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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > how long to wait???????      Home login  
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 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 5
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how long to wait???????Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I wouldn't know how long you should wait. I have a standard rule not to date anybody unless they have been split up and living apart for a minimum of 6 months. Who would want to be the rebound girl?!
I couldn't handle knowing he was still living in the same house with his wife.
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 12
how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:35:50 AM
Are you already exclusive or still on the "getting to know each other" stage? If it's the latter then yes you have no right to be pushy but if you're already exclusive you don't have to wait. Ask your boyfriend to move out instead.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 16
how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:55:03 AM
It doesn't matter if they have a piece of paper that says divorced. They still have issues. The guy has no balls, and the ex still has some huge control over him.

I think you should terminate the relationship.
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 23
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how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 10:09:22 AM
You believed a total stranger when he told you his ex wife was moving out in 3 weeks. That was your first problem.
People should earn your trust, you don't give it away so freely.
Did you think this guy was the last man on earth to date?
As someone else said, you put yourself in this situation. If you don't like it, stop seeing him. That will get him moving IF he really likes you.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 29
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how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 11:01:37 AM
Maybe she'll move out more quickly if you have a sleepover at his house. If she takes exception to your presence, it could be that you're being played.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 32
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how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 11:34:11 AM
Why don't you ask her?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 33
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how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 12:53:01 PM
I checked through to all your posts on this, and I don't see the information needed to give you a logical response.
WHY is she still there. When my wife and I split, it took over six months to sell the house and arrange new places to live for each of us, and we were going as fast as we could. You don't mention any details about children, or whether he owns the house, or if they are sharing a lease, or whatever. Was he the primary source of income? She'll have to get a better job, AND be there a while before she can get references needed to move, if that's the case.

Without more detail, it's not possible to do more than most respondents have done here, which is to fuss at him or fuss at you, depending on which sex wronged THEM the most.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 36
how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 1:16:41 PM
Can you ask the boyfriend to post a thread on this? He's the one that needs some serious advice. I can see his subject now. "SO wants to move in but ex wife won't move out".

What a mess he's gotten himself into.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 44
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how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 4:59:41 PM
How long to wait?

I might have waited 2 seconds and waved bye after I met him when he told me
his ex wife still lived with him.

Now it's Christmas?
Yeah, riiiiiight.......

I mean if you really do have to borrow trouble then tell him to look you up at Christmas.
But, I doubt that you'll hear from him then. Ya know?
I just love when I see people write about the 'put offs' and this is one of those scenarios just like putting off meetings and this and that, that come across the forums.

There's something about this deal that is gnawing at 'cha or you wouldn't be here asking....right?

Pushy? I don't see anything pushy about that you don't like this set up.
 winteragain
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 46
how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 5:21:48 PM
ok true story. i have a friend who fell head over heels for this guy, he dated her for a few months then called it off because he was hung up on his ex. him and the ex got back together while my friend was hanging onto his butt hoping one day he'll leave his current gf for her. fast forward 10 months later he and my friend are going out now. So just wait it out OP wait up to 1 year, you'll get him in time!
 tgif2005
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 47
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how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 5:30:37 PM
There have been recent articles in the news about divorcing AND divorced couples who cannot afford to live separately. So I wouldn't jump to conclusions.
 WasabiGal
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 48
how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 5:37:58 PM
OP, so you made a mistake. You believed him when he said the ex was moving out. You won't make that mistake again.

So what should you do now?

you're probably feeling that you have invested all this time into the relationship, and you have feelings for the guy...and you don't want to leave all that behind.

but how will you feel months from now, when the ex is still living with him? what if it takes a year or more for her to move out?

How important is it to you to feel good about yourself, and have your self-respect? If that's important to you, then probably best to tell the BF that you will be happy to see him once the ex has moved out. Tell him that until then, you prefer to put your relationship on hold until he has taken care of some leftover baggage.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 51
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how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 6:31:29 PM

By all means, keep waiting! You have lots of time to kill, as a woman, with a biological clock, waiting for some guy who is not totally there for you. Wake up years later and find out you wasted your youth and looks on nothing.

It's what is also known as being 'strung along'.
OP, you have to decide for yourself if that's what you want to be a party to.

If he's truly interested in keeping what you've begun, alive, or whatever, then he'll find a solution.
Pffft on the economics of divorce. Been there, done that and that excuse is usually a cop out.....after that long? Bull!

Yeah, and Christmastime is a very economical time to be moving.....riiiiiiight.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 52
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how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 6:55:50 PM
This is what some of us call a married man that has no intention of leaving his wife or making her leave the family home.
 Stafford_Jim
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 55
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how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:20:37 PM

ou have all ready given him 3 months. Why is she still living with him? Do they have seperate bedrooms? Why is he allowing this?


Depending on the circumstances of their residence, he may not be allowing it.

He may be waiting for her to leave on her own without having to evict her. You can't just make someone leave that's been living there unless they've been living there under false pretences (like not being listed on a lease). If they get mail there and it's not a rented property he may have to evict her when he's finally tired of her not going on her own.

There is a lot of detail missing from the story. There could be some reason she's holding on to him, or she could simply be leaching off the guy and living there for free.

Myself, I would never date someone who still lived with their ex, for this reason and many others.
 sungoddness
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 70
how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/23/2009 3:32:46 PM
suck it up and move on plenty of fish in the sea
 heartseekertrue
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 72
how long to wait???????
Posted: 9/24/2009 4:44:50 AM

. landra2 on 9/22/2009 1241 PM
If you really really loved him, you'd wait
for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

I think mid-2010 looks good. Around May 2010.


or until she stops givin' him some. Whichever comes first.
Even then, better wait a year or two more, in case she needs to move back....
just in case they need more closure.
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