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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > nothings working......is it the fact im a protective father?      Home login  
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nothings working......is it the fact im a protective father?Page 1 of 1    
most women (and men, for that matter) don't need to be told your kid comes first - they get it. you don't have to shove it down their throat. when you find someone interested in going on some dates with you, the opportunity to discuss boundaries around children will come up naturally in the course of conversation. leave the subject for then.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 11
nothings working......is it the fact im a protective father?
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:14:03 PM
You're a breath of fresh air - most dads I meet are trying to set something up where I run into their kids WAY too soon. I don't think I should meet the kids unless I am going to be around a long time, and even then yeah 6 or more months is my timeline on that.

Another favorite is dads who have weekend visitation telling me they can drop their kids off to their mom, or stay with their mom on weekends (questionable) and tell me they can sneak out when their kids are asleep. Gross. If you fight for custody you should be with them the whole time you have them. Date on days you don't have them. If you never have time, then you don't. It is what it is.

It's more about the kids than me, as a child of a single mother, I didn't always care to meet guys my mom dated, but I got no say in it. I didn't appreciate that at all, I didn't care she was dating but them in my home and in my face wasn't cool - any guy who's serious about his kids won't spring dates on them immediately.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 16
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nothings working......is it the fact im a protective father?
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:46:56 PM
In my case (part-time father of a beautiful 5 year old princess), I keep the women away as long as possible, until there's an actual relationship there.

I don't want a revolving door of women coming into and out of my life, regardless of whether they meet my daughter or not. I don't want my daughter to get the impression that people (especially women) are "disposable", and come and go like that. I want her to grow up knowing that building lasting, meaningful relationships in life is crucial to ongoing happiness.

For that reason, my choices in women as potential partners... are no longer just my own.

I'm looking for someone who fits what I think I want and need in a partner (in terms of healthy living, goals, passion, intensity for life), but I'm also looking for someone who might make a good part-time role model to expose my daughter to at some point. This means no angry voices, no tempers, no chain smoking, no throwing things or hitting.
 Gr8guyMD
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 18
nothings working......is it the fact im a protective father?
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:26:43 PM
Listen friend. I certainly understand you being protective of your child. That's a smart dad! When I split up with my wife my daughter was 5 years old. I felt like you did. I din't want her confused and meeting every woman that I dated but the big difference is . . . I never told my date they couldn't be around my daughter. That's a big negative statement. There were times that I explained to my date that I didn't want to complicate my daughters thoughts and emotions about her dealing with the separation of her mom and I. But as an alternative, I would introduce a select few dates to my daughter as my "friend". Children can certain understand that daddy has friends. When and if things get serious with a lady you are dating you can gently explain to you child that things have progressed beyond friendship. There is nothing wrong with being a protective father! Just handle it the right way.
 Motherofthebride
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 20
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nothings working......is it the fact im a protective father?
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:34:24 PM
what are they telling you? my guess is not that they are leaving because you are overprotective but because you are too controlling. Being a protective father is a good thing and a quality woman will understand that, but drawing a line in the sand may feel like you are hiding something as well.
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