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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?      Home login  
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 vanman999
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 1
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?Page 1 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
So why is it men run when a women surprises you with hey I'm pregnant, now where i live, 7/10 pregnant women do it alone, bad choices I'm assuming when they were picking who to sleep with, now I'm sure a lot of women asked the guy, if i get pregnant would you stay, and most would respond of course, probably to get more of that sweet tail, but why not stick to your convictions? is it because men have no bounds to the kid because they are not the one caring it, it takes to make a baby.. was it just a victory bang?

More focused on the guy answer(but women, feel free to respond with your thoughts on the matter as well), hey we were all young and made our mistakes which later in life turn into little blessings but why hightail it the second the test becomes positive?

And sorry if this question has been asked to death.
 wileygy
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 2
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Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:58:18 AM
it takes 2 just as you said.there's no excuse for the men just as there's no excuse for the women who do the same.
i will say,in some cases it's better that they part ways.2 wrongs don't make a right....or better.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 3
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:39:27 AM
I dont believe birth control fails nearly as often as people claim it does.
If a pregnancy occurs, somebody was either being really stupid, or not using protection, in a lot of cases.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 4
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Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 10:42:45 AM
MePlus, I have to disagree with you I have encountered many women who were told they couldn't get pregnant, some were married and practicing birth control correctly with the antibiotics issue, or the pill apparently wasn't strong enough or the fell into that 1% failure rate or whatever it is.

A friend of mine just told me that he is an expectant father and it was totally unexpected. Now, he has a grown son from a first marriage, his younger boy is 12, and he doesn't sound remotely pissed to be having another baby at 47, perhaps because his second son he saw as a chance to really do things right, better than he had as a young parent with the first son and knows that despite all of the negatives that do accompany parenting, it is far outweighed by the joy.

Maybe people are raising their boys wrong if they behave this way. I certainly don't know how my boys are going to "turn out" but I know how they feel about their father's lack of interest in their lives, the way I have raised them by myself even the first 12 years that he was living in the house. I really cannot see either of them walking out on a baby whether it was planned or not. If boys and young men are raised to believe that children are both the joy and responsibility of both parents equally instead of the women's milieu, would there be fewer men who believe that an unwanted pregnancy is the woman's problem?

I really understand that this sucks for guys and I believe in a woman's right to choose and that it is not particularly great to have a baby when you are young and totally unprepared to raise one, that abortion is an option that should be considered, but I'm not sure when I was young if I had conceived a baby within the confines of a loving relationship that I could have aborted.


Because if she "surprises" him, it means she didn't ask him if it was ok for her to get pregnant and burden him for the next 18 years.

Or neither party ever bothered to discuss their intentions before having sex if an unplanned pregnancy did result. And this really is stupid, is she not equally "burdened" for the next 18 years, pfft.
 CraZnAL
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 5
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 11:47:40 AM
One thing I've noticed as a single dad trying to date again is how MANY of the women I've dated have kids by deadbeat dads. The courts apparently are overburdened and can't handle these things in a timely manner(and in my opinion the laws should be MUCH tougher regarding these things). I think the reason a lot of men walk away when they find out a woman is pregnant...is simply because they can. They'll job-hop around every time their ex finds out where they work or they'll work under the table to avoid garnishments. It's sad but it's not ALL men either. It's just that no one is going to post on a "dating site" who is a wife or husband who are responsibly caring for their child together. This venue lends itself to more "horror stories" than to stories where the man takes care of his responsibilities. I will say that protection is the only way to go and still not 100% safe by any means. If I had a nickel for every time a rubber broke...well, I guess I'd still not have a whole dollar...BUT I could have a ton of kids running around despite my efforts to be safe. As for right now, I've just decided that sex can wait. I'm already raising one awesome little boy by myself so opportunities are few and far between anyway lol, but I'm not going to die if I don't have sex this month either.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 6
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:26:51 PM
BOTH parties need to sit down, discuss it, and take responsibility.


While I agree with this, I can't understand why women, knowing THEY will have to carry the kid and very likely have to raise the kid alone don't go above and beyond to protect themselves. I find it rather bizarre, honestly.

There are about a dozen methods of BC available to women. There is abstenance. There is Plan B, abortion and adoption. Sex does not occur, with the exception of rape, unless the woman agrees. A child is not born unless a woman chooses to carry him/her to term.

I just don't get it. I don't even understand how a doctor could possibly tell a woman that she cannot get pregnant unless she doesn't have a uterus and/or ovaries. I've heard this story so many times from women here and in real life.

I think any man who trusts a woman with BC or who trusts a woman who says she can't get pregnant is a fvcking idiot. He should absolutely take responsibility for his sperm.

Why do guys run? I think there are cases of feeling betrayed, I think there are cases where the guy is a complete shithead, I think there are cases where the guy does it out of spite, and I think it's likely that there are as many reasons as there are runners.

But ultimately? I think that women should keep their legs shut, or double/triple up on BC, or just say "No" if a guy refuses to wear a condom in addition to the BC she is using.

 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 7
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 2:42:52 PM

hmmmmm. I could say the same thing for men who run around with their pants unzipped as well.


Of course you could.

Women here often tell men that the men should keep it in their pants if they don't want to be a father, but it's very rare that women tell other women to keep their legs closed....

... and, again, given that women will most likely be the single custodial parent, I just find it hard to understand why women are not more diligent about BC than the shitheads they choose to have sex with...

Just to be clear, I think men are fvcking stupid if they trust women to be responsible for BC or for believing what women say about their fertility.

 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 8
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 3:09:18 PM

In other words, for many women who are careless about birth control, they will be rewarded by birth control failure rather than burdened, because they are open to (or eagerly anticipating, depending upon the woman) the idea of having a baby if there is an unplanned pregnancy.


Yeah....

... as I've said many times before, I think that many women choose FATE as their preferred method of BC...


... just rollin' those dice.....

 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 9
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 3:18:14 PM

Yes, Capitano, I agree....but on the other side of the coin how many women out here have heard a man say he had a vasectomy?


Same thing goes for her. Any woman who'd believe that shit is a fvcking idiot as well, especially since she's the one who's likely to end up pregnant.

 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 10
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Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 3:24:36 PM

Women here often tell men that the men should keep it in their pants if they don't want to be a father, but it's very rare that women tell other women to keep their legs closed....

I have, but I have found it more valuable to suggest this, and the pants zipping, before the pregnancy.
 KinChandlerAz
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 11
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/8/2009 4:38:50 PM
There are as many reasons for running as there are men running away. They've all got their own cop-out script they repeat in their stupid heads. What difference does it make what he says to himself? The truth is he's not a man at all.

This question wouldn't be as much of an issue if we women quit screwing guys so casually. Yes, I know, some of the men leaving are married or engaged and a girl wouldn't think they'd run, BUT the majority of these running away jerks are not in committed relationships. They're just getting sex with no commitment. Because the women don't REQUIRE a commitment before dropping their panties.

When we women quit opening our legs then we won't be left with so many children to raise on our own. Period.

Looking at how casually young women today treat sex, it's safe to say that the single mother statistics are just going to get bigger and bigger. It's sad but true.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 12
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/9/2009 5:31:22 AM
I assumed this question meant that the woman 'surprised' a man with a pregnancy that wasn't his - meaning she got pregnant before they started dating and she told him about it weeks or months after she started dating him.

Seeing it from this end - I don't think I'd be interested in a guy who had a pregnant ex, especially if they have been together less than a 6 months to a year. To me it means he's probably sexually irresponsible. He basically just started dating someone, they had sex, and now she is pregnant. Apparantly their relationship (or just the sex) wasn't that long ago if she only 1-8 months into the pregnancy. There could definitely be some drama there as most pregnant women want to try to involve the father into the pregnancy and the baby's life.

So I can understand a guy wanting to vamp after finding out a girl is pregnant with some other guys baby. First - to him it just might not be that attractive to date a woman who pregnant with a baby that not his. It shows that that she might be sexually irresponsible. It sounds like drama waiting to happen. And ofcourse - who wants to be roped into possibly taking care of kids that are not yours. If she already had a baby, then he could have made a conscious decision for a ready made family. But if she's preggers already and he didn't know until later - then he should be able to opt out of that relationship.

As for men running for women pregnant with THEIR baby - that's just shameful. Don't want a baby - put a condom on it and cover with a famale birth control.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 13
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Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/9/2009 6:56:01 AM
Women have more at risk when they take a chance on pregnancy and keep the child if they do. There is the pregnancy itself, then the years of raising the child (without a father in this scenario, and perhaps without child support), the problems with having a fun social life, issues with finding a good relationship once she has children and the responsibilities that limit her time and options.

Worst case for an irresponsible man is decades of child support (and sometime he manages to avoid even that), and he can opt out of any involvement in the child's life if he's that kind of guy. If he doesn't know the woman well, and isn't already sure he wants a long-term relationship with her, pregnancy is going to make a relationship even less attractive. It can be much better for him to pay child support than to later be faced with divorce and even greater losses. He has few if any reproductive rights, but he's still on the hook for support.

There are risks for the man, but far more risks and consequences for the woman, so it seems women would have a greater incentive to ensure that they don't get pregnant. However, biology betrays them into desiring children, and that can lead to poor judgment, unintentional errors, and sometimes even intentional entrapment. The child may be sufficient reward no matter what, but the father may not even have that if the mother tries to keep him away.

So I can certainly see why a man would run unless he's pretty much commited to a relationship already.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 14
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Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/9/2009 8:05:01 AM

I don't know where you live, but from what you've said I bet few of the men in the area are gainfully employed. They cannot prove their manhood in the traditional way--i.e. by raising and caring for a family. Their economic prospects just aren't good enough. So, instead, they measure their manhood by their ability to "get over" on women, to bed as many as possible while dodging all responsibility. It is sick, but true.

I don't think this is an issue that can be broken down by socio-economic lines although I would agree that the likelihood that men would ditch their kids is probably higher among people of poverty and for whom there is little means of deriving a positive identity through gainful employment. That said, I have seen men of means doing everything they possibly can to hang onto their money and not giving a shit how their children are living. Talking to one of the girls at church, her bio dad is wealthy but to avoid paying child support, he spent all of her life living with and off of his aunt, in a mansion while her mother struggled to support two kids. Other men have decent jobs and as soon as wages are garnished, quit so that the process must begin again.

If anything is responsible for the rise in this situation it is raising a generation or more of people that are not responsible, seek instant gratification, and have not been accountable for their own actions. Men can run because they don't accept their responsibility in conception and figure it is not their problem because their biological tie to that child is apparently meaningless.

Men and women, particularly young ones, believe that bad things happen to other people. Some of the women may even have the attitude that they would just get an abortion if they became pregnant but after they do, find that they just can't go through with it. Young men may even think they would step up because it is just another aspect of playing house and perhaps when faced with that reality, find out that they aren't really men at all.

I encounter very few people like my daughter. She believes in the right to choose and thinks it is preferable to bringing a baby into the world that someone cannot take care of but doesn't believe in abortion for herself. Consequently she will not become sexually active until she is prepared to raise a child that could result from that behavior regardless of how careful someone is. She was put on the pill at 15 due to medical issues and it had no impact on her choices because she knows that no method is fail safe.
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 15
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Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:24:47 PM
I'm not going to read through all these pages of posts. They mostly all say the same thing.
It is the responcibility of BOTH when jumping in bed together and taking the chance(BC or not) of having a baby. Not only that but society and their parents fault for not teaching properly the cause and affect of unplanned pregnency. It's a shame that the men AND WOMEN walk away from their responcibilities. I'm glad that I'm not one of them, my kids are awesome and anyone would be luck to be a part of their lives (in my opinion). You can talk all you want about this but until everyone stands up and recognizes that it's a problem and find a solution, it will continue.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 16
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/11/2009 2:05:33 PM

When it comes to a woman keeping a baby, she has to make alot of personal sacrifices after making that choice when the Dad skips out upon hearing the news....


Well, she should stop relying on FATE as her main method of BC and think about what the cost is going to be for her BEFORE she spreads her legs and has sex with a guy she has no real history with.



 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 17
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Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/11/2009 3:12:58 PM
renegadeoutlaw wrote:
but on the other side of the coin how many women out here have heard a man say he had a vasectomy? or had a prior condition that rendered him sterile?? - and oops.........he wasn't shooting blanks after all.


Hrm, really? See, I haven't heard this - so I'd like to know of all the "unexpected" pregnancies, what percentage of them were the result of a guy saying he was sterile or had a vasectomy, but that's NOT really the case, versus what percentage were the result of a woman claiming to be on birth control but that's NOT really the case, versus "other"?

That said, though, I have to agree with later posts that it is a little unclear what the OP is asking - a woman dating a guy and then suddenly surprises him later with "Oh, by the way, I was ALREADY pregnant" or a woman dating a guy and "surprising" him with an "Oh, by the way, you got me pregnant."

The answers are going to be WAY different.....
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 18
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 2:46:08 AM
The day that a male birth control pill goes on the market, angels are going to break out in immaculate chorus all over the world.

It will bring a tear to my eye.

-8sf8
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 19
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 9:05:26 AM

In my case it was a romantic weekend away with my boyfriend that consisted of alot of sex, and more than a few shots of tequila.....I do believe I made mention of getting MORE condoms....but he was insistent of practicing the "rythm method" (if ya know what I mean) and relying on the new method of BC I was only on for a month.....but I digress...


In other words, you chose FATE as your preferred method of birth control as so many women do.

If you had made a couple of better choices, no kid would have resulted....

... but I understand. FATE is funner.

 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 20
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 9:10:07 AM

For people like me who see abortion as murder, its not an option... I spread my legs and had sex (unprotected or protected. BC doesn't always work as its supposed to...), she is MY responsibility...


I was not advocating that anyone have an abortion. I DO advocate that women stop claiming 'accidental pregnancy' when in most cases the fertilization of her egg could have been avoided by the combination of several types of BC.

I include women insisting men wear condoms as part of that BC as well.


In regards to both of my kids, I try to remember that you are never handed more than you can handle. If you are, people are put in your path to help you through. This has been true for me for a very long time... Frankly, if I can have the fun, I can deal with the "punishment"...


And, just like lizzie and countless thousands of other women, you TOO chose FATE as your BC of choice.

 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 21
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 10:28:06 AM
Do you mean that if the man leaves right away, the woman is unsure about his intentions, so she cannot make an informed choice as to whether or not to have an abortion? I think I see your point here. For instance, do you mean that the woman still holds out hope that he will come back and choose to be a family, and that maybe he left because he just needed time to get over the shock, or something like that?


No, lizzie is just using her fall-back position which is anger at men.

She's saying that men run, therefore women hit them with CS out of spite which IS common, I believe.

I was thinking about lizzie's blather this morning too as I was sitting on the throne in the bathroom, which seemed appropriate at the time, and got to thinking about another aspect of 'WHY' men run....

.... and, I think it's a difficult thing for the female brain to get around, but most men hate having someone make life altering decisions for them, especially if there is a sense of betrayal involved.

Women hold ALL the cards in regards to a child being brought into the world. They can choose to bring the kid into the world, then they can have at least some control the man's finances for the next 18-25 years. There are other, more subtle, levers of control that women can use as well once a kid is born.

And, lizzie.... if women didn't make it all about the money, maybe men might respond in a bit better way. I know that once my ex stopped trying to get more money out of me, I actually started paying for more than what I was required to pay....

 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 22
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 11:38:09 AM

capitano_blaugh what about the man that tells you he wants to have a family with you. My ex and I tried to get pregnant for a month. We both made the decision to stop using protection.


The guy's an ass.hole. Simple.


And maybe men shouldn't make empty promises and walk away from their responsibility. You can't generalize capitano_blaugh.


I agree. And, some things ARE generally true in MOST cases. MOST men DO dislike having women make life-altering decisions that have profound consequences for the men.

THAT is generally true....

P.S. - you often bring up the 30K truck. Dump that thing and buy something you can afford. Why keep it?

 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 23
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 12:01:35 PM

With my daugther, I trusted the "keep track of your ovulation" method. I'd bought a kit and everything. I always checked to see if I was ovulating. To me, that was the only choice to "safe sex"... I don't have faith in birth control anymore.


I'm a bit skeptical about your tidbit about the pill, but the rythm method is notoriously unreliable.

So, you have no faith in BC, therefore, you rely on FATE.

Is there a reason why an IUD, female sponge, diaphragm, ring, shield, cap, shot, female condom, patch, abstinence, Plan B or any number of combinations couldn't have been employed?

Sorry, I'm in the camp that believes that if a woman doesn't want to get pregnant and bring a kid into the world, it will not happen.


If you are intended to have a child at a particular time, then you will have that child...


But, this is Magical Thinking which includes FATE as your method of BC .

Cheers.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 24
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 12:35:07 PM

If you are intended to have a child at a particular time, then you will have that child


The above statement is Magical Thinking.

I have never said that accidents do not happen. I acknowledge that they DO happen...

... but I also contend that if a person is diligent about NOT conceiving, they will NOT get pregnant. Plan B is a great option. I don't know why every fertile woman doesn't have some on hand.

You stated that you had no faith in BC while there are numerous non-chemical/hormonal alternatives.

I think getting your tubes tied is excellent.

 carterscutie85
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 25
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 12:47:11 PM

Plan B is a great option. I don't know why every fertile woman doesn't have some on hand


Plan B (aka known as the morning after pill) does not work if you are already pregnant and you take it. My friend is pregnant and due in November. She was not on birth control when the condom broke. The next morning she took Plan B. To my knowledge u have to go to a pharmacy to get it, so it was easily accessible considering she works in a pharmacy. A couple months later she went to the doctor for a bad sinus infection and found out she was pregnant.

The only thing Plan B does is prevent ovulation, if it has already occured and there are sperm present it won't work.
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