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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Does the opinion of others ....      Home login  
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 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 1
Does the opinion of others ....Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Impact the way you view your significant other? Have you ever allowed the views of others to impact your decision to stay with someone? If yes, why? How many of us have questioned the status of a relationship with our significant other based solely on the biased opinions of our family and friends rather than our own experiences with that person? Have you ever left someone based on opinion ( rather than fact) and wished you hadn't?
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 2
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Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/16/2009 2:29:25 PM
No. The best relationship I ever had was a mismatch according to those that knew me best. The reason they questioned it is that they didn't know him... the him he was with me when everyone was gone and I was the center of his universe.

I would never judge another based on someone else's opinion of that person... if I had, I would have missed the absolute best years of my life and that would truly be shameful.
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 3
Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/16/2009 2:31:04 PM
While I can't speak for either gender specifically, I know for me that there have been a few times that I did allow the opinions of others to drive my feelings for a person. I would have liked to believe their intentions were driven by care and kindness for me, but looking back I don't think so.
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 4
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Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/16/2009 2:32:43 PM
Everyone has their opinion, but would I act on an opinion without facts? no.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 5
Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/16/2009 2:59:52 PM
Unfortunately I have not listened to the opinions of others....
maybe when I should have.
...As in "She is gonna be nuthin but TROUBLE!"
LOL
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 6
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Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/16/2009 3:05:29 PM
Possibly. More importantly, it may affect how I view someone new. Years ago I got involved in a relationship that was obviously unhealthy from the beginning. Two good friends both told me, "This person is treating you like sh*t." I was so smitten, of course, I ignored it. They were right.

I hope I have learned my lesson. I have friends whose insight I value. They are intelligent, level-headed, and will not BS me. I trust them to point things out to me that I may be overlooking, put things in a context that I may not see, and when they are wholeheartedly enthusiastic, it is another sign to me that I'm on the right track.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 7
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Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/16/2009 3:48:47 PM

Have you ever left someone based on opinion ( rather than fact) and wished you hadn't?

No, I've never done this nor would I.
Not based on someone else's 'opinion'.
There are lots of judgmental people runnin' around.

You can't help what others think of anything or anyone, you aren't responsible for that....

I'm the best judge of what's right for me.
I'm the one who would be closest to the situation.
And you did say "opinion rather than fact".

Now, if there's something that would be detrimental to me or the relationship, I would need that someone to lay out some facts. Because opinions are a dime a dozen and everybody has their's. Right?
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 8
Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/16/2009 4:00:51 PM
Never when it comes to "my" decisions of who I am into, what somebody thinks is the least on my mind, because have the time the people "objecting" to who you are with, are sad miserable people quick to say "he/she" is not good for you, most of the times that I dated I normally keep my love life and personally in to different zones. most friends I know would not even know that I'm dating someone.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 9
Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/16/2009 4:10:05 PM
OP: It depends on who's opinion it is; My Mother - YES!!!! and very close friends - YES!!. Acquaintances or gossip mongers - Noooooooooooo!

However, I am my own person and will definitely take my loved ones opinions to my memory bank, and then make the final call on the relationship/subject matter.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
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Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/16/2009 4:30:31 PM
I've never cared what others thought, even in my people pleasing days, I never cared what other people thought of the men I found attractive.
 heartseekertrue
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 11
Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/17/2009 6:27:27 AM
To the Op: quoting Seneca;
if you shape your life according to nature, you will never be poor;
if according to people's opinions, you will never be rich.

but to balance (again quoting Seneca)
Consult your friend on all things, especially on those which respect yourself. His counsel may then be useful when your own self-love might impair your own judgment...

so I'd say, depends on the person opining...




peppermint petunias on 9/17/2009 6:00:05 AM
A friend who loves you can see what you can't or don't want to.


indeed...raises two questions.
Can YOU "handle the truth" this friend illumines for you, without construed offense, resultant defense, and further injury?

Can THEY "handle the truth" and neither use it against you for personal agenda, and can they present the truth to you in tact, love, AND honesty? From pure motive, with integrity?

The earlier and astute remark re jealousy by Landra2is good:
"jealousy" is a terrible green eyed monster, who lives on fear and control. One so in bondage to self to chain up another....is of no use to self, or other.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 12
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Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/17/2009 10:39:48 AM
I'll carefully consider their opinion and make up my own mind.
"Try it on like a jacket, if it fits, wear it. If it doesn't, discard it and move along"
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 13
Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/17/2009 3:39:50 PM
If the viewpoint is from a "credible' source, it goes in the 'duly noted' file. It won't MAKE a decision, but it might influence,should the need to make a decision arise. It would also depend on whether the viewpoint was about something IMPORTANT (like values, character, personality) not so much about looks, money, posssessions, occupation.
Cindy O
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 14
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Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:16:15 AM

How many of us have questioned the status of a relationship with our significant other based solely on the biased opinions of our family and friends rather than our own experiences with that person?

^^^Yes. I've done this. Like anyone else, the opinions of people that are closest to me are very important. That said, I don't usually go about looking for expressed opinions in this area of my life, preferring to work through things myself. Further, it would be a rather rare occurrence that would find me acting solely based on someone's opinion; as I've got very good instincts for people.

If an opinion is proffered and I 'trust' the person offering the opinion...and I also happen to be waffling in my own mind on something or realizing that something is niggling away at me or is somewhat unsettled; it's definitely more likely that their opinion may have some sway in my decision. However, if an opinion is offered and my particular viewpoint at the time is rather unshakable; the opinion is noted and change as a direct result, unlikely.
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 15
Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:53:51 AM
There have been times in my past that I allowed the feelings and opinions of friends and family influence my decisions where SO's were concerned, however now, I try to give anyone I date or allow in my life the benefit of the doubt regardless of what others may say about the people I have chosen in my life.
 Stafford_Jim
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 16
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Does the opinion of others ....
Posted: 10/11/2009 10:30:15 AM

If the people closest to me, the ones who know me, love me, and want the best for me find problems with my SO, then yes- their opinion would be something I'd heed.


ditto.
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