Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Cell phones and the first date      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 fitandfun78
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 1
Cell phones and the first datePage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I realize that cell phones are basically our life-line these days and being without one can feel like you've left the house without your pants on ... but WTH is up with people checking their phones throughout a date?

This has to be one of my BIGGEST pet peeves ... I've had several dates recently where the guy's cell phone was either checked at every single time email or text or other notification or the phone sat on the table and was checked numerous times. It's gotten to the point where I've had to make comments about it, such as "Boy, you must be popular", and it's only then that they take it down a notch.

I really don't get why a phone is even a part of a date, unless you've got kids with a babysitter or have something going on in your life that may require you to be reached ... I hardly even take my phone out of my purse on a date, even if it's not a good date. Just seems the ettiquette is getting worse and worse. Anyone else having this sort of "problem"?
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 2
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:04:55 AM
usually I put my phone away, but I like to know the time (I'm somewhat obsessive compulsive). Also, I am always on call for my job with 12 hours notice so sometimes I HAVE to answer the phone, does not mean I want to.

Some people are addicted to their phones too.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:39:19 AM

I realize that cell phones are basically our life-line these days and being without one can feel like you've left the house without your pants on ... but WTH is up with people checking their phones throughout a date?


Makes me wonder where my cell phone would be if I left my house without my pants on.

The cell phone can provide some indicators on a date based upon it's presence.

I understand the concept on early meetings/dates of having the "girlfriend check-in with the emergency story" for her possible escape if it's not going well. I completely support that 21st Century dating concept for women.

Constantly taking calls, texting, or checking the cell phone can give indicators that you're not wowing her on the date or that she's not going to have the attention span in a relationship or both. Not a negative toward the woman directly, just gives you a perspective of where you stand immediately and/or will stand while in a relationship with her.

I set mine on vibrate and will only check it periodically at non-intrusive times. If it's an emergency with the kids, I'll know soon enough. I'll see my friends later. As a man safety isn't as much a concern and I believe men can assure an abrupt 'escape' with a polite honesty more easily than can a woman so there's no reason me to use the cell phone as a tool or signal. I believe a woman would have more reason to do so.
 callmelori
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Cell phone
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:40:38 AM
VaniLilly typed...
"When I'm out, my cell is the lifeline to my kid. And no matter who the date is, my kid is still #1 priority, so I'll check why my phone is buzzing, explain I'm just checking if it's my child, the not answer if it is anyone else. "

I'm with her. I'll let the guy know I'm checking to see if it is one of my sons. I don't answer it if it is someone else. Rarely will I get calls when I'm out unless it's one of my sons.

I dated a guy for a few years that was like the OP stated. He checked his cell constantly and if we were at his house and the landline rang, he would run upstairs to listen to the message. He did that regardless of what was going on. Needless to say, that did become a little annoying, but hey, I figure everyone is different and has different needs. Knowing everything that is going on was one of his needs.
 SoftAndHappy
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 5
Cell phone
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:47:18 AM
I am only addressing those WITHOUT children or work obligations...

Somewhere along the line, getting a lot of phone calls and being seen as a busy person translated to the unavailable person being 'cool'.

It's SO high school - but a lot of people still cling to this belief. They want to be seen as 'cool'.

I don't have time for 'cool' people. They are too cool for me.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 6
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:07:33 AM
It's not just dating. I have clients that sit right in front of me, on the phone wasting my time. I guess they want me to proceed while they are on the phone, but that is quite impossible.

I have begun saying to them "Excuse me, I will be back when you are ready." Then I walk away while they finish their call.

I haven't had this situation happen on a date, but my response might be similar if I did.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:12:10 AM
Especially if it's the first date and he feels the need to check his cell phone, chances are very HIGH that there won't be a second date. Unless he is a Doctor on call, he can have the darn phone on mute and check it after the date. We did have a life before cell phones came out, and some folks need to get a life, instead of letting their phones run their lives. It's just plain RUDE!
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 8
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:48:41 AM
Have only encountered a little of this myself, which may be partly age-related, but there sure are a lot of complaints about it. What I don't get is, since it appears no one likes it, why is anyone still doing it? You'd think they'd notice.

A date should be treated like a theater event, in my opinion - all phone sound off. No exceptions, no excuses. If there's a real emergency, the person having it can have the venue page you just like people used to before we had cell phones. Anything that doesn't require that degree of disturbance can wait until the date is over.

Obviously that's an ideal, not an expectation (people do love their phones), but I shut off the sound on my own phone when on a date. So it isn't entirely unrealistic that someone else might do this, too. Maybe even your next date!

I have twice let it go when a date I liked otherwise was very attached to the phone, and it was a bad idea. They went on to demonstrate that they did not value my time or their own in other ways, as well. I ask more about this now before meeting.
 fitandfun78
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 9
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:13:15 PM
I don't mind the occasional checking of the phone, and like I said, I understand if you have kids, but many of the men I've gone out with haven't, and to me, in my opinion, it's very rude to be focusing on people who aren't even there with you when you have someone sitting across the table from that you're trying to get to know. I've had men carry-on hour-long text conversations with their buddies while we were out, snickering and chuckling at little things they text ... then giving me the play-by-play, as if I care.

I'm even urked when my friends are glued to their phones/text messages when we're out in a small group. Seriously? Pay attention to the person who's IN FRONT OF YOU unless it's urgent or absolutely necessary to keep in touch with someone. It screams to me that I'm not worth your complete attention, and that's a pretty sh1tty message to put out to someone you're on a date with. I don't think it's all that hard to silence the phone and excuse yourself ot the restroom to check it if need be (obviously if your phone is not NEEDED like I've stated before).
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 10
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:23:15 PM

...and like I said, I understand if you have kids...

Well I don't. I think it's part of the growing cultural fetishization of indulging children, which is resulting in an awful lot of spoiled, rude kids who lack boundaries and limits (as do their parents), like that guy and his adult daughter mentioned in an earlier post.

If the person watching them can't handle them, then why is that person watching them? And why are you teaching your children that the world does, in fact, revolve around them, and that they are not to value your time or that of your date? These are not good lessons.


I check my phone because I don't wear a watch.

Checking your watch on a date, as in any other setting wherein the other party has a reasonable expectation of having your attention, would also be less than desirable.
 Sherlock101
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:26:37 PM
I think it's a matter of maturity and respect unless your oncall for work or have children at home of a young age. When I go on a date I leave my cell in the car, if on a date and she is getting constant calls I have been known to cut the date short.
 callmelori
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:48:57 PM
Helen0426 typed...
"Well I don't. I think it's part of the growing cultural fetishization of indulging children, which is resulting in an awful lot of spoiled, rude kids who lack boundaries and limits (as do their parents), like that guy and his adult daughter mentioned in an earlier post."

An adult daughter calling to check on the date isn't the same as kids at home while someone is out on a date. Children up to age 18 should have access at all times to their parents. After a certain age, a babysitter is no longer required. Also, children between the ages of 16 & 18 who may be driving need access in case something happens, like they are in a car accident. And even though that child can drive, I can't imagine any parent wanting the child to drive him/herself to the ER if there was accident in the home. Good grief!

In most cases, it is not a "cultural fetishization of indulging children...resulting in an awful lot of spoiled, rude kids who lack boundaries and limits (as do their parents)." Rather it's being a responsible parent. I don't know any single parents who would totally ignore a call from their children over someone they have met for a first date. If it was something serious, the parent would never forgive him/herself. This is only my opinion and how I've raised my sons (who are both extremely well adjusted and well mannered), but when I made the decision to have children, I made a commitment to my children to do my best to care for them, which includes taking a phone call from them on a date. They do not call me unless they absolutely need something or have gotten hurt.

If someone can't understand children having access to their parents while the parents are out, I'd say don't date people with kids. It's on everyone's profile, so it should be easy to weed those people out. :)
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 13
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:38:52 PM
*LOL*

I date parents... sane ones, who trust the people the children are with, often the other parent, and don't want to instill in their children an excessive sense of entitlement which will serve them and those around them increasingly ill as they grow up. They'll usually take a minute to call home once during the evening to check on the kid(s) and say good-night. My parents went out sometimes when I was a child, too, and did the same. Amazingly, this didn't do me or my brother any harm at all.

Had a feeling that'd get me some grief - but the idea that a parent must provide 24-7 access in order to be responsible and attentive is purely the invention of cell phone manufacturers. Were this really necessary, no surgeon, member of the armed forces, firefighter, nurse, pilot, anyone who ever wants to have sex again, judge, police officer, or air traffic controller, just to name a few off the top of my head, could be considered a fit parent.

I do not think it is a coincidence that civility in general seems to have been a good deal more commonplace when 24-7 access was not possible. And dates were only interrupted for real emergencies, for which people were paged. Which is a system that still works just fine.
 perfectly_me
Joined: 8/16/2009
Msg: 14
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:47:19 PM
I can relate. I find it rather rude when someone has their phone on during a date and checks it a lot and even will write back. I put mine on vibrate or off and don't look it during the date. My attention is focused on who I'm with and not my phone. I had a guy who was looking at his phone so much I left and said I'll leave you to talk to whoever you are on your phone. lol. Some people have no class.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:24:15 PM
Whether it's on a first date, at the store, or in the theatre, cell phones are a regular nuisance. Cell phones do have their place, don't get me wrong, I even have one (from Trac-fone), but when a tiny intrusive device pushes aside real conversation or face time then it's utility has been compromised.

I've written before I all too often see parents (guardians) transporting a child someplace to somewhere and instead of talking to that little (or not so little ) crumb-cruncher they are glued to the conversation they are having with some remote person. When I'm in the car with my son, even with the radio on, he is the focus of my attention (after not getting us killed on the road). When the time arises that I find myself on a date, yes I may have the phone with me, but it shall be relegated to a lesser status.

TK
{sheesh, are we getting so narscisistic that all we care about is how important others make us look?}
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 16
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:36:33 PM
The last guy I met was talking on his phone when I met him. He sort of waved at me and continued his conversation for about 10 minutes -- completely ignoring me. We were seated and then he got a text message, which he replied to. He immediately got another one, and he replied to that one. Then he got a call and proceeded to chat with this person for another 5 minutes or so. We finally ordered dinner. He got another call and talked the entire time we were waiting for dinner. At this point, I've wasted almost 45 minutes and haven't even spoken to him except for about 3 words.

When dinner came to the table, I excused myself to the ladies room and then left him sitting there with two plates of food, no date and his beloved cell phone.

I hope they'll be very happy together ...
 daydreamin_honey
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 17
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:54:56 PM
Since I have kids, guys usually understand that I will have my cell on me. I have had a few of those irritating "mr. popular" dates and they were a real drag. I think it's rude to answer anything that isn't really important. Like your friends calling to see what you're up to... is that really something more important?
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/23/2009 6:53:46 PM
I use my cel phone all the time. I don't have any small children, nor a job that warrants any calls. If I'm on a date, it put my phone on silent, that way I can devote 100% of my time to the person I'm with on a date.

If my house is on fire, the firmen will handle it.
If someone has died, they will still be dead in an hour.
If I've won the lottery, I will still be rich in an hour.

Etc. Etc. I think it's just common courtesy. Or maybe these days, an uncommon courtesy.


Separate yourself from the pack people.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:40:34 PM
I seem to remember a time when babysitters were taught about how to deal with things that came up. Short of dire emergencies, there should be no reason to call someone during a date if you know they are on a date.

Short of said emergencies, if a first date is interrupted more than once with a phone call...or at all with a text and it's answered...pretty much a deal-breaker for me.
 thwipp89
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:12:03 AM
most people in this day and age are just rude, inconsiderate a-holes when it comes to their phone. people who are tethered to their phone and constantly checking it, as if they were the president of the united states need to get a life. it's getting waaaay ridiculous.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:40:01 AM
cell phones on dates are a particular pet peeve of mine. What? We cant survive 60 minutes without it stuck in our ear? I think it is rude to conduct a private conversation with one person while on a date, meeting, with another. Anyone can go the restroom to check if you have received any messages. If your life is so busy that you have to have your cell on you at all times, then your probably too busy to be dating to begin with. Otherwise, your not coming across as cool or important to that person waiting on you to get off the phone.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 22
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/27/2009 9:29:58 AM
Unless children are involved, or something urgent goes down, people should let their cell phones alone, and enjoy the date.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:55:09 AM
Seeing as I'm only 19, I've basically grown up on mobiles... but I can still put mine away sometimes!
If I'm on a date, then my attention is with that person, as it should be. If my friends have arranged that they'll call /text to check that I'm OK, then usually I won't answer at that exact moment, but wait a few minutes until I go to the girls' room.
 SuperFunGuy
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 24
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/28/2009 11:53:20 AM
OMG, I hate that! When I'm on a first date, all my attention is focused 100% on the girl that I am with. Not their Blackberry!

Sure, I have admit phones are good to have, emergency use and for work contacts and use. But every 2 minutes you they have to pick up and answer their Blackberry. That annoys the hell outta me.

The last date I was on, the girl kept answering her stupid Blackberry, drove me nuts. She was chatting about stupi stuff. We were walking to a restarant and she seemed more into her stupid phone then being with me.

I asked her a simple question what would you do if you lost your Blackberry? She said she'd die without it. It was her lifeline. I said really? I would never have thought why... I said can I see your Blackberry she she sure. Just as long as I get the next call coming in. I asked, so if you say lost it would you get it back in the mail or from telus, she said yes. And say why would I lose, its hear right infront of me. ( something a no brainer would say ) We were coming up to the restarant and her Blackberry rang and some guy by the name Kevin was on the other end. Was just about to the restarant, when we were right by a mail box ( you know where this is going ), I grabbed her phone and told Kevin that she's on a date and can't talk now. I then threw the phone into the mailbox. Looked at my date and said, Hey the minutes sure seem to fly by, she looked really stunned, I said oh we are at the restarant. She was white as a ghost. She said huh ya. But managed to get her into the restarant. Date was good after that. No more Blackberry.





 Phredly
Joined: 8/24/2009
Msg: 25
Cell phones and the first date
Posted: 9/28/2009 3:36:03 PM
Hi, just starting here. Take it easy one me please! ;)

What about at the other end, if you're trying to call them after a first date - which seems to have worked out well - and they don't pick up?

I know the answer is to politely leave a message that shows that you are not desperate. ;) Where are they that they can't pick up? One visualizes her looking calmly at her ringing phone and thinking "oh, him", or worse, being on a date with someone else and not interested in chatting of course.

No, I am not insecure, just wanted to bring in a different perspective. :)
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Cell phones and the first date