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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > AGE DIFFERENCE?      Home login  
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 Steph_1987
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 1
AGE DIFFERENCE?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I am a very mature 22 year old female, who recently started chatting with a 33 year old male. Do you think this age gap is much too large?
I am interested in knowing your opinions on this subject.
Thanks :)
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 2
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:09:22 PM
I have a very mature 22 year old daughter.

Yes, the age gap is much too large.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 3
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:11:11 PM
My ex brought home a 31 year old guy to meet her dad when she was 14. She survived. Her dad got on blood pressure meds. I'm not sure what happened to the guy but I don't believe he ever recovered. Play the game you're comfortable with.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 4
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:25:12 PM
I dunno.
Why would a 33 year old man be interested in someone so much younger?
Does he have a problem with women his own age, or does he need someone college-age to feel like a stud?
 SoftAndHappy
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 5
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:30:05 PM
I am 32. I can't imagine dating a 22 year old, no matter how mature he is. At 33 he SHOULD be at a different stage in life. If he is, that is a problem. If he is not, that is a different problem.
 OnlyThis
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 6
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:33:53 PM

am interested in knowing your opinions on this subject

You are asking the question because YOU think that there might be a problem with it and in this case, you are probably right.
 FrozenAssets
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 7
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:40:02 PM
Did he ask you to get married?

If you have to ask, then perhaps you are too young.
 Steph_1987
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 8
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:00:10 PM
vanaheim, thank you for your honest opinions on this subject. much appreciated.
 PinkOleander
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 9
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:13:06 PM
I think as long as you still have to say "I'm a very mature ____" the age gap is too large. I mean I never preface a sentence with "I'm a very mature 47 year old." Even though I am.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 10
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:20:20 PM

vanaheim: Landra, maybe the men your age realise they're simply not up to your financial standards and undercurreands and would rather be accepted for who they are.
Thanks for quoting my profile, but what does that (or this thread) have to do with "financial standards"? You assume too much about me, then you brag, saying " I may become very wealthy"- you're the one with the money issues.
FYI- the last dance I went to had a $3.00 cover charge. Because there are so few places to ballroom dancing in my area, I'm usually found at $3.00 community dances having the time of my life.
Though I don't travel anymore, I am a former travel agent and originally from Finland. I like a man who has seen some of the world, since I've lived in various places around the globe. Been there, done that, don't care if my passport expires.
I rarely go to restaurants--- I'm a much better cook than most chefs.
I don't drink alcohol so you can save your Perrier-Jouet for someone who cares.
Art, history and books-- all free at the library. Open a book, you can learn all you like.
As for Cartesian theology- why don't you Google that.


No offence but I'd still run a mile from you
Likewise. Men who have money issues, brag about what they "might" earn hold no appeal. But good luck with your little business venture.
 BeachBoy123
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 11
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:22:09 PM
Well I think the age difference when it comes to a relationships matters to an extent like everything else. Personally I'm NOT looking to date a woman over 6 years + or - my own age as it's not in my interest IMO. But hey everyone is different, if he can take you on trips around the world and pays your way for EVERYTHING and lets you drive the Bentley and not just the BMW and if he is truly is the KING of KINGS to YOU then he is the STAR for you. If not he's a dime a dozen and probably a touting clown.

All the be$t peace out.
 akimmbo
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 12
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:27:35 PM
I really think it's a case by case basis.
you say you just started chatting with this guy.....but, there is more. You are hoping, or wanting it to lead to more? perhaps.?

You know, I can only relate this to my own very real experience.....When I met the woman who would become my 2nd wife...I was in my early 30's....and she was 21....and, yes, very mature for her age....ummmm....a lot more mature than I was, to be honest.

Now, I had sworn that I never would marry again at that point, yet, we fell in love , married, had three great sons, and a 19 year marriage.

So, there ya go....who can really say if there is a set rule around this.....?
I didn't seek out my second wife because I couldn't fit with any women my age, BTW...it was just meant to be. So yeah...anything is possible...I believe that.

regards
Kimbo~
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 13
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:41:58 PM
Do you share a lot of common interests? Do you hold similar values? Do your personalities mesh? Are you both on the same “relationship page”? Do you get each other’s sense o’ humor? Is their mutual attraction? Do you relate well with one another? Do you enjoy each other's company? If you answered yes to these questions, then I’d say there is definitely potential.




Ooops, I forgot to even mention the age thing. Oh well, guess it doesn’t matter.
 Seven1234
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 14
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:49:58 PM
I've said it before and I will say it again. There is somethig very wrong with a large "age span" relationship.....Justify it all you want
Something is wrong with someone
 PinkOleander
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 15
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:04:29 PM

For the firm boobs and show off in public!
They are also baggage free and easy to manipulate.

This is the first time I'm agreeing with guy42 and I never thought I'd quote you but here it is...I think you summed it up perfectly.
 BeachBoy123
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 16
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:09:24 PM
As I quoted before age difference matters like EVERYTHING else. A 22 year old going out with a 31 year old GUY is a LARGE difference in age IMO but does it matter??? Yes like EVERYTHING else. Everyone is different and everyone has different lifestyles and goals which are often "dreams" to some people IMO. If your in a relationship with that age gap at that age then I think you should ask yourself these questions...

Does HE have a strong foundation on which to support a faimly???? Ya it can happen sometimes. Love is great but a strong foundation supports a house and a family not "dreams". There are many touting clowns out there who can not support a family let alone themselves as it's why the gap between the rich and the poor widens every day.

I wi$h everyone the be$t, be smart, be yourself and find that someone on which you can trust, connect and build your castle with.
 Levi501s
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 17
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:50:52 PM
I gotta say OP, by not going off on some of the tacky responses here you are showing considerable maturity. Perhaps more maturity than some of the older people making said comments.

On Topic:

My niece and I had a pleasent conversation a couple nights ago. She's 27 and very mature for her age. She had 20 something college credits before she graduated HS. A few years ago, at about the age you are now, she was dating a 40 yo man. Admittedly, that's an age gap that I wouldn't condone, but what I found insightful was the reason she felt he enjoyed her company.

She felt the reason he enjoyed her company was because she wasn't inpressed with his amassed fortune. She didn't have a sense of intitlement, or expect him to spend on her. If you knew the hardcore, independant streak in my niece you wouldn't have a problem believing this. So, I think vanahiem may have a valid point.

Personally, I don't think your 22, to his 33 is that big of a difference. Just go in with eyes-wide-open.

THing is, if you were 5 years older, chronologically, I doubt anyone would have a problem with you dating a 33 yo man. However, those that do have a problem with your current age seem to have an inability to imagine that you might be 5 years more mentally mature than your contemporaries.

Think we've seen a few posts here that prove age (numerically) doesn't equate to maturity.

Good luck. Just don't expect utopia.

just a few thoughts
 OnlyThis
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 18
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:35:02 PM
My niece and I had a pleasent conversation a couple nights ago.

Gee.. it only took you what.. 4 or 5 years to get around to talking to your niece about dating a 40 year old man? No worries.. maybe she was getting advice on pof

She's 27 and very mature for her age. She had 20 something college credits before she graduated HS.

My 16 year old daughter has college credits. What in the world does that have to do with sexual maturity?
 Roberto46
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 19
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:39:02 PM
all the time, I prefer mature girl, the younger don't have nothing in their mind....
 honeyangel1985
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 20
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:13:49 PM
OP, nothing wrong with it at all as age is just a number. I only date men over 30 myself as I find I don't have anything in common with men in their 20s (I'm also very mature for my age) and I find men in their 20s unsettled on various levels.
 Levi501s
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 21
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:39:52 PM

Gee.. it only took you what.. 4 or 5 years to get around to talking to your niece about dating a 40 year old man? No worries.. maybe she was getting advice on pof


I do not appreciate the implication. She has a Father to guide her. If she'd wanted my opinion, she would have asked. I do not offer unsolicited advice. IMO, it drives people away. The other night is the first time she broached the subject with me. Any further details of our conversation is none of your business.


My 16 year old daughter has college credits. What in the world does that have to do with sexual maturity?


I do not see the topic as being sexual maturity. That is a biological function and achieved by the mid-late teens. A teenager thinking of their future (college) and taking on the additional load of college courses while still in HS shows forward thinking - mental maturity. I commend your daughter for her maturity and the effort it took for you to instill that in her.

I was simply giving an example that maturity is not equal to age, and that some mature sooner than others.

The young lady (OP) was asking for opinions about the age difference between her and a man 11 years her senior. I offered mine: age does not equal maturity and I don't see 22 and 33 an insurmountable age difference.

I don't know why you felt you needed to engage in a personal attack and go totally off topic. It's rather rude and well, immature.

Have a nice day.

just a few more thoughts
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 22
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:46:23 PM
if he makes you happy what's the problem... i see a big problem if he were over 40 years old then we're talking huge gap...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 23
AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:38:48 PM
Is the age gap too large? Too large for what, is the question...

For a casual dating situation (with no LTR expectations at all)? No, you're fine. A casual situation just requires two people to be within the range of compatibility when it comes to how they spend their free time, along with attraction. He's not too old to be unattractive, and if you're mature for your age, you both could be just fine on the basic free-time-spending level.

For a serious relationship or any relationship with intentions of true possibilities for one? Pretty much, No. Not at this point anyway. You may be mature for your age in your persona, but you still have a lot of life to experience, as you do have things coming your way that will change/shape you differently some. I would say this usually hits around 25... your early 20s are your rookie years, and by the time you're 25 or so, less is "so new". If a guy's 36 at that time, then that could work out well assuming it's obvious that you both comfortably don't fit in stereotypical the generation gap.

Now, if you had kids at 17, and finished 2yr college, done the binge-bar thing already, living on your own with a decent job for a while now... then I'd say your life experience would be up to snuff. Pretty rare, though.

I don't think it's so much about "not being immature", it's more about life change... and at your stage, things of the adult-independent-life are still in clay somewhat, and well, you just change some. Hard to explain, natural to experience.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 24
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 7:02:55 AM
20s tend to be a time for searching your own soul, exploring your boundaries. This includes sex, drinking, drugs...whatever you're into. If, by "mature", you mean "conservative", give your hormones a chance to thrive before you lay yourself down for nunnery.

As far as the older dude, I'm sure you look very good to him, and that's why he's interested. Maybe he likes your freshness, innocence (despite the fact that you may think you know it all) and thinks you're someone who he can control or mold into his loyal sex slave or something. Or maybe he wants you to be free, and is not considering this to be a LTR but merely a phase that you'll grow out of and eventually leave him, in which case he'll be free again-!

While I don't know either of your personalities (your eccentricities might gel together very well), over 10 years is a pretty huge gap. But, as long as you're both happy, go with it. Just don't expect a LTR or marriage. And, if you're together long enough for him to reach 50, be prepared for the inevitable physical health maladies that will befall him...reduced sex drive, aches and pains, high blood pressure, various forms of cancer, diabetes, etc. (it should be noted, however, that these can hit ANYONE at any age though).

See the movie Elegy? It addresses all the issues associated with a 25+ year age gap between the elder, Ben Kingsley, and the younger, Penelope Cruz.

Oh, hell--go for it. Rock on. Life's too short.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 25
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AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:38:58 PM
Depends on who you ask. When I was much younger than you, I was hanging out with women much older than him.

On the other hand, I'm not a doting dad with a shotgun. I've been careful about that sort of thing. Don't want to just breed like a rabbit.
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