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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > AGE DIFFERENCE?      Home login  
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 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 2
AGE DIFFERENCE?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I have a very mature 22 year old daughter.

Yes, the age gap is much too large.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 3
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:11:11 PM
My ex brought home a 31 year old guy to meet her dad when she was 14. She survived. Her dad got on blood pressure meds. I'm not sure what happened to the guy but I don't believe he ever recovered. Play the game you're comfortable with.
 Seven1234
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 7
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:49:58 PM
I've said it before and I will say it again. There is somethig very wrong with a large "age span" relationship.....Justify it all you want
Something is wrong with someone
 Roberto46
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 9
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:39:02 PM
all the time, I prefer mature girl, the younger don't have nothing in their mind....
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 11
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:38:48 PM
Is the age gap too large? Too large for what, is the question...

For a casual dating situation (with no LTR expectations at all)? No, you're fine. A casual situation just requires two people to be within the range of compatibility when it comes to how they spend their free time, along with attraction. He's not too old to be unattractive, and if you're mature for your age, you both could be just fine on the basic free-time-spending level.

For a serious relationship or any relationship with intentions of true possibilities for one? Pretty much, No. Not at this point anyway. You may be mature for your age in your persona, but you still have a lot of life to experience, as you do have things coming your way that will change/shape you differently some. I would say this usually hits around 25... your early 20s are your rookie years, and by the time you're 25 or so, less is "so new". If a guy's 36 at that time, then that could work out well assuming it's obvious that you both comfortably don't fit in stereotypical the generation gap.

Now, if you had kids at 17, and finished 2yr college, done the binge-bar thing already, living on your own with a decent job for a while now... then I'd say your life experience would be up to snuff. Pretty rare, though.

I don't think it's so much about "not being immature", it's more about life change... and at your stage, things of the adult-independent-life are still in clay somewhat, and well, you just change some. Hard to explain, natural to experience.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 13
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:38:58 PM
Depends on who you ask. When I was much younger than you, I was hanging out with women much older than him.

On the other hand, I'm not a doting dad with a shotgun. I've been careful about that sort of thing. Don't want to just breed like a rabbit.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 17
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 3:12:29 PM
RE Msg: 33 by verygreeneyez:
Date who you wish. Just remember that 11 years will turn into 30/41, 40/51, and then what I'm dealing with 50/61 (45/56). That's just odd in my mind. I can't fathom being with a man who's nearly 60. But then again? I openly admit that when it comes to my personal life, I'm an agist. JMO
You're 45. That's not that far off from 60, only 15 years, and 20-35 went like a snap, at least for me. It's just odd to me that you have a problem with 60, when to me, it's just around the corner. Mind you, that might be because I know people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s who seem to get around more than many 20-year-olds. I guess it's just down to how you see yourself, and how much you project your ideas about old age onto others. Some people might think that when they are 60, they intend to be home with a pipe and slippers. Others expect that when they are 60, they are painting the town red, even more than today. My first images of old age were my grandmother, who lived on her own, and went out by herself, all the way to 89, and then passed into a coma and died after a month. So my first images of old age were someone who would just keep going and going.

RE Msg: 35 by OnlyThis:

22 and 33 an insurmountable age difference
It's a huge age difference. He has "been around". She hasn't. They are at completely different points in their lives. IMO it will end badly.
That might be. But then again, there are LOTS of stuff that I had done by age 17, that very few people have ever done. Conversely, there are LOTS of stuff that I STILL haven't done, that lots of people my age did back in high school. Really, the old "been around", "not been around" thing, only works when everyone does the same stuff at the same ages. Or, he and she did the same stuff at the same ages, and we already know that in the future, she'll definitely do the same stuff at the same ages as he did. But if that was really true, then she could just go out, find a guy her own age in her town, and he would have done the same stuff at the same ages, and definitely will do the same stuff at the same ages. So they are on the same track, have the same experiences, the same sorts of things they enjoy and do now, with the same things they plan to do in the future, and so their goals and their interests, both now and in the future, will be about the same, and they'd have very good odds of getting married after only 2 dates. That's how it used to be for a lot of people who grew up in the same town. They all experienced the same things at the same ages, expected to do the same things at the same ages in the future, and so it really didn't matter who you married, as you'd have no interest in dating anyone except someone very close to your own age, and with someone your own age from your own town, marriage was almost bound to work, irrespective of which guy you married.

Life has changed a lot, now, though. So you often can get 2 people with the same age, and even from the same town, who have very different experiences, very different values, and very different aims for the future, and so, there are absolutely no guarantees at all anymore.

But if you come from a place where there are such guarantees, then you have a point, and you are a very lucky man, for finding a woman will be easy for any man in such a place.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 22
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:04:30 PM
RE Msg: 45 by verygreeneyez:
I'll stick with those very near my own age.
Good for you. I just don't know how to cope with that. I know people my age who've got GRANDKIDS a few years old, and I'm only 39. Most people I've met got married much younger than I am now, had morgages, kids, all that, and I've never done any of that. So it's quite hard for me to relate to people when I still think and feel like a single person.

And if you know 50/60/70 year olds that get around more than the 20-somethings, you ought to patent whatever it is they are taking/doing because I don't believe I've EVER seen someone my age get around like a 20ish person.
I don't exactly know what they do. It all seems to be that they just have a very positive nature, and a very outgoing nature, and somehow, the 2 just keep reinforcing themselves. Being more active means you get exercise just going out and doing things, and so your muscles get far more exercise, and that keeps your metabolism working fast and efficiently to allow you to keep active. The positive attitude means that nothing gets them down enough to stop going out.

I know that I'm not meant to be with someone my step-fathers age (56.) Nor am I willing to be with someone much younger than myself. I want to grow old WITH someone, not watch someone grow old. Nor do I want someone watching me grow old. Like it or not, age is much more than just a number. Vietnam is vastly different from Desert Storm, 70s free love is vastly different than my era of HIV/Aids, the 80s big hair bands aren't anything like The Doors. And the list of things that I grew up with versus those even 15 years older is so paramount that it makes for some very different life experiences.
I guess it's very different for me. I grew up in the 70s listening to my older brother play Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (60s), watching Elvis on TV (50s), and listening to my mum play Vera Lynn (40s). I just kept listening to whatever was going on. So I'm almost as familiar with Bill Withers as I am with The Ting Tings, who put their first album out last year. I'm far more worried about looks. But there are lots of 30-year-olds in the UK who look as old as people who were in their 50s when I was a kid. So I think I'm going to have to learn to not worry about looks, or be very picky about who I date.

I also want to grow old with someone. When I was a kid, that meant retirement at 65 for a man, and 60 for a woman. But these days, there are many more opportunities for men and women to be active in their old age. Modern medicine has lengthened old peoples' lives a lot, especially women. So if any woman my age or younger is going to want to stay with me into my 60s and 70s, I've got to expect to keep very active well into my 60s and 70s. Even an older woman is going to want the same, unless she's pretty much signed off on life, and doesn't want to do anything but sit in her chair and not move, and then she's signed off on growing old with anyone.

But even without that, the problem of so many more old people, and the wiping out of so much of the pension market, is making government's lengthen retirement age more and more, and pensions are worth less and less with inflation. So if I want to have enough money to live on, I've had to change my expectations to expect to work well into my 70s, and maybe even longer.

Both those factors mean that because the world has changed, I'm no longer looking at growing older with someone, but living with someone, because once I reach the point at which I can start living like I am old, I'll be ready for the grave.
 FL CO
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 24
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:26:38 PM
I'm 25 and I find that most people who are 22 are too immature for me. I couldn't see being over a decade older and dating someone that young regardless of how mature they think the are. Of course you may be one of the few that actually are very mature for your age. At 22 I had already bought a house, was married and had a kid (in that order).
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 27
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/19/2009 1:00:21 PM
Go for it Steph... you don't need anyones approval especially from anyone on here. I dated a 31yr old when I was 18, he was my first real love. It didn't feel like a big age gap at the time and it still doesn't... at least not to me.
 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 34
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/21/2009 7:36:33 PM

then why ask for the sage advice of a bunch of people chatting on message boards on a (mostly) singles website (myself of course included)??


Boredom? Nosy? Thrill seeking?
 GuyN3xtDoor
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 35
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/24/2009 2:31:52 AM
Steph,

At your age it may seem like a lot. And, it may be depending on what each of you are looking for in a relationship. For example, are you both on the same page as far as the timing of marriage and children? Also, keep in mind that as we get older a 10 or 11 year difference becomes less of a difference because we become more similar in our thinking and life stage.

Another way to look at it is that women typically date men that are older than them. Not always, but it is fairly traditional to do so. So, is a few extra years a good reason to keep looking? Or, would you have preferred to stay with him because he was a good fit as far as chemistry and compatability?

I think the biggest decision is whether you are wanting to date more people before marriage or are you ready to settle down? And, what are his feelings on the subject. Are you thoughts in agreement or do they clash?

Probably the best advice anyone can give you is to discuss this question with a few senior friends or relatives that have greater wisdom than most of us on this site.

Best wishes,

Rob
 paulus837
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 37
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/24/2009 5:46:41 AM
I am older than 33 and i would like a 22 year old but they would have to be a little bit prettier than steph
 Nathan_x
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 42
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:46:28 PM
I think it is, but it's up to you. The question is very subjective. If you like someone don't let age stand in your way. Personally, I'm 26 and I wouldn't date anyone who isn't in their twenties(nor a woman with kids). But hey, they're my preferences.
 paulus837
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 43
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/27/2009 5:48:44 AM

paulus837,
that was not a funny crack/joke, if that was what it was made out to be.
apparently you are lacking some maturity.

to all the others with honest and mature opinions,
thank you again. peace.


Sorry Steph just messing, ur lovely
 Singleinlewistonidaho
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 46
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/28/2009 1:33:03 PM
was 37 when I met a 21 year old gal. I just wanted some campany for a moive or two and she liked me a lot. We ended up engaged and moved in together then she left. I don't think she was ready.
With the age gap I have more experience and I am a bit of a teacher with my love interests. So when I saw her making mistakes I'd try to coach her and she saw it all as critisim. SHe got very down and because she was not good with communications it all went to hell.
She's undergone a personality change, smokes and goes to bars, taken up with a FWB's. None of it good for her or her daughter. And she wants nothing to do with me now.

Mike
 Musique08
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 47
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/30/2009 12:41:52 PM
I don't think age difference matters. To me, age is just a number. Actually, if you get on well and have stuff in common, what does it matter what age they are? As long as 2 people are both adults. Some people your own age could be less suited to you and some people older or younger might be better suited. So yeah, age difference doesn't matter.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 49
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 10/9/2009 8:00:35 PM
kebemik, he's just an idiot. For laughs you should look at his posting history.

On topic. OP, if you want to date this man it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.
 roatw
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 50
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 10/9/2009 10:45:52 PM
Its a difficult situation isnt it?Age shouldnt be a major hassle,and at my age find it weird,as im to young for ladies in their late 40s or early 50s and to old for those in their early 30s.Never being married and no kids also makes it harder to meet people and no there isnt anything wrong with me(just travelled alot when i was younger)
But i also remember being in England 15 years ago and meting a 18yo and i was 28,the age diff was a major factor,but we contacted each other 6 months ago and it doesnt seem to be the problem now.But alas we just friends.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 51
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 10/10/2009 4:09:15 AM
I tend to think people becoen adults 25+ and it would be hard pressed to find someone whose this age or younger engaged in a realtionship of substance with someone else of a different age group

Over 25 and I'm surrouded by plenty of examples of long-trem commitments

~sc~
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 52
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 1/30/2010 12:27:28 PM

my niece who is almost 18...

I bet I could talk her down to a single well-used mercedes loaner, and a weekend in Biloxi at the Motel 6.

It is an even sadder commentary on the female view of relationships to see a woman advocating that women reduce their sexual nature to commodity status, then use it to play a mean and exploitive version of the futures market: artificially manipulating the commodity to create an artificial scarcity which drives up the price. By equating female sexuality with a dog biscuit, this dehumanizes women and demeans their sexuality far more than men ever could. Implicit in her view is a dissociation of women from their sexuality. It is not part of them: it is a THING to be passed around, used to manipulate with, to be SOLD, but never something to be valued in its own right.

If women, as the superior sex, take that view of their own sexuality, why should it be so bad for men to believe them?
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 59
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 2/4/2010 6:46:46 AM
Everyone knows, that it's bad for a man to date younger, he must be immature, a molester, not able to date his age.

But of course women do nothing but pat each othe on the back, as the crow loudly about being a cougar and hooking up with people 10, 20, in some cases 30 years younger.


Double standards?



I married a woman 9 years older than myself. It ended after 7 years. I'm now dating a younger woman, a wonderful person, beautiful, etc. etc. She has a good sense of humor, sarcastic, we get along well.

It's all good.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 60
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 2/4/2010 9:29:51 PM

Why would a 33 year old man be interested in someone so much younger?
Does he have a problem with women his own age, or does he need someone college-age to feel like a stud?

I think some emotionally immature men can't handle a grown woman. I know men in their 40s who, when it comes to intimacy, are about 16 years old. A college student is closer to their emotional age. It's kind of pathetic, really. I can't imagine it lasting for very long.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 63
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Posted: 2/6/2010 6:28:42 PM

I think some emotionally immature men can't handle a grown woman. I know men in their 40s who, when it comes to intimacy, are about 16 years old. A college student is closer to their emotional age. It's kind of pathetic, really. I can't imagine it lasting for very long.


How would cougars fit into all this then? The older woman/younger man dynamic...
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 70
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:50:18 PM

im a 51 year old lady i li ke a 37 year old. n he is very mature. i also dated 1 that is 44 not to keen on that realtionship. but for our age it is hard to fi nd 1 suitable though so what is the limit on how to disguss the age gap on it. im comfertable with him he plays n a bad. he gives me mix signals alot. one minute he say he wants 2 be with me n than he want to go fishing on pof. n he is divorce. i told him wednesday to grow u p little n let me know when he done growing up i be here, um very comfertable with him so what do i do here let him go or what after all we have sheare alot to each other.


"He gives me mixed signals." "I'm comfortable with him." "I told him to grow up."

Get it? He's not at the same level of maturity. This is what I see all the time. Usually it's guys in their 40s going with women in their 20s and inevitably they end up complaining about problems that boil down to a lack of maturity. Duh.

I've only known three couples who married and had a 20+ year difference in age. Every single one ended with the woman having affairs and the marriage ending in divorce. The women hit their sexual peak in their 40s, the guy is in his sixties and can't keep up, she gets frustrated and starts going with other men. I know that my experience is a very small sample but that's all I have to draw from.
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