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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Canadian Ink
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 2
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I don't know what I would do in this situation, but I don't like it at all. At the very least, let your girlfriend know that it makes you uncomfortable and if she respects your feelings, she'll do the right thing. Either way, it will tell you a lot about her character.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 6
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:08:40 PM
I've gone on vacation with a woman friend and it was just a vacation with a woman friend.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 11
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:10:19 PM
I'd be more concerned about them defrauding his company. People who do that sort of thing are not honorable and should not be trusted.

But that was not your issue... you are wondering if they are more than friends. There isn't really enough to go on, here, I don't think. Like, do other people go on trips with him, too? Does he buy stuff for all his friends? What sort of stuff does he buy her? Does it include lingerie or jewelry? Do you spend time with the two of them together? Does he like you? Have they dated in the past? Does he hold title to any piece of property she drives or lives in? Does she keep photos of him on display? Does she talk about him a lot (i.e., "Jeff says...")? Do you think he's handsome? Is there any possibility he's gay?
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 12
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:11:21 PM
This is a tough one. problem is, it's not good healthy relationship etiquette for her to be spending one--on-one time with a member of the opposite sex, and that's putting it mildly.. would not be wrong for you to dump her... she is probably just bad to the core anyway.

However, if you really think she is a catch otherwise, you can try dating another woman (tell her she is just a freind)... when she asks about her, maybe then she will see it from your point of view and be ready to talk and stop seeing the friend. Oh, and I don't care how long she has known him... if she wants to see him, double date, or don't see him at all.

It has to be peoples' own idea to change. verbal ultimatums don't work, you'll only shoot yourself in the foot.
 Canadian Ink
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 16
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:19:25 PM
It's just my opinion, but I think this is very disrespectful of your feelings. She can't possibly be oblivious to how this makes you feel and if she is, let her know where you stand on the subject. If you lay down long enough, people will just walk all over you.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 21
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:30:11 PM
Hit on the guy. Grab him by the package....

..... if he tries to kiss you, he's safe.

If he punches you in the head, after you wake up, change your phone number, change the locks, then email her to have a nice life....



 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 23
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:36:12 PM
Okay, if she's tried to set him up with someone, she's probably not interested in him herself. That's the good news.

Here's the bad: In that case, she's using him. Which, coupled with the willingness to commit fraud for gain, well... go ahead and keep seeing her if you want, but do not expect her to exhibit normal standards of ethical behavior. She isn't going to grow a good character anytime soon.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 24
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:36:53 PM
Posting in both your threads as one or both will most likely go away.


He's most likely not "just a friend" and even if he was it is not appropriate behavior when in a committed relationship. I don't think I would even give her an ultimatum other than "if you don't have your sh1t out of my place by next week...it's going in the trash"!
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 25
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Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:43:08 PM
Well, it's cause for concern, but still could be innocent. When I was married, I had a female friend and a few times I went away with her or visited her for a weekend. It was completely platonic, and obviously my wife believed that or she'd have said no! Still, it seems a bit odd, and if seems like they'd have to share a room - still possibly innocent, but you'll have to decide for yourself. Perhaps you should meet this guy and express your concerns directly to him and see what he says.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 31
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:58:45 PM
I take it she knew him prior to meeting you. If that's the case, then they had to opportunity to get together if they had wanted to do so. Instead, they have remained friends. I don't think you need to worry about their relationship. That being said, I doubt I would be too enthused with my partner going on vacation with another woman. Actually, I'd be livid. Even if I knew they were just platonic friends, I wouldn't like it.

Hey, Paul? You hear that? No going on holiday with someone else or you're in big trouble!
 DaytonDennis
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 36
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Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:14:54 PM

she already told me im being like a control freak when i took her away from a guy after i saw them dancing together in a dirty dancing type fashion.i.e. her butt wiggling on his groin.


ummmm......
 Dantycoop
Joined: 8/30/2009
Msg: 38
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:22:30 PM
Not gonna bother reading through every single reply as to not repeat something that has already been said, so here I go.

This is more than just some trip between two "friends". It's a romantic get away and they're having sex all day, everyday. The fact that they lied to this guy's company just to get the trip to begin with shows how sneaky and shady they are and the lengths that they'll go to get what they want. She's lying to you as well.

These type of relationships tend to never work out well.
 Dantycoop
Joined: 8/30/2009
Msg: 39
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:30:03 PM
++she already told me im being like a control freak when i took her away from a guy after i saw them dancing together in a dirty dancing type fashion.i.e. her butt wiggling on his groin.++

Oh geez, you should have called it quits right then. I promise you she's grinding on this "friend's" groin as well, except his groin is inside of her's and they're dancing horizontally with no clothes on. You have got to demand more respect for yourself, and if she's not willing to give you that, then she can hit the road.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 49
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Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:04:29 PM
Seems like you have a few issues, not just this trip. As others have noted, this is a long-established relationship so if they were good together romantically, she wouldn't be with you. You can be very good friends with someone and know that you would be like oil and water if you tried the romance thing.

Your comment about his taking her kids on vacation also gave me pause, if he is presumably already in her pants, he doesn't need to suck up and take her kids on vacation. You have said you are dirt poor, what is her socio-economic status?

I'm going from the premise that she is a struggling single mother. If this were a female friend would anyone question her taking advantage of the generosity even if they "posed" as a lesbian couple? If this man is a friend and has watched her working hard to support and raise her kids, there are actually people in this world that are just kind and generous to other people. The things you mentioned him paying for are things that she can't afford? and as a gift rather than money, allows him to help her out without her feeling beholden.

I also wonder whether you have thought about why exactly this bothers you, is it just the situation or the knowledge that you could not offer her the same great vacation, which, btw, she wouldn't be going on if it weren't for his company's dime. On his end, if he isn't dating anyone and enjoys her company, could be he just doesn't want to do the trip alone; many people do not like to travel or vacation alone.

I understand you aren't comfortable with the situation but you either trust someone or you don't. But you also have to choose someone with similar moral values. I have no problem with someone dancing with someone they are not with but it should be appropriate and certainly butt grinding isn't when in a relationship, period. So, perhaps it is not this thing that you should be considering but whether your morals as a whole are similar or not.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 65
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:21:34 PM
I've always been a believer that what ever 2 adults are willing to agree to is fine. i.e. swinging, sex with others, dating others, etc.

The problem here is it doesn't sound like you are in agreement. Assuming they are just platonic friends and no sex is taking place, you would have to say that going away like they are would at least be considered dating. I mean if that's not going on a date then what is?

So are you both in agreement that dating other people is acceptable? If she can do it than you should be able to also. You know, the goose and gander thing. The road you are headed down doesn't look too promising.

IMO girlfriend is just not ready to settle down. If she were she would be a little more compassionate to your feelings so the relationship might continue. I looks to me like she doesn't care one way or the other.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 70
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:34:39 PM
well, you got a bit of a dilemma, because I probably wouldn't really be down with this setup, on the other hand maybe he might homosexual, or maybe it is platonic, but you really can't make a stand on the issue because she was "friends" with him before she met you and telling her to end this probably would put your relationship in danger if it isn't already, good luck with your decision, follow your guts.
 PiggyT
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 74
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:09:42 PM
Basically, I would not be cool with this. DO I have to go into the why's?? It doesn't strike me as the kind of thing that a SO should be doing with someone of the opposite sex.

That's it in a nutshell. Call me insecure or whatever label you want, but it just doesn't sit right with me. I would not tell her anything but the truth and let the chips fall.
 huggablekiss
Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 76
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:32:18 PM
If your insecurities and sadness have increased due to reading these posts, and you can no longer stand it, stop reading them. You've had enough, you're done.

Go take a rest, stop thinking about these posts.

Talk to your gf when she comes home.

(consider some advice that's been laid out here, some could have merit when talking with her. Plan on what you're going to say).
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 84
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:13:50 PM
she needs to tell him to buy another ticket for you. it needs to be clarified that you are her other half, she would love to go but only if you are invited.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 88
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:29:40 PM

she needs to tell him to buy another ticket for you. it needs to be clarified that you are her other half, she would love to go but only if you are invited.


Since this is suppose to be a company paid holiday, wouldn't that just be a hoot if boyfriend came along too.

I can just see the bosses face when he introduces OP and his girlfriend as his "Significant Others".
 bradentonpooh
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 89
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Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:36:19 PM
I think this guy wants her to say at least. He is looking for some privacy with her by having a nice vocation. I think she is opened to him and enjoys a little romance and sexual activity. It looks to be that he tries to win her by buying gifts and taking trips and looks like he is having some success. He knows how to ride the madam.
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 90
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:56:47 PM
There are a number of red flags that would let me run for the hills, if it was my SO.
Dirty dancing with another in front of me? Going on vacations and having stuff bought by a 'friend'? Not cool. Disrespectful. So, just because he has more money than you it's ok for her to accept everything?

Now, I do have to say, that you are in the UK. Having grown up in Germany, I know that European relationships between men and Women are very different than in the U.S., and I believe most of the posters here are in the U.S./Canada. I had a bunch of platonic male friends in Germany and it was perfectly normal. In the U.S. it seems that there always seems to be some kind of sexual/romantic overtones when men and women are relating with each other. So, please keep that in mind when you're reading the answers here.

I don't know how the times have changed in that regards in Europe. I know I couldn't handle your situation now, but maybe I've been in the U.S. too long.
 MyFunIsAnArtForm
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 95
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:52:38 PM
If you like being 2nd best and drama your doing the right thing.
Otherwise invest your feelings in someone else.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 99
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:37:14 PM
First, I think she is disrespectful for accepting when she has a BF.

Second, Maybe SHE is his friend and he likes her. OR They really are friends. I mean after all even you said they've been friends for YEARS.

More importantly, this is about trust. Either you trust HER or you dont! If you dont then you shouldnt be with her anyway!
 heartseekertrue
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 101
Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.
Posted: 9/21/2009 4:49:34 AM

[I've gone on vacation with a woman friend and it was just a vacation with a woman friend.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar]



LOLOLOL

....but honey, can i put it in your humidor??????
BTW Hilary, i did NOT have SEX with THAT woman....
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Girlfriend going on holiday with her male friend.