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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > I find this site disheartening....      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 nmaccari
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 1
I find this site disheartening....Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
.....I've been a member here for a while but I haven't always used it. I am only here because I am trying to find someone that I share common interest with. I am not much into bars because I really don't drink so I figured this would be a good way to meet someone special. However, I get very few responses maybe an email or two a week. I am not really sure why because in real life I do just fine. Also, I notice a lot of terrible profiles that appear to be filled with lies, bitterness, or just pure shallowness.

I think that it may be time for me to delete my profile and maybe try to find meet and greet type of events instead. Or join some type of club.

Does anyone else feel the same way?
 nmaccari
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 2
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 7:01:45 PM
Wow. This was a mistake posting this thread. I really didn't mean it to come across this way. I should of thought a little more before I wrote it. I am trying to delete this thread but it won't let me.

I do just fine in real life when I meet someone but it's not always easy if you don't live in a big city where there are a lot of singles. So, that's why I was thinking about finding events and things like that.
 CEO of Hoagie Inc.
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 3
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 7:24:09 PM

but it's not always easy if you don't live in a big city where there are a lot of singles.


So there we have it. The true reason he is here is that he is just to lazy to make the effort. If finding someone is truly that important to you then you should be willing to work harder for it. You shouldn't be expecting some miracle out of nothing.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 4
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I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 7:33:27 PM
The site's not bad. Lots of people are shoeing them away with a bat.

You might reconsider your profile. Its a bit static, maybe doesn't reflect much about what you're like. Great pics at your age make a world of difference. Very good pics.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 5
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I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 7:39:14 PM

but it's not always easy if you don't live in a big city where there are a lot of singles

Uhm, I don't mean to sound harsh but............

Who are you kidding?

I just did a search for you in your area and there's 419 profiles of women between the ages of 32 and 40, within 25 miles of you. So don't go there with that small town line.
And if there's 419 single women within 25 miles of you here just on PoF....then just think how many more there'll be in real life in addition.

Again, not being harsh just pointing out a few things.
 nmaccari
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 6
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 8:04:31 PM
Amazing. I can't believe how harsh these forums can be. Let me try to explain. I actually spend Monday through Thursday in a town called Dover because I work down there. It's like 45 miles south of New Castle. So, that's what I meant by a small town. It kind of puts me out of my way if I am trying to meet someone in let's say Philadelphia or Wilmington on a Monday Night.

I do appreciate all the feedback especially the more positive kind.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 7
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I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 8:12:46 PM

actually spend Monday through Thursday in a town called Dover because I work down there

Okay,.....so.........157 profiles within 25 miles of Dover.
 nmaccari
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 8
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 8:47:31 PM

Well, if you find it so disheartening, then just delete your profile. Why do you feel the need to announce this to us?


Fair! I should have thought more before I posted. I have no self pity. My life is very good and I date just about every weekend but I just haven't found anyone special that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

What I meant by disheartening is more like frustration at how people lie on here and are shallow. Also, I posted because I wanted to see if it were just me that didn't think this site was well balanced.
 netchef
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 9
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:05:06 PM
If you are not getting anywhere, it's possible your profile is saying some things women may not find attractive.

Purely speculative but here are some things I thought about your profile:

Your main pic is as a best man and labeled as such-some women may think, what's wrong with this guy, not good enough to be the groom?

Your description of yourself is very busy, talking about all the places you have been- may make women think this guys attention is elsewhere and he may not have time for me.

just my two cents- not meant to flame you, just sometimes we can't think what others might see.

Also, I would suggest adding a few things about what you are looking for in a woman- people want to feel a sense of connection or compatibility, and a road map may make that easier for some.
Good luck
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 10
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:59:58 PM
here is a hint
work on one person that you like
and that is it

be a man
stop whining

stop scoping
focus
invest your energy
 KinChandlerAz
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 11
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:20:21 PM
Meeting someone from any online website is a big crapshoot. In my mind the whole thing boils down to risk vs. reward. If you want to take a little bit of a risk, and talk to just one or two people, then your reward ain't gonna be very big. If you take more risks, invest some time in talking to MORE people, then your reward might well be bigger.

Online dating isn't dating online. It's just a tool that might connect you with someone you otherwise wouldn't stumble across in real life.

Yes, this and other sites are full of people you DON'T want. And I personally think the pay sites are better. YMMV. It's up to you if you want to spend any time looking online. It doesn't hurt to look right? Obviously you shouldn't invest a huge amount of time chatting up/emailing/texting a perfect stranger. Plan on doing a few coffee meets if you really want this thing to work. You won't know how great they are until you meet. I won't waste a lot of time on someone until I meet them. Why bother?

This isn't the only way to meet someone. If someone starts to think this is it...well they're going to be very lonely. Or get carpal tunnel syndrome. Take your pick.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 12
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:24:26 AM
If you expect an online dating site to be a panacea for your being single, you'll stay disheartened. It is but a tool. One way in which to meet people. For some, it works very well and for others, it doesn't.

I have met the man I plan to marry on this site, thanks to the forums. I also have friends who have met their S/Os on this site and they are now in exclusive relationships, engaged or married. Sounds pretty successful to me.

Most of us who have been successful didn't EXPECT to find the love of our lives on here. If we did, we were open to the idea, but it wasn't EXPECTED. Most of us have met and dated others from here who weren't a great match, but we didn't give up and say, "Why bother?". It's the same as in TRW. Not every person you meet is going to be the one for you. Why should meeting someone online be any different?

It took me almost two years to meet the man in my life. So what? Would it make any difference if it had taken 3 years or if it only took one? It doesn't matter how long it took. We did meet and that's what's important. And without meeting online, we would never have had the opportunity of being together.

So join clubs, go to meet and greets, see if there are any POF activities in your area, and continue writing to women who interest you. Don't count on just one venue to work. The more avenues you take, the better chance you have of arriving at your destination.

Good luck!
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 13
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I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 5:01:14 AM

If you expect an online dating site to be a panacea for your being single, you'll stay disheartened. It is but a tool. One way in which to meet people. For some, it works very well and for others, it doesn't.

I agree *Filly*.
Too many, have too many high expectations that they place on themselves and others, thus, leading to a lot of the 'disheartening' that one sees around here. Not all, but, a lot. As with anything in life........everything doesn't work for everyone.


I have met the man I plan to marry on this site, thanks to the forums.

That's wonderful *Filly*, congrats.
You know we all wish the very best for you and whomever snapped you up.
When this happens it's always a great day at the Pond.....I don't think anyone would disagree with me on that.


I also have friends who have met their S/Os on this site and they are now in exclusive relationships, engaged or married. Sounds pretty successful to me.

Yes, and a lot of us know who some of these couples are.
I'm a thinkin', they too, measure this site a success............what's successful for some won't be for others OP......see? Just as anything in life.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 14
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:25:23 AM
I don't drink. Like you I may get an e-mail or 2 a month. Men tell me what I would want to hear like "let's go to lunch or breakfast, or meet for coffee.

Then seems like they cancel out and just want to "hang out" at my place. When that suggestion is made it's a real deal breaker for me. Either he's cheap, has something to hide, or maybe just too lazy to date the right way.

If he was someone I knew for awhile and trusted, then sure spend a little time here, but not a stranger I just met online.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 15
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History
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:44:43 AM
Ah yes... another nice guy that I can seduce to the dark side of the Force!
Join me, my friend... being nice is no good! You know it and everyone else does!
It is your destiny... don't delete your account. Well, do so, but not after going through and ranting all you want! Spread the word!
No more nice guys! EVER! We don't want to hear the whining and complaining!
Be a **stard of the highest order first! Nuke the site from orbit before leaving!

Don't be a martyr anymore! Nuke the site before you leave!


I need soldiers for my war against "good guys". Cast off that burden and follow me!
 KinChandlerAz
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 16
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:00:17 AM
OP have you tried the sites that cost money? There might be someone more to your liking on a site that one has to pay to be on. Usually if we pay for it we value it more. Serious people may be there instead of here.
 jacob8088
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 17
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:18:45 PM
LOL Whats disheartening is seeing the whining crybabys b*tch and rant about bitter people on here. I mean who gives a shit...get over it.
 jacob8088
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 18
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:48:17 PM
^^Miketheawesome... And don't forget the ones looking for a free meal ticket too..LOL
 renoirs_dream
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 19
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I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:40:29 PM
I read a few of the replies... Not that many BTW...

You are exactly right with the first post.

Take it in stride that this site does not have much in reality. I am here for the forums now because they are a hoot!

Don't "FEEL" you should explain yourself to these people. You posted, they responded, nuff said! Everything in life is an experience. Including this website. Good or bad? Depends on what you might find. So far I've seen more guys with a thumbs down here.

Good luck in the future!
 RUmPsHaKER
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 20
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/22/2009 2:07:44 PM
i'm back again....but, honestly for the forums...i have met some really great people although i think it's more "me" to be quite frank.....too used to being single i guess..

and btw miketheawesome are you really a jedi? hmm
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 21
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I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/24/2009 6:52:42 AM
hahaha, you see alot of whining on these sites, and like thats going to get you a date.lmao!!!Aloha




LOL Whats disheartening is seeing the whining crybabys b*tch and rant about bitter people on here. I mean who gives a shit...get over it.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 22
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/24/2009 7:10:55 AM
The fact that POF is free to join has it's advantages and disadvantages.

Of course, the downside is that literally anyone with access to a computer and a passing knowledge of how to work a mouse and keyboard can create a profile and become part of the dating community. They can be serial killers, mentally unstable, sexual predators or career criminals - it doesn't matter because they're still allowed in.

Being able to recognize them eventually becomes a talent you hone and refine. OP, if you're doing better meeting quality people in real life, why would you even have a profile on POF anyway?

Must be for the entertainment value.
 jacob8088
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 23
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/24/2009 6:13:06 PM
Posted: 9/24/2009 242 PM
hahaha, you see alot of whining on these sites, and like thats going to get you a date.lmao!!!Aloha


^^^Umm what makes you think Im here looking for a date?.

Didn't it ever occur to you that maybe some people are here just for the forums?
Nice try though single daddy..lol
 ffryan
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 24
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I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 10/17/2009 8:17:31 AM
This site can be very disheartening at times. I stopped putting my faith in it a long time ago because I realized the chances of meeting somebody special were really few and far between. I still have a little bit of optimisn left though.

In my experiences the majority of women on this site can fall into two categories;

1) Bitter and angry at the world. You see that very much on these forums.

2) Those who have such high expectations that they will likely never find that special person that they are looking for. I wouldn't even describe it as picky as much as I would as narrow minded. I've seen profiles where ladies even put what kind of hairstyle they want their guy to have and they refuse to "settle". Looking at ther laundry-lists of specific things some women want just make me laugh. I even saw one profile where the gal had such a detailed description of what she wants, pretty much down to her ideal man's shoe size. Then she described how she didn't want to get hurt again because she has had such a bad history with men. My first thought was, "you just described in vivid detail the kind of guy who would probably cheat on you". Of course these laundry lists go right out the window if a guy is good looking or has money.

A few friends of mine have moved away from this site to others like eharmony and have had luck there. Personally I consider all the online stuff to be the same. Same games, only on others you have to pay. Stick with things here for a while. There are some pretty good people on this site and hopefully you'll run across them. I still think (could be naive) that I may still meet the one good person who makes the bad ones worth it.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 25
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I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:52:41 AM
Just IGNORE all of the TROllS that seem to have crawled out of the woodwork, as they ALWAYS do!!!

Yup I think that it's human to be disheartened at times in the search for that special someone...If it were that easy then there wouldn't be all of those books/songs/etc written about it, n'est-ce pas?!?!?
Anyways...this site is JUST a TOOL and NOT a guarantee...
I believe that meeting that "special person" relies on two people meeting at the "right place", and "the right time" and being the "right" people for each other...That can be a challenge and it's really a numbers game after all...the more people that you meet/ talk to, the better the chance to "click" with the right one...
You\re young though, don't get too discouraged. too quickly. and enjoy being a young single person for the moment...There ARE some advantages to THAT too ya know...

As for all of the "bitter Bettys and Crispy Critters" on here...They just have nothing better to do than to denigrate others for their VERY human feelings in order to make THEMSELVES feel (falsely) superior!!!
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