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 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 1
Fed upPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I went back with my boyfriend and broke up again.And the crap my Ex-Husband put me through I gave up on men.Then I met my boyfriend .I feel like taking out my profile and giving up and on men.I do not trust my self in picking the right man and I am afraid .But my friends told me to trust my gut that I am smart and know now what to run from.You see so much divorce and break ups.What is the point of finding someone else when you are thinking how long is this one is going to last.How do you get past this.I am torn .
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 2
Fed up
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:17:46 PM
you can be book smart and street dumb.

Read the ask a guy posts; dozens upon dozens of posts with insecure and naive women choosing terrible guys who treat them like crap but the women constantly taking them back trying to convince themselves they should be together.

Stop listening to words, dont' make excuses, and look at their actions. I'm so sick of women that get cheated on but say the guy loves them. NO THEY DONT!

Actions speak louder than words. Love is actions; not words; not intentions and not someone sleeping or spending time with someone else.

Love also takes time.

There are plenty of supposedly smart women making dumb choices. The true smart ones realize that they are making bad choices and start looking at what a guy does, instead of what they say. You are smart by seeing this problem and wanting to change it. Good luck.
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 3
Fed up
Posted: 9/13/2009 4:12:13 AM
In the mind of the man looking for a woman to have sex with, hearing that she will have sex only if he seems like he is looking for a lasting relationship is like being offered sex for saying what she wants to hear.

"I will not have sex unless I hear the magic words."
So, he says the magic words and you have sex. He followed the instructions for how to get laid. It worked. He goes looking for the next woman who says that she will have sex if he says the magic words.

He runs into a woman who does not offer him sex for saying the magic words. He says them anyway, hoping she will have sex with him. She looks at him, realizes that he is saying magic words hoping for sex. She changes the subject. He gives up and goes away. No sex here, try somewhere else.

The woman learns that this hunt for sex and the bargain of magic words is not getting anywhere she wants to be. She goes about her life. She does not offer men sex and she doesn't talk with men who say magic words. She goes along and then one day she meets a man who seems nice and they talk about ordinary things. They like each other. They do things together. They come to know each other well. In time nobody is hoping for what isn't there but are glad for what is there already, and think it's a good idea to do the same tomorrow.
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 4
Fed up
Posted: 9/13/2009 5:50:13 AM

I went back with my boyfriend and broke up again.And the crap my Ex-Husband put me through I gave up on men.Then I met my boyfriend........

Mistake #1 - breaking up and going back only to break up again. Never, EVER break up with someone more than once. - Because if you do, It just leaves the opportunity to be hurt and disappointed again.

Once you walk out the door and say you are finished, then you are. This rule applies to both parties and is nontransferrable. Otherwise, it just leads to the on/off again bullshit that can last for decades. - Trust me, I have seen that out here. If it didn't work the first time, why in the world would it work a second time?

I feel like taking out my profile and giving up and on men.I do not trust my self in picking the right man and I am afraid .But my friends told me to trust my gut that I am smart and know now what to run from.You see so much divorce and break ups.What is the point of finding someone else when you are thinking how long is this one is going to last.How do you get past this.I am torn.......

Well, I wouldn't totally pull your profile, but rather, just put out there that you are just looking to meet friends, and talk on the forums. I've done that for a while and it has been okay for me.

As far as choosing the right man to be with, forget it for now. - Have you taken some time to diffuse and heal from your divorce? Was your current ex-boyfriend the rebound guy after your marriage ended? You don't leave any details on that, so I will go out on a limb and just say that maybe a break from dating is warranted.

Take some time to be on your own, because once you heal from all of that and work through it and you become okay with being on your own, is when you are ready to embark on the stormy seas of dating.

Go do some things for you. Meaning things you enjoy. Pick up on new hobbies. Join a sporting league, a club, or volunteer somewhere. Mix it up a bit. In doing these things, you will not only break up the routine a bit and get out of the house a couple nights each week, but you will come across some amazing friends. When my 14 year relationship blew up in my face, I did just that. In fact, these new friends I made have been SO SUPPORTIVE. It's just been unbelievable. I will also tell you that did NOT go into any of these ventures to meet someone and will advise you of the same.

Have you taken the Divorce Care class? That might help you as well. It is a Christian Faith Based group that was designed for those who are either contemplating, actually going through, or who have been through the process of divorce. It touches on subjects of feelings, dealing with your ex, children, the legal system, finances, independently living, finding new friends, and moving on. If you haven't taken it, I think it might be helpful to you.

I would also like to add that what mjthomark said in Message 2 is very true and I could not have said that better myself.

OP, give yourself a break, and some time. - And don't be so hard on yourself, as I am sure you are a very smart, talented, and gifted person. Keep your chin up.
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 5
Fed up
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:26:01 AM
What is the point of finding someone else when you are thinking how long is this one is going to last.How do you get past this.I am torn .

I guess you have the answer in your questions. We can't change people but we can change our thoughts. People are in our lives for us to grow and learn with. I do not believe that love includes marriage and commitment unless we are married and committed to the idea of honouring ourselves and our own choices in life.

It really does not matter if we break up and make up but it does matter with what intention we choose to do so. If our intentions are honourable then there can be no wrong choices. If we learn to love and respect one another even if we choose to leave and learn another life lesson elsewhere; then there would be no more bitterness. We are free to act upon circumstances in our lives that are based upon our own intentions - no matter what they are - but I have noticed that - for me - the intensity of the aftermath is aligned with my original thoughts.

You say you are torn. It is time to mend. Bless you sister.
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 6
view profile
Fed up
Posted: 9/13/2009 10:49:17 AM
Being " FED UP " doesn't mean that you should " GIVE-UP " ! You need to re-vamp your level of standards on men. You may have been just hit a few dead beats in your life. Learn to realise what you found out in your past as not a good partner. Go out a get a complete make-over, go and find a few boy-toys to help you thru this dark time of your life. Do whatever you need to do to go on with your life. The basic law of all to go forward in life. Giving up or hiding out isn't part of the program,and you must have seen part of the play by now!

Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 7
Fed up
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:27:55 PM
The way how i see it, is go out and take care of you and you only. Learn from you own experiences and mingle with people. its all about the process of elimination baby. You are the only one in charge and in control of your life, nobody else.

Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 8
Fed up
Posted: 9/13/2009 2:57:03 PM
oo la la, some bitter pills on THIS thread, lol.
OP, there is nothing wrong with taking a good long break from dating. especially if you find you've gotten yourself into a pattern where you keep picking the wrong guys and ending up in bad relationships. a.k.a. your picker is broken.

relationships are a very complex, dynamic sort of thing... if you go into it with a bad attitude, you'll just have bad relationships and everything he does will ultimately be filtered through your dark glasses.

get yourself in a good place first, before you attempt another one.
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 9
Fed up
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:41:02 PM
renegadeoutlaw I stayed alone a long time after my ex years so my ex boyfriend was not a rebound man.Then I met my ex byfriend after being alone a long time.I go to a christian church it helps.
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 10
Fed up
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:56:13 PM
dogslife2live I am not passing judge ment read my post again.I said that I do not trust my self.
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
Fed up
Posted: 9/13/2009 5:04:38 PM
Well you are torn right now because you feel
very negative on yourself- you dont trust yourself right now
to make honorable decisions with men.

So what do you do - YOU take a break and be good to yourself.

YOU heal yourself and find yourself.

YOU dont NEED a man - you WANT a man as a companion.
YOU want to feel loved and wanted. Well - First YOU have
to love yourself.

Right now you are in the- "beat yourself up" stage. YOU are
questioning why you keep picking the wrong men.

So my advice- take a break. Be good to yourself. Spend time with
friends and family. LOVE yourself again and TRUST yourself again.

Then you will be ready to make a good choice in a man for yourself.
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 12
Fed up
Posted: 9/13/2009 8:03:41 PM
curlygirl I do love my self and I am very good to my self.I just to not trust my self but I will again.With god and my family and friends and the church I go to I will be ok and will trust me again.
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 13
Fed up
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:35:55 AM
hi ther passionaterose1 i just want to ad you look like a nice person and from both sides it can work or cant work out but dont get me wrong you look like a sweet hart and you are very attractive looking and im sorry that you had to suffer on abuse and crap and my hart gose out to you hun
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 14
Fed up
Posted: 9/14/2009 9:23:58 AM
guyd42 That was uncalled for!!!You do not make fun of someones faith.
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 15
Fed up
Posted: 9/14/2009 9:34:02 AM
Hammerhead69 Thank you for your kind words.You just look at my picture and you know the type of person I am you are good.I have been told all those things before by people off line all the time.You made my day thank you again
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 16
Fed up
Posted: 9/14/2009 10:35:37 AM

I hope that some of us on here were able to help you. I think that yes, you are a good person and deserve the best. - sometimes it takes a long long time to find it and sometimes, some of us never do.

So give yourself a break, be good to yourself and hopefully, you will find someone that is worthy of the good, talented, and intelligent person you are.
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 17
Fed up
Posted: 9/14/2009 12:26:31 PM
Trust until it's time not to trust. Everyone deserves a fair shot.

Actions speak louder than words. If a guy tells you he cares about you and loves you but treats badly, he does not really cares about you. Red flags are red flags. Do not ignore them.

Nothing wrong with staying single for a while. Break the pattern if you're attracting and accepting abusive losers. Define what it is you are actually looking for, what you need and what you are willing to accept before agreeing to another date.
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 18
Fed up
Posted: 9/14/2009 5:52:53 PM
guyd42 I am sorry.The son of god is jesus and I know people that miracles happened by believing in jesus they have doctors reports.
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 19
Fed up
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:12:57 PM
renegadeoutlaw Thank you .I have been told I am a good person and I derserve the best by others.You and an other person on here are smart you seem to know the kind of person I am.
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 20
Fed up
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:05:07 PM
your very welcome passionaterose and its ment from the hart i can tell by your profile that your kinde nice and sweet and dont give up on beleaveing your trust thers alot of people out ther who gose through the same problem but here some hugs {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} hun
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
Fed up
Posted: 9/15/2009 3:35:30 AM
Just take it one day at a time. Place all delusions of everlasting happiness on the back burner and just take it one day at a time.

Or, as the others have said, become a lesbian (even though women can be just as conniving and troublesome, if not more so, than men) or just try to find a way to be happy being alone.
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 22
Fed up
Posted: 9/15/2009 7:26:38 AM
OP, I agree with mthomjmark, read his posts in particular he gives women excellent advice. You also might want to go and read the "So you want a second chance" thread, which is authored by another man here who gives excellent relationship advice. The thread isn't so much about really getting that second chance but about fulfilling yourself and respecting yourself. It is a very good read.
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 23
Fed up
Posted: 9/15/2009 6:28:30 PM
I had to add that today I got a letter from my ex husband to thank me for the wonder ful moments that you were so kind in spending with me .Then my ex boyfriend misses me and it hurts his heart that he got me upset and he has feelings for me still.
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 24
Fed up
Posted: 9/15/2009 7:51:41 PM
Wow. Imagine that! An ex writing thanking for the great times! - wonder if I'll ever get to that point with mine......but I highly doubt it. Oh well. at least you have that.

As far as your ex boyfriend goes, well he walked out the door and said he was finished so he is. Never ever break up with someone more than once, because if you go back, it just gives him the opportunity to hurt you again. He'll stick around until he finds something he perceives as better. trust me on that. You deserve a whole LOT better than that!

Better to be lonely because you are alone, versus lonely because you are in a relationship that is hurtful and is clearly NOT working. Been there and done that and hopefully, YOU won't go down that road! - NOT fun!
 Strong Women Of God
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 25
Fed up
Posted: 9/15/2009 8:03:43 PM
renegadeoutlaw I walked out on my boy friend.And he my ex boyfriend will not get better then me .His own son and others told him he will not get better than me but they have said to me that I will get better.The women he gets I have been told are full of problems and they are real bad women and they are trouble I have been told. I have been told this by people close to him .He got lucky with me he was told.That is why he came back because he knows that I am a good women with a big heart people told me this.people like me are rare I have been told.As far as my ex husband I was very good to him and he knows that and he thanked me. And he is now thanking me for the great times.He did a bad thing my ex husband and went away for it.And because of that I ended it.and what my ex husband did was not done to me.people say that these two men realize what a good decent nice sweet person I am and they are sorry to lose head is spinning e mails from the ex boyfriend and a letter from my ex husband.when it rains it pours oh brother.
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