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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?      Home login  
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 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 2
Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It depends.

If you're just sending messages to others you've already been in contact with, then that's just polite.

If you're sending out first messages like that, then that's just weird.
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 12
Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:16:10 AM
you want your cake and eat it, too. So much for the integrity that you're espousing in your profile. You don't hit on other women when you're in a relationship. And, yes, initiating contact and complimenting another women, even when saying that you're in a relationship is 'hitting' on a woman.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 28
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Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?
Posted: 9/16/2009 5:11:19 AM
The only men I have ever seen do this have been married or otherwise in a relationship and looking on the sly.

It's creepy and weird. Continue doing it if you want, most women are not going to like it.

I always wonder if they put as much effort into their existing relationship if it would... meh, y'all know where I am going with this.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 29
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Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?
Posted: 9/16/2009 5:34:38 AM
If I understand your post, you've met someone that you've been dating a few times, and who you feel there is promise of a relationship with.

If that's the case, and you're no longer interested in meeting new women, then you're next step to should probably be to announce on your profile, that that you've met someone and that you are no longer interested in dates at the present time. You could close with a sentiment that you are wishing them well in their search.

To go beyond this as you suggest that you have, by actually contacting women that you might have contacted in the future, because you consider them attractive to indicate that you are sadly unavailable because you are now exploring the relationship potential with one, seems bizarre and inappropriate. To answer your final question...yes, in my opinion...you should stop.
 jeri741
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 31
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Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:31:58 AM
Nope I wouldn't want anyone I was working on a relationship with doing this its not ok
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 37
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Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?
Posted: 9/16/2009 1:11:54 PM
I think I understand what you are feeling/saying, but you are bit touchy for someone who asked for opinions. Are you calling people cows (herds) if they don't see things your way, do you go the rebellious way just to be cantankerous? I was with you until you got all uppity because people told you want they thought after you asked them what they thought. Can you see how that's coming off? Lot's of us have paid for others meals or tolls or groceries, etc., but no need to advertise altruism should be for the sake of helping not getting a kickback, but again, I can see you are using this to show that you like to do nice things for others.

What I see askew here is that you are going through profiles and sending women you find attractive, emails to say you are taken, good luck to them, and that you find them attractive. Now if you were acting in the same vein as what you describe yourself in all other situations, then you would be contacting unattractive (to you) women also and making their day brighter by telling them good luck and that they are beautiful people, etc. As for my opinion, I would block a person who sent me an email, said he was in a relationship, hoped I find me one, and oh, he'd do me if he wasn't hooked up at the moment. Sure I may miss out on a nice guy being quick to block, but really, I was read that kind of message as pretty weird and just nip it in the bud.

But don't let public opinion stop you from rushing toward the herd to end up going the other way, by the same token, don't complain about getting a few bruises from crashing headlong in the middle. And you see the defense of your post, someone who calls women bytches and bashes women while being on a dating site looking for women....beware of who you attract as defenders, it could open your eyes. Then again, you aren't responsible for how others bury themselves in mile high chit.
 big pacific
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 39
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Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?
Posted: 9/16/2009 1:43:00 PM
instead of us, why don't you ask how "hope" feels about this?

 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 40
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Exploring relationship, okay to message others?
Posted: 9/16/2009 1:45:50 PM
Ah, but I'm not talking about guilty by association, I'm talking about who agrees with you when most others don't, can be eye opening. And I don't think it's cynical of others to tell you how they feel about a situation when you asked for their opinions. They wouldn't like it, nor would they like to receive it, seems to be the general view, so now you have your answers, no reason to take little side slaps at them. Be yourself and do as you wish.
 girlred228
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 44
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Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?
Posted: 9/16/2009 6:11:00 PM
One foot in.. One foot out... just in case.. .. why are you doing it?.. Just seems kinda contradictory... get to know the lady while .. exploring.. nothing wrong with that as long as you tell her...
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 52
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Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:20:06 PM
Weeelll.... my boundary is that once I go exclusive, that's the time when I stop actively socializing. It's different for everyone and unless both parties understand each other's line in the sand, you will get this kind of conflict and misunderstanding.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 56
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Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?
Posted: 9/18/2009 7:57:47 AM

but like to message others advising them of my situation with encouragement for their search noting they seem attractive to me.

Makiki, that is really not that hard to explain. I have corresponded with people when I have been involved, I have initiated contact when I read someone's profile that I found really good or liked a picture, or appreciated a post. I would not start any of those conversations or probably even finish them by telling the person essentially if I was not involved I would be interested in you.

Now, if a conversation wends its way in that direction when you have established an acquaintance, I see nothing wrong with telling someone who is becoming a friend that they are attractive and a great person and you would have been interested if not involved. It is honest and genuine and without agenda. Totally different tenor from what the OP describes, not his intent, but how he comes off to the women he writes.

Communication is two-way, and just because the OP knows his comments are innocuous compliments, on a website with women of his age group, 60, some don't trust the internet and others are frightened of internet whackos. It is incumbent upon him to couch anything he says in a way that is appropriate to the listener.

The OP sounds like a truly nice man but the opener he describes, a nice person thinks about how he will make another person feel and implying that if available you would be on them like white on rice, not so much. If this is your natural tendency, find a way to tell someone pretty much the same thing without making them feel like you are hitting on them.

Great pictures and excellent profile, I wish you the best in your search doesn't really cross over into the inappropriate and yet conveys the same meaning. As far as your profile, you don't need to pull it, but you do need to reflect either by choosing not single/not looking or text in the profile that you are exploring a relationship with someone and if I stop by to say hi, take it at face value because I am currently unavailable.

And if you haven't, you really should tell the gal you are seeing that you randomly send e-mails when a profile catches your eye, not because you are looking but to offer encouragement to those that still are.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 60
Exploring relationship, okay to mesage others?
Posted: 9/18/2009 5:00:51 PM
For me that's blatant disrespect and I'd drop such an individual like a prom dress.

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