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 dancing_banana
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 5
The ParadoxPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Hi Kowboi,

Instead of a paradox/disconnect, could it be that the traits you've listed are only a partial list of what the women of whom you speak are wanting?
 dancing_banana
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 7
The Paradox
Posted: 9/8/2009 1:11:08 AM
Hi again Kowboi,


If one meets the apparent requirements but still misses the mark, what are the unseen requirements that would give one greater success in their target group?


One would have to inquire of the target group, would one not? ;-)
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 9
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The Paradox
Posted: 9/8/2009 7:51:11 AM

Ah, and the point of this discussion :) Since I believe I am not an anomaly in this issue, and I suspect this issue can be seen for both sexes, I thought we could all put our heads and perspectives together and identify some of the unseen factors.


I offer this comment and am being only partly facetious! I think that perhaps the act of searching online for a 'perfect match' leads one to disconnect somewhat from the realities of life and leads us all quickly down the garden path into the world of our 'dream' date! In the fantasy world of our dreams we seldom deal with what blows relationships to smithereens in the real world - namely location, attraction, money, and values.

The reality is that until you actually meet someone face to face it is difficult to evaluate whether or not this is a person that you would be willing to drive across the state to spend time with, or for that matter across the city during rush hour. While you can get a sense of how this person deals with the financial aspects of their lives, until you spend time with them you have no way of knowing whether or not their spending habits, sense of financial responsibility, etc. etc. will meld with yours. And while you might exchange emails, phone calls, etc. the only way to really know whether or not someone has values that mesh with yours is to be with them when the ups and downs of life appear.

Then of course the issue of attraction raises it's ugly head! The fact of the matter is that some people work to post the most attractive photo they have in their album (and often error in putting photos that were taken 10 years and 50 lbs ago); or perhaps just as bad post a photo taken with a bad webcam or cell phone. The bottom line is that no one can look at a photo and know for certain that the person on the other end of the good old electronic link will actually light that mysterious spark of attraction that we are all looking for!

Could it be that many who choose this rather remote and impersonal means to search for our future 'perfect match' are much more comfortable with our fantasy dream date than we are with the real people on the other end of the email address?

Just a thought!
 dancing_banana
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 12
The Paradox
Posted: 9/10/2009 12:36:38 AM
Okay, Kowboi,

So are you asking the ole what-do-women-want question? If you are, the obvious answer is, of course, that it varies from woman to woman.
 dancing_banana
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 14
The Paradox
Posted: 9/11/2009 3:57:00 AM
Hi Kowboi,


I think lust is an important part of a relationship...meaning you would find them attractive. We also know that such attraction is mostly visual


K, so here could be one 'disconnect' - a person might be attracted to the text portion of a profile but not to the pictures of the poster.


is there a way to be sure we're comparing apple's to apple's? While it may be difficult to communicate such things in a profile


It's hard to be sure what a reader is taking from one's profile without direct communication from them. What might be humorous to the poster might be offensive to the reader, as one example.


there must be a way to swing a negative judgment to a positive one


I disagree. Values vary from person to person.


I don't think I have ever received a positive response (if any) to my e-mails from the people listed on my "Viewed Me" page; which would lead me to believe everyone who has visited my profile has run away screaming


The 'Viewed Me' thing could mean everything or it could mean nothing - it could mean that after viewing she decided you weren't a match, or it could mean that she viewed you because she saw your forum post, or she wanted to see your hat/shirt/background close up, or you looked like someone she knew, or you came up in her matches, or you viewed her first so she viewed you back. There's too much of a 'lookie-loo' factor to Viewed Me for it to mean much.


I can't update the age spread without giving a new e-mail, and I am reluctant to do so


Why?


So astrological signs could be an issue.


Are you saying that perhaps some women steer away from your sign?
 sailor7
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 16
The Paradox
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:19:54 PM
(standard disclaimer) This is an age old subject and the answer I've found to be relatively simple. Women wont love , Men wont sex. It's not really a card game it's more like an auction, How much love will you give me for my sex and vice verca. This may sound cynical, but it's a pretty flat and solid base to draw any assumptions or conclusions you may need from. Chris
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 18
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The Paradox
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:41:25 AM
There is an old adage in the sales game that says, "Before you can sell what John Brown buys, you must see John Brown through John Brown's eyes."

So - perhaps the answer to your original paradoxical question would be this. Ask yourself what the kind of woman that you would like to connect with would want in a relationship. What type of man would she be attracted to? What qualities, values, and activities would SHE search for? Then, assuming of course that you possess all, or most, of those qualities, write your profile to showcase those aspects of your life and personality.

After all, the reality is that each of our profiles is essentially an internet advertisement. We are in a very real manner posting a sales brochure in the hopes that we will attract some interested buyers!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 23
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The Paradox
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:59:06 PM

The numbers game. While I do not know the exact numbers, it is well known that the number of men on these sites out numbers that of the women.


It is a numbers game! Every good sales person will tell you that it takes 100 "no" answers before you get a yes! So I figure that for every email I send, to every guy that is either going to send me a thanks but not interested email, or simply delete and no answer, just gets me that much closer to the 101st guy who will say yes!
 sailor7
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 30
The Paradox
Posted: 10/4/2009 4:13:11 PM
kowboi;
One thing I've noticed about you.Your analytical nature. Much the same as other men. But you seem to put it in over drive to "Problem solve" your female situation. One thing I can guarantee you is women aren't analytical. You can analyze it all you wont and throw it back and forth forever, but you'll never figure out the mind of a woman. They do not follow a pattern. Any pattern. I believe the changing wiles of a woman takes mostly patience. So if your looking for an answer, try patience. You can't buy it. It's not a muscle you can pump up. It more involves calm than any thing else. Just an alternate view point for you to consider.
 Much More
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 31
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The Paradox
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:49:16 AM
There is the man to woman paradox and then there is the woman to man paradox.

So different and yet so the same.......

We must all work within the system as it is. Our basic hardwiring takes centuries to evolve. Best to understand how things work now and tackle the inherent challanges to the best of your ability.

Sailor7....be careful with those sweeping assumptions of women. Some of us can be quite logical and analytical....Why we can be pretty AND pretty black and white.....go figure..... (Well at least until you do something to muck it up....hehehe)

A man that was once in my life told me...."Good looks are the golden coin". The sad fact of cyberdating is that most never can get past the "look" to get to the good stuff underneath. Such is life....we must all deal with it

MM

PS: Just looked at what forum group this was in - "Oregon?"....oopsie....I am not local....although I have been to Oregon many times and like it. Does that count for anything? May I get a special hall pass to comment here?

I wonder if this thread would better be placed in Dating....however it would probably getting deleted as a redundant topic......ya just can't win....LOL.
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