's looking to castrate men if they're courteous enough to open a door or stop to help us on the side of the road because we have a flat tire. I for one still greatly admire that value in men.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 32
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 7:11:41 AM
Chivalry isn't expected of men. I don't expect a guy in shiny armor on a white horse to ride up and save me from the dragon or the high tower. I do, however, expect good manners and courtesy, which isn't chivalry (a distinctly male related word) but something that men AND women should exhibit not only in a relationship, but everyday life.

So, tell your nephew to forget the word "chivalry" and be kind, polite, respectful and courteous.

By the way, shouldn't chivalry, like kindness, be practiced for the sake of chivalry? To do something because one expects something back kinda defeats the purpose of the act. And I am not sure what chivalry has to do with gender equality--buying dinner or roses isn't chivalry.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 33
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 7:15:15 AM
The reward of chivalry is not what some woman can give you, the reward is YOU. What that means is that you spread your chivalrous behavior along all human being, men, women, children, everyone. You infect them with your enthusiasm and instead of expecting something back, you tell them to pass it on, to continue the positive vive with whoever they are in contact.

Chivalry is a way of being inside more than just the mere actions outside. So when you know that you are doing the right thing, that you are giving it your best, that is all that matters. But true chivalry is also a test that when the times get tough, and things are at the lowest, you still keep your head high and stick to those values. Again the reward is YOU, not them.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 35
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:53:22 AM

If I have to fight off a ravaging horde of heathens to do it, that is chivalrous.


In the modern world that could be helping a woman fight cancer, siting with her in the bathroom floor while she cries her guts out and you tell her that is going to be alright. Then the ravaging hordes of Chemo completely obliterate her even more and more and you keep trying.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 36
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 9:02:49 AM
The reward for chivalry?... A thank you and a smile from someone that you care about or even just from another person whether they’re a stranger or not… it’s the feeling that you have inside with knowing that you’ve done something nice for another person with no expectation of tangible reward.

When I cook a meal for a man, the best thank you I can get is a little moan of delight when he tastes the food and seeing the smile on his face. I don’t expect him to throw a parade in exchange… his appreciation is my reward for the effort I put forth.


You'd have better luck pounding sand into glass before I'd ever stoop to treat any woman like anything other than a human being.
Your use of the term stoop implies that you think doing something nice for another person elevates them… and consequentially delegates you into a subservient role.

You’ve completely missed the boat on this one…

Doing something nice for another person in no way detracts from the value of the person performing the action. In fact, it adds to the person’s net worth because it portrays them as someone that has respect for another person and isn’t walking through the world with a chip on his shoulder.

Stooping to open the door for a lady resonates of someone that counts every meager action and then tantrums when he feels he’s given anything more than what he’s getting in return… I don’t know anyone that would wish to be with someone that is so miserly with a simple gesture.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 38
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 9:32:32 AM

Chivalry is a way of being inside more than just the mere actions outside. So when you know that you are doing the right thing, that you are giving it your best, that is all that matters. But true chivalry is also a test that when the times get tough, and things are at the lowest, you still keep your head high and stick to those values. Again the reward is YOU, not them.

Very well said. And a nice explication of honor.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 42
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 11:13:36 AM
Terms like "Princess" or "Angel" or "Beauty", who are looking for their "prince" or a "Gentleman".
Why exactly would a woman that has a healthy sense of self not want a gentleman? I refuse to be with a man that has anything less than the utmost respect for me and he’d damned well better be a gentleman in my company.

Its not an entitlement issue, it has everything to do with being a self-assured woman and knowing my personal worth in a relationship. As a lady, I fully expect that my significant other would be a gentleman.


Doing something nice for another person in no way detracts from the value of the person performing the action.

I'll disagree to some extent.
It depends. Sometimes they're a doormat. Sometimes they're a masochist. Sometimes they're a manipulator.
I'm cautious about things. I've learned to take most things, when I'm getting to know someone, with a huge grain of salt. I don't rely on what I hear, and only believe half of what I see.
So being a chivalrous gentleman stops at the point that there is nothing tangible to be gained?

When a man acts in a chivalrous nature to a woman that offers absolutely nothing in return, it has me looking even more fondly at them. I’m pretty sure that many women would agree that true chivalry does not demand a return of investment…

Seeing a gentleman offer his seat on the subway to an elderly lady or man makes me smile and causes my heartstrings to twang… That is chivalry. I would move mountains for a man like that whereas I won’t even bother with a man that has exacerbated his worth to the point where he deems only certain people worthy of his attention…
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 43
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 11:31:47 AM
OP - in Medievel times a fair damsel (nobility meaning) was considered a prize to be won by knights and noblemen. This is how the line of thinking about gettings something for a certain behavior came about. Not all women were ladies and not all men were gentlemen. During the Gone With The Wind era, it was the same with the affluent. This is not to say that anyone who was not noblity were not ladies/gentlemen.

To me, chivalry is a word and it is intrepreted differently by many people, at times one can believe its a form of being played to get a desired outcome. What should be considered is the true characteristics of a man or woman regarding the respect they show for themselves, people they care about, and how they treat others in the world around them.

I view this totally as a character traits and am looking for a men who is genuinely kind. I treat men with respect and will not allow other to treat me disrespectfuly. I appreciate kind gestures anyone shows to me, I always say Thank You and I try to be kind to those around me. I don't like people who can't look you striaght in the eye when they talk to you, grumble under their breath instead of saying please or thanks, and seem to just not consider others around them. Its more about finding your match and being with someone who makes you feel good when they are around you.

I enjoy showing the man in my life my appreciation when he extends kindness to me. I think its all about meeting the right person halfway and not being afraid to let your personality shine through.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 44
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 11:54:36 AM

Chivalry isn't dead, but it's less sincere than it used to be.



That's wonderful!

My father used to say it was in need of life support.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 45
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 12:11:08 PM

I hear him saying that he will extend the same courtesies to men and women, but he isn't going to extend a special set of courtesies to women that he doesn't extend to men.
He's taking this one step further than to treat men and women with equal courtesy. He extends his viewpoint to outline that he feels that opening the door for certain woman is actually beneath him as it would portray him to be a weaker or lesser person...

My contention is that chivalry, when it's offered with the expectation of a return on investment, isn't chivalry at all... it's manipulative action.
 oldskool48
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 49
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/6/2009 2:48:35 PM
Nothing. Thats what you tell him.Nothing . He should expect more out of himself.
It is a noble deed.As a young man he should know and practice the ways of a gentleman.I, as a father taught my son ,now 27yo. the importance of a chivalruos respect for the mothers ,wives,sisters and daughters .Women care for men ,no matter when,But only if men act like men will their be a respect that only chivalry can portray.
What kind of man watches his love struggle and doesn't come to her aid.Sorry to say but todays man got a little frightened with the new relationship statis thing. I'm sure the women never said,stop being a man.If you are a man thats it.who ever you are with has to respect that I will open the door for you.I will speak in your defense if need be,with the reespect and understanding that I can never take away her voice.As I respect her as an individual,I will not be told not to or how to be a man.Chivalry included,I'm opening the door because I respect what you can and have given to our human life and without you I would be just an ogre.You should thank god for women everyday and act as such.Anything less would be a shame.
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