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 tass08
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 3
why do woman see men as just friendsPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I treat women well at all times, is that the problem?

No. It's not about whether you treat a woman well or not well, that's what "nice guys" think it's about. The problem is that you let the women lead in the relationship. Maybe you wait for signs from her before asking her out. (Don't. Ask people out that you are interested in, not people who you feel safe might be interested in you.) Maybe you say things like "I don't care where we eat, what are you in the mood for?" (Don't. Have an opinion and express it. Nothing wrong with doing what she wants to do, but start out with "I feel like Indian food, how about you?") Maybe you listen and offer advice when she complains about another relationship. (Don't. Listen and then say "well that sucks" or "so what are you going to do about it?" or "I'd tell them to hit the road" but don't sympathize.) Maybe you agree with her all the time because you want to have a lot in common. (Don't. Be who you are from the beginning, don't be her shadow.)
 nebula22
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 4
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:33:55 AM
Tass08 just gave you some great advise..
Pay attention..

You might also think about being a LOT more aggressive when it comes to telling a woman you would like to screw her..
Most of them only want a one night stand or a FWB anyway..
 scouttster
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 5
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why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:37:10 AM
Throw out some bad-boy... Dont be to nerdy and act like a perfect gentleman ( a regular guy ) on the 1st date. Ask for a kiss.. Tell her she has nice legs.. Go for it, more..
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 9
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:36:13 AM
Tass08 told you what you needed to know/hear/read. The only thing I have to add is that if you're being friend zoned you're not doing something right!
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 11
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:59:52 AM

I think I must give off a scent that says "friend only" lol.

In all seriousness, you likely do.

Change your cologne to "Cool Confidence".

That's what Tass wears!
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 16
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why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:30:02 AM
Funny how everybody assumes that the OP is the mythical 'nice guy' and that that's the problem and all he needs is to get pushy and annoying to win someone over. That's bull. People either get along or they do not. They either suit each other as mates or they do not. The OP has not met a good match yet - end of story.

It's as if some men here think that any woman in the world will fall for them immediately - all they need to do is be assertive. If that's the case, why are Tass and all the others still here? If they have The Big Secret to getting out of 'friends' zone, why aren't they all in relationships right this minute?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 19
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:13:55 AM
Buck up, let blood flow through your veins not dishwater.
Ask how you can change this pattern instead of" Why do women?"

Maybe some of these women friends can offer you some constructive advise, they know you.
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 20
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:38:07 AM
I would never guess you to be only 33.

The OP is 33?
Good points Pazoozoo.
I thought he was 47...wrong guy...my bad...
 *Sanscheyle*
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 22
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:08:01 AM
It's simple, dude. If a woman has no physical chemistry with you then she just doesn't and she won't see you as anything but a friend no matter how well you treat her.

The guy I'm with now makes my heart and body melt every dang time I look at him..I feel lust, love and such desire for him I tend to throw up a little in my mouth every time I see him due to those jitter things that crawl up and down my body.

Don't worry OP. One day you'll find someone that will want to throw up when she sees you someday.....that certainly didn't come out right did it?? I'm sure you know what I mean....

Sans
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 23
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:11:32 AM
I agree with the previous 2 posters, you have just not met women who find you to be the cat's pajamas.
 *Sanscheyle*
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 26
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:26:27 AM
^^^^^Alrighty, then.

Ummm...we heard you the first time....


Sans
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 28
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:34:04 AM
So many men see it as equality when women pay for their own dinner, etc. on dates, but does that mean that women are now in the friends zone if a man does not offer to pay? (referring to 1kindman4u post)
 *Sanscheyle*
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 29
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:41:20 AM
how do you feel when you spend all that time getting ready, picking the right outfit, and getting your hair just perfect, just to meet a man that acts like you're interviewing him for a job?


Sorry, but that statement in itself is foreign to me. I don't dress any differently for a date than I do everyday. I wear no make-up as it is, wear my hair down in the same style as my profile pic, stuff my feet in flip-flops and go on my merry way on my date. If the guy likes me, then he does. If he doesn't then we part company with pleasantries and move on. How hard is it to realize when a man/woman has no chemistry with the other then it's time to just move along without analyzing it to death? Guess I just don't get it but I don't stagnate in a situation that doesn't benefit both parties in some way.


and sanychete.. take your superioritism elsewhere


Oh my...why thank you for your directional guidance and I will certainly do that at your insistence! I can see that you're more than 'just friends' with Jim Beam there, honey...see, OP?? There's hope for ya after all!! LOL
Sans
 el lagarto
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 33
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:58:41 AM
I'm thinking about male friends I have .

One is a motorcycle riding buddy . We ride together every now and then , and talk on the phone occasionally . I think he's an attractive guy too . But though he's "nice" , he does tend to whine , and is so popular in our area , that you can't go anywhere without someone stopping him . Also has some ex-wife issues and can't seem to let go of the past. Not traits I'd want in a partner .

Another is someone I met online , and dated over a year . However , we were not totally compatible sexually ( I was more experimental ) , and he was getting used to being alone again after a divorce - not ready to merge , as I am. However , we have a great time together , so we remain good friends who stay in touch often , and share our latest dating stories . We love one another - as friends .

Sometimes you can really click with someone of the opposite sex - but only on certain levels . There may even be some things you don't like so much - and as friends - you needn't put up with them . Or there may be no physical attraction - but their personality is very appealing. There's just not enough - for whatever reasons - to grow a romantic love . Being friends is a great option - but of course both have to want that level of connection for it to be satisfying !
 *Sanscheyle*
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 34
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:01:56 PM
Thanks Sans, but you missed the point of the thread. This is about a man with NO chemistry who needs help. It's not that he's not connecting, he doesn't know why women don't view him as potential boyfriend material at all.


Duly noted but here's the thing with chemistry. Either you have it with a person or you don't..and it takes two to feel it with each other, yes? When that certain chemistry is felt between two people then there's a chance for future opportunities with that person, no?

I do think the OP just needs to accept himself as he is and not try to be something or someone that he thinks other women want him to be then he may attract what he's looking for....but I may be way off base on that. Only the OP knows what his behaviour is on dates and whatnot in order to attract the opposite sex.

Sans
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 38
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:52:03 PM
I have yet to remain friends with any man I have ever dated, as far as doing things with them socially, etc. Most have not lived in the same town I live in, so it is easy to avoid seeing them when I am out and about, etc. All have given the old let's be friends line when they broke it off with me, but none have remained in contact with me. All have not been sexual relationships, but it would be difficult for me to talk about a new man I was dating or someone he was seeing, etc. if I remained friends with someone I used to date and sleep with. I think that we would all speak and be nice to each other if we were to see each other at the mall, etc., and the break ups were all calm and mature except one man who got mad at me and had the erroneous idea that I would marry him, but guess that is life when one dates.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 44
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:25:55 PM
^^^^^^ I think you're wasting your time with rebuttal. Sad as it is, you make a whole LOT of sense that is simple going to fall on deaf eyes.


why do woman see men as just friends

I can only answer for me, but when it's obvious there is NO chemistry (either me, him or both of us) it's straight to the friend zone. It isn't all about physical appearance, it's about tons of things all added up. Scent, sense of humor, smile, speach patterns, confidence, goals, moral/ethical fiber, intelligence, etc., etc., etc. If the planets (or traits) don't align, we can have a good time and keep right on searching. I've been placed into the friend-zone and for me? I'm OK with that. Saves everyone a lot of wasted time when you just get that on the table and have the option to never wonder, but to just keep looking for whatever it is you might be looking for above and beyond friendship. JMO
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 45
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:28:17 PM
Your problem OP is you never seem interested enough, or perhaps you are attracted to the wrong kind of women for a guy like you. Romance can be a pain in the ass aye?
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 46
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:29:12 PM

LADIES: Please give a little help here. I know you've all been on enough dates that feel like business lunches instead of dates. So how do you feel when you spend all that time getting ready, picking the right outfit, and getting your hair just perfect, just to meet a man that acts like you're interviewing him for a job?


NicksRomance...

That's an interesting question and unfortunately I don't spend nearly that much thought into a first date--or first meeting. I am a girlie girl--I ALWAYS go out anywhere looking like I'm going somewhere!!! I don't believe in being slouchy unless I'm sitting in the house.

If a guy is interviewing me then I'll cut the "interview" short--I want to date someone, not work for him!

Knee-Dee...you're an interesting bird. You assume the negative stance and woe be unto anyone who disagrees eh? You should check out the "has dating made you bitter" thread (or something like that)...I'm sure your interesting opinions would be received...well perhaps heard...there.
 *LadyLinda*
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 54
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/21/2009 3:47:45 AM
I dated a guy for a while and could never quite put my finger on what the problem was. A.S.is put it into words.
The likely problem was that I never got to know the real person because in trying to be a nice guy....he went along with whatever I liked or didn't like...I'm guessing for the same reasons "Just to hook me".
When it ended he also wanted to use the "nice guys finish last" deal on me. I would much rather be with someone who was not afraid to be strong in what they like or don't like than with someone who changes according to who they are with. You start to loose respect for that person.....and they slide to the "friend zone".
 heartseekertrue
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 55
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/21/2009 4:28:47 AM
Mr OP< where'd ya go?
Don't slink off to the friend-zone so quick.

How you treat YOURSELF is how others tend to treat YOU.
If YOU don't take a chance, and venture beyond...
then they won't chance it on you.

be vulnerable to the refusal, by steppin' up.
Wear it in stride. Flirt with the church lady; she LOVES to know she was seen!
When you inevitably meet her daughter, compliment HER hair.
She LOVES to be recognized. Step up YOUR image; clean, good smellin, gtroomed speaks LOUD. If you care about yourself, she'll recognize you CARE.

Mind you, bicycle shorts and speedos everywhere,
"hey baaaaby, u r HAWWWT" doesn't cut it...unless you want to be recognized "Mr Testosterone"

but likewise a neutered mr limp milquetast, nice and neutered, housebroke and totally retreated....doesnt engender what most women seek.

a fake "nice boy" is equally offensive as is an affected "badboy".
Be YOU; hopefully you know him well already.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 57
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:59:22 PM
smoccbr600, well it happens man, sometimes when you are geniune and easy going that's a "friend" trait, it's probably the women you are around want something more exciting than "nice" and "cool". I read this book and it said women most of the time want something that is "not" good for them, I wouldn't say change but expect to have "alot of "friends".
 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 58
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/21/2009 2:56:56 PM
There's nothing wrong with being a "nice guy". Just keep being yourself, get to know the women of interest, show your interested in more then just friends.. If both find out stuff about each other that like in a potential partner then great if not, well we can never have too many friends.

Sometimes no one finds that connection once meet up in person, it happens. Nothing can really do about it.

Like someone has mentioned it can seem have all these things in common and what not when talking online but then when meet in person it can be a totally different story.
 RUmPsHaKER
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 63
why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:43:25 AM
OPie-

...at least they wanna be your friend and not saying something like "i forgot to mention but, i'm about to transfer to Kuwait"



 tgif2005
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 68
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why do woman see men as just friends
Posted: 9/22/2009 12:32:15 PM
smoccbr600:
My $.02: The best lesson in life is the word "NO". This word is very useful and typically associated with backbone. Don't put women on a pedestal. Pretend you are in a car dealership, and you'll be pleased with the results.
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