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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > too much in debt?      Home login  
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 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 2
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too much in debt?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
It would of course depend on the kind of debt and other things...

For example... if he owed 200k on a house that was valued at 150k and had other debts with nothing to show for them, then no, I wouldn't really consider dating that person...

However... if he owed 150k on a 200k house, student loans and other debts that were managed properly... then not a problem.

Debt isn't an indicator of irresponsibility... there is such at thing as good debt.
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 5
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 4:38:47 PM
It's all relative. Every person is different. And if you're talking about real estate related debt it can vary. Debt in that case can be leverage. For example: Someone has 100K cash and buys one rental house. He's debt free and has rental income. Someone else has 100k and buys 10 houses with 10K downpayment each. He now has 900K debt, assuming those were 10 100k houses. But he also owns 10 houses with rental income. Who's in a better position?

So you really need to look at the whole picture to see what's going on
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 7
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 4:40:09 PM
Not enuff info to say.
House debt can be good debt.
as for the other....
If she can pay it down without you, then it isn't too much.
If she's over her head....wait till after she files for bankruptcy.
LOL
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 9
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 4:53:54 PM

Her debt WILL become your debt, how did she manage to rack that up? Clothing, travel, buying a car when she didn't need to?


Her debt will not necessarily become his debt. Not every woman is looking for a man to pay her bills. And why do you assume she racked up the debt buying frivolous items?

I have $34,000 in student loans and I just bought a house that I will pay off when I am 86. I also have a car payment. I owe a lot of money and none of it is frivolous. I wouldn't dream of asking or expecting a man to pay off these loans.

Funny thing is, even with what I owe, I find that I live better than some people who make twice or three times as much money as I do. And I still have some left over to buy shoes.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 16
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 5:20:34 PM
20 to 30K of debt...and owns a home? Does it have tires....ehh..okay just saying.

If you're that fixated on this one fact, then let it go. You don't mention anything else....how big are her boobs? Okay, I'm TRYING.

How much debt do you have....is there another reason for your concern? It does seem all the facts aren't laid out on the table. For someone who owns a home, that is an incredibly SMALL mortgage balance.

I don't think you'd divulged all the facts. If that's the criteria you're basing marrying someone on or not, you need to shell out some bucks for professional advice and hire a financial advisor...trust me you NEED the help.

Google debt/equity ratio, net worth. If you can't understand it, pay someone who can.
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 17
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 5:21:24 PM

20-30 grand referred to "a lot of other debt


It's still all relative. It all depends on what the debt is for and the income of the person. Is it difficult to pay off? Heck, I've bought a house before with credit card cash advances, so there's just not enough information to give a simple yes or no answer. Maybe that person makes 250K a year and has no problem carrying that debt.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 18
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 5:26:05 PM

It's all relative. Every person is different.[/quote ]

- Exactly.

While debt can be a legitimate liability in a prospective partner, "how much is too much" can only be determined by you.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 22
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too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 5:43:12 PM

I don't consider money at all when I think about being together. Money is the least of it.

My sentiments too *farceur*.

It just doesn't matter to me either.

I've had a lot at times and just a little at times so I've seen both sides of the 'fence' on this.

It just doesn't matter.
 nitehawk1970
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 23
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too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 5:43:17 PM
How many dept store cards does she have?

Best thing to find out is what their current spending habit is, if they're paying above and beyond the minimum due, and if they have a target date on when it'll be paid off.

If she's not asking you to help her out, has a decent career where she's not in risk of being downsized out of it, and she's being upfront about it, then it shouldn't be a problem. If she bought the house without the help of anyone at that time, then she's handling it the best she can.

Most important question: how well do you know her?
 QTpye16
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 24
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 5:51:00 PM
gulpgulp,

From your original post I'm going to assume the "maybe 20 -30 thousand dollars" debt is not really good debt, considering the fact you're asking for opinions about whether to marry or not. So I'm pretty sure there are some credit card and loans involved.

My opinion, I would not marry a person who had that type of debt (or more) UNLESS it's a mortgage. That is wayyy too much...I can understand 10-15 thousand.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 26
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 6:01:36 PM
The OP, IMO is talking about a symptom, not the cause, if it IS other debt.

Money is money, it's a replacable resource. The thing to consider is the level of responsibility, does anyone remember when Donald Trump was nearly bankrupt?

It was a media blitz, only because it was Donald Trump. (He wasn't in debt to the Hair Club...BTW...the other guy already bought it...haha).

Thing is there are basic financial equations that are so simple, they could be taught to an elementary school child regarding debt. Ehh...finances...budgets, they're all basic and not that complex. It's just one of those areas that people don't like to pay attention to, and if there is debt beyond what's reasonably accountable for it isn't the money....it's feeding some compulsion or unmet need. (Yeah I know...blah, blah, it's subliminal)

If it were ME, that's what I'd confront and want to address.

I did have one relationship and I didn't break up with him because of this, but there were other obvious evidences of his lack of control over compulsions and impulse control. I discovered the other later, and it made total sense. Thankfully, I was out before that.
 Luciana9
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 30
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/11/2009 7:00:20 PM
If they had 20-30k in debt, I'd only consider marrying this person if I had 50-100k in debt myself. Women are smart enough to always marry up.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 33
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too much in debt?
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:51:05 AM

If they had 20-30k in debt, I'd only consider marrying this person if I had 50-100k in debt myself. Women are smart enough to always marry up.


 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 35
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/12/2009 4:04:48 PM

the more outstanding debt she has, the lower her credit score will be


That's not correct. The determining factor is the utilization of available credit, not the amount of credit that's used.

It's best to keep the utilization below 30% of available credit.

So, someone who has 1 credit card with 5K credit and owing 4K on it is going to have more of a negative credit effect than someone that has 100K credit available and owed 30K.

Also, it very much depends on the type of credit - revolving credit is counted different than installment credit. So, while credit cards are revolving, many equity lines are revolving as well. So, people that don't know may have really bad credit, because they maxed out their equity line. Even though it may have been used to add to the house, the effect it has on the credit is very different from a mortgage, which is an installment credit.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 36
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too much in debt?
Posted: 9/12/2009 4:12:29 PM
Unless you are planning on having a family immediately, or she is already pregnant, why consider marriage at all at this time?

You would not want to marry someone that just had a relative die, or lost a job, or has a significant illness, without considering all the parts of it, and how it might or might not affect your relationship.

Having a large amount of debt is in the same category, as the above mentioned, and until you have had time to discuss it all, and work it out to the point that the both of you are totally satisfied, thinking about marriage is just not a wise decision.

Marriage is not the end all to happiness, in fact, it can add significant stress in your life and your relationship, unless all items affecting that potential marriage are thought about and talked about as a couple as well as an individual.

Just my opinion........
 wileygy
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 39
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too much in debt?
Posted: 9/12/2009 5:36:29 PM

i met a person on a dating site. we have talked about getting married. this person is in debt with a house she bought a couple of years ago and has a lot of other debt. maybe 20 - 30 thousand dollars worth. would you consider marrying this person?


aside from the obvious things like.....how long have you known her?seriously,i would gander that you know her pretty well if you've discussed marriage.also,what does she do to make a living?can she afford that debt alone?or is she borrowing on credit for living expenses?as others have stated,there's good debt and bad debt.where the debt came from is a lot more important than the amount.

20-30k is actually a very small amount for many people.if there are student loans,car loans or equity loans involved then double or triple that isnt unreasonable.even a 1 time life event caused the debt ...eg: sickness,divorce,etc...that wouldn't concern me.a pattern of bad spending would.
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 40
too much in debt?
Posted: 9/12/2009 5:52:57 PM
based on factors that predict creditworthiness such as """outstanding debt""", payment history, late payments, or the age of your accounts.


Actually, the amount of outstanding debt by itself does not have that much to do with it, since the credit report has no accounting of income. So, there's no ratio that they can take into consideration.

There are a number of things that are very unfair in the accounting of points and the average person doesn't know and it can completely blindside them:

Someone using an equity line and adding on to their house. They have a 50K equity line and spend 45K to renovate and bring the value up 100k. So, now they think they can refinance, they have perfect credit etc. But because they've utilized such a high percentage of their equity line, that their credit decreased 70 points and they're unable to refinance.

Or someone had some financial problems and a charge off of a credit card 4 years ago. So, now they get some funds and are able to pay off that card. You'd think they're getting rewarded by better points, right? Wrong. They're now getting punished, because it's still coded as a charge off, but the last activity date is NOW, instead of 4 years ago, subsequently they now lowered their score and they restarted the 7 year clock.

Credit scoring is full of this totally absurd stuff.

Edit: answer to below: You'd think that's what happens. While it shows that this particular charge off is paid, the coding that decides on the score only sees it as 'charge off' and the paid or unpaid makes no difference. Only the date of last activity determines the scoring and with the last activity being NOW, instead of 4 years ago, it looks like a brand new charge off and you will get penalized for paying off your debt. Most creditors today don't even look at the situation, but only at the credit score.
 wileygy
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 41
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too much in debt?
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:01:44 PM

Or someone had some financial problems and a charge off of a credit card 4 years ago. So, now they get some funds and are able to pay off that card. You'd think they're getting rewarded by better points, right? Wrong. They're now getting punished, because it's still coded as a charge off, but the last activity date is NOW, instead of 4 years ago, subsequently they now lowered their score and they restarted the 7 year clock.

actually,that would be reported as a paid chargeoff rather than a chargeoff.they are seen differently by creditors.
but i agree,there are some caveats that are simply stupid and penalize someone for doing what they think is right.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 45
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too much in debt?
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:27:39 PM
No I will not consider marrying a person who has a lot of debts. I will not even get close to him in an inch....

If I married him his debts will be my debts too or he can not contribute to the present finances because he is paying his debts so he is gonna be living on my expense.. No way Jose !!!!!
I am not even sure if his loyalty and love will last with me..
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 48
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too much in debt?
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:50:47 PM
Wouldn't bother me one bit BUT make her file BK before you get married and wipe it out. Pretty soon you wont find anyone that is not in debt as more and more are losing jobs. If you love her this should not matter.
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 50
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too much in debt?
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:01:58 PM
"The thing to consider is the level of responsibility, does anyone remember when Donald Trump was nearly bankrupt?"


Which time? He has been bankrupt MANY times but he usually puts it in a corporation and shields himself personally. A lot of rich people have been bankrupt, it happens when other people you are involved with in business dealings leave you holding the bag, nothing to be ashamed of .
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 51
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too much in debt?
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:18:30 PM
"You would have to find a way of finding these things out as the person may not tell the whole truth about everything. But no matter what, you marry that person in debt and their debts become your debts."

It does not become your debt unless you agree to make it your debt. He/she signed on the line. Now if you are buying a home on credit and you both sign the application it will affect your credit rating together. A friend who is married has a very irresponsible wife who has credit cards in her name and defaulted, they came after HER as SHE signed for them and not him. She is filing BK and it will reflect on her report but not his as he is not filing as it is not his debt. If it was a JOINT account and both had applied and signed then yes he would be responsible for it.

The whole banking system in this county is a lie with fractional reserve banking and if you are using credit cards only electronic code is transferred until you pay the bill and then it is profit to them, all of it. Friend is a CEO of a major bank and explained it all to me and it is a scam so if a girlfriend has burned the credit card companies for 100K I could care less as long as she didn't put my name on it. Money in this country is worthless as nothing backs it at all, they just print the shit up and make it out of thin air.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 55
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too much in debt?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:35:17 PM
OP - need to know what type of debt it is. There's good debt (student loans & mortgages); then there's bad debt (car payments; credit cards; and medical bills). If you have ANY DOUBTS about a person, then you shouldn't get married. Instead of asking the POF gang, the two of you need to have your own private discussions about money. When it comes time to engagement or move-in, then review bank statements; credit histories; and tax returns. Last but not least, a pre-nup would be a good order of business.
 ninjaeleven
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 57
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too much in debt?
Posted: 12/13/2009 9:32:17 PM
yes i would, how's her rack?
 kellym09
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 63
too much in debt?
Posted: 12/14/2009 3:01:25 PM
If you marry a person you also marry their debt. If they are paying on their debt that is fine, but I will not stand for debt collectors calling because I am with a bum.
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